And Then There Were Two
by cntrysingerchick
Summary: Meredith is still pregnant post S6 finale. Mer/Der start to rebuild things & prepare for their baby. Life isn't always what you want it to be, though. Happiness only lasts so long. Can they survive what is ahead or will tragedy ruin their plans? **REVISED & REPOSTED**
1. Fresh Starts

**Then There Were Two**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the brilliant characters on Grey's Anatomy, nor do I claim to be the incredible Shonda Rhimes. I do, however, love the people that are written about here. And thus, this fanfiction was born.**

**Author's Note: This story takes place about six weeks after the season six finale. The only difference is that Meredith did not lose the baby. She's about eleven weeks pregnant here. This story was originally written and published years ago, which is why it follows from season six. **

**** IF YOU READ THIS WHEN ORIGINALLY POSTED****

**Please, if you have read this fic before, do not post anything in reviews that gives away what is to come. If you stay with me and are patient, I will greatly appreciate it!**

***WARNING* There will be character death and heavy subjects in this story. I will make up for it later, but I do want all readers to be warned now. If you're concerned about subject matter that may be included, feel free to message me for details!**

When you're a child, you read the fairytales. You hear stories of castles and princesses, knights in shining armor, and love at first sight. You're taught that everyone can be the president of the United States, that dreams really do come true, and that life is just one big playground where you can run and jump and play until your heart's content. You're taught that your prince will come, that money grows on trees, that the hollywood scene of the white picket fence and the perfect little house with the perfect little children is something that comes to everyone. You're told lies. And you believe them, until you wake up and realize that they aren't true. Hospitals aren't a place where people get well, they're places where people die. They're places where people can go in one day, and not come out the next; places where psychotic and grieving husbands can destroy friends and take away lives with a single bullet. Dreams don't come true. Nightmares do.

"Meredith...you okay?" Derek's eyes were soft and concerned, his hand slowly reaching over to take hers. She had been quiet, offering no answer to his question the first six times it had been asked. He didn't blame her. This is where it had happened, where he had almost lost her. Where she had almost watched him die. Where...he couldn't think about that now. It was over, done. Life had to go on. Lives had to be saved. Surgeries had to be on the boards. Chiefs had to resume their jobs.

"Huh?" She finally looked over at him at the feeling of his skin against hers. "Yeah, fine." A small smile crossed her lips, and she unknowingly moved her other hand to rest on her abdomen. "Just, thinking." _About you. About how you died..almost died. About how not everyone can be the president. And how we don't all have that bases loaded, grand-slam, world-series kind-of life. _

He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. It didn't matter what she said or how many times she tried to convince him. She was fragile. Not as fragile as she used to be, and not because she was necessarily going to break, but because she was Meredith. Pregnant Meredith. Hormones were wreaking havoc on her, turning her into something that...well, she had always been a little on the fragile side. But now, after all that had happened, well...he just wanted to make sure she was okay. He couldn't let her slip away. He couldn't let her slip under the water in the bathtub, not again. "You're going to be late for rounds." Despite the fact that she already was late and that he was her boss, he went on. "How are you feeling?" Meredith having his baby was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to him, he was convinced, and there was no way he was going to let anything happen to her or the child she was creating.

"Well enough to be thinking about how much I can't wait to be able to sneak into this office with you again, close the blinds.." She grinned, turning her body towards him. After his near-death experience and life-saving surgery, sex had been put on hold. Not that it really mattered with her being sick all the time and him just trying to learn to put one foot in front of the other, but it was a restriction all the same. Her morning sickness had subsided over the last few days though, and she was hungry to be with him again. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones, she figured, that made her so horny. It didn't matter though. The point was, she was tired of being a wife with no hot, dirty sex. Work was just boring when you couldn't sneak around and sleep with your boss.

"Okay, now you're just torturing me." Derek laughed, glad to see a smile on her face. God, she always looked so beautiful when she smiled. She was hard to resist, which is probably why he was standing there contemplating just getting naked right then and there. Doctor's release could wait. Rounds could wait. He was a doctor anyway, right? So he could make his own rules about when he had sex with his wife. And if she was late to rounds, that just meant she would end up in trouble. And trouble meant his office. He grinned at the thought. "Go, Mrs. Shepherd. Go, to work." He gave her a soft, gentle kiss before playfully patting her rear. "Take care of our baby."

"You're no fun." Meredith stuck out her bottom lip, pouting playfully. "Maybe I don't want to leave you here..."

He chuckled. "Maybe I need to get caught up on this mountain of paperwork." He kissed her again. "Eat something. You can't go all morning without anything in your stomach."

Meredith held up her hand, "I'll eat. Scouts honor." She reluctantly headed out of his office. Truthfully, she didn't know how he did it. She had no idea how he just went about his day as if nothing had ever happened there. He had almost died on the tile floor, the floor under her feet, and yet he acted like it had never happened. He came into work with that same charming smile on his face and that same flirty sense of humor. That was Derek though, she figured. He was just that great. Just a man who was so full of life and love and courage, and..he was hers. And now, together, they were having a baby; healing from almost having a funeral and a broken life, and having a baby.

For her, it just wasn't that simple. He was everywhere. Mr. Clark. He was in the hallway, the OR, the supply closet, Derek's office. And not just in the hospital. He lived in their house, in the car, at the grocery store, in her dreams. She couldn't get his face out of her mind, couldn't get over what he had done and how much he had destroyed. So many people had lost their lives, and not just that. So many people had lost ones that they loved. She had almost lost the one person that held her life together. A sigh escaped her lips as she walked onto the unit where her interns were huddled around the nurses station, scrambling to finish up paperwork before she showed up. "Does anybody have an extra Starbucks?" She hadn't meant for it to be the first thing out of her mouth. It had just happened that way. So much for being the authoritarian. So much for keeping respect, being a leader. _Great, now they think you're one of them._

"Are you supposed to be having that? I don't think people who are pregnant with McBabies are supposed to drink coffee. There are studies, you know."

"Cristina." Meredith was happy to see her, even if she had just reinforced the idea that her interns were now going to think of her as some sort of needy, broken boss who couldn't get enough sleep at night to stay away from the coffee in the morning.

"Look, I'm just trying to fulfill my duties as godmother. And I think that means making sure that you actually have a baby that you can screw up." She grabbed the stack of charts from her hands, setting them on the counter. "Two.." She snapped at one of the interns, pointing to the coffee in her hand. "Did you drink any of that?"

The intern shook her head and quickly handed it over to Meredith. "She's right, you know." Her voice was timid. "Caffeine is a huge no-no."

"Thanks." Meredith glanced at the coffee and simply handed it back without taking a sip.

"What, no coffee? I finally give my official approval, and now all of a sudden you're ready to fall in line with the rules?" Cristina rolled her eyes a bit, leaving Meredith to laugh.

"Don't want to mess up your chances to screw up my baby." She glanced at her interns as she yawned. "Get these charts finished and meet me here in an hour."

"No rounds?" The same one from before looked surprised.

"In case you haven't noticed.." Cristina rolled her eyes at the girl, looking at her as if she was a complete moron. "She's pregnant, and tired, and not really in the mood to deal with.."

"Come on.." Meredith laughed before Cristina could finish, walking off in another direction down the hallway with her. "They do know things, you know. We're not too far from where they are.."

"Seriously?" Cristina shook her head. "I saved your person, right? Do you think two could have saved your person?"

"You make an excellent point." Meredith couldn't help but smile. Cristina was right. She was the reason Derek was here. She was the reason that he wasn't buried and in a box, in the ground. Derek was alive. He was alive, and they were having a baby. Suddenly, facing the hospital and all that Mr. Clark had done didn't seem so bad after all.

"Well, of course. Now you see my..." Cristina stopped, a frown settling on her face when she saw the sudden change of expression in her friend's face.

"Ouch.." Meredith's hand went to her abdomen, rubbing it gently as she was caught off-guard by a cramping that had come seemingly out of nowhere. The last thing she wanted though, was to draw attention to herself, so she simply took a couple of deep breaths. That was it. She didn't say anything, and beyond the subtle scrunching of her nose and eyes, someone walking by probably wouldn't notice anything was off.

"Ouch?" Suddenly Cristina's sarcasm was replaced by a rare case of worry, and she studied her person's face carefully. "Ouch, what?" She was already becoming impatient. Meredith had been through enough. She had been through more than one person could possibly take, especially a person who had Ellis Grey for a mother. There wasn't anything else that Meredith could take, not now.

"Nothing, it's nothing." She quickly forced a smile to her face, not wanting to give Cristina the idea that something was going on. It was true that Cristina used to be the person she went to about everything, but things had changed. Derek was her person now, and this was something that she just didn't want to handle with anyone but him. Not that there was anything to handle. Pregnant people could hurt, that was okay. Pregnant people didn't have to panic at things that were so trivial, right? There was something in those pregnancy books about this. She was sure of it. She tried to convince herself. It was just a little pinch. Nothing major, nothing that was repeating itself. One pinch, one time, that was it.

"Meredith..." Cristina sighed, wanting more than anything to believe that she was telling her the truth. She figured though, since it involved the McBaby, that it had to be honest. Any other time she would have known that fine meant there was something wrong, but she just couldn't see her friend lying about something that might have to do with the little thing she had come to be so excited about.

"Seriously.." Meredith smiled. "I'm going to go grab something to eat." Before Cristina even had a chance to respond, she had headed off down the hallway. Since she knew the smell of the cafeteria would make her sick, she opted to go to the vending machine that was around the corner, just outside of Derek's office. There would be something decent there, right?

**Reviews are always appreciated! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**


	2. An Even Greater Fall

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Two**

Okay, so maybe dreams do come true. Some dreams, at least. There are those people who have it all. There are those who have the perfect career, perfect marriage, perfect baby, perfect...well, you get the point. But then there are those who don't. There are those who fight for it, sure, but sometimes in the end it just doesn't work out the way you think it will. For every moment of joy there is a tear. For every smile that goes with a burst of laughter, there is a feeling of sadness that grips you in the pit of your stomach. Life isn't always bunnies and roses. Things happen. Bad things happen. Good things can happen to, just..not always when you want them to.

"No change.." A frown settled on Meredith's face as she dug through her pockets. She could have sworn that she had grabbed those five quarters sitting on Derek's dresser on her way out the door that morning. He always got annoyed when he couldn't find them, but it was sort of a continuing joke they had going between them. It wasn't like he didn't know where they went. For a while there he had been a little angry about it, but now she got away with it by blaming her mid-day candy cravings on the perfect little person growing inside of her.

Her credit card would work in the cafeteria, but the vomiting that would go along with that trip just wasn't worth it to her. Besides, she knew he would have some change stashed away in his office, hiding from her. The Butterfinger sitting behind the glass was calling her name. She turned and walked toward his office, pausing suddenly though when she stepped onto the catwalk. Mr. Clark was still standing there, gun in hand. And there was Derek, her beloved Derek, falling to the ground. His face was twisted in agony, and she swore she could still hear the thud of him hitting the tile that had soon come to be covered in his own blood, the blood that kept his heart pumping, the heart that belonged to her.

_Mr. Clark's gone. _She reminded herself quickly. _Derek's alive. _Her hand wrapped protectively around her stomach. _Just keep walking. _She took a few more steps, desperately trying to force the memories to the back of her mind. This hospital was safe. At least, for now. For the moment. She just had to remember that. Security was on high alert. They would be for a while. And Derek was waiting for her beyond those doors, the doors she could almost see as she started walking again.

It was a sharp pain that shot across her lower abdomen that stopped her the next time, and she drew in a sudden and deep breath. Despite her attempts to keep it hidden, the pain and fear were both evident as she scrunched up her face a little. _Oww. Stop it. Behave. _ She glanced at her watch, frowning when she realized that the last pain had been just four minutes prior. _You're just hungry. It's past time for breakfast. Derek tried to tell you to eat. You promised, scout's honor. _Her words of reassurance to herself only went so far, especially when she suddenly doubled over at the burning that ripped across her belly. The railing was there to catch her, one arm wrapping further around her mid-section. She knew someone was bound to see her, and that's what she wanted to avoid. Gossip traveled fast, especially when you were married to the chief. So in an effort to avoid any further embarrassment or explanations, she slowly stood. The last thing she wanted was people whispering about the McWife having problems with the McBaby.

"Dr. Grey...uh...Shepherd..?" Dr. Jackson Avery caught her before she had a chance to stand, turning the corner onto the catwalk just in time to see the pain written across her face. _Pregnant, she was pregnant. _He reminded himself, walking toward her. "Meredith?" He finally settled on that. Too many names, too complicated. Not important. She was hurting.

"Fine...I'm fine..." It was pointless to give some fancy explanation to him. She knew that. He wasn't the type of guy that was easily fooled. In fact, she remembered, it had been his quick thinking that had saved the lives of everyone in the OR that day; the life of her baby...the baby that she could..._no. _She refused to let her mind go there. "Really...fine. Do you have any change?" Maybe the change of subject would help.

Then again, maybe not. "You don't look fine." It took him getting closer to her to realize that her face was just about as pale as the walls in the psych ward, the ones that were purposefully painted that way to keep manic patients from imagining things that weren't really there. "Jesus...Meredith. You look like crap. No offense. Maybe you should sit down."

"I was just going to Der...the chief's office. I'll sit down there." It wasn't a lie. She was headed there, especially now. Maybe Jackson would let her off the hook. Maybe he would trust her.

Or maybe he would know that if anything happened to her and he knew about it without speaking up, his head would be on the chopping block. "I'll walk with you." He insisted, ready to wrap one arm around her to help steady her visibly shaking body if he needed to. "How long have you been hurting like that?"

"Just a couple times this morning." Damn him. There was just something about him, that charming little smile and inability to hurt people that made it impossible for Meredith to lie to him. "First one wasn't that bad. This time a little worse. But I didn't eat yet. So I'm sure.."

"You should let someone examine you. Just to be sure. If you're overdoing it, you could just take the day off. I'll make sure your interns hold it together." Dr. Avery wasn't one to let people get hurt, especially when it could be avoided. He was a hero, just like Derek.

Meredith liked that about him. "Don't say a word." She suddenly blurted out, realizing that he had the ability to get the whole hospital talking about how she was losing her baby.

"I won't." He frowned. "Meredith, I just want to make sure that you're alright."

She nodded, giving him a small smile off gratitude when they got to Derek's office. "Thank you."

Derek looked up from his desk when she came in, a grin on his face when he realized it was her and not someone else who had just barged in to complain about some nonsense that he didn't really feel like concerning himself with. Or, April. She had already been by that morning, twice. Just to check on him. That had to stop. Meredith would be all over that, convinced that somehow he had fallen for the perfect little schoolgirl that was convinced she was his babysitter. His grin faded into a look of concern and slight fear, though, when he realized that something was off. For starters, Dr. Avery was just sort of hanging out in the hallway, his eyes glued to his wife. "What happened?" He stood up, dropping his pen onto his desk. Silently he shot Jackson a look of gratitude, even if he didn't yet know what for.

The door to the office shut as Meredith sunk down onto the couch that was against the wall. Thank God she had convinced him to move it over rather than leave it across the room under that awful picture he had hanging. He really did need to replace that.

"Mer..." Derek walked over to her, his concern building when she didn't answer him right away. "Hey..." He knelt down in front of her, resting on hand on her leg.

She quickly looked at him, his words interrupting her thoughts. "My stomach.." _Crap, that wasn't a good choice. At least say something that won't make him start worrying. Or hover. _Hovering. That's the last thing she wanted, for him to stand over her every second of the day. "I'm just hungry. Didn't want to go down to.." Her words were cut short by the sudden breath she drew in, hand flying across her stomach. "Oww." She frowned, tears filling her eyes as she responded to what felt like a knife burying itself deep inside her uterus. They weren't tears of pain though. The pain was bad, but nothing worse than those awful period cramps she used to have every month. Okay, maybe it was a little worse. Or, well...it was pretty bad. But it was the fear that was too much for her to handle, fear that they were going to lose the very thing that was holding them together; the thing that was reminding her to get up each morning, and breathe.

_No. No, no, no, no, no. This wasn't happening. This couldn't happen. She couldn't, they couldn't..she had to be fine. Everything was fine. The baby was fine. This was just..._his thoughts were racing. The strong, stoic, charming Derek was caught off-guard and his usual calm and calming demeanor was shatter when he realized that his Meredith, his perfect precious Meredith, was cramping. Eleven weeks. She was just eleven weeks pregnant, still fitting perfectly in the window for a miscarriage. She had to be okay. Their baby had to be okay. He refused to stand by and watch that tiny precious life slip away, the life that they had created together. _Please, God, don't take our baby away. _He sounded more and more like her. Like the desperate, scared Meredith that took over when things went wrong. But what was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to be strong when his pregnant wife was sitting in front of him, presenting with symptoms of what he knew could be a miscarriage?

One look at her face though, told him everything he needed to know. The fear in her eyes and the tears sliding down her cheeks gave him the push he needed to step up and be that hero for her. Inside he was falling apart, his own fear screaming at him. But for her, he would be strong. It just wasn't a choice. "It's okay." He said gently, reaching out and gently tucking her hair behind her ear. "Tell me what's wrong." _Stay strong. Be strong. Be a doctor. Dr. Shepherd. A rock. Don't break. She needs you. _He repeated the words to himself, over and over.

"I started cramping earlier. Not too long...maybe ten minutes." A hiccuped sob escaped her lips as she tried desperately to hold her tears and emotions back. "It wasn't too bad at first. But now, it's getting worse. It's..getting worse, and..." She was so scared, and it hurt. "Derek.." There was a silent plea in the way she said his name. _Please, do something. Do something, for me. Don't let me lose this baby._

"It's okay...shhh.." He carefully lowered her back on the couch so that she was lying down, putting the throw pillow under her head. He silently thanked her for convincing him he needed those. "You're okay. It's going to be okay. Take some deep breaths for me, alright?"

She nodded, but her tears were coming faster. His inability to be anything but calm was reassuring though, but only as much as it could be against the pain and the fear that was gripping her. "The baby.." Meredith managed to whisper, closing her eyes. Desperately, she tried to do what he asked. Deep breaths were hard to come by though, but she managed a few.

"I know, I know you're scared. But it's okay. The baby is going to be okay. You just need to rest." He laid his hand gently on her cheek. "I'm going to page OB. You just relax."

"Okay," Her voice was like that of a scared little girl, but she did as he asked, keeping her eyes shut.

Luckily, when Derek made a phone call, things happened. Doctors knew him, nurses knew him, orderlies knew him. People responded when Dr. Shepherd made a request, and this was no different. His demand for an obstetric attending did not fall to deaf ears, and within ten minutes he had Meredith upstairs and under the very watchful eye of the best high-risk OB-GYN in Seattle Grace. She had a gentle touch and a thorough attitude, never one to miss anything. And so it came as no surprise that she quickly hooked Meredith up to monitors, got EKG leads and an automatic blood pressure cuff in place, and performed a pelvic exam all within the first fifteen minutes of her being on the floor.

"Oww.." Meredith winced when the doctor examined her, jerking away a bit in response to the pressure low in her pelvis which was now accompanying the cramps that were coming as if on a timer, every seven minutes.

"Deep breaths, Mer. It's okay.." Derek had his chair against her bed, holding onto her hand. "I know it hurts. Just take some deep breaths, okay?" He was scared out of his mind, but still had the same calm demeanor around her. She was already panicking. Her blood pressure was already far past the 120/80 ideal that he wanted to see. Seeing his fear would only send her into a full-blown panic attack, and he knew that hyperventilation was the very last thing she or their baby needed.

Dr. Amy Bynes stood and slid her gloves off, one into the other, before tossing them into the nearby trashcan. "You're doing great, Dr..." She looked to Derek for approval of what exactly she should call her. Grey? Shepherd? She had heard both.

"Shepherd.." Meredith's soft voice broke the silence and answered the question of the woman that she hoped would be able to give her some good news.

Amy smiled at her and nodded, scribbling a few things down on her chart. "I'm going to step out for a minute, but I'll be right back. You just rest, okay?" She turned her attention to Derek. "Dr. Shepherd? Can I see you, for just a moment?"

A frown settled on Meredith's face. "No.." Her grip tightened on his hand. If he was leaving, if she couldn't say it in front of her, that was bad. That couldn't be good news. That meant only one thing. And if she kept him with her, that thing wouldn't happen. "Stay, please.." Tears filled her eyes.

Derek slowly moved his now shaky hand from her grasp and rested it on her cheek. "I'll be right back." Her teary eyes were met with his own tears as he leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I promise." There was just no way he could contain his emotions now. This was his wife, his precious, beautiful, perfect wife. And this was their baby.

His tears scared her. Meredith began to cry as she laid there on her left side, staring at the monitors that were keeping track of how often her belly was tightening. Stupid dreams. Dreams were made to be broken.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset either one of you. I just, figured it might be best if I spoke to you first. She might take the news better if you explained things to her." Dr. Bynes' voice was gentle, and she spoke only after the door closed and they were both alone in the hallway.

Derek could only nod. What was he supposed to say? There was nothing to say.

"Unfortunately, her contractions seem to be pretty regular and pretty strong. This early in pregnancy, it's an ominous sign that the things to come might not be what we all want them to be." Amy started off slowly, speaking to him like she would any other patient's family, not as if he was some hot-shot neurosurgeon. "The good news is, her cervix hasn't made any significant changes. She does seem to be thinning just a tad, which does concern me, though. For now, there's no dilation. My concern is that we may not end up with a great outcome here. At this stage, thinning of the cervix doesn't usually lead to a term pregnancy."

Her words were starting to fall do deaf ears. Contractions, regular. Thinning cervix. Meredith. His baby, their baby. Derek's hands were shaking a bit more now, and he couldn't keep the tears from threatening to slide down his cheeks. "Please, Dr. Bynes, there has to be something you can do. We can't lose this baby. You don't understand. We've been through enough. Meredith, she can't...we can't..." He didn't know what he was saying, and he didn't really care. All that mattered was that she fixed it. "There's always a chance though, right? I mean, she could beat the odds, right?"

"I'm not saying that it's impossible. But for now I think we need to take it one step at a time. I want her on bedrest, at least for the next couple of weeks, until we see how she's going to do. And I'm going to get one of the nurses to start her on some IV fluids. A lot of times rehydrating can turn these situations around." Amy tried to give him a little bit of hope. "I've stopped contractions like these before, Dr. Shepherd. I've just never seen these types of pregnancies go to term. I've seen a couple get to viability, but not many." She wanted to be honest with him without scaring him to death. "But what I do here today isn't going to matter if she goes right back to working the same schedule. Even if we can get her stabilized, she's going to have to re-evaluate her priorities. Late nights, on-call shifts, hours on end on her feet, no sleep, not eating well...stress...they don't help her odds. Emotionally, she seems frazzled. I know there's been a lot for her to deal with lately, and that may be part of what is contributing to what's going on. I'm not saying you should baby her. But you should baby her pregnancy. Otherwise, she's going to lose the baby."

It was a lot for him to take in, but Derek managed to nod. "She'll do anything to make sure this baby stays healthy. We both will." He walked slowly back into Meredith's room, making sure the tears were gone before he sat down at her bedside. "Hey.." His voice was gentle, but not very reassuring.

"I'm miscarrying, aren't I?"

"No." Derek's response was quick and firm. "No, you're not. And you're not going to. Dr. Bynes said she's seen this before, Meredith. And she can help.."

There was something he wasn't telling her. "But..?" She wanted to know it all, the whole truth.

He sighed, knowing she had a right to know what was going on. "But your cervix is thinning a little, and she's worried about how the rest of the pregnancy is going to go."

"I'm going to lose the baby.." She was shaking as she cried, tears falling quickly down her cheeks. His words were doing nothing to calm her, and she jerked away from his touch. "Stop it! There's nothing you can say, Derek, that's going to make this better! Don't you get it?! Even if the contractions stop now, I'm going to lose this baby at some point! It's over! There's not going to be.."

"Stop it." He cut her off, quickly taking both of her hands in his. "Stop. Right now. And you listen to me." Derek positioned himself so that he was looking into her eyes. "I know you're scared, Meredith. I'm scared too. But we're going to get through this together. You're going to beat the odds. Do you understand me? We're going to cut your work hours back. You're going to rest more. We're going to make sure you have the best of the best taking care of you."

"Addison.." Meredith cut him off, interrupting him before he could go on to try and do more convincing that their baby was going to be alright.

"Addison? As in...my ex-wife Addison?" He looked confused. "Why?"

"She's the best of the best. She can help. She can make sure...she...she knows." Her words were broken by the sobs that were causing her curled up little frame to gasp for air. "Please, Derek...for our baby.."

"Okay," He quickly agreed, nodding. Addison didn't usually handle cases like theirs, but he wasn't going to argue. "I'll call her. I'll call her and see what she says. But, Mer. Addison lives pretty far from here. I don't know if she.."

"She'll come." Meredith tried to convince both of them.

"She'll come." He decided, nodding, brushing his thumb across her hand. Silently, he prayed she was right. On top of that, he prayed that Addison would even have any ability to help. Otherwise, he knew what would happen.


	3. Familiar Faces

**Author's Note:**

**I meant to add this at the beginning, but better late than never, right? **

**Because this is a story, there may be some medical inaccuracies along the way. I do my very best to keep things as accurate as possible, but there may be some things along the way that aren't. Sometimes it's just a mistake on my end, but there are a couple of times where I admit I just choose to do it my way. :)**

**So that said, I hope you'll be forgiving and understanding of that. **

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Three**

Little girls dream of getting married. They dream of the big white dresses and the the fancy cake. They dream of walking down the aisle to prince charming, they dream of having that hollywood movie moment where everyone stands and looks at you, where everyone cries when you cry. Girls dream of their first child. They dream of holding that precious little life in their arms, of decorating a nursery, of picking out the cute little clothes, of the feeling that that tiny little bundle can give you. Some girls get that. Some girls have the wedding, the husband, and the baby. Some girls don't. But some girls do.

"How long has she been contracting?" Addison Montgomery tapped her pin on her desk as she sat with her legs crossed, leaning back in the black chair that she had insisted on recently adding to her office. Of course she had picked up the phone when Derek called. She would always be there for him, wife or not. She didn't blame him for their marriage being destroyed. Not now. How could she?

He was grateful. Even if Dr. Bynes was a great OB-GYN, Derek Shepherd knew that his ex-wife was their best hope of keeping this pregnancy together. It didn't matter that she worked a lot as a neonatologist. She was also an incredible perinatologist, one that had saved many pregnancies. Her specialty, the one she put on paper, didn't matter. "It's been about two hours now, but Dr. Amy Bynes..you know her, right?" Derek paused, trying to gather his thoughts as he sat outside Meredith's room. She was sleeping, he hoped. "She says her cervix is starting to thin. No dilation though."

A concerned frown spread across the red-head's lips. "Derek..." A sigh could be heard through the receiver of her cell phone. "I don't want to tell you to give up, but.."

"Addison, please.." His voice was desperate as he pleaded with her. "Please, I know the odds are stacked against us. But this is Meredith. This is me. This is my baby. I need your help. We need your help. If anyone can do this, it's you."

"She's on bedrest, right?" There was another sigh. Despite her wishes to just hang up the phone and push it all aside, Addison knew she needed to step in, for his sake. She would give it her all. She would do everything she knew how to do, to try to help maintain the viability of this pregnancy. There was a chance, a big chance, that it wouldn't work. They all knew that. "Make sure she's resting. She needs to be getting fluids, too. Lots of them. And I would prefer that she is eating small meals every few hours. If she's dehydrated or under-nourished, we're just fighting a losing battle. And no freaking out. Nobody goes in that room that can't hold it together." Even she was shocked at just how protective and overbearing she was becoming about his wife, the woman that had ultimately taken him away from her. There was just something about it though, that tugged at her heartstrings. Meredith was a good woman, and Derek loved her. They deserved to be happy. "That includes you." While she was talking to him, she stood, grabbing her purse from the couch that was nearby. "And I'll take the first flight I can get. I can't guarantee how long I can stay, but I'm on my way. Call me if anything changes." _Call me if she miscarries. _Yeah right. That would send him into some sort of coma, for sure. "And, Derek?"

"Yeah?" There was a hint of a smile on his face. She was coming. Addison Montgomery, the woman with the best chance of saving his wife's pregnancy, was going to get on a plane and fly to Seattle. Derek was holding onto the only hope he had, and onto the strength he hoped Meredith had to fight for what they both wanted so desperately.

"You rest. Mark called here. Said you've been through hell, that you aren't even fully cleared by your doctor yet. So, you rest. Otherwise you're no good to her. Do you hear me?"

He couldn't help but actually smile this time. "I'm resting, Addie. Don't worry." After hanging up his phone, he walked back into Meredith's room, making sure that he opened and closed the door quietly so as not to wake her.

It didn't matter, though. Her eyes were open, and she looked at him curiously, hoping it was good news. "What did she say? Did you talk to her?" She figured he had, considering how long he had been gone.

"She's on her way." He was a bit disappointed that she wasn't sleeping, but glad to see that she seemed to be comfortable. Watching her in pain had really hit him hard. He could handle a lot of things; blood, guts, brains, death even. But when it came to the woman he loved, he just couldn't stand watching her suffer. It hurt him too much. Her pain was his pain. When you loved someone, that's just how it was. "Said she would take the first flight out."

"Does she think she can help?" Meredith shifted her body toward the chair he sat down in. Even if Addison had given Derek some sort of words of encouragement, Meredith knew to only take them with a grain of salt. She knew that it was unlikely that Addison would want to be the bearer of bad news.

"She's concerned, Mer, about the thinning of your cervix." He was honest with her, taking her hand and gently brushing his thumb across it. "But I don't want you to worry about that. For now, all you need to worry about is getting some rest."

"But she's coming." Meredith observed. "So that has to be good news, right? I mean, she wouldn't come if there was no hope."

"Right." Derek smiled a bit, but the smile faded when Meredith's expression suddenly changed. "Breathe.." His voice was gentle, and he could only hoped that it offered some sort of comfort to her.

"Hurts more, now." She said honestly, quickly gripping her stomach as a new contraction swept over her. "They aren't stopping. The contractions, they aren't stopping. Just, getting stronger. It hurts, Derek.." She was begging him to help her. "Please, I just want it to stop hurting. I just...the baby...please, Derek.."

She was starting to lose it. Her ability to hold it together could only last so long. Addison coming could only do so much. And her contractions were really starting to get to her, both physically and mentally. "Mer, it's okay. Look at me.." He frowned when he realized his words were no longer helping.

She had started to gasp for air, breathing quickly, her breaths shallow as she began to cry. Only this time it wasn't just a few tears. Her body was quickly becoming wracked with sobs. "Make it stop, please...I...can't...the baby...I can't lose the baby.." She was begging, pleading, sobbing, reaching for him though she pulled away when he touched her and another contraction hit her. "Oh God..." Her voice was a broken sob, and she curled up as much as she could there on her side.

"I know it hurts.." His voice broke a bit as he forced back tears, getting up from the chair where he was sitting. That wasn't working anymore. It wasn't helping her for him to just sit there, watching her suffer. Derek moved to sit next to her on the bed, pulling her into his arms. He was careful to avoid moving her too much, not wanting to tangle the many wires that connected to her monitors.

She melted into his arms as she sobbed, wrapping her arms tightly around him. Her head ended up resting on his chest. There were no words, just tears. What else was left to say?

"I'm right here, Meredith." He ran his hand gently over her hair, doing everything he could do to try and calm her down. "I'm here." He repeated, trying to convince himself. "It's going to be okay, Mer. But I need you to take some deep breaths, okay? We'll do it together." He paused, hoping that he was getting through to her. "Here we go...breathe.." He demonstrated a very exaggerated deep breath, hoping she would follow.

Despite how difficult it was for her to even listen to what he was saying, much less follow directions, she ended up copying his movement. After a couple of minutes, he had her breathing with him, their chests rising and falling together. He was here. Derek was here for her. She just kept reminding herself of that. He wouldn't let anything happen to her, or their baby.

"Close your eyes," His voice broke the silence after a few minutes of breathing there with her. "I'll be right here. Just close your eyes. Rest." His fingers were still running through her hair.

She did as he asked, her chest still rising and falling slowly as he wanted it to. There was something about being there in his arms with her head resting on his chest that gave her a little bit more strength and offered her a small sense of peace.

**[break]**

"Why didn't you page me?!" Cristina's angry and demanding voice broke the silence as she flung the door open a little over an hour later. "She's here..."

"Sleeping!" Derek glared at her, cutting her off before she had a chance to launch into another lecture about how she had a right to know the ins and outs of everything that went on in his wife's life. He knew he owed her everything, his life, even. But right now, Cristina was the last person on his mind. If she woke his wife up, there was going to be hell to pay. He stood and walked out into the hallway, dragging her with him. "I don't care how mad you are. If you came in here one more time, like that, I'll make sure that you aren't allowed back. She's been through enough. Do you understand?" He was raising his voice a bit, asserting his authority over her, both as a husband to the woman who was laying in that bed and as the boss of the doctor standing in front of him.

"You should have paged me." Cristina was glaring at him as well, not intimidated in the least by his angry and matter-of-fact response to her. "She's my...Meredith is..." She couldn't even figure out what she was trying to say. It didn't matter anyway. "What happened? How is she? What about the baby? Dr. Avery said she was cramping this morning?"

"The baby's fine, for now." Derek calmed down a bit at the genuine concern in her voice. "She's still contracting though, and her cervix is thinning. So she's here, on bedrest. Addison's on her way."

A look of confusion appeared on her face. "Addison Montgomery?" It was a question she answered herself. "On her way from Los Angeles? It's that bad?" _Her cervix is thinning. Of course it's that bad._

"Look, I know you're worried. And I know Meredith would want you here...but right now she just needs to rest. I promise you, I'll page you when we know something else."

Cristina knew better than to argue with him. Right now he looked like he meant business. He was going all Dr. Shepherd the neurosurgeon, Dr. Shepherd the chief, on her. "Okay...but Bailey. She heard. And she's going to be up here. You know she will be. So you better figure out.."

"You're going to tell her." Derek corrected her. "You're going to tell Bailey, and whoever else wants to know, that they can wait. They don't need to be up here bugging us for information. Right now we're just trying to figure out how to keep Meredith pregnant. Everyone else, can wait. And that goes for you too. I'll page you, Cristina. She can't handle anything else right now. Not even you."

"You page me, or you're dead. I swear, Dr. Shepherd. McChief or not...you're dead." She meant it too, but abided by his request. It was for Meredith's own good, she knew that. Her person, she needed rest. He would page her. Dr. Shepherd didn't lie. Made her sick, but he didn't lie. Determined to keep everyone else away from her friend who she knew had to be pretty fragile, she headed back toward the elevator.

It seemed too easy, he thought, getting rid of her. Derek was used to Cristina being one that didn't take no for an answer. He was used to being pushed aside for her. But maybe, he figured, it was because she really was concerned about Meredith. Either way, he was just happy that she was gone. "Dr. Bynes." He was glad to see the petite brunette doctor turn the corner toward the room.

"Dr. Shepherd." Amy smiled, Meredith's chart in her hand. "I heard she's had a rough hour or so with contractions."

Derek nodded, running his hand through his hair a bit, nervously. "I don't think they're slowing down any. She was in a lot of pain before I finally got her to fall asleep." He knew that Dr. Bynes was a good doctor, but there was still a part of him that was counting down the hours until Addison would show up. She would know where to go from here.

"I think we're getting to the point where we may just need to come to terms with the fact that this is the start of a miscarriage." Dr. Bynes admitted. "It isn't always where I like to be, but I don't think we have a choice. She's too early in her pregnancy to try any medications to stop the contractions.." Her voice was soft, and she tried to prepare for the reaction he would have. No matter how many times it happened, she would never get used to telling someone that they were going to lose their baby.

"No..." Derek answered quickly, raising his voice a bit. He didn't mean to come across as aggressive and angry, but he couldn't help it. This idiot was asking him to just throw in the towel and watch his baby slip away. There was no way in hell he was going to do that. It wasn't even an option. "One minute you're standing here with some pathetic little smile on your face like everything is fine, and the next you're telling me that I'm just supposed to deal with the fact that my wife is going to lose our baby?!" Now he was yelling. "Obviously, Dr. Bynes, you've never had kids of your own! I'll be damned if I'm going to stand by and just let her have a miscarriage! I don't care what you think you know! We aren't giving up on her!"

"Dr. Shepherd.." Amy frowned, taking a deep breath. "I know this is difficult.."

"The hell you do! Your asking me to just sit with my wife while our baby dies! That baby still has a heartbeat!" Despite his anger and raised voice, his eyes were filled with tears. He didn't really care who saw him. It wasn't about being brave. Right now it was about coming to terms with all that was happening.

"I'm asking you to do what is in the best interest for Meredith. You love your wife. I can see that. And keeping her here under lock and key isn't what's best for her. Not if the outcome is going to be the same. She'll be more comfortable at home, where she can be in her own clothes, in her own bed. Where the two of you can come to terms with this."

"I'm not giving up on her. And we've been here hours. She's not some prisoner being held for years," He spoke through a haze of tears, shaking his head. "Dr. Addison Montgomery is on her way."

"From California?" Her response was the same as Cristina's. "Dr. Shepherd. With all-due respect, I don't really think there's much point in that."

"You know, I've heard just about enough from you!"

"Shep..." Mark rounded the corner, having heard his friend yelling when he stepped off the elevator. "He's sorry. He's just...upset.." He offered an apology to Amy in Derek's defense, sighing as he walked over to him. "Come on.." He put a hand on his shoulder, trying to lead him down the hallway to one of the staff lounges that was nearby.

Derek jerked away from him. "I'm not in the mood, Mark." He didn't want help, didn't need help. What he needed was for this all to go away, for her to be alright. _Please, she has to be okay. _

"No offense, but you look like shit." Mark wasn't going to take no for an answer. "Look, I'll sit with her for a couple of hours. You should go home though, take a shower, rest. Or at least go sleep for a couple of hours. You aren't any good for her when you get like this. She needs you to be at least halfway coherent about what you're saying. Besides, we both know your heart isn't exactly in tip top shape."

Mark made a good point, and despite how much he didn't want to leave his wife's side, Derek knew he was right. He wasn't tired, or really very hungry, but he knew he was too upset to stick around there much longer. Anything else was bound to push him over the edge. He needed to get away for a bit, clear his head. "Two hours. I'll be back. But you have to promise.."

"I'll stay with her. Just, go take a walk or something. I'll make sure that she knows you're coming back.

**{break}**

Addison showed up, true to her word, late that evening. She was exhausted as she walked into the hospital long after visiting hours were over. The halls were quiet except for the few nurses that were up and about, checking on their sleeping patients. For the most part, things seemed dead. Man, she actually missed that...the long nights of being on call. But then again, she reminded herself, there was a lot more sleep in Los Angeles. Sleep was a good thing. She had figured that out not long after moving there.

"How's the patient?" She knocked quietly on Meredith's door after taking time to review everything in her chart, talking only when she saw that both she and Derek were awake.

"Addison.." Derek let out a sigh of relief when he saw her in the doorway. He stood quickly, giving her a grateful hug. "Thank you, for coming." He knew he didn't really have to answer her question too much. The somber look on his ex-wife's face said it all. Besides, she was a thorough doctor, and he knew there was no way she had walked in there without reviewing everything that was in the chart.

Meredith was quiet, trying to focus on staying calm despite the contractions that continued to hit her every ten minutes or so. Sometimes they weren't as painful, but they were still there. And every now and then, there were those that made her wish they would just give her something to knock her out. Those were the ones that made her wonder how much longer she could handle it, the ones that felt as if someone was taking a ten-inch blade and slicing it into her uterus. "Hi..." She looked over at Addison, knowing she didn't need to thank her. The look in her eyes said it all, and she knew Derek would do most of the talking anyway.

Addison gave her a small, sympathetic smile as she began to look her over, wanting to make sure she did a thorough examination and made her own conclusions before she decided what the next step should be. "Just relax," She spoke gently to her when Meredith began to tense under her touch.

Luckily Derek sat back down and took her hand again, helping her relax some.

Addison pulled up a chair when she was finally done, writing a couple of things down first before she said anything. "I think Dr. Bynes was right, in what she's done so far." She had read the other doctor's note about her wish to send Meredith home to ride out an inevitable miscarriage, but she wasn't so sure she agreed with it, and she was definitely sure it wasn't a good thing to bring up. She noticed the anger that flashed across Derek's face when she mentioned the name, and it was enough to tell her that he'd had a conversation about it already. "Rehydrating and bedrest is the first thing I would have recommended. There are a couple of other things, though, that I think we need to try at this point. One thing I'm concerned about is your elevated white blood cell count. You're running a nice little fever too, which tells me that you have some sort of nasty infection that may be the cause of this. I'm not saying that it is the only reason you're in this mess, but we definitely need to address it. Having said that, I'm going to start you on some pretty heavy antibiotics right away. Hopefully they can get rid of this sooner rather than later."

Derek opened his mouth to say something, but Addison stopped him. She already knew he what it was going to be. She could read him like a book. He was inevitably mad that they had missed the infection, that she had caught it almost right away. The look she gave him and the simple and subtle shake of her head kept him quiet for the time being. "We could also start you on magnesium to try to knock out the contractions. But I've never used it this early before."

Derek sighed. He had known it was coming, he had just hoped that by some miracle things would turn around. The last thing he wanted was for Meredith to have to deal with the headaches, nausea, vomiting, and heart palpitations that went along with most medications that were used to stop contractions during pre-term labor. "Isn't that dangerous though, especially considering how early she is in her pregnancy? And why the hell did they not start treating this infection sooner?! She could have miscarried because they were too stupid t..."

"Derek..." Meredith finally spoke up, looking over at him. He was really on edge, almost too on edge for her liking. She wasn't used to seeing him so emotionally fragile. He was always the strong one, only now it seemed like he was one jenga piece from toppling over. "It's okay.." Her voice was quiet, almost a whisper. "It's okay. Addison figured it out. There's no use worrying about it now." As much as she hated the idea of facing the side-effects to magnesium, she was willing to do anything if it meant her baby would survive. She would walk through fire to protect the child she was carrying.

He looked over at her, forcing a bit of a smile to his lips. "I know..." He said carefully, trying to keep his emotions in check. After a moment, he turned his attention back to Addison. "What do you think the chances are, of this working?"

Addison chose her response carefully, "I think that if we get a magnesium drip going and get I.V. antibiotics started right away, there's a chance these contractions will stop and you'll be able to leave the hospital later this week." She looked at Meredith as she spoke, not wanting her to feel like she was left out. "That doesn't mean that you'll be out of the woods, though. You'll have to stay on bedrest, at least for a few weeks until we see what your cervix is going to do. Maybe even for the rest of your pregnancy."

"I'll do anything." Meredith answered quickly, wanting Addison to know that she was serious about following her orders. "I'll do whatever it takes. I just want this baby to live." She rested one hand on her abdomen.

Addison smiled and stood. "We're going to do everything we can to make sure that happens."

**As always, reviews are appreciated!**


	4. Wishing & Hoping

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Four**

Fear. Fear is everywhere. It's the first thing on our minds when we wake up in the morning and worry about how we're going to pay our bills. It's flashing across the sky when we drive down the freeway and there's some crazy person going ninety and weaving in and out of traffic. It consumes us when we're laying down at night and we hear a noise in the darkness. It's the sort of thing that can drive us to do great things, or the sort of thing that can consume us and convince as that we're going out of our minds. Fear can live within us, or it can live for us. Some people can work with fear, can ignore fear. Others can't. Some of us have too much fear, so much fear that we can't breathe. Sometimes too many bad things happen, and fear becomes who we are. Some of us are afraid to breathe.

"Hey..." A soft smile was on Derek's lips. For the first time since the previous morning, there was something other than a frown on his face. He was still there, stretched out on the chair next to her bed, staring at the clock. There had been little sleep overnight. So yes, he was exhausted. He was too tired to even keep his eyes open. It wasn't just the lack of sleep that was getting to him though. He was used to that, to going days on end without ever really closing his eyes. It was the fear, the worry, the vision of Meredith fighting for the life of their baby, in pain. Meredith was sick, their baby was sick, her pregnancy was on the line, and he hurt. Physically now, he hurt. It was probably the overnight in the chair, he figured, that had left a dull ache in his chest behind his healed incision, but it was bugging him nonetheless. And emotionally, he was a wreck. Derek, the chief, the one in charge, was a wreck. He had spent a lot of time thinking that night, about Mr. Clark, about his fight to live, about picking up the pieces of his hospital, about the lives lost. And on top of all of that, he had Meredith there. His perfect, precious Meredith was sick. It was all starting to take a toll on his usual solid sense of reality and togetherness.

"Hey." Meredith was glad to see that he seemed to be a bit better. Still off, but better. He was worried though, and she understood that. After watching him almost die, she understood him being worried. She had spent the night throwing up on top of breathing through the contractions that had continued for a few more hours, and lucky for her the headache that came along with the magnesium was enough to make her wish her head would just fall off.

"How are you feeling?" He ran his hand over her hair, relieved when he realized her forehead wasn't quite as hot as it had been a few hours ago. She was his focus now. His fear could wait, his worry could wait, his pain...it could wait too.

"No contractions." Meredith had a bit of a smile on her face when she heard the words come out of her own mouth. "No contractions for a while now, right?" It was a question, considering how out of it she had been from all of the heavy medications and the exhaustion that had begun to plague her.

"Right." Derek was happy to be able to put those fears to rest for her. Her contractions had stopped a couple of hours ago. Addison had even gone to the on call room to get some sleep, which he figured was a good sign considering she had hovered for the first four hours she was there. "How are you feeling, otherwise?"

"Okay, I guess. Still have a bit of a headache." She lifted her head off the pillow to glance over at the clock but frowned at the pounding that suddenly began. "Make that a huge headache." Her words were just a mumble, and she closed her eyes. "Still sick to my stomach, too. But no contractions, so that's good. Maybe I can go home." She knew it was a request that was almost laughable, but she made it anyway. As sick as she was, she just wanted to get out of the hospital and into her own bed.

"Meredith.." Derek could tell that she was just trying to be strong for him. He could tell that her words were forced, that her blatant honesty from the day before was sort of gone. "How are you _really_ feeling?" _Stupid question. You can tell by looking at her how she's feeling. Like crap._

"Not so great," She knew that it was no use lying to him. It would only earn her a conversation that ended up going around in circles, and right now she just wasn't up for it. "Maybe Addison will take me off this damn Magnesium soon. I don't know how much longer I can take it." As if on cue, she suddenly grabbed the basin that was next to her in the bed, turning on her side just in time to empty the contents of her stomach. "Like I said..."

Derek quickly took the basin from her when he was sure she had finished, setting it aside. The smell was enough to make his already nervous stomach flip a bit, but he ignored it and simply rubbed the small of her back. "We'll get you off of it as soon as we can." He was still trying to figure out how exactly she still had anything left to throw up. It would be dry heaves soon, he was sure of that. Her appetite wasn't exactly up to par.

"Not soon enough.." She sighed and relaxed under his touch, closing her eyes again. "I think I'm just going to take a nap."

"Okay," He wasn't going to argue with her. She needed all the rest she could get.

Before she could drift off too far into the land of dreams, or nightmares, the door opened. Addison's heals clicked against the tiled floor, and she cautiously put a smile on her face. "Looks like we're on our way to a little miracle here." She stopped and took a few moments to study the monitor, looking back over the strips from the last couple of hours just to be sure that there hadn't been any more contractions. "To be honest with you, I wasn't really sure we would get to this point. You haven't contracted in over two hours now.." Obviously, she was pleased.

"Do you think she's out of the woods?" Derek wasn't about false hope, not anymore. He wanted the facts, the reality of what they were up against. It wasn't like him. He had been through a lot.

Addison pulled on a pair of latex gloves as she thought about his question, wanting to make sure that she answered it in the right way. "Just relax. I'll be fast." She assured Meredith. It wasn't her first choice to be checking an already vulnerable cervix so much, but then again it was the only way for her to really gauge how Meredith was actually doing. "I would say that if they've stopped for this long, there's a good chance that they won't come back as long as she remains on bedrest and the antibiotics do their job."

Meredith was uncomfortable, for obvious reasons, but she didn't protest with anything Addison was doing. If it meant that the life of her baby was going to be saved, she would lie there through just about anything. Still, she squeezed Derek's hand a bit. "When can I go home?"

"Meredith..." Derek frowned, glancing from her to Addison. _Can't she just understand that she needs to stay? Home isn't a good place for her right now. How can she be monitored properly if she's at home?_

Addison slid off her gloves and tossed them into the trash. "Your cervix is still where it was when I got here last night, which is promising." She shot Derek a concerned look. He needed...something. It wasn't like him, to freak out. "I'd say that if all goes well and you don't have any more problems, I'll think about letting you go home tomorrow."

"That's too soon."

"Derek..." The red-head frowned and turned her attention to her ex for a moment. "It's better for Meredith to be in a place where she's comfortable, somewhere that she can relax. Nobody can relax when they're in a hospital. If she's stable tomorrow and the infection is gone, I would actually prefer to send her home on oral antibiotics and get her somewhere that she can have a little peace."

"And what happens when the contractions start again, or.." He was second-guessing just about everything now.

"They won't..." Meredith cut him off, frowning. "Aren't you supposed to be the positive one?" She glanced over at him, but quickly shut her eyes again when she realized just how much the light bothered them.

"I'm the practical one, Mer. I don't want anything happening to you or this baby, and if that means that you have to stay here, then that's what it means." He sighed, standing. In seconds, he was actually pacing the floor a bit.

"Derek..." Addison frowned and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't." He pulled away, suddenly losing what little composure he had left. "This is insane, Addison!" Now he was yelling. "Anything could happen! She can't be on a magnesium drip from home! You're asking me to just take her out of the one place where we can be sure that she and this baby are okay!"

"I'm asking you to trust me." There was a deep frown settling on her now concerned face. "And get out. I warned you, Derek. Nobody in here that can't stay calm. And you, are freaking out. So go, now."

"The hell I will..."

"Derek..." Meredith frowned, opening her eyes just enough to see him. "Please, just go. My head's killing me..if you're going to yell..."

With a frustrated sigh and a quick look from one to another, he walked out, letting the door slam behind him.

"Has he been like this? I mean, since the shooting?" Addison was concerned for the man that had always been rock solid in a crisis. Tears, she could see, but the yelling and the anger, that was new for him.

"He's been...different." Meredith sighed, fighting back tears as she realized just how far over the edge Derek was.

"You should talk to him. When you get home...the two of you need to talk. I'm worried about him."

"Yeah..."

"And if I send you home tomorrow, you need to be sure that you're off your feet. And bedrest for you right now means bathroom only. Ten minute showers, and bathroom breaks. That's it. Nothing more. And I would really prefer if you would avoid stairs." She had to change the subject, to avoid being too involved. Derek wasn't her husband. It wasn't her business.

"I'm not going to take any chances with my baby's life, if that's what you mean." Meredith wasn't going to do one single that that might cause this pregnancy to end in a miscarriage. She was determined to get a healthy, perfect, tiny, Shepherd baby out of this.

Derek paced the hallway, trying to release some of the anger and fear that was building inside of him. The nurses on the floor had heard enough of his yelling to know to avoid him, so he was luckily left on his own to deal with his demons. _Suck it up. She needs you. Geez, get a grip, Shepherd. _

"Addison paged me.." Bailey was standing in front of him before he ever heard her coming, hands on her hips before he had a chance to protest what was about to come out of her mouth. "Said you were up here acting like a damned fool. Now that girl in there means something to me. You got that? You can't go around here throwing little two year-old temper tantrums. Otherwise you'll go to time out. Is that what you want? Time out? Because I can have someone else stay with her. She doesn't need your little fits while she's trying to get better. She's lying in that bed and you're running around here screaming like you've never learned any self control before!"

"Miranda.." He wasn't quite sure what to say to her.

"Don't Miranda me." She had quite the Bailey attitude going, that was for sure. "I know you love her and you worry about her, but your going to have to get a grip if you want to go back in there with her."

"I..."

"Did I say you could talk? I'm still speaking..." Once again, she cut him off. "And that's why I've arranged for you to talk to someone."

He was confused. Talk to who? About what? "What..."

"A therapist, you fool! Obviously you've got some things you need to deal with. Now." She pushed him down the hall toward the elevator. "Floor three, office 322. I'll stay with her until you get back. And don't worry...booked you the whole morning. You'll need it..." She muttered under her breath. "Can't even act like a civilized adult...girl almost losing her baby.."

He went. Bailey meant business. And she was right. He needed it, even if he would never admit it. There were things that needed to be said, fears that needed to be discussed, tears that needed to fall, anger that needed to be released. For him, for them both, for their baby.

*****{break}*****

Another couple of days in the hospital left Meredith, by some miracle, in stable enough condition to be released. There hadn't been any more concerns of contractions, even after Addison had weaned her slowly from the magnesium. Her white blood cell count had dropped significantly back toward normal, and she was even able to sit up without her head feeling like someone was taking a hammer to it.

There were strict orders for her to follow, but Addison felt comfortable that under the extremely protective watch of Derek, she would be okay to rest at home for the next few weeks until they decided where to go from there. If she got to fifteen weeks, Addison felt comfortable enough letting her work a little, but she knew that was a crapshoot. Meredith could easily spend the next six months watching the minutes go by on her bedroom clock. Despite her concern and the very fresh stability in her patient, the red-headed miracle worker had gone back to Los Angeles, promising to return if there were any problems and definitely within a few weeks to check on her progress. She had also recommended a highly sought-after OB-GYN who dealt only with referred women who were high risk pregnancies, but Derek had been unwilling to trust anyone else yet. She didn't blame him. At least he was calm, and level-headed. That was a start.

"How long do you plan on babysitting me?" Meredith laughed a bit as she looked at Derek who had just finished rearranging the pillows behind her back.

"As long as it takes to make sure that you and this baby are both doing well." He sat down on their bed with her, glancing at the clock. "Are you hungry? I could make you a sandwich or something?"

Now she really was laughing, shaking her head. "You asked me that an hour ago, remember? I'm just tired, that's all."

"I just want to make sure you have everything you need, Mer."

"Everything I need is right here.." She smiled and laid down, resting her head on the pillow before rolling onto her side to look at him. "I tell you what you could do, though. You could take a nap with me. It might do us both some good."

He wasn't about to argue, even if there wasn't a single bone in his body that was tired. "Okay." Derek moved a couple of pillows around before laying down next to her, running his hand over her arm.

"You're going to have to go back to work at some point. You know that, right? I mean, the hospital can't just run itself." She closed her eyes and settled into his arms. As much as she wanted him there with her, she knew that the reality was there was no way he could take much more time off.

"I'm still trying to figure that out." His answer was honest, without hesitation. Derek knew his wife's concerns were true. Even if she was fresh out of the hospital from a scare that had left him in a therapists office...twice, he knew he had to get back to his job soon. "There's got to be someone here to stay with you."

"I could go with you."

"Go with me, where?" He wasn't quite following her.

"To the hospital. When you go back. You have that nice couch...the one that I made you move...the one we've.."

He chuckled. "I do, have that couch. And I could really keep an eye on you there, make sure you aren't becoming a rebel," He teased. After all the arguing he did about her coming home so soon, Derek was shocked at how relieved and relaxed he was in his own home. There was just something about seeing her sleeping in her own bed and not in some hospital bed with wires everywhere that made him feel like everything was going to be okay.

"And it would be fun. We could play pretend...you can be my hot, sexy doctor..and I'll be the weak, innocent patient..." She grinned suggestively before planting a kiss on his lips. "What do you say, Dr. Shepherd?"

"I say that sounds..." He groaned in frustration, pulling his lips away from hers when his pager went off. "I should probably see who that is." He rolled over, grabbing the black device from the bedside table. "Crap.."

"I'm guessing that means you're leaving sooner than we thought?" Meredith watched him. She was reassured too, now that she was off of all the medications, and now that she wasn't hurting anymore. Neither one of them were naive enough to believe though that they were out of the woods or that things were suddenly going to be easy, but they did have a tad bit of hope, which was more than they had a couple of days ago. She still wasn't feeling as well as she wanted to, but it was certainly better than the misery she had recently been in.

"Looks like it.." He stood, clipping his pager to his side, watching her. "You're coming with me."

"I could just, stay here and sleep. I'm an adult you know."

"I could be gone all night. You aren't supposed to be getting out of bed." His reminder was gentle, but firm. "I'll make you a nice cozy little corner in my office."

"Whatever you say, Dr. Shepherd." She put on her best acting voice, her words breaking at the end a bit though as she giggled.

"You're like a little girl. You know that, right?" He laughed and walked over to her.

"I could stop. We could just be Meredith and Derek. Boring, no fun. No sex...nothing. I mean, we could do that. If you wanted. Because..."

"Let's not get too crazy." He grinned and leaned down, kissing her. "A little fun never hurt anyone." Without warning, he slid both arms under her and scooped her up, holding her like he had the day he had carried her over the thresh-hold of the house that was still being decorated...the house he had built for them. For their children.

"I don't think you should be..." Meredith started to protest him lifting her, but he cut her off.

"Bedrest means no walking." Still, he winced at the tug in his chest as he walked toward the starts with her. _Was it supposed to still hurt this much? It wasn't like he was lifting weights. It was his wife. It was Meredith. She wasn't heavy._

"And heart surgery means no lifting." Her head remained on his shoulder though, despite her protesting.

"I'm fine, Mer, really." He wasn't.

"You're such a terrible liar. You should work on that, you know. I mean, just in case you need those skills one day." She smiled a bit, though she was definitely worried about him. Just as much as he hated to see her in pain, she felt the same way about him.

"I'll try to do that, for you." He managed to get her to the car, carefully putting her in the passenger's seat. By then the pulling had turned from a dull ache to fiery burning, and he rubbed his chest with a soft and barely audible groan.

"Derek..." Meredith frowned, noticing the look of pain that was written in his eyes.

He didn't give her a chance to notice anymore, just shut her door and went around to the other side of the car. "I'm fine, really." He got in, purposefully avoiding looking in her direction. She could see straight through him. He knew that.

"You aren't fine, really." She sighed, looking over at him. "You can't do that again, Derek. You're going to hurt yourself. And if you have a surgery to do.."

"I know, Mer. I know." He finally looked at her as he backed out of the driveway, wanting to reassure her that it wasn't that bad. "Just hurts, like hell, but that's because I'm not used to the lifting. That's all. It will stop in a minute. I promise."

"Still. No more lifting. Okay?" She knew he was right, that he was okay. But it didn't help with how much it bothered her to see him hurting.

"Okay." He smiled and reached over, taking her hand as he drove toward Seattle Grace.


	5. Pushing the Limits

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Five**

Bad things happen. They happen to everyone. Most of the time, they happen when you least expect them. They happen just when you think everything is the way it should be. Bad things happen to the good people. They happen to the bad people, but they happen to the good people too. And when they do, you have to be ready for them. You have to be ready for the unexpected, for the bottom to fall out of the sky. You have to be ready to face tragedy head-on, and you have to know how to pick up the pieces. Because bad things happen. But they can be fixed. Things that are broken can be put back together again. Sometimes they can't, but a lot of times they can.

"You rest here." Derek planted a soft kiss on Meredith's forehead as he lovingly tucked a blanket around her, pushing it gently under her until she was wrapped up like a burrito. It was freezing in that office, and she'd insisted on kicking her shoes off. Her socks were left at home, hanging out on the floor of their bedroom. He wasn't about to let her cute little feet freeze, and the last thing he wanted was for her to get up to find some of the extra clothes she had stashed in his office. "I'll be back as soon as I can be. Is there anything else you need?"

Meredith just smiled at his little mother-hen routine. It was an endearing quality, really, that he cared about her so much and went out of his way to make sure she was protected. She wasn't quite sure that his office couch was as comfortable as their well worn-in king-sized bed at home, but it would do for the time being. "I have everything I could possibly need. I mean, world war three could come through here and I'd still be okay. If you didn't come back for a week and I was stranded all alone, I.."

Derek laughed and simply kissed her again, "Very funny."

"I thought so." She smiled, laying her hand on his cheek as she looked into his eyes. "Go kick some brain surgery ass." She yawned. "Baby and I will be here, sleeping."

"Page me, if you need me. Or Mark. He's here too, and I'm going to let him know what's going on."

"Cristina's here. She's good at these sort of things.." Meredith argued, mostly just to see his reaction. She knew that relationship was going to take a while to build.

"Sarcasm and coldness?" Derek couldn't help himself. "Oh, you mean warm and fuzzy moments where someone actually cares about another person in need...Cristina, right. Sounds about.."

"Derek Shepherd." Meredith couldn't help but grin, knowing it was all in fun. "You take that back. She's my.."

"Person. She's your person, I know. I know, Mer. And if you need her here, you page her. But if I need her in my OR, I'm going to page her too. After all, she's apparently a damn good surgeon."

"Don't want it to go to her head though, right? So I mean, you should let her stay with me for a while, keep her away from the OR. That way.."

"You want her with you." He smiled. "Got it."

"Okay." She smiled back.

"Okay." He turned out the lights in his office before heading down the hallway.

"Shep.." Mark rounded the corner just as Derek stepped onto the elevator, following him. "Didn't expect to see you here. Where's Grey?"

"Meredith.." Derek corrected him.

For a moment, Mark looked confused, then simply made a face. "Grey, big Grey, Meredith, Mrs. Shepherd..Dr. Shepherd? Dr. Grey? It's all the same, right?" He grinned, enjoying giving his friend a hard time.

Derek ignored that, "I need you to check on her for me, while I'm consulting on this surgery. She's upstairs in.."

"You have a surgery? As in, you're actually going to go into the OR and slice someone open? Do chiefs do that? I mean.."

"Mark.." Derek was getting annoyed. "Meredith's in my office. She's still not feeling well. She'll tell you she is, but don't let her little act fool you. She's supposed to be sleeping. Bedrest. Strict bedrest. I just need.."

"An extra pair of eyes. Got it." Mark knew better than to push him any further. Besides, everyone had been really concerned about Meredith, so it was nice to be included in part of the team that made sure she was okay. He wasn't always the most sentimental person, but when he cared about someone, he cared about them, and he would do just about anything for them. Manwhore or not.

"Thanks," Derek stepped off the elevator, picking up the pace as he went to the emergency department. Luckily the pain in his chest had mostly disappeared by the time he had brought Meredith to his office, but it was starting to become a dull ache again as he semi-ran. _Take it easy, Shepherd._ He knew it wasn't a good idea to push himself too far too soon. He needed to be all in one piece for his wife. Still, a second page told him this surgery couldn't wait, despite the fact that he knew he should probably rest for a few minutes.

"Derek.." Owen was visibly relieved to see him. "Wasn't sure you would come. I have a twenty-four year-old lady, eight months pregnant. She was involved in a pretty serious auto versus pedestrian. She's really bleeding into her belly, and her mental status was fine but she's become pretty altered in the last half hour or so. Pupils are unequal and sluggish. Major change of status. We were just about to take her up to perform an emergency cesarean section and exploratory for this bleeding, but I wanted to get neuro down here first. Don't want to put her under if it means she comes back with no brain activity." He ran through the history and explanation as fast as he could.

_Had he just said eight months pregnant? Hit by a car? _Derek had to take a minute to wrap his mind around what he was hearing. Couldn't it be something easy? Like...he sighed. What did it matter? There was a patient on the table. That's all that mattered. He had been paged for a consult and he knew it had to be serious in order for Hunt to page him considering all that was going on. _Don't let it get to you. She's just another patient. Another patient who will probably lose a life. Still, you have to let it go. Cut the cord. Step back, take a few deep breaths. Remember what Dr. Whatts said in therapy. Disengage. Breathe deeply, face your fears, know that the hospital is safe now. Allow yourself to feel, but not past your limits. _"Did you page OB? What's the status of the baby? Any family here?" He followed Hunt over to the woman's bedside.

"OB came as soon as they brought her in. No heartbeat. They figure the baby died on impact." Owen tried not to spend much time there, able to tell that the usually unwavering chief was bothered by the situation at hand. He understood his situation all too well, and had seen him going in and out of the therapist's office a couple of times in the last few days. Post-traumatic stress, he figured, and he knew it a little too much. The last thing Dr. Shepherd needed was for something to trigger him, something to set him off. So Owen tried to avoid that.

"Dr. Shepherd.." Cristina glanced up from the central line kit she had just finished up with, disposing of her blood-covered gloves and what was left of the supplies she didn't use. "You're here. Where's Meredith?" She glanced over to Hunt. "Do you want me to prep her? What's the deal? We're just going to stand around and make small talk while she bleeds out?

"Cristina.." Owen frowned. "You can scrub in. Just, lets wait until.."

"Yang." Derek had different ideas, remembering his promise to his wife. He caught her attention just as she started to prepare the paperwork. "I need you to do me a favor. Go up to my office. Check on Meredith." It didn't matter that he had sent Mark as well. If Cristina scrubbed in for that surgery, she could end up being there for hours, and he didn't want to disappoint Meredith.

"But I'm here. I've been here, all along. And she...is she okay?" Suddenly she looked concerned. "Because if she's not okay.." She looked toward the door, ready to bolt.

"She's fine. But I want you.."

"This is my surgery." Cristina demanded. "If she's okay, then I was here. I'm here. This is my surgery."

"Now, Yang. You aren't scrubbing in on this one."

"De..."

"Doctor Yang!" Derek raised his voice. "It's chief Shepherd, and I suggest you do as I say. Now." He turned his attention back to Owen and the patient on the table.

Owen knew better than to get involved. "We need to figure this out, quickly. She is right about that. Vitals are starting to take a hit, and if we let her blood pressure get much lower, we'll be stuck." He stepped out of the way to let Derek do his job, all the while keeping an eye on the patient that he was determined to save.

"You were right to page me." Derek was suddenly in his 'lets-save-lives' mood after just a minute or two of a neurological assessment. If this woman had already lost a baby that was close enough to term to have a name and a nursery, and dreams for a future, he wasn't about to let her husband bury her as well. The diamond ring on her finger told him all he needed to know. Behind this woman was a man who would be devastated by the death of this baby, and suffocated by the death of his wife. He wasn't about to let that happen. "Is her husband here?"

"He signed consents. We just need to get her upstairs." Owen moved quickly with his boss to get the woman to the elevator.

*****{break}*****

"Okay, I don't know where your husband gets off being all McBossy, but there better be a good reason for it. He just cost me a huge surgery. Multiple surgeries." Cristina didn't bother to knock as she walked into Derek's office, earning her a look of disapproval from Mark. "So your doing what, exactly?"

"Babysitting big Grey." Mark couldn't help himself.

She had been sleeping, but Meredith was pulled out of her semi-peaceful slumber by the sound of the voices around her. "Cristina." She smiled when she saw her standing there. Then she noticed Mark as well, and a look of confusion crossed her face. "Mark.."

"Looks like your husband worries enough for everyone." Cristina muttered, pouting almost as she sat down on the floor next to the couch. "Seriously."

"Seriously," Meredith agreed, making a face. "When he told me I should rest, I didn't exactly expect to have guards."

"Not guards. Babysitters." Mark corrected her. "And as long as Yang's going to be here with you, and your okay, I'll let Derek know." He gave her a bit of a smile, waiting for her nod of gratitude before he headed out of the office.

"Derek scrubbed in on my surgery. My surgery, Meredith. I mean, who does he think.."

"You operate on brains now?" Meredith couldn't help but laugh at Cristina's pouting.

She made a good point. Cristina hated that. "No, but...I could." She insisted. "I mean, Owen was all ready to let me do some crazy stuff. Then your husband had to show up and get all chiefy on me.."

"I asked him to let you stay here with me." Meredith offered, knowing it was a lot better choice than letting her go on and on about how much Derek was ruining her career. "And you did, after all, get to do a solo surgery on his heart. So that should count for something, right?" She reminded her.

"You wanted me here? Away from my surgery?"

"Seriously?" Meredith made a face. "Here I am stuck on this couch trying..."

"Look...it isn't so bad." Cristina didn't want her to get all freaked out. She didn't want to upset her, even if it was just all playful joking. "It was sort of sad anyway. Pregnant lady...like...full-term. Got hit by a car. The baby's dead. She had some serious blood in her belly. Swelling on her brain too. Didn't really look like it was going to end well."

"Did you say Derek scrubbed in?" Meredith frowned.

"Yeah, that's why Hunt paged him...to take care of placing the shunt and relieving the intra-cranial pressure." Cristina looked a bit confused. "Why? Is something wrong? Do you need him? Because if you need him, I'll go get him."

"No, it's just that...he shouldn't be doing that."

"As long as the surgery doesn't go too long, he should be okay. I mean, it's been almost seven weeks since his surgery."

"No, it's not that." Meredith sighed. She really didn't want to get into it with her, but now she felt like she had no choice. "It's just that he's sort of, fragile right now. Bailey had him seeing that therapist lady...not the one I saw. The other one. Whatts, I think it is. And she wanted him to try to lay low for a little while. You should have seen him Cristina, when I was in the hospital. I've.."

"Wait..." Cristina hung on to her every word, staring at her with obvious surprise in her eyes. "Did you just say Derek was seeing a shrink?"

"A therapist, yeah. He's been messed up, Cristina, ever since the shooting. I just, don't think it's a good idea for him to be on this case."

"For what it's worth, he seemed okay to me when I was down there." She was still trying to wrap her mind around the fact that Derek Shepherd needed a therapist. Wow. That was definitely something she hadn't seen coming. _I guess one guy with a gun really can screw things up._


	6. Let my Heart Keep Beating

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Six **

Death is scary. It's painful, and tragic, and most of the time you aren't ready for it. It's something that hits you like a ton of bricks. It destroys you. When someone you love dies, there's nothing you can do to make it right. The days keep going, sure, but it's never the same again. You stop breathing, you stop living. When you lose someone you love, it's like losing a part of yourself. We, as humans, thrive on connection. When a connection is snuffed out, we break. We forget how to keep going. We forget what life is all about. Death doesn't just kill one person. It kills us all.

"Chief Shepherd? Are you okay?" A teary-eyed April grabbed the string on his surgical gown, pulling the end of it to release the tie the scrub nurse had made earlier. Her voice was hesitant, shaky even.

"Is there a reason you have to be at my feet every second, Dr. Kepner?!" He hadn't meant to snap at her.

But he did. He did snap at her. "I...I'm sorry. I just...I thought..."

"You thought what?! Is there something that you need? Something that you need to say, right now?!" Despite how hard he tried, there just wasn't any way he could get the picture of that innocent child out of his mind. Gone, dead. Stillborn. A perfect little life, taken before he even had a chance to breathe his first breath. The husband of that woman, now fighting for her life, had refused to see his dead son. He'd made it perfectly clear that he didn't even want pictures. Is that what he would do, if the situation was... _stop it. That woman, she's not Meredith. Meredith is safe. Your baby is safe. So stop it. _But that wasn't the point. A child was gone. A woman was barely hanging on to the edge between life and death. A family's future was hanging in the balance. He thought about his wife, and their baby. What if something had happened to Meredith? What if something did happen to her?

"...I'm sorry." April's words were quick, tears sliding down her cheeks. "I...Chief Shepherd?"

She had planned on just going. That was the plan, to walk away, until she saw him wince as he pulled off his surgical gown. Something was wrong. He wasn't supposed to be doing surgery anyway. She knew that. He knew that. They all knew that. Heck, his doctor had barely cleared him to drive, much less stand on his feet for hours on end.

"Dr. Kepner..." He exaggerated her name, taking in a deep breath as he tried to slow his racing heart rate. His chest hurt, hurt like hell. _You can drive now. Short periods only. No sex for another few weeks, no lifting anything over ten pounds. No surgery. No work. No standing in one place for more than fifteen minutes. Walk daily. Don't run. Don't overdo it. You could send your heart into shock. You need more time to heal. _He remembered his cardiologist's words from his appointment earlier that week. _But a woman is going to live. She's going to live, to mourn the loss of her baby. That perfect, innocent, dead baby._ His hands were shaking, and he closed his eyes for a moment.

"You look...you don't look...chief Shepherd?"

Owen saved her by entering the room after getting the patient settled in recovery, "You okay?" He frowned after taking one look at his friend, pulling his surgical cap off. "Maybe you should sit down."

"I'm fine." Derek refused to let people think of him as some sort of invalid. The solution was simple. His patient was in recovery. He had time, time to go back to his office and rest with Meredith. He'd use the excuse that he was staying to monitor his patient. It would give him enough time to rest, to get his heart to stop acting as if he were trying to run some sort of marathon. And he could check on her, and, maybe try to convince himself that everything really was okay. Only, it wasn't. It wasn't okay. Nothing was okay. And on top of Meredith being fragile and her pregnancy being on the line, he couldn't sleep. Memories of the shooting plagued him. The absence of murdered staff members haunted him. And now it was his heart. The pain was back, his heart was pounding, and dizziness was causing him to use the edge of the sink for support. So no, it wasn't okay.

"No offense, Derek, but.."

"Doctor Hunt.." He emphasized his name in the same way he had April's. "I don't..." His words were interrupted as his pager went off. "Meredith.." He frowned, hands still a bit shaky as he slid his pager back onto his pocket. "I have to go." Without another word, he was gone.

*****{break}*****

"You came," Meredith smiled when he came into the office, though her look was soon replaced with one of concern. Had he always breathed like that? Had his chest always looked like it was desperate to get more air? She didn't remember him gasping like that when he breathed. But that was because he didn't. Derek had always been a great breather. He breathed just fine. "What's wrong?"

"I could ask you the same thing.." He was still worried, scared. She had paged him, right? He hadn't imagined that. Now if he could just figure out how to take a deep breath, and slow things down. _Don't do this, not in front of her. You're freaking her out._

"Sit down." It wasn't a request. She sat up, pulling her knees to her chest as she cuddled up on the couch with the blanket pulled around her. "Derek..." A deep frown crossed her lips.

"I'm fine. Meredith...Mer..." He sat down next to her, not about to argue. Even if he could just get the burning, the gnawing in his chest to stop, that would be a start. "You paged me."

"I timed your surgery. Figured you would be out by now. I just, Cristina just left, and I wanted to make sure you were okay." She watched him with concern. Obviously, he wasn't.

"So, you're okay?" He managed a sigh of relief, looking at her closely just to be sure.

"I was, until I saw you. Derek..." Tears were filling her eyes. "Breathe...please. You're scaring me."

"I'm breathing, Mer." He assured her, lowering his head as he tried to relax some. He was grateful when she began to rub his back. "Just need to sit down for a minute."

"You've been doing too much. Too much too fast." She reached for the phone. "I'm going to page Bailey."

"No.." His head shot up and he reached for her hand, though the look in his eyes told her all she needed to know. He was hurting, and she could even tell that he was scared.

"Derek.." Meredith ran her hand through the back of his hair. "You aren't okay. How long have you been like this?"

"It just started. I mean..." He sighed. She was going to cry, because of him. He couldn't let that happen. "Don't cry, Meredith..." Gently, he brushed the tears away from her cheeks. Even if he hated it, Derek Shepherd knew he needed to be honest with his wife. "It's been hurting some, since I carried you. And by the time I was done with the surgery, I don't know.." Again, another sigh. "My heart is racing, chest feels like it's on fire, and I just can't seem to slow things down."

"Okay...it's okay.." She pulled what little inner strength she had left to the surface, laying her hand on his cheek. "Please, let me page Bailey. She'll know what to do."

Derek had just started to agree with her when his pager went off. Sighing, he glanced at it. Dead. His patient was gone. She had coded on his way up there. There hadn't been anything Hunt or any of the rest of the team there could do to bring her back. It was the last straw, for a man who was hanging on by a thread. "I don't need Bailey, Meredith!" There it was again, the yelling. He jerked away from her, throwing his arm across his desk as he stood, sending the stacks of paperwork flying into twenty different directions. "I just need for this to stop!"

Now she was crying, tears falling quickly down her cheeks. "I'm sorry.." There was nothing left for her to say as she crumbled into a mess of sobs, burying her head on the armrest of the sofa.

Geez, he really could be a jerk lately. "Meredith..." Derek sighed and knelt down in front of her, steadying the spinning room by resting both hands on the couch. What was left of the food he'd had earlier in the day was threatening to spew from his mouth, but he forced it back down. He would not get sick, not here. Not now. "I'm sorry. Mer...so sorry..." He ended up laying there with her, holding her in his arms with her head on his chest. "Please, don't cry."

"Something's wrong with you." She finally managed to say, wiping the last of the tears from her eyes. "Please, let me page Dr. Bailey."

"She'll just yell." Derek said quietly. "I'll go downstairs, to the Emergency Department. There will be someone down there that can prove to you I'm okay. Just a little stressed."

"You have no color to your face, shaky hands, edgy temper, fear in your eyes, you're admitting to me that you're in a lot of pain and having trouble breathing, you're obviously dizzy...that doesn't sound fine to me." A few stray tears lingered in her eyes, sliding slowly down her cheeks. "And walking to the.."

Their conversation was interrupted by the insistence from his body that the food no longer stay put. He grabbed the trashcan just in time to vomit into the bottom of it, groaning as he did so. And then came the gasps for air, one hand clutching his chest. "Maybe you should page someone.."

That wasn't a good sign. It was never a good sign, when he admitted that he needed help. Still, Meredith didn't hesitate. In fact, she was the one that got off the couch and made sure he laid down across it, holding his hand as she dialed the extension to the emergency department. "Hold on, Derek. Someone's coming. They're on their way." She was frantic with worry, but tried to hold it together, for his sake.

Derek's mind was on only two things; the woman and unborn child that had lost their lives, and the fear that he might be headed for the same fate. He held tightly to Meredith's hand, praying that she was right, that this was just a result of him pushing his body past the limits of where he was in his recovery process. Memories of the shooting came flooding back, he opened his eyes to look at her. If he looked at her, he saw Mr. Clark's face less.

****{break}*****

"I want to be with him!" Meredith fought hard against Bailey's hold, screaming as tears fell down her cheeks. "I have to be with Derek! I have to go with him! Please!"

"Meredith...Meredith!" Dr. Bailey stepped in front of her, putting her hands on her shoulders. "Look at me...LOOK at me!" She frowned. "Derek is in good hands. Do you hear me?" She was firm, not yelling, but firm. "He's being taken care of. They are taking care of him. This is not like when he got shot. It's not the same. This is okay. He's okay. And he would want you to do the same. And if he comes up here and you're standing here, freaking out, he's going to kill me. That man will kill me. And I'm not about having Dr. Shepherd freak out on me right now. So you...you will rest. You will sit down, and rest."

"...Please, doctor Bailey..." Despite her protesting, Meredith sunk down into the couch. In fact, she sort of collapsed onto the couch. "..He has to be okay. He has to be."

"He'll be fine. That man, he's more stubborn than any man I've ever know. Infuriating, even. But trust me, he'll be fine." Miranda sat down next to her, determined to keep an eye on the chief's wife.

"He'll be fine.." Meredith repeated, nodding.

"What do we have?" Dr. Webber watched the EKG monitors that were keeping track of the man that had taken his job.

"Supraventricular tachycardia." Dr. Hunt looked over at Richard.

"Might I asked how you ended up on this case? Trauma surgeon and tachycardia?"

"Used a little authority." Owen admitted, turning up the flow of the oxygen mask that kept Derek's desperate gasps for air muffled. This was one of their own. He wasn't about to let some general doctor take over. This was something he could take care of. "Another deep breath, Derek. And hold it. As long as you can." He glanced at Dr. Webber once he was sure the patient was following his directions. "We're running out of time here. He can't go much longer like this."

Derek tried. He tried to hold the breath he took in, but it hurt. His chest hurt, and already felt like he wasn't getting enough air, his hands gripping the rails of the bed.

"Adenosine, now." Richard looked at the nurse who was standing nearby. "Now!" He raised his voice a bit when she hesitated.

"Yes sir." She frowned and quickly left, going to the drug cart to grab the vial she needed. Within seconds, she was back, putting it into his hands.

"Alright, Derek. Just relax. Close your eyes and relax. You may feel worse for a minute here before you feel better." Dr. Webber wasn't really keen on the idea of using such a high-potency cardiac drug, but he knew they were running out of options.

Derek almost shot up off the bed as the medicine raced through his veins and to his heart. And he'd thought he was hurting before. Wrong. The gasp he drew in was almost painful just to watch, and his widened eyes showed just how scared he was.

"Easy.." Owen frowned, laying a hand on his chest to keep him still. "Deep breaths." There was a tense moment of silence in the room. He looked at the monitor. "Normal sinus." There was a sigh of relief as Derek's heart rate dropped back down into a normal range.

Relief spread through everyone in the room. It had been a tense couple of moments, and it was always amazing to see just how far modern medicine had brought them. One minute a man's life was hanging in the balance, and the next he was functioning just like the people on the other side of that gurney. It really was incredible.

"I think it's safe to say you're done working for a while. You need to be resting just as much as Meredith does. Otherwise you're going to end up admitted." Richard found himself lecturing almost the moment he was sure Derek was going to be okay.

"Okay." Derek wasn't about to argue with that. Richard was right. He knew that. And so there was only one logical thing that he knew how to do. When the shock had worn off enough and he was able to talk without feeling as if he was suffocating, he looked at the man who had been in charge for so long. "Can you hold things together here, while I'm gone?"

"What?" Richard looked surprised, shocked even.

"Someone has to be chief. I don't know how long I'll be gone. It could be a few weeks. And someone has to be in charge. You're the right man for this, Richard. You know this hospital."

"Derek..." He wasn't quite sure what to say, caught completely off-guard by the request.

"Just say yes, Dr. Webber. Say yes. It's just for a few weeks."

"Okay, alright." Richard smiled. "I'll do it."

*****{break}*****

"You scared me to death. You know that, right? And you can't do that. You can't keep hovering over me while you just do whatever you want. You can't keep making yourself sick and not caring. Because we're married. We're married and you have to pay attention to you. Not just to me. Because I need you." Meredith made a face at Derek as they sat on the couch together that evening after getting home. It had been a long day, for both of them, and neither one had really wanted to deal with the stairs that led to their bedroom. So, they snuggled there in the living room, Meredith resting in his arms.

"From now on, I'm going to make sure that we're both taken care of." He assured her, planting a soft kiss on her forehead. "You and this baby, the two of you, mean everything to me. I intend to stick around. So yes, the answer is yes. I'm going to take better care of myself."

"Okay," Meredith smiled, yawning a bit. She glanced at the clock, then closed her eyes. "I hope this baby is a girl. Can't deal with another stubborn Shepherd boy around here."

Derek laughed, running his fingers through her hair. "A girl would be nice, especially if she turns out to be anything like you." The incident earlier in the day had left him reeling, and he was just starting to come down off of the shock of ending up a patient in the emergency room. It just wasn't worth it. Surgeries and work, Seattle Grace, wasn't worth putting his life on the line. And it wasn't worth putting Meredith in a situation where she just worried. This was his life now. His family was most important. He knew that all too well after watching that woman and her baby die. He couldn't think about that though, not now. For now, he just wanted to sleep. He wanted to drift of there with his wife in his arms, and enjoy the time he was able to spend with her. "How are you feeling?" He asked gently.

Meredith still hadn't brought up the patient to him. She knew he would come to her and discuss it when he was ready, and as easily broken as he had been lately, she knew now wasn't the time. "I'm a lot better. Actually feeling sort of normal now. "

"Good," He smiled, shifting a bit so he could look down on her face. "I love you, Meredith Shepherd."

A genuine smile spread across her face. "I love you too, Derek Shepherd." She kissed him before resting her head where it had been before. "We should get some sleep." Her voice was softer. "It's been a long day."

"It has." Derek agreed, closing his eyes. But sleep would not come.

**Reviews are so appreciated!**


	7. Today Lets Be Okay

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Seven**

At night, when the sun goes down and the lights are turned out, we sleep. It's part of our natural cycle as human beings. There's just a part of us that needs that. We weren't made for perpetual motion. In fact, a lot of us sleep during the day too. Babies do. Kids do. They take naps, the naps we as adults can't have. The naps we wish we could. Our bodies can only take so much. They can only go so far before we have to recharge. Some of us try to push the limits. Some of us try to break the records, but at the end of the day, the bottom line is that we have to rest. We have to sleep at some point. Surgeons forget that. Surgeons forget that there even is such a thing as sleep. On-call shifts can often be ones that are worked straight through with no break, and surgeries can happen at four in the morning. It's the nature of the job. The thing is, surgeons aren't superheroes. Surgeons have to sleep too. They sleep less, but they do sleep. And when things happen in our lives, we often need more sleep, more sleep than we're used to. Sometimes we need more sleep than we want, but the bottom line is, we need it. Sleep is a good thing. It can be a bad thing, sure, but hey...anything in excess is bad, right? So all in all, sleep is good. It's the times that we can't sleep, the times that our body is screaming at us to just stop but we can't manage to flip the switch, that the problem occurs.

"Morning..." It was the sun blinding her through the huge bay windows in the living room that woke Meredith the next morning, and she instantly began to regret not getting around to putting curtains on them. _I'm going to have to fix that. _ She turned her head, shifting her body so the sun reflected on her hair instead of the eyes that were searching for an expression on her husband's face.

"Morning." He'd been awake for a while. Actually, he'd never slept. Not really. I mean, not unless you counted thirty-second intervals of shut-eye.

She yawned, quickly shutting her eyes again as she squirmed a bit more before getting comfortable. "Sorry." She mumbled when she heard him grunt a bit.

Derek simply laughed. "No big deal. I love being a human bean-bag. I mean, just go right ahead and.."

"Very funny.." Meredith opened her eyes, finally glancing at the clock that was sitting on a nearby chair. She needed to hang that too. So many things still weren't done. Being off work was giving her time to figure that out. There was no telling how many other things she would notice if given enough time at home. _6:32. Too early. Go back to sleep._

"I thought so," Derek smiled and kissed the top of her head, running his hand gently over her back. He'd spent the better portion of the night watching her sleep, trying to force himself to imagine their future together. Instead, he'd thought more about their past. His thoughts had been on the shooting, the scare with the baby, the hell he'd gone through yesterday.

"How'd you sleep?" She kept her eyes open long enough to wait for his reply. She was comfortable, in his arms. Meredith felt safe with him. So despite the couch being a little cramped, she had slept soundly in the hold of her husband.

"Like a baby," What good could come out of telling her the truth?

"Good," She closed her eyes again, only to groan seconds later. She shifted her weight, pushing herself up until she was sitting.

There was a look of concern on his face, "What is it? What's wrong?"

"Need to pee," Meredith made a face, slowly getting up. "Need to pee...and still trying to sleep."

Derek chuckled, "Can't argue with a full bladder." He wasn't going to be the problem, not anymore. Things were already hard enough on her as it was, and he was determined not to drag Meredith down anymore than he already had. His issues were his issues. He could deal with them on his own. On his own, and in therapy. When he had the time. For now, though, he was going to be her husband again..the same husband that had always been her rock. His pain, his fear, that could wait.

"I guess not.." She walked straight to the bathroom, glancing toward the kitchen as she did, "This house is too big," She mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear.

"Somebody's grouchy. And it's funny that you would mention that, because I was going to say not big enough," He teased.

"You have to walk a mile just to get from the couch to the refrigerator. We should have thought about that, you know. I mean, what if we're watching a movie and we want some popcorn? You can't just hop over the couch and throw some into the microwave. You have to do the whole pause button and three hour tour just to have a snack." She left the door open while she peed, enjoying giving him a bit of a hard time. Meredith hadn't forgotten, either, about everything going on. It was haunting her just as much as it was him, but she was just trying to have a good day. Maybe if she could have one good day, she figured, she could have one more good day. Then another, and another. One day at a time.

Now he was laughing. It was a good, hearty laugh. One that was actually a bit foreign to him. "We could always have a snack bar, if that's what you're worried about. I wouldn't want you to go hungry."

"Actually, that's not a bad idea. We could put it in the middle of the banquet hall we call our living room," She walked toward the kitchen when she realized he wasn't watching her.

"Freeze.."

_Crap. _Meredith turned to face him, "Yeah?"

Derek just shook his head, "Bedrest means no kitchen privileges. You know that. Off your feet." He got up, walking over to where she was. "You promised, Mer, that you were going to do as Addison said."

"I was just going to.."

"I'll get it for you." He slid one arm around her waist, smiling as he looked down at her. "Lets make sure we keep this baby where it's supposed to be, okay?" His free hand was laying on her belly.

How was she supposed to argue with him when he was being all loving and concerned? "Alright.." She smiled. "I'll go sit down."

"Upstairs, in bed. I'll be up there in a few minutes. What sounds good?" He kissed her before going into the kitchen to start breakfast.

"You're supposed to be resting too, you know. So..I could say the.."

"Meredith..." Derek shook his head. "Don't make me send you to time out. I'm coming as soon as I finish your breakfast."

"Time out? Who says that?" She laughed and walked toward the stairs. "Toast is fine. And milk. Oh! And peanut butter...with regular butter too. The spray kind. I don't like the real stuff."

"At least I know you're still the same opinionated woman I married." He chuckled and got down a plate. "And it was Bailey. Bailey told me I was going to have to go to time out."

"Somebody should remind her that time out is for children." Meredith smiled, heading up the stairs to their room. She took them slowly, remembering Addison's direct orders not to be out of bed except to pee, for ten minute showers, and definitely not to climb stairs. Even though she was tempted to dig through her closet until she found her favorite old pair of navy scrub pants and her hot pink tank, she went straight to their bed and crawled under the covers. It was going to be a long three weeks.

"Somebody should," Derek laughed as he started on making her toast, deciding to add a few slices of bacon to her plate as well before he poured her a glass of milk. Toast just didn't seem like enough for her. She was, after all, trying to grow a baby. For himself, he simply grabbed a banana and made some oatmeal before heading up the stairs. "Thank God for these little trays that Lexie gave us. I know you said we'd never use them, but they work well for people banished to bed for weeks on end." He teased as he walked into their room, putting the black tray of food down on the bed next to Meredith.

"At least we can tell her we put it to good use." Meredith grabbed her plate, but the playful smile was gone in an instant. "Derek.." She groaned at the rush of nausea that swept over her. There wasn't time to get to the bathroom, so the trashcan was the only option she had. Dry heaves and some leftover water. She frowned at the clear stomach contents that ended up in the bottom of the bag.

"The food?" Derek frowned, quickly moving the tray off the bed and onto his bedside table. The plate went with it. "I'm sorry.." He climbed onto the bed, gently holding back her hair for her just in case. Usually it was a two-part routine.

And it was a good thing, too, because the vomiting came again before she could answer him, "Stupid bacon.." She finally mumbled, leaning back into his arms when she was sure she was done puking everywhere.

"That's my fault. I'm sorry. I just thought you would be hungry if you just had toast." He sighed, running his hands down her arms. "Do you at least feel a little better?"

"Yeah. But, can you get that out of here? Otherwise.." She made a face, moving out of his arms in hopes that he would do it sooner rather than later.

"I'll be right back." Derek grabbed the bacon from the plate and left the room before deciding just to eat it himself. It wasn't something he usually had, but he figured it was better to eat it than to let it go to waste. Besides, the thought of climbing the stairs as exhausted as he was just wasn't worth saving his arteries. "I really am sorry about that.."

Meredith couldn't help but grin when he came back in the room. "You ate it, didn't you? I mean, unless you just tossed it into the other room, I'm assuming you ate it. Because you were gone all of...three seconds. And I'm proud of you, by the way. I mean, that's such an accomplishment...you eating bacon."

"I ate it." He smiled and was just about to get back into the bed with her when he remembered the trashcan. Crap. There was just no way to avoid making that trip downstairs. _Should have just held onto that bacon._ "Are you sure you're feeling okay now?" Instead of tying the bag off there and risking it leaking, he took the whole trashcan with him.

"I'm sure." Meredith settled back against the pillows, sitting up as she took a bite of her toast. It was definitely nice to have him there, able to take care of her some. Still, she was fully prepared to insist that he rest with her once he got back from throwing the garbage bag away.

"I hope you're done with that for the day," Derek had made sure to put a new bag in the trashcan before bringing it back upstairs. "Because honestly, I think I'm too lazy to keep walking the nine miles to take it outside." He grinned, playfully teasing right back with her about the jokes she made earlier.

"See? That's my point. It's too big, and there's no elevator. So many problems with this place." Meredith's words were playful. "Derek?" She put on her best pouty face.

"What is it that you need?" He laughed, shaking his head. "My poor stomach is going to have to digest cold oatmeal." It was worth it to him, though. Anything for her.

"Oh.." She frowned, the teasing disappearing as she realized he was right. "Nothing, it can wait."

"I was just joking, Mer. What is it you need? I'll get it."

"No.." She shook her head. "I want you to eat."

"I'm not eating until you tell me what it is." Derek suddenly became very stubborn. "I happen to like cold oatmeal, as a matter-of-fact."

"Yeah right," She actually rolled her eyes a bit, but gave up with battle. She wouldn't win. It was impossible to win when he got like this. That much she knew. "My navy scrub pants. You know...the ones that are all messed up on the bottom? And that pink tank-top I had on the other night."

"I could get you some new ones, you know." Derek felt a sense of accomplishment when he finally found her pants buried at the bottom of a stack of clothes on the floor of their walk-in closet. "I mean, it's a good thing that people don't see these. Otherwise they'd wonder if I lost my job or something." He handed them over to her, along with the top.

"I like them," Meredith made a face. "For your information, they are very comfortable.."

"And...ruined."

"Not ruined." She argued. "Worn in. Loved."

Derek laughed. "If you say so." He held onto her plate for her while she changed, his eyes glued to the curves on her body. She really was beautiful. Stunning.

"What?" Meredith gave him a curious glance when she caught him watching her.

"What do you mean, what?" Derek made a face. "I can't watch my wife change? Is there some rule now, that I can't see you naked? Because I don't ever remember agreeing to that."

Meredith laughed, pulling her tank-top over her head. She carefully stretched it down over her belly which was just starting to show the start of a tiny little baby bump, proof that there really was a perfect little life growing inside of her. "Didn't say there were any rules." She climbed back into bed and kissed him as she took the plate from him. "Will you eat now?"

"Yes, I will eat now." Derek grabbed his bowl, taking a bite of his oatmeal.

Now she was laughing so hard that her insides hurt, her arm wrapped around her stomach. "Your face.."

He raised his eyebrows, chuckling a bit as he looked at her, forcing down the bite of ice cold oatmeal. "I think those pregnancy hormones are making you a little loopy. What about my face?"

"The...hey I'm eating cold oatmeal and it's gross face..." She finally took a deep breath but only succeeded in laughing again.

"Here..why don't you try it." Derek put the spoon near her mouth.

"You wouldn't want to upset my stomach again, would you?" Meredith smiled and shook her head, putting the plate on the bedside table when she was done with her toast.

"You make a great point." He managed to choke down the rest of his oatmeal before quickly taking a bite of the banana. He was certain, in that moment, that a banana had never tasted so good.

"Thanks." Meredith smiled and rearranged her pillows before laying down next to him, on her side she she could still be face to face with him. "How are you feeling?"

"Isn't that my line?" He smiled, looking down at her.

"It would be, if you hadn't nearly given me a heart-attack yesterday." Meredith insisted on getting an answer out of him.

Derek understood. He understood her worry, her need to know that everything was okay. "I'm good, Mer. Really. I feel good today. I'm a little tired, but other than that I'm great."

"You should rest with me, then. We could take a nap. If it hadn't been for needing to pee, I for one would still be sleeping."

He laughed, nodding as he finished up the last bite of his banana, tossing the peel into the trash. "A nap sounds perfect. Especially here, with you."

"I can't remember the last time you and I were here doing this during daylight hours." Meredith admitted. She curled up next to him when he laid down, resting her head against his chest.

His arms slid around her. "You better get used to it. I'm not leaving anytime soon. I left Richard in charge for the next few weeks. Figured you needed someone around here.."

"And you need rest." Meredith interrupted. She smiled, when she realized the decision he'd made. "And for what it's worth, I think it was smart, to leave him in charge."

"Thanks." Derek rubbed her arms gently, planting a kiss on her head even though her hair was in the way.

Meredith was quiet for a moment as she laid there in his arms, "Derek?" She finally broke the silence just as his eyes closed, her voice soft.

"Yeah?" They opened almost immediately.

"Do you really think our baby is going to be okay?"

"I do." He answered her question quickly, and honestly.

"Do you think that I'll have to be on bedrest forever?"

"Are you worried about it?" There was a small frown that made its way to his face.

"I just hate the thought of laying here for months. I'll do it, I mean, if I have to. I just, don't really want to. And I guess I'm scared. I'm scared that something is still going to go wrong. I mean, I'm not completely out of the woods yet...right?"

"You're not." Derek admitted, knowing that there was no use avoiding what they both knew to be true. "But, Mer, you're doing really great. And it's a really good sign that you haven't had any more problems. I really do think everything is going to be okay. I don't want you worrying about that. Okay?"

"Okay.." She snuggled up closer to him, yawning.

"Why don't you think about some other things? Like what color you want to decorate the nursery, or...what you want to name the baby." He tried to find something that could distract her, something that would allow her to think of the baby in a positive light rather than in the fear she had that she was going to miscarry.

"You want to talk about names?" Meredith smiled, squeezing his hand as she laced her fingers in his.

"I do." Derek kissed her head again, holding her against his body. Even if it was just for a moment, everything seemed alright again. He, for one, was okay with that.


	8. Let Me Sleep

**Author's Note: The baby name scene in this chapter was not easy for me to write, and so I hope you enjoy it. This is just meant to serve as another simple, relaxing, fluffy update until the bottom falls out for Mer/Der again. There are a few more hints of sadness and struggle in this chapter than in the last, but I do that in an effort to make sure things continue to seem realistic and not just pieced together.**

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Eight**

Names are important. Everyone has one. Our name is the first thing we get, the first piece if identity we have. Our name comes before anything else in this life, and often times we end up growing into whatever it was our parents decided we should be called. If our name sounds like something some sort of pocket-protector, high-waisted pants, lover of science would be called, that's what we become. We become the nerd. If our name is strong and simple, something a jock would be called, then that's what we are. We take on the title as quarterback of the football team. Of course this doesn't always happen, but often it is the case. Names are the first things we share with strangers, unless of course you've knocked back one too many and skip straight to the bedroom scene. Otherwise, our names are the first impression someone new gets of us. The bottom line is, a name can build you up, or tear you down.

"For a boy? What do you like?" Meredith had her eyes shut and fingers laced with Derek's as she rested in bed with him. Neither one of them had slept yet, both of them focused on thinking of names for the baby that they were both so desperately praying would be okay. "How about Levi? Finn, Ian?" She rattled off her own list when he didn't answer right away.

He was just about to make a side comment about her thinking the baby was a boy, but instead Derek made a face. Was she serious? She couldn't be serious. "What about Brody? It's a solid name."

"No way. That name is too...reality television."

He couldn't help but laugh, "Okay then. What else?"

"Dylan?"

"Like a pickle? Because that's what it sounds like." It wasn't that he was trying to make things difficult, he just wasn't too keen on naming his son something that was going to screw him up for the rest of his life. "I don't want my son named after something you slice up and put on hamburgers."

Now she was laughing, opening her eyes to look at him, "Dylan isn't a pickle. You're just being too picky."

"We're not talking about a family pet, Meredith. We're talking about what to name our son."

"And what makes you so sure that this baby is a boy? I mean, you don't know..we could have a little girl." In the end, she beat him to the punch.

"You're the one that asked about boys names first," He reminded her. "Besides.." He yawned, fighting back the heaviness of his eyelids. They wanted to close so badly, but he knew it wouldn't change anything. He would still be plagued with the inability to sleep. "It wouldn't be so bad to have another one of me, right?"

"Better than having another one of me." Meredith smiled. She was so caught up in their conversation and the excitement of discussing names for their baby that she didn't notice his yawn. In fact, she didn't even notice that he was so sleep-deprived that his eyes had been glazed over since the night before. It wasn't that she wasn't paying attention. She just had a lot on her mind. Some good, but most not so good.

"That's absolutely not true." Derek argued with her. "You're extraordinary, Mer."

She couldn't help but smile, making no witty comeback. Her hand moved to rest over her abdomen. "Is there any name that particularly stands out to you?" It was his turn, she figured, to make suggestions.

"I don't think I've really given it much thought. I mean short of going down the list in this book.." He reached over her, grabbing her baby name book off of the bedside table. Luckily, the first page was one that listed the most popular names for the year before. "Here we go...Aiden, Ethan..." There were more, "Liam, Grayson, Jacob, Joshua.." His face scrunched up and he tossed the book aside. "I feel like we're trying too hard. Is it supposed to be this hard? Maybe we should just come back to it."

"Grayson." Meredith repeated the name back to him. "I like it."

"What?" He looked surprised, and actually a bit confused. "You like what? Grayson? The name? I wasn't really..I was just using it as an example. It wasn't.." Derek was caught off-guard.

"But I like it. I mean, it's unique. And it's cute. If this baby is a boy, I don't want him to have a name that is overused."

"So, Grayson? Our son?" Derek smiled, taking a moment to think about the way it sounded. He liked it, and most importantly, Meredith seemed to love it. "Is that really what you want?" He yawned a bit, but she didn't notice. Meredith was still too caught up in the moment to see the sheer exhaustion in his eyes.

"I think it's perfect. We could name him Grayson Derek Shepherd."

"I didn't realize we were throwing my name into the mix. If we use my name, that means we're.."

"No way." Meredith interrupted. "I'm not interested in having any baby named after me."

"You're a great person to be named after. Extraordinary, remember?" Derek argued, allowing his eyes to close for a moment.

Meredith made a face when she saw that his eyes were no longer open. "We're supposed to be discussing baby names, you know. Sleep can wait," If she had known that he was so sleep deprived she would have just zipped her own lips and let him drift off. There was just no way for her to know, though, that the man who was putting a smile on his face and had been laughing with her all morning was in desperate and severe need of sleep.

"I'm not sleeping." He assured her, opening his eyes. If it meant she was relaxed and happy, Derek would keep it from her forever. He wasn't about to tell her that he couldn't sleep, that he hadn't really slept in days, not if it was going to upset her. He knew it would just make her worry, and he didn't want to be the reason that she had any more stress added to her plate. "Grayson, for a boy." He recapped the previous conversation. "Which brings us to names for a girl."

She was smiling again, rubbing her stomach a bit without even really realizing that she was doing it, "How about Abbey? Or Mia?"

"Are we going with names that are unique? Because I think both of those are a little overused," He added a bit of a teasing female voice as he said it, purposefully poking fun at her reaction to liking the name Grayson.

Meredith rolled her eyes a little, but laughed. He really was charming, even when he was acting completely stupid. "Obviously you agree with me. Otherwise we wouldn't have settled on Grayson for a little boy. And if you're so smart, why don't you come up with something better."

Derek smiled and pulled her closer to him as he thought about it, deciding to take a break from the teasing for a moment. He was getting too tired to tease. Much too tired. "Brooklyn?" He finally suggested. "Or...Brynn?"

Surprisingly enough, Meredith's eyes perked up at his suggestions. "I think the name Brynn is really sweet," She admitted. "It would be perfect. We could name her Brynn...Elise Shepherd."

"And where exactly did Elise come from?" He tried to figure it out even after asking her. Was there some significance that? Was there something he was supposed to know_? Maybe she'll remind me._

_ "_I just thought it sounded pretty. Brynn Elise. It's pretty, right?"

"It's beautiful, Meredith. Perfect." Derek kissed her, keeping her held close to him. Even through his own pain and torment, both physical and mental, this was a good moment. It was nice, to hold her and to imagine the possibilities of what was to come. "Grayson, and Brynn."

"You can't tell anyone."

"Top secret?"

"Derek..." Meredith made a face, "I just don't want everyone knowing, okay? It isn't top secret, but we don't even know if we're having a girl or a boy. We don't even know if we're going to have a baby. I mean, things could go wrong. Something could happen. And you're making fun of me because I don't want to tell everyone."

Hormones. He explained away her sudden outburst with the decision that it was her pregnancy hormones that were making her mood suddenly take a sharp turn without warning. It wasn't the best scenario, but he wasn't about to make a big deal out of it. "We're going to have a baby. We are. This baby. Nothing's going to happen."

"Just, don't tell anyone. You can't tell anyone. Okay?"

"Okay," He allowed his eyes to close. "Lets just get some sleep, Mer. We could both use a nap."

She wasn't going to argue with that, too tired to really pick up on the fact that he was using the suggestion of a nap to get out of talking any more about it. "Derek?"

He sighed when she broke the silence a few minutes later. If he could just have a few minutes of sleep. Even twenty minutes would be great. "Is something wrong?"

"No, just...want to make sure you really do like the names." She looked at him.

"I do," He reassured her, kissing her head before shutting his eyes yet again.

"Me too," Meredith was satisfied with his answer, and luckily for him she didn't talk anymore. Within just a few minutes, she was sound asleep.

*****{break}*****

Despite it having been his suggestion to sleep, though, he wasn't so lucky. His closed eyes did little to block out the memories of the events of the past six weeks, and even when he told himself he wasn't going to think about it, he found himself reliving the fear of it all. If he could have grabbed what was on the bedside table and thrown it across the room out of frustration, he would have. The bottom line really was simple. If he didn't sleep soon, he was going to go crazy. He knew that.

Carefully, he removed his arm from around Meredith and slowly sat up, glancing at the clock. Even if he could sleep an hour, he would be thankful. There was no point though, he figured, in even giving it a second thought. For now he was stuck being awake, awake enough to have his mind completely filled and clouded with pain. It was the sound of the phone ringing that snapped him out of his trance.

"Hello?" He answered it quickly, hoping to avoid waking Meredith up.

"Derek, it's Addison." She noticed right away that the tone in his voice was different. Tired. He sounded tired. _Tired doesn't even begin to cover it. He sounds exhausted. "_I was just calling to check on Meredith."

"She's doing well. I've actually still got her following your discharge orders, if you can believe that."

"She really wants that baby," Addison reminded him. "I think she might have been honest when she promised that she would do anything to make sure the baby stays safe."

"We both want this baby," Derek sighed and yawned as he laid back down, noticing Meredith stirring at the sound of his voice. The last thing he needed was for her to catch him awake and start drilling him with a million different questions. He toyed with the idea of getting up and going to the other room to talk, but decided against it when he realized how heavy his limbs felt.

"I know you do," She tried to tiptoe around him, almost instantly picking up on the snappy edge to his tone. "Has she had any more problems with contractions, or any other symptoms that I need to know about? What about food? Has she been keeping things down for the most part?"

"There haven't been any more contractions, and she's still dealing with some morning sickness, but it's been pretty mild compared to how it was." Derek tried to answer the questions as honestly as he could, though he knew it would be better to let Meredith answer the questions on her own.

"That's good," Addison was both pleased and surprised. "I still have down on my calendar to come on the fifteenth, so plan on seeing me then. Meredith will be right at fifteen weeks, and I think that will be a good time to re-evaluate her being on bedrest, and make sure we're on the right track to have her carrying to term."

"I appreciate what you're doing for us." Derek didn't want to hang up without telling her that. He knew it was an unspoken understanding, but he didn't really care. Addison was really going out of her way for them, and he had more gratitude for that than he would ever be able to share with her. "From now on, though, can we just not talk about the possibility that this won't end well? Because it has to, Addison. It has to end well. You should see the way her eyes light up when she talks about this baby. If something were to happen, it would kill her."

Meredith pretended to be asleep, hanging on his every word. He was scared, she could hear that in his voice. And tired. _Why didn't I notice that before? _She felt terrible when she realized that it had taken silence on her part to realize that the man who was putting on such a brave front for her was just about as sleep-deprived as she had been when she was a surgical intern. Still, she said nothing. Not yet.

"Derek.." Addison sighed, choosing her words carefully. "I'm sorry." That, she figured, was a good start. "We're doing everything we can to give this baby the best chance at life. I have a good feeling. I just, don't want you to think that we're home free. Even if she is contraction free now, it wouldn't shock me.."

"Stop." Derek's voice was firm. "Just, stop. I'm tired, Addie. Really tired. I'm tired of hearing about how my wife could lose our baby. I'm tired of thinking about how I'm going to help her pick up the pieces if it happens.." He sighed, suddenly finding himself telling her things that he had no intention of saying. "I'm tired of laying awake all night reliving the moment when a man shot me, when a man took the lives of people in the hospital I was supposed to keep safe. I'm tired of being too weak to get back to my old life. I'm tired of the burning pain behind my ribs that comes from doing simple things, like going down the stairs to do something for my wife...who is stuck on bedrest. I'm tired of Meredith being sick. I'm just..." He sighed, getting frustrated when he realized everything he had just said to a woman who really had only called to check on her patient.

"You should sleep, Derek. You sound, exhausted." Addison knew he was a proud man, so she acted as if she didn't hear any of his confessions. He wouldn't want her to say anything about it. She knew that much. "Sleep will help you."

"It isn't that easy.." Derek sighed, his tone even more agitated than before. "Look, is there something you need? Because if not, I really need to go."

"There's nothing," Addison sighed. She knew better than to keep pushing. Nothing good could come of trying to force something out of him when he got like this. "If anything changes, call me." Without even a goodbye, she hung up the phone, contemplating calling Derek's mother. They needed someone else there, to ensure that both of them got the rest they needed. Derek wasn't in any shape to take care of Meredith. She realized that now.

"How long has it been since you've slept?" Meredith's voice broke the silence after Derek put the phone down on the bedside table. She looked over at him, her eyes catching his for a second before he looked away.

She'd heard everything. He hated that. He really hated that, especially considering he'd chosen that moment to have some sort of share-your-feelings time. "It hasn't been that long."

"Derek..." He was lying. She knew he was lying, for her. Her arm slid around his waist as she rolled onto her side. "You don't have to protect me. I'm a big girl. I can handle hearing the truth." Her fingers trailed over his chest, "Please, don't shut me out." That time her voice was a little softer.

"It's been a few days, Mer." Why did she have to be so insistent on everything? Her stubbornness had been a turn-on many times, but now it was just annoying him. "I try to sleep. I just..."

"Close your eyes," There was no use playing twenty questions. They both knew why he wasn't getting any sleep. "Close your eyes. I'll be right here." Carefully, she rested her head against the side of his chest, keeping her arm around him.

He did as she asked, though he doubted it was going to make a difference. It was sweet of her to try, though.

"I'll stay here with you, while you sleep." Meredith whispered. She was babying him a bit, but she didn't care. If this is what it took to get him to rest, she would do it a million times. Her fingers continued to gently run over his chest, and his arm. "You don't have to worry about me, Derek." She was still whispering. "This baby and I, are going to be just fine. And Seattle Grace is going to be fine. And you're going to be okay."

He couldn't help but smile. As much as he wanted to engage in the conversation she was having, he welcomed the opportunity to just lie there and rest. It was soothing, to have her next to him, talking so quietly about the hope she had that everything would work out.

"We're going to have a perfect little baby five months from now. And so you better get all the sleep you can now, because we'll both be about ready to jump off the cliff will all of the sleepless nights." Meredith hoped that she could distract him enough to get him to drift off. Otherwise, she was going to call the hospital and see if Dr. Wyatt could give him something. A sleeping pill. "But it will be worth it," She added. "Because our baby is going to be cute and cuddly, with a head full of hair."

"If not, I'll know you found someone else.." He mumbled, a playful grin spreading across his lips though he kept his eyes shut.

"No talking," Still, she laughed, snuggling up closer to him. "The baby will have hair. Lots of it," There was his reassurance, though she knew he was just joking. The next ten minutes were spent with her going on and on about how perfect their lives were going to be when they had another life to be responsible for. She talked continuously, and quietly.

It worked. Somehow, despite his insistence that it wasn't going to make any difference and that she was just wasting her time, it worked. Meredith's soothing tone and hopeful attitude had left Derek relaxed enough to finally fall into the sleep he needed.

"Sleep well," Meredith whispered when he was finally out. She stayed awake for a moment, watching his chest rise and fall just to be sure he wasn't going to wake up again. Being on bedrest didn't mean that she couldn't take care of her husband just as he was taking care of her. "I'm sorry, Derek.." Her voice was barely audible. "I'm sorry that this happened. You didn't deserve this. We didn't deserve this. Nobody does." Within a few short minutes she was sound asleep as well, resting peacefully in his arms.

****{break}******

It was the all too familiar sound of her spilling her stomach contents into their bathroom toilet that woke Derek up several hours later. _What time is it? _He glanced over to the clock, actually smiling when he saw the numbers. 11:31. He'd actually gotten a decent amount of sleep. "Meredith?" His attention quickly turned to her. _How long had she been up? How long had she been getting sick?" _The smile faded and he got up, walking to their bathroom.

"I'm okay," Meredith was just getting up from where she'd been kneeling on the floor, a miserable look on her face. "I'm surprised I even had anything left." She glanced over to him standing in the doorway, offering a small smile in hopes of reassuring him that she was fine.

It didn't work. He followed her over to the sink where she brushed her teeth, running his hand along her lower back. "How long have you been in here?"

"As long as it took to throw up a couple of times." She put her toothbrush back into the holder and turned so she was in his arms, laying her head on his chest. "I'm hungry.."

Derek laughed. How she could be hungry after vomiting, he'd never understand. But it was nothing new, and he was sure it would continue until this baby came. "What can I get you?"

"I'm sorry I woke you up," She added it as an afterthought, almost as if she'd forgotten he'd been asleep when she got out of bed.

He'd been just about to scoop her up into his arms in order to carry her back to bed when she stopped him. "Mer.." He sighed.

"I can walk." She looked up at him, standing on her toes so she could kiss him. "Really, it's okay." Her lips pulled away from his, and she began to walk back to their bedroom. "No lifting. Otherwise you're going to be on lockdown too."

"If I'm on lockdown, who will get you something to eat?" He countered, sitting down on the bed with her.

Meredith made a face, "You make an excellent point." She grinned after a moment. "I guess we'd have to hire someone. People do that, right? I mean, I'm sure there are people that would be like...a babysitter. For you."

"For me?" Derek laughed and shook his head. "You're the one that isn't allowed to leave the bed."

"Yeah, but you're the one that needs time out all the time." Meredith leaned against the headboard of their bed. "Can I have pizza?"

"Do you think it's going to actually.."

"I want it," Meredith knew what he was going to say, but the truth was, she didn't really care if she got sick after eating it or not. All she knew was that she had an intense craving for pizza, and she wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"Pizza Hut?" He was learning, quickly, not to argue with her cravings.

"Grayson wants Dominos."

It was already starting, the baby excuse. "So it's a boy, then?" Derek laughed and grabbed the phone. "I mean, you better hope so. Otherwise you're going to have a lot of explaining to do if that baby turns out to be a girl."

"Want to make a bet?"

"About the gender?"

"Yeah. I say boy. And if I'm right.."

"I'll do the dishes for the rest of your pregnancy."

"Things are looking up," Meredith laughed, looking down at her stomach. To them, it was noticeable that she was starting to get that little baby bump. To a perfect stranger, though, it probably wasn't so obvious. "Because I'm going to win."

"We'll see." He couldn't help but smile. "And if I win..if it's a Brynn and not a Grayson..."

"If it's a girl, I'll cook. Dinner. Every night."

Derek laughed, truly laughed. "Have you ever cooked before? Because, I think I'm already hoping this baby's name turns out to be Grayson."

She playfully slapped his arm, only to grin as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her. "I can cook. And...I can learn. Anyone can cook. You just, have to be able to read."

"I was just teasing, Mer." He smiled and kissed her again before dialing the number to Domino's. There was no reason to ask what she wanted. He already knew. "I need a medium cheese pizza, thin crust, no sauce...that's it."

She nudged him.

"Oh, and extra cheese." Derek smiled at her, then laughed.


	9. Pink or Blue?

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Nine**

Hope, by definition, is a 'desire accompanied by belief in fulfillment'. Hope is the stuff that keeps you hanging on, that convinces you good things are to come. Essentially, hope is the very thing that can get you out of bed in the morning or put a smile on your face even when every other day has turned out to be something other than what you expected. We, as people, we hope. We hope that the dreams we have will come true and that the sadness we fear won't. We hope that we're going to have it all. We hope that the people we love will be here to see it. Hope is one of those things that can pop up any time. It doesn't need an invitation, or a specific circumstance. We create hope, within us. That's why it's so easy to kill, and also why it's so easy to grow. Hope is the thing that living is made of.

"I'm nervous," Meredith shifted a bit on the exam table, turning her head so she could look over at Derek as she held onto his hand.

"Everything's going to be perfect, Mer."

"What if it isn't? What if we find out that something.."

Derek shook his head, "We're not going to. I don't want you worrying about that, okay? This is going to be good news."

"Okay."

After three weeks of bedrest, Meredith needed some good news. It had been pretty easy, at first, to avoid getting up. As time went on though, she found it completely frustrating that she wasn't allowed to do anything. There were only so many television shows and movies you could watch before you felt like you were going insane. It had helped to have Derek there taking care of her, but she knew that would end soon. At some point he had to get back to his job. He needed to start running his surgery department again. It did pose a problem there, as far as figuring out how she was going to take care of herself and stay in bed all day, but it was one that Derek insisted she not worry about.

"You look a lot better than the last time I saw you," Addison had a cheerful smile on her face when she walked into the room, putting down the stack of papers in her arms.

"Could have something to do with the fact that I'm not drugged up and scared out of my mind," Meredith smiled a bit. She was scared, really scared, but she tried not to think about it.

"I think that probably helps," Addison pulled a chair over, positioning herself so that she was next to the bed and the ultrasound machine. "How have you been feeling?"

"Pretty good, for the most part. I haven't been getting sick as often, so that's a plus."

Addison nodded, "This is usually the time that most women notice their morning sickness sort of just disappears. There's always a chance you could still deal with some of it, but I hope not." She glanced over to Derek, surprised at how quiet he was being. "Are you back at work, or are you still able to stay home and help her out some?"

"My plan is to go back to work tomorrow." Derek hated the thought of leaving Meredith home all day, but he knew at this point he didn't have a choice. It was time for him to get back in the hospital, and he hoped to hear that she could follow soon.

"Do you have anyone that can stay at the house and help you out?" Addison wasn't surprised that he was going back to work, but she wanted to be sure that her patient was going to be taken care of.

"I think we were hoping that maybe I wouldn't have to be home much longer," Meredith glanced over to Derek for clarification.

Derek nodded, "If you want her to stay on bedrest, though," He squeezed Meredith's hand a bit then turned his attention to Addison, "I was thinking of having my mom come down and stay for a while."

Addison nodded, happy that they had at least discussed what their plan was going to be. "I can't really say for sure what my recommendation will be until after we do this ultrasound and I examine you. My guess would be, though, that you may end up in bed until you deliver."

Meredith said nothing. The shock of Addison's words left her unable to even sort through her thoughts. Did she have any idea how long that was? Her due date was another 25 weeks away. She wasn't sure she could do that. It just seemed like too much, way too much.

Derek sighed. He knew better than to say anything, though. There was no use arguing with Addison, especially considering that she knew best. If she thought Meredith needed to be in bed in order to keep their baby healthy, he wasn't going to object. Still, he knew it upset his wife, and he gently brushed his thumb across her hand.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, though, okay?" Addison noticed the look on Meredith's face, and tried to give her a bit of reassurance. "Right now I want to take a look at your baby." She smiled.

Meredith managed to force a small smile to her face as she slid her shirt up, sort of tucking it underneath her bra so it wasn't in the way.

"If you can unbutton your pants and sort of wiggle them down just a tad, that would be great too," Addison picked up the wand of the ultrasound machine.

"Okay," Meredith did as she asked, scrunching up her face a bit at how cold the gel was on her bare stomach. Her expression instantly changed though, when she saw the image of her baby on the screen.

There was only a split second for Meredith and Derek to stare at the screen in awe, though, because Addison almost instantly turned it a bit so it was facing her. Then there was silence, silence that seemed like it lasted years, as the red-headed doctor studied the screen carefully.

"Addison?" Derek frowned, glancing at Meredith. He noticed right away the look of fear in her eyes. She was scared. He didn't want her to be scared. This was supposed to be a happy time.

"Is something wrong? Meredith found her voice after a moment.

"Mer.." He tried to soothe her, and himself, as he started to worry as well.

Addison glanced over to them both, suddenly realize just how easily freaked out they both were. It was understandable, though, after all they had been through. "Sorry. I was just trying to get a better look at what's going on," She smiled, quickly easing their fear. "Here, I'll let you have a look." In an instant, she had the screen turned back toward them. "Nothing's wrong. I was just having trouble seeing from this angle."

Derek felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest, though he half glared at his ex-wife. "Next time you should warn us."

Meredith quickly wiped away a tear that had managed to slide down her cheek despite her desperate attempt to hold them back. "So it's okay then? The baby is okay?"

"The baby is great," Addison smiled at her sympathetically, glancing at Derek. She knew there was no use apologizing. He was already upset. He was protective, overprotective, of his wife and that baby.

"Don't cry, Mer." Derek reached over and wiped another tear away for her before running his hand gently over her hair. "It's okay. Everything's okay." He sighed, wishing more than anything that he could strangle Addison Montgomery, even if it was just for a second. Didn't she realize what she'd done?

"I know. I'm just..." Meredith glanced over at him for a second before looking back to the screen. "You're sure that the baby is okay?"

"The baby looks perfect, Meredith." Addison assured her again, turning up the volume on the machine. A quick little _woosh, woosh _sound could instantly be heard.

"Is that the heartbeat?" Meredith's eyes lit up a bit, and a genuine smile spread across her face.

Addison couldn't help but smile right along with both of them, "That's it. 145 beats, which is perfect for the gestational age." She listened to it for a moment, more from a clinical viewpoint than anything else. The last thing she wanted was to miss something important. "Looks like your baby has a strong heart, which is the best we can ask for at this stage in your pregnancy, especially considering all that has gone on." She finally turned the sound off so she could focus a bit more on the rest of the scan.

"145 beats per minute.." Meredith was still in awe, and she looked over to Derek who had a goofy little grin on his face. He was happy, and it caused her own heart to skip a beat. It had been so long since she'd seen him that happy, and she wanted to hold onto that moment forever.

Derek leaned over and kissed her softly, keeping it brief so he could avoid any comments from Addison. "145." He repeated, whispering against Meredith's face. "This baby is going to be perfect." As far as he was concerned, there was no going back after this. They had both seen their baby, they had heard their baby's heartbeat. If something happened now, the devastation would be enough to kill him, and he knew Meredith would be shattered.

Addison took a few minutes to point out all of the cute little structures of the baby, from its head down to its feet. Her lengthy ultrasound served two purposes. It allowed her to check for any abnormalities with the baby and the pregnancy, and also allowed her to show two proud parents just how perfect their little 15-week fetus was. "Do you want to know the gender? The baby's in a perfect position for me to see." She glanced over to them as she was just about to finish up.

"We do. Right?" Meredith looked to Derek just to make sure he hadn't changed his mind.

Derek smiled and nodded, "We do."

"Oh!" Meredith quickly interrupted just as Addison was about to say something. "Lets up the wager, though." She grinned and looked back at her husband again. "If it's a boy, you do both. The dishes and the cooking. If it's a girl, I'll do both..assuming I'm allowed to."

"That hardly seems fair," Derek laughed, but agreed with her anyway. "You have yourself a deal, because you're going to lose anyway."

"Don't be so sure." Meredith turned her attention back to Addison who was simply looking at them both with an amused smile.

"Such pressure. I hate to be the one that bears the bad news of dishes and cooking," She laughed a bit, shifting the ultrasound wand just a bit before she pointed to the screen. "Luckily your baby is cooperating. A lot of them like to scrunch up into a little ball and then there's no hope. And lucky for you, this machine is awesome, and I happen to be quite good at what I do. Because you're still a little early." She paused. "But that right there, is proof that you're having a little boy."

"You're sure?" Meredith was too caught up staring at the little speck on the screen to notice that Derek was quickly wiping away tears that were falling down his cheeks.

The intense happiness that had suddenly come over him was unmistakable as a huge smile spread to his face. A boy. It was a boy. He was going to have a son. He hadn't imagined, before, how it would feel to know that he was going to have a son. It was something beyond anything else he had ever felt before. He started to say something but instead worked on getting rid of the tears that were still falling. They were having a boy, a healthy baby boy.

"I'm positive," Addison put the wand down, wiping away what was left of the gel on Meredith's stomach. It was then that she saw Derek out of the corner of her eye. Seeing him so happy, seeing him cry like that was almost enough to bring tears to her own eyes.

"We're having a boy." Meredith smiled and looked over at Derek, actually laughing a bit when she saw that he was crying. "Don't do that. You're going to make me cry. And then my make-up will be all over the place." She reached a hand up and wiped a few tears away. It was an incredible thing, to see her husband so happy over the news of having a son.

"Sorry," Derek leaned down and kissed her, looking into her eyes for a moment as he took it all in. After all that they had been through, after all the fear that they were going to lose this baby, there was finally some good news. "Looks like we have a Grayson." He smiled.

Meredith laughed, "Looks like."

"Is that the name you picked out?" Addison got up from where she'd been sitting. "Grayson?"

"It was Derek's idea."

"I read it out of some name book she bought."

"It's a cute name." Addison smiled, handing Derek some pictures she'd printed out during the ultrasound. She spent the next few minutes asking Meredith a couple more questions and finally doing a thorough exam just to make sure things were as good as they looked.

"So, what's the verdict?" Meredith had just finished getting dressed and was pulling her shirt on when Addison came back in the room after leaving to allow her some privacy to change out of the gown.

"It looks like you've decided to behave, for now." Addison took a seat again. She'd taken a few minutes to go over all of the information she had and even to talk to another doctor before coming to a conclusion over her recommendation to Meredith.

"Does that mean I'm still stuck at home?"

"Actually, it means that I'm going to take a chance here and take you off of bedrest."

"By doing that, what are the chances that she's going to start contracting again?" Derek's question came quickly. No matter how much he wanted Meredith to be able to live her life again, he didn't want that at the expense of losing their son.

"I wouldn't take her off of bedrest if I thought it would cause her to start having contractions. Her cervix is still the same as it was when I saw her a month ago. If it had changed any, we'd be having a different conversation."

"I just don't want her to start doing things again and then end up having a miscarriage." He was still hesitant to agree that this was the best option, scared that it was going to leave them picking up the pieces of a tragic loss. For him, it was just too soon. It seemed like too much too fast, to go from having her in bed every day to having her doing what she wanted.

"Well, there are some.."

"I'm just not sure this is the best decision," Derek interrupted her again.

"Derek.." Meredith frowned and looked over at him, taking his hand. "Let her finish." She knew he was worried about her, but she at least wanted a chance to hear what Addison had to say.

"I'm not one to take risks with pregnant women, Derek. You know that." Addison spoke in a bit more of a firm tone. "I'm doing what I think is in the best interest of both your wife and your son. There are some stipulations as to what she is and is not allowed to do." She assured him. "You may go back to work in a month, if I'm satisfied that you haven't had any changes to your cervix and that you aren't having any contractions."

Meredith made a face. It wasn't the news she wanted to hear, but it was better than being where she was up until that point, so she didn't argue.

"I want you being seen in two weeks by Dr. Hayes. He's an excellent high-risk OB-GYN, and I've filled him in on your situation. His schedule is very busy and usually he does not accept new patients except by referral, which is why you should be happy I put in a good word for you and Grayson."

She couldn't help but smile, "Thank you."

"Addison..." Derek sighed. The last thing he wanted was to have Meredith's care turned over to a man he'd never met before. He had changed. Or rather, the shooting had changed him. Derek was a bit more cautious now, a bit more overprotective of the people he loved, and he couldn't help but have a hard time trusting.

"He's an excellent doctor." Addison assured Derek before turning her attention back to Meredith. "Two weeks, and then again in another two weeks. I'll try to make it down here when you get to twenty-three weeks, just to make sure I'm satisfied with everything." She felt a little bit of responsibility, to make sure that Meredith and this baby made it. "I want you to sort of gradually work up the amount of activity in your day. Don't start going crazy right away. Baby steps. And Dr. Hayes can make a final decision on this, but my recommendation would be that you work only about three-four days a week and make sure your hours are reasonable when you do go back."

Meredith nodded, taking in everything she said. "Thank you, for being willing to come down here and help us out. Derek and I both really appreciate it. I know you're busy, and.."

Addison cut her off, shaking her head. "We're...sort of like family, I guess you should say. So you're welcome. Lets leave it at that. I know Derek would be there for me if I needed him." She stood. "And you can always call me if you need me. If you notice any problems though, call Dr. Hayes first. He's here, so he'll be able to help you out a little more than I can."

Derek followed Addison into the hallway, "Do you really think she's going to be okay off of bedrest?"

Addison put her hands on his shoulders, looking him in the eyes. "I think that you have got to stop worrying so much. You're going to send yourself into some sort of nervous breakdown. Enjoy your wife, Derek. Enjoy her being pregnant. I know she scared the crap out of you four weeks ago. She scared us all. But she's okay now, and you have to stop this. You have to take a deep breath and allow yourself to believe that you might actually get a happy ending out of this. Have a little hope."

"Thank you, for coming." He couldn't argue with what she was saying. Derek knew his ex-wife was right, even if he hated that she had to be the one to tell him something he should have known himself.

"Family. Remember?" Addison smiled and hugged him. "Take care of Meredith, and Grayson. I'll be back in a couple of months." With that, she walked away.

Derek couldn't help but have a small smile on his face when he walked back into the room where Meredith was grabbing her purse. "How about lunch? You and I? In my office. Like the good ole' days."

Meredith couldn't help but laugh a little. She was worried about him, worried about his lack of ability to calm down and believe that things were going to be alright, but she figured now wasn't the time to bring it up. He was smiling, and she didn't want to ruin that. "Lunch sounds good. But we should eat somewhere other than your office. I've been stuck in bed for forever now, and I'm going a little stir-crazy."

"We could go across the street to that little cafe next to Joes." He suggested, knowing she was right. She did need to get out some.

"That sounds perfect." Meredith took his hand, walking out of the room with him. Things were finally falling into place. It was finally looking like the dark cloud that had been hovering over them was gone. She had a smile on her face as they walked together to the car, blissfully unaware that there would come a day when their world would be turned upside down, when the strength of their love would be tested by an unimaginable tragedy.


	10. Changing of the Ranks

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Ten**

Time is a precious thing. It can heal wounds and right the wrong, it can ease pain and make things disappear. Time is the thing that allows us to keep breathing even after everything we have has been destroyed, after the places we thought we were safe suddenly become not so safe anymore. Time can allow us to forget fear, to forget sadness. Time never makes anything disappear, but it helps soften the blow. It's the thing that allows us to keep going when we lose something, the thing that allows us to move on after something we counted on doesn't work out. Time can also bring us to places of happiness. Time allows love to grow, it allows friendships to blossom. Time gives us a chance to make dreams and see them come true. Time is healing.

"Derek," Richard stood from where he was sitting behind the desk that belonged to the man standing in front of him.

"Richard," Derek smiled, shutting the office door behind him. It felt good to be back, like things were finally right again.

"Here, sit down," Dr. Webber moved away from the desk, but stopped when he saw Derek wave his hand.

"I can sit here," He pulled up a chair in front of his desk, taking a seat. "Really, Richard. Go ahead, sit back down." Derek wasn't a proud man in the sense of his job. He knew he was a good surgeon, but he was also equally as sure that he was a terrible chief of surgery.

Richard didn't argue with him. He simply sat back down, a bit confused. Still, he was happy to see his friend back on the job. "How are things with Meredith? I tried to ask Addison when I saw her here yesterday, but she was pretty tight-lipped. Something about the dang HIPPA laws."

Derek laughed, leaning back in his chair a bit. "I don't know if HIPPA applies to people you consider to be family."

"You should try telling Addison Montgomery that." Richard Webber was definitely glad to see Derek Shepherd happy again. He was glad to see him laughing, hoping that it would last. He deserved to have some good things in his life. Meredith Grey deserved good things.

"There's no telling her anything. She's almost as stubborn as Meredith." He smiled at the thought of his wife and son. "Meredith's doing well. Addison took her off of bedrest yesterday. She'll be coming back to work in about a month if things go the way they're supposed to." He wasn't about to keep Richard in the dark, knowing that man looked at Meredith like she was his own daughter.

There was a smile on the former chief's face, "I'm glad to hear that she's doing well. She deserves it. You both do."

There were a few moments of silence as Derek nodded then glanced around the office, gathering his thoughts as he tried to figure out how to say what was on his mind. "I want you to take this job back, Richard."

"Excuse me?" Richard looked surprised, and leaned over the desk with his hands folded. "You're serious?"

"This isn't for me. I thought it was, but it isn't. I went to medical school to be a surgeon, to save lives. I want to be in the operating room, not behind some desk running the politics of this place." Derek had spent a lot of time thinking over what he was about to do, and he was sure of his decision.

"So you want to just be an attending again? No chief?" Richard had always known that Derek Shepherd wasn't the right man for the job, but he never thought that he would be the one to walk away.

Derek nodded, "I have a wife now, and a son on the way. I don't want to live at this hospital. I love my job, Richard, but not at the expense of never seeing my family. My family is the most important thing. This, this is for you." He waved his hand a bit. "You're the chief of surgery. You make a good chief."

"I _made _a good chief, Derek. I'm not that man anymore. I'm not even sure I want to be that man."

"Take the job back Richard, please." Derek leaned up in his chair a bit. "I'm not taking no for an answer."

"You should at least talk this over with Meredith before you make such a hasty decision, don't you think?"

"We've talked about it, I mean..." He thought for a moment. "She knows how I feel. She knows that I'm not the type of man that should be behind a desk all day."

"Alright.." Richard knew that the man across from him was stubborn, and he knew he wasn't going to back down. "If you're sure this is what you want. But you'll have to talk to the board. I can't just walk in here and.."

"I've already spoken to them," Derek spoke with little emotion, thinking back on the conversation he'd had with the board, the people who had hand-picked him for this job. They had been furious at his request to step down, and it had taken a good few hours for him to convince them that Richard Webber was the best man to take his place. In the end though, he won. "The job is yours, Richard."

He didn't know what to say, and there was a moment of hesitation before he smiled and stood to shake his hand. "I appreciate this."

"You don't have to thank me. I'm just doing what's best for all of us." Derek stood and shook his hand, smiling. "Welcome back, chief."

-{break}-

"Derek," Mark Sloan turned the corner just as Derek walked across the catwalk. "Welcome back," He gave him a pat on the shoulder. "I wasn't sure I was ever going to see you around here again."

"Mark," Derek kept walking, stopping when he got to the surgery board. He took a minute to look it over. "I'm not sure there's ever been a day where I was here with nothing to do."

"Well now that you mention it," Mark followed him, staying close behind the man that was finally allowing him to be a friend again. "I have a patient in six that I need a consult on. Came in with burns to the left side of his body but started having pupillary changes this morning. Nurse says he's having trouble remembering who she is and what meds he's taken."

"Consider yourself lucky, that I'm free for the day. Otherwise I'd tell you to go find a resident," Derek wasn't overly confident in who he was as a surgeon by any means, but he did feel like it was in the best interest of patients if he treated only those who were very sick. The man Mark was describing didn't exactly sound like he met that criteria. Besides, what he really wanted was to take a minute to step away from everything and call Meredith. Even if she was allowed to be out of bed, he still worried about her. The call would have to wait, though.

"I'm not the lucky one. I'm just trying to make sure I give my patient the best care possible. Isn't that what you want us to do, chief?" He couldn't help but throw that in just to annoy him a bit.

"I've actually stepped down from that position." Derek followed him to the patient's room.

"You've done what?" Mark was shocked, and also a bit convinced that he hadn't quite heard him right.

"I've stepped down." He spoke quietly and discreetly. "There will be an announcement."

"I won't say anything. But Shep..why?" Mark was still confused.

"Because I want to be a surgeon, Mark. I want to be a surgeon, and be home with my wife. And my son."

"It's a boy?!" Mark practically yelled across the floor of the hospital.

Derek wanted to slug him for announcing it to just about everyone, but he couldn't help but just smile. "We found out yesterday. Picked out a name and everything."

"You're going to name him something good, right? Because I mean, with you as a dad, he's going to need a strong name."

"His name is Grayson. And you need to keep that quiet too. Otherwise Meredith might come after you. And her hormones are crazy, so I'm giving you fair warning."

Luckily walking into the patient's room saved him from hearing Mark's sarcastic comment about the name they'd chosen.

"Aren't you supposed to be at home with Meredith?"

Derek was surprised to see Cristina Yang standing in the room with the patient's chart in her hands. "Cristina."

"Where's Meredith? Who's with her?" It was just like Cristina, to demand answers that weren't necessarily any of her business. When it came to Meredith, though, she had no boundaries.

"Meredith's off of bedrest. So she's at home, hopefully taking it easy anyway." Derek wasn't really keen on having a long drawn-out conversation about his wife while he stood there in his patient's room, so he left it at that before starting a full neurological exam on the middle-aged man in the bed.

"So you just leave her all alone? The first day you can?" Cristina actually rolled her eyes a bit, and sort of slammed the chart down on the bedside table before she left the room.

"Tough crowd," The patient luckily had a great sense of humor, and he just chuckled a bit at the sound of the door slamming.

"Maybe you should go talk to her?" Mark looked over at Derek when he finished his examination.

"She'll do all of the talking, trust me. By the time I find her again, she'll have called Meredith and the two of them will have done more catch-up in five minutes than I could do in five hours."

"You're probably right." Mark laughed.

-{break}-

It was late when Derek got home that night, but Meredith was snuggled up on the couch with a blanket around her, fighting to stay awake so she could see him. It was going to take some getting used to, for him to be gone all day.

"You're awake," He looked surprised to see her there, and walked over, taking a seat next to her.

"Didn't want to go to sleep without seeing you." Meredith smiled and instantly leaned over, kissing him. "How was your day?" She rested her head on his shoulder, happy when he slid one arm around her.

"Long," Derek rested his other hand on her belly, kissing the top of her head. "What about you? How are you feeling?"

"I'm good. Didn't really do all that much today. I worked on a little laundry and finished up some projects in the guest room. Spent some time online, too, looking at stuff for the nursery." She yawned, closing her eyes as she sat there with him.

"Did you find anything you like?" Derek rubbed her arm, leaning his head back against the wall. He allowed his eyes to close as well.

"I found a couple of cute ideas. I was thinking that maybe we could do a sports room for him. "

"Baseball," Derek smiled.

"We could do baseball, if you want." Meredith was thrilled that he liked the idea.

"The Yankees. It has to be a Yankees room."

She laughed, opening her eyes and turning so she could look at him. "We could put some Yankees stuff in there. But I don't know if it's appropriate to have an entire nursery be a Yankees room."

"Sure it is," He looked down at her, smiling. "Whatever you want to do, is fine. I just love the Yankees."

"We'll do some Yankees stuff. Don't worry." She got up after a moment. "I was thinking maybe in a few weeks we could start looking for paint colors. Are you hungry? I made dinner. There's some leftover."

"I actually ate before I came home," He got up when she did. "But if you want me to eat some, I will."

"There's no sense in you eating twice. I can just eat what's left for lunch tomorrow. It's no big deal," She turned off the lamp and made sure the front door was locked before heading upstairs with him.

"What would you think if I told you I wanted to quit the job as chief?" Derek waited until they were upstairs and he was unbuttoning his shirt before he threw the question out there.

"What?" Meredith looked surprised, watching him carefully after she slid under the covers of their bed.

"If I wasn't chief, what would you think about that?"

"I don't understand." A small frown settled on her lips. "Did something happen? Did something happen at work today?"

"Nothing happened. I mean, something did. But not what you think."

"I'm confused."

"I know," He sighed and walked over, laying down next to her. "I quit."

"Quit? Your job? Quit being the chief?" Now she was worried, worried and completely confused.

"I'm not meant to be chief of surgery, Mer. I don't want to be chief of surgery. I want to be a surgeon. I want to save lives. You saw what being chief did to Richard Webber's marriage. I don't want that for us. I don't want that for Grayson. Before, when it was just me, that was fine. It would have been fine. But now my life is about you. It's about our family. So I quit as chief. I talked to the board and asked to step down. I asked for my old job back."

"You didn't have to quit your job. We could have made it work. You didn't have to stop being chief." Meredith was still trying to figure out if he'd quit for himself or for her. The last thing she wanted was to be the reason that he gave up something he loved.

"Meredith..." Derek turned to her, laying one hand on her cheek so he was sure he had her full attention. "I want to save lives. I'm not a man that wants to push paperwork all day, or worry about the politics of the hospital. I went to medical school to become a surgeon."

"I just, want to be sure that you're sure. That's all. If you're happy, I'm happy." She assured him.

"I am. I am happy." Derek smiled and kissed her forehead.

"So who is going to take your job? Please don't tell me it's Mark. Cristina called here today and said that you were talking to Mark today. Mark would make a terrible chief. Please, tell me you didn't choose Mark."

"I didn't choose Mark," He couldn't help but laugh, amused at how passionate she was that his friend wasn't the one to move up in the career ladder at Seattle Grace.

"Then who?" Meredith thought for a moment, trying to figure it out.

"I asked Richard Webber to accept his old job back."

"Dr. Webber?" She looked confused. "Don't you think it's a little too soon for that, considering everything that happened with his drinking?" It wasn't that she thought Richard was a bad chief of surgery. Meredith just wanted to make sure that Derek wasn't making a mistake by putting him back in the job too soon.

"I'm sure, Mer. He's a good man, and he's sober. He's good at being chief. I'm good at being a surgeon. It worked out, for everyone."

"I hope you're right."

"Have a little faith," Derek glanced over at the clock, sighing when he realized just how late it was. "We should probably get some sleep. I've got to be up pretty early."

"Derek?" Meredith turned so she was facing him.

"Yeah?" He smiled, resting one hand on her belly as they laid there together.

"Do you think maybe you could help me with the nursery? I know it isn't really a manly sort of thing, but I'm not really all that great at things like that either."

Derek's smile grew. She was asking him to help with their son's room. Manly or not, to him it was an easy answer. "We can do it together. I'm off...one day next week. Maybe we can do it then." His smile faded a bit when he realized just how much time he was going to spend away from her.

"I hate your schedule."

"It won't be as bad when you're working again."

"I don't know if I can get used to having you gone all day."

"It's going to take some time. That's for sure." Derek reached over and turned out the light before pulling her into his arms. "Goodnight, Meredith."

"Goodnight," She smiled and snuggled up close to him before closing her eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too."


	11. Please Forgive Me

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Eleven**

Most of us have good intentions. We intend to be there when people need us to be, we intend to show up to work on time, we intend to attend the important events in life. Most of us intend to get things done by a deadline, to keep our promises, and to pay back the loans we take out. It's rare that we intend to do wrong. We don't just wake up in the morning and decide to let someone down, or let ourselves down. The problem is, sometimes it's out of our control. Sometimes our intentions don't get us the results we want. Sometimes we do get hurt. Sometimes the people we love get hurt. Sometimes intentions just aren't enough.

Meredith's next eight weeks of pregnancy had gone by without a hitch, and before she knew it she was at the twenty-three week mark. There had been no signs that she was going to suffer any more of the contractions that had almost cost her the baby she was now head-over-heels for. She'd spent her first few weeks home just sort of getting back into the swing of things around the house but by the time the second month rolled around, she had turned into a crazy woman, spending her days shopping for all things baby when she wasn't at work. The extra room had quickly become one piled with blue and green onesies, burp cloths, blankets, socks, and even cute little shoes. For a while there it was one big storage bin. The bigger stuff she had waited on, figuring they'd get a pretty nice baby shower from everyone at work. Still, she hadn't been able to help purchasing the cute little clothes she saw while she was out. Derek had laughed, when he started noticing her obsession. It didn't bother him one bit. If she wanted to bring bags of baby clothes home every day until their son was born, he wasn't going to stop her.

Eventually the two of them had gotten around to painting the nursery and transforming it into a Yankee-themed room for Grayson, complete with all of the memorabilia anyone could ever want, and then some. Meredith had made sure that everything about it was perfect, from the furniture and paint color down to the smallest details like the letters that hung over the crib spelling out his name, or the pictures of she and Derek that hung on the wall. Derek had helped out on the things he was good at, like painting and putting furniture together, but had left the other stuff to her. He was thrilled with how it turned out though, and both of them agreed that having the room finished just made it more difficult to be patient about having their little boy in their arms.

By the time the day of her next appointment with Addison came, she was excited rather than nervous, figuring there was no way that anything could go wrong at this point. She was finally feeling truly great again, and Meredith had made sure to remind her husband that the appointment was at ten just before he'd left early that morning, though she had no doubts that he would be there. After all, Addison was flying in from Los Angeles. On top of that, Derek was involved with everything baby, and he was still incredibly overprotective and watchful when it came to her. For now, Meredith enjoyed him being everywhere and involved with everything, though she was sure a time would come soon when she would need a little breathing room.

"Hey, remember that patient I brought you in for a couple of months ago? Trenton Thomas?" Mark caught Derek in the hallway around eight that morning, coffee in hand. "You look like you could use one of these." He grabbed an extra out of the hands of an intern that was standing nearby.

Derek gave him a look, and shot a sympathetic glance toward the girl who seemed willing to do just about anything to please the plastic surgeon next to her, "I don't want your intern's coffee, Mark."

"I always have her pick me up two of them. Just in case one doesn't do the trick. She didn't drink it. Geez. What kind of a person do you think I am?"

"Is that a trick question?" Derek ended up taking the cup of Starbucks coffee even though he didn't really think it was such a great idea to use doctors as personal assistants.

"So, Trenton Thomas?" Mark changed the subject. "Maybe after you're awake you'll remember him better."

"I remember him. He was the burn patient that had memory loss and dilation in his right pupil. CT showed no significant findings. I put him on a low dose of Mannitol anyway."

"Yeah...can't believe you remember all of that."

"I try to remember the patients I have. Helps avoid making a mistake, or having a lawsuit on your hand." Derek couldn't help but think back to the man who had put a bullet in his chest. Remembering his wife hadn't done any good that day. She was still dead. So maybe that only worked if your patients lived.

"Regardless, I need you to open him up. I discharged him about a month ago, but he's back."

"Excuse me?" Derek looked confused.

"He came in late last night. I sent him for an MRI early this morning. He has a massive bleed going on. If we don't get in there soon I don't think he's going to stand much of a chance."

"Let me take a look at the scans," Derek was skeptical. "I don't normally open up every guy that has a brain bleed. Sometimes there are safer options."

"I think you'll be more willing to agree with me when you take a look at him, and the bleed." Mark walked with Derek into the patient's room, giving him time to look everything over.

"Page Dr. White." Derek glanced at the clock once he had done a focused neurological assessment of the middle-aged man in the bed. By then it was eight-thirty. There was no way he could open up that guy's brain and make it to Meredith's appointment by ten.

"No offense to the man, but he's not exactly someone that I want opening up my patient's skull." Mark frowned, waiting to talk until he was in the hallway with Derek.

"I can't do it, Mark. And this guy is average age, previously healthy except for the burns he had when he was here. He's an open and shut case."

"Since when do you turn down patients?" Mark was completely caught off-guard and confused as to what was going on. "This guy needs a pretty serious operation, and he's already gone through a lot. He had burns on thirty percent of his body.."

"Dr. White can handle the surgery, Mark. I can't do it."

"The board didn't show you had anything scheduled until this afternoon other than that elective at noon. So I don't quite.."

"Mark!" Derek sighed, getting frustrated. "Meredith has her appointment today, and I have to be there. Addison flew in. So this is not up for discussion. I'm not the only neurosurgeon in this hospital, and I'm not going to take that case."

"You realize that Webber isn't going to like this, right? I mean, your name is on Trenton's chart. You were the guy that previously came for a consult. He's going to want you to follow through."

"The guy has been gone since then, Mark. We're not talking about something that happened yesterday. If the chief has a problem, he can come to me about it. Until then, find someone else." Without giving him a chance to respond, Derek simply walked away.

Mark didn't have to open his mouth to tattle on his friend, though. Richard Webber was standing just around the corner and quickly stepped in front of the former chief of staff when he made the turn. "You will scrub in on that surgery."

"Richard," Derek frowned, already annoyed.

"We're not going to stand here and discuss it. That man is your patient and you will scrub in as his surgeon. End of story."

"Richard..." He wasn't even sure what to say. The older man's behavior was completely out of character. "I'm not doing that surgery. That guy's case isn't that complicated, and I'm not going to miss Meredith's appointment with Addison because of him. I'm not doing the surgery. " Despite trying to stay calm considering they were in the center of a unit that was pretty busy, his voice was already starting to raise.

"You are doing the surgery. I don't care where it is you have to be. You're on the clock, so unless you're dying, there's no excuse to turn down surgeries. Am I making myself clear?" The chief was raising his voice too, trying to make a point. The hospital had gotten away from him before. Many times. He wasn't going to let that happen again. Not now.

"You make yourself very clear, but that doesn't change anything. I'm still not scrubbing in."

"Yes you are."

"I'm not doing the surgery, Richard, so you might as well give it up! I have somewhere to be this morning!" Now he was yelling.

"If you don't lower your voice, Dr. Shepherd, you're going to find yourself out the door!" Correction. They were both yelling.

"I guess that's my option then, because I'm not going to change my mind! This is absurd! I'm not the only man in this hospital capable of taking care of a brain bleed!"

"If you have a problem with the way I run this department, Dr. Shepherd, then you can make an appointment to see me in my office. I'll have no problem arranging for you to take some unpaid time off." It wasn't that Richard wasn't grateful that it was because of Derek he had his job back. He just wasn't about to cut people slack anymore. Slack created holes in the system. And holes in the system created room for error. Room for error created men with guns walking in and putting bullets into people that were there to save lives.

Derek opened his mouth to start arguing but decided against it. Instead he walked away, throwing what was left of his coffee into a trashcan near the nurses station. The half-full cup spilled into the bag and would inevitably leave a nice big mess for someone else to clean up. Normally he would care, but today he didn't. He was angry. There wasn't any mistaking that. But he also knew that there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. Richard was right. He did need to scrub in on that patient's surgery, even if it meant missing that appointment with Meredith. All he could hope for was that she would understand. There was a part of him that was willing to walk out the doors of that hospital for her, but he didn't want to do something stupid that he would regret later.

The only thing he did regret was that he didn't have a minute to make a call to his wife before he went into the operating room.

"Dr. Shepherd. Do you have a minute to..."

"Dr. Kepner," Derek smiled at her on his way to the OR with his patient in tow after the consent forms had been signed. "I'm actually busy at the moment."

"Oh, well, is there anything I can do? I mean, to help?" April was eager to scrub in, to be useful somewhere.

"Actually," Derek stopped just as he got to the scrub room, letting the nurse wheel his patient into the operating room. "I'm suppose to be somewhere with Meredith this morning but I'm not going to be able to make it. So if you could give her a call and let her know, that would be great."

Even if she was happy to help him, there was a slight look of disappointment on Dr. Kepner's face, and he noticed it right away.

"Then you can scrub in. Ever helped with a bleeder repair before?"

"I'll be there, Dr. Shepherd." April smiled, quickly heading off in the direction of the nearest phone. "Thank you!"

Derek chuckled a bit, watching her go. He was always happy to be the one that didn't mind letting residents in on his surgeries, even ones that weren't so general. After all, his wife was a resident, so he was used to it.

-{break}-

"Derek couldn't make it," Meredith sat on the exam table with legs dangling over and her hand resting on her growing belly.

Addison had a look of both slight confusion and understanding on her face, "I thought you guys have had this on your calendar for a couple of months now?"

"He did know about it. But I got a call from April Kepner.." Meredith made a face, "Said he was in surgery. He promised me he'd be here, but I guess something came up." Even she didn't sound convinced.

"I'm sure it was important," Addison tried to reassure her, seeing right away just how upset she was. "Derek isn't the type of guy to miss things that are important, especially not for people he cares about."

"Yeah.." Meredith sighed. "It's just that you're not here all the time, and I guess I was hoping that he'd be here. But it's no big deal." She tried to wave it off, not really wanting to make a big deal out of it.

The red-headed doctor gave her a sympathetic smile before she sat down to get things started. Derek or no Derek, she was only in town for the morning, so there wasn't time for them to sit around and chat. "I've read through all of Dr. Hayes' notes and he seems to think that you're doing exceptionally well considering all that happened early on. How many days are you back at work now?"

"I'm usually here four days a week, but I only work ten-hour shifts, and I'm resting as much as I can. I haven't really had any problems, I mean not any more than most people do."

Addison nodded, scribbling a few of her own notes into Meredith's chart. "Since he did your last ultrasound four weeks ago, I won't do an entire biophysical profile today, but I at least want to take a look and see for myself."

"Alright," Meredith pulled her shirt up so she could lie back on the table, wiggling her pants down a bit so they weren't covering the cute little baby bump she had.

Unlike the last appointment Addison had with Meredith, she didn't spend too much time looking over the ultrasound in detail, but she did take the time to make sure that she saw what was important to her. It just wasn't her nature to take someone else's word for it when it came to her patients, so she always tried to redo things herself when she had the chance.

"Is everything okay?" The silence made Meredith uncomfortable, and she found herself wishing Derek was there next to her. She was angry that he'd gone into surgery, and even more angry that he hadn't taken the time to call her. He knew how important that appointment was to her, and she wasn't in the mood for excuses about why he wasn't there, especially when the phone call to let her know had been April Kepner. She really hated her sometimes.

"Everything's great. I'm not seeing much different than what Dr. Hayes was seeing. The only thing I'm noticing is that your placenta is lying pretty low. It isn't to the point that I would say we should be too concerned, but I do think we should keep an eye on it. Hopefully as your pregnancy progresses it will move off to the side."

"And if it doesn't?" It had been a long time since Meredith had her obstetrics rotation, and she tended to forget most of it.

"You shouldn't worry yourself with that right now, but I will make a note of it in your chart to let Dr. Hayes know that he needs to monitor it."

"Addison," Meredith wasn't satisfied with her answer. "If it doesn't, what happens?"

"I'm usually one to go on the side of caution, so if the placenta were to stay this now, I would say that it would probably be safest to deliver by c-section to avoid a tear during delivery. But like I said, there's a lot of time between now and then." She put the ultrasound wand down and got up. "You're lucky to be doing this well, Meredith. Most patients I see that have contractions and a thinning cervix at twelve weeks end up miscarrying or having a preemie."

Meredith slowly sat up. "I know." She wasn't stupid. She was very lucky, and she knew that.

"From what I can see, there aren't any indications that you'll be delivering this little boy anytime soon."

"Thank you, for coming all the way here just to spend an hour with me."

Addison smiled, "I don't want to have to give you my same speech about family again. But next time, you tell your husband that he better have his butt in this room when I come."

Meredith smiled a little, "He'll be here, trust me." She pulled her shirt back down. "When do you think you'll be back? You should come for the baby shower. Cristina said they were planning one."

"Cristina Yang is planning your baby shower?" She laughed, shaking her head a bit. "I'm not sure that's the greatest idea."

"She's going to have help." Meredith assured her. "But really, you should be here for it." _Where did that come from? Inviting Addison to the baby shower? You've really grown up._

"When are they planning on having it?"

"It's going to be in a couple of months. I'll be thirty-one weeks then, so I figured it would be a perfect time. May seventh. I think that's a Friday night."

Addison nodded. Even if she wasn't sure she'd be the most welcomed person at the shower, she could tell that Meredith wanted her to be there. "Maybe I can come down that weekend and see you the following Monday." She suggested. Before Meredith could respond though, she added as an afterthought. "Isn't Derek's birthday on that Sunday?"

Meredith nodded, happy with the plans. "Yeah, and that's why we're going to throw him a surprise party that Sunday afternoon. So you'll be here for that too. It's going to be a full weekend." She had shocked even herself by inviting Derek's ex-wife to the baby shower and the birthday party, but she was glad that she had. After all that Addison had done for them and for Grayson, she felt like it was the least she could do.

"I'm glad that things are going well for you, Meredith." Addison really was happy for both she and Derek, even if the woman in front of her had been the reason that her marriage had ended.

"Me too."

****{break}****

"I need you to monitor Mr. Thomas for the next hour or so. Make sure that everything is logged and that you call me if there are any changes," Derek signed off on his patient's chart after the surgery before handing it over to April. He had run straight through his noon surgery, so that had been rescheduled, but even the cancellation had left him just half an hour before he had to be back in the operating room again with yet another patient that couldn't be pushed back.

"Yes sir." April was thrilled beyond belief to have the responsibility of Derek's patient in her hands, and she took the chart. If he wanted her monitor his patient for the next hour, she had no complaints.

"And if there's an emergency while I'm in surgery, you page the chief or Dr. White," Derek was sure to give her specific instructions. He didn't usually like to leave his craniotomy patients so soon after their surgeries, but this time he didn't really have a choice. He needed to talk to Meredith before he scrubbed in for another five hours. Without waiting for her response, he walked off toward the on-call room in an effort to find a quiet place where he could make a phone call to his wife.

"Dr. Shepherd.." Meredith was surprised to see him walk in just as she was pulling her hair back into a ponytail. She was dressed in scrubs, an outfit that caused a look of confusion to cross his face.

"I didn't realize you were working today." When she didn't respond, he sighed. "Meredith..."

She ignored him, starting to walk past him and to the door. She wasn't in the mood to discuss his absence from her appointment, at least not yet.

"Meredith..." Derek frowned when she started to walk past him. "Mer, wait.." He sighed and grabbed her arm, gently. "I'm sorry I missed the appointment."

"Dr. Shepherd," She emphasized his name, pulling her arm way from him. "If you'll excuse me, I have work to do. There are patients in this hospital, you know."

"Don't do this..." The anger from earlier was starting to come back, though he instantly reminded himself that it wasn't her he was mad at. It wasn't her fault, none of it was.

"I don't have time to talk right now."

"At least tell me how the appointment went."

She looked at him as if he were crazy, then simply shook her head and walked past him, stepping into the hallway.

"Meredith!" Derek frowned and went after her. "It was out of my control. I tried to get out of it, I did. I stood in the hallway and had a two year-old fit over being at that appointment. I would never miss something like that. You know that."

"The only thing I know, Derek, is that you weren't there. I don't care why it is that you weren't there. The point is that I had to go by myself. I had to go by myself and you promised me you were coming. And then on top of everything else, you couldn't even have the decency to call and tell me yourself! You had your girlfriend do it!" She finally stopped and swung around to face him.

"Meredith!" Derek frowned. "I would have called you if I could have. There was no time. And she happened to be there when I realized I needed someone else to do it for me. I would have done anything to be there with you, Meredith. You know that."

"No, Derek. Not today! Today your surgery was more important than your son!"

He pulled her back into the on-call room so they weren't making a scene, a look of hurt crossing his face. "Nothing is more important to me than you and this baby." Both of his hands were resting on her shoulders. "Do you understand me? You mean everything to me, Meredith."

"I'm late, Derek. I'm supposed to be working, and you're making me late." There were tears in her eyes.

With a deep frown settled on his face, he reached out and brushed a tear from her cheek. "Please don't cry. I'm sorry, Meredith. I'm so sorry." Despite his attempts to pull her into his arms, she just stepped away from him.

"It's no big deal." She shrugged. "You're a surgeon. We're both surgeon's. This is what we do. We put surgery and our job before anything else. Just like my mother."

Now he was angry. "I am nothing like your mother, Meredith Grey! You know that!"

"It seems that you're a lot more like her than I thought, Derek! Is this how it's going to be when Grayson is here?! You're just going to blow us off for surgery and claim that you couldn't help it?!"

"I did not blow you off, Meredith! Stop it!" He was yelling, jerking her toward him as he grabbed her shoulders again. "Stop it, now! I'm sorry I wasn't there! But I'm not going to let you accuse me of the things that are coming out of your mouth!"

His anger, his yelling, his grip on her, caused Meredith to suddenly become quiet, and she looked down with the same tear-filled eyes. "I'm fine.." When she finally did speak her tone was hesitant, timid.

"...Meredith..." Derek sighed and let her go, only to pull her into his arms. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You have no idea how much I put up a fight to be with you today. But the chief gave me an ultimatum, and I didn't feel like I had a choice. I know I let you down and I know I hurt you. For that, I'm sorry."

She let him hold her. At first it was because she was scared that if she didn't he was just going to get angry again. After a moment, though, it helped to calm her anger and nerves, and she rested her head against his chest.

"I didn't mean to get angry with you," He ran his hand through her hair. "I love you so much, Meredith. I hate that I couldn't be there with you today."

"I know," She was finally calming down enough to have a rational conversation with him. "Really Derek, I'm fine."

_Fine is never good. She isn't fine. Don't let her get away with telling you she's fine. _But he ignored his thoughts and sat down on one of the beds with her, pulling her onto his lap. "What did Addison say?

"She didn't say anything. She said everything is fine. There wasn't really any news. Just, another ultrasound. My placenta is low, but she said it wasn't a big deal. She'll be back in another eight weeks. I invited her to the baby shower."

"Fine is...better than bad." Derek sighed, realizing that she wasn't in the frame of mind yet to be able to talk to him about it. He was surprised at her last comment, but decided not to mention that either.

"I should get back to work," Meredith looked at him for a moment before she got up and walked out of the room.

He didn't try to stop her. Derek knew better, now, than to try to stop her. He could tell that she needed her space, and he didn't want to push her too far. Later, though, he would let the chief have it. That much he was sure of.

****{break}****

When they both got home around eight that evening, there wasn't much said right away. Tension still hung in the air despite the conversation they had earlier that afternoon.

Meredith wanted to be able to talk to him, to just put everything aside and move forward, but she struggled with the forgetting part. Forgiveness she was good at. She loved Derek too much to hold something like that over his head, but it still hurt that she'd been at that appointment all by herself.

"You should take a part-time job in interior decorating," Derek came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her belly as he stood in the finished nursery with her. "This really is amazing, Meredith. I never knew you were so talented in decorating, especially not from the way the rest of the house is just sort of half finished." The last part was meant to be a tease, in hopes that he could get a smile out of her.

Meredith not only smiled, she laughed. Even if she'd walked in hurt and angry with him, there was just something about standing in their son's nursery and having her husband tease about how terrible and lazy she was when it came to finishing up their house. It was impossible to stay upset. "And how much work have you done?" She turned to face him, resting one hand under her belly and grinning when he rested his on the top. "Because I'm pretty sure that you know how to hang up pictures and move furniture around."

"I thought this conversation was about you."

Meredith laughed, kissing him. "This conversation is about being nice to your pregnant wife." She paused as she looked around the room. "Did I tell you that I got to see him on ultrasound again? I have pictures." She pulled the three photos out of the pocket of her scrubs, handing them to Derek. "He's perfect."

There was no argument from the man in front of her, "He is perfect." For a minute, all he could do was stare at the pictures in awe. When he was done looking at them, he tucked them into his shirt pocket, deciding he wanted them on his desk at work.

"I can't wait to have him here." Meredith admitted, smiling as she looked up at Derek. "I can't wait to hold him and kiss him and cuddle with him. He's going to look so cute in his crib."

"You're going to be a great mom, Meredith."

"You're going to be a great dad," There was a pause. "You owe me, by the way. You owe me, for earlier." She was suddenly flirty.

Derek grinned, kissing her again before he responded, his free hand resting on the small of her back as he looked down at her. "You're right. I do owe you. And I think today's mistake is worth one wish. So what will it be?"

"Normally I'd pick something really good..." She was still smiling, obviously enjoying the time they were able to spend just enjoying each other's company. "But tonight, I think sex will do." Her shoulders shrugged as if it were no big deal.

"Did you just imply that sex with me wasn't really good? Like it's just an afterthought? Or leftovers?" Derek laughed. "Did you just compare sex with me to yesterday's spaghetti?"

Now she was laughing, trailing her fingers down his side. "Dirty sex, with you, is good. Really good. That's why it's my wish, for tonight. Because you owe me. You owe me the good kind of dirty sex. The elevator kind. Not the leftover kind."

"Are we talking about the elevator kind when we first met, or the elevator after we got past the whole being married and breaking up and getting back together part?" Derek enjoyed playing along with the way she teased him, just happy to have her smiling again.

"Definitely the first one. It was more exciting. More mysterious."

"Dirty, married, elevator sex it is." Derek laughed and scooped her up into his arms, carrying her to the bedroom.

**So as I was editing this, I decided I really don't like this chapter. But honestly, I couldn't think of a better way to fill this spot int he story. So it's staying. But clearly not my best work. Sorry! **

**The next chapter will be intense and life-changing for these characters, so get ready for it. **


	12. Shattered Dreams

**Author's Note: For the purposes of this fic, Lexi is with Mark.**

**Thank's so much for the reviews so far! Someone asked if Meredith or Derek would die. Always feel free to shoot me a PM if you have specific questions. I will answer if I can. :) Although, that will be answered soon in coming chapters.**

**Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Twelve**

We all hope that we're one of those people that go through life and never have a hiccup. We hope that we can make it through without the heartache, without the pain, and without the tears that can sometimes fall so hard and fast that we can't seem to catch our breath. The thing is, bad things do happen. Bad things happen to us all. They happen even when we feel like it isn't fair, even when we feel like we've just firmly planted our feet back on the ground. We all dream of the happy life, of having days and weeks, years even, that are full of promise and fulfillment. But the world is a harsh place. Bad things do happen. Really bad things happen, the type of things that we don't see coming, the type of things that can destroy us. And when they do, we just have to hope that somehow we're ready, that somehow we're able to keep breathing.

By the time Meredith was thirty-one weeks pregnant, both she and Derek were convinced that they were out of the woods. They both knew that even if the worst happened and she delivered, their baby was viable. They knew that even though it would be a long road in the neonatal intensive care unit, Grayson would make it. Each of them had breathed a huge sigh of relief at week thirty, and they finally found themselves able to relax again, able to truly enjoy life again.

It had taken quite a while, but somehow Derek had managed to get himself pulled together after having everything pulled out from under him by the man that chosen to put a bullet in his chest. In fact, it had taken a lot of therapy, a lot of therapy he'd never expected to have. In the end though, it was worth it. He felt like he could live again, like it was okay to smile and laugh and enjoy the little things.

Meredith noticed it too, and she was thrilled to have the Derek that she'd fallen in love with back. She was emotionally in a better place than she'd ever been before, and she was convinced it was a combination both of seeing Derek happy again, and also being so close to finally having the life she never thought she would get.

"No trashing the place. Derek's pretty picky about the way things are, and I don't want to deal with his complaining tonight if everything's been rearranged." Meredith handed her house key over to Cristina on the morning of her baby shower.

Cristina rolled her eyes as she took the key. "Seriously? We're the ones throwing the party, remember? So, actually, he should be thanking us."

"Cristina..."

"I'm not going to turn your house upside down, Meredith. I'm just saying. We're throwing the Mcbaby shower, so Derek should just be a little appreciative. I mean, I don't even _like_ babies." She clarified when she saw the look on her face. "I like _you're _baby, but I'm just saying, in general...I don't like babies. And I'm the one up to my eyeballs in baby cakes and baby diapers and baby clothes, baby decorations, baby games, baby...I mean...can he not just learn to say thank you?"

"He'll say thank you."

"He better. Otherwise, I'll be sure to tell his Mc.."

"Good morning," Derek interrupted their conversation, smiling as he sort of stepped in between them so he could kiss his wife. "The party is at five, right? So I'll plan on being home around...two a.m.?"

"Very funny," Meredith playfully rolled her eyes, a smile on her face. "Eight should be fine."

"I wouldn't want to walk in and ruin all of the fun."

"So don't." Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Cristina!" Meredith shot her a look, though it was mostly just one of amusement.

"Fine, I'll just walk away, and let the two of you...do whatever it is that you do." She headed off down the hallway despite feeling like Derek should have been the one to go. After all, wasn't he the third wheel? Hadn't they been talking before he showed up?

"Is she going to be like that forever? Because I'm pretty sure I've tried to be friendly." Derek watched her go before he turned his attention back to his wife.

"She's Cristina. She's my person, and now I'm married. And there's a baby. She's mad. So, yeah. I think she's always going to be like that. But you still have to be nice. Because she's.."

"Your person." Derek finished the sentence for her, chuckling a bit. "I know, and I will be. How are you feeling?"

"I'm great!" Meredith smiled, resting her hand on her belly. "So is your son. He's been kicking the crap out of me all morning. Right here, see?" She grabbed his hand and put it under hers, pressing it into her stomach.

Derek grinned, "Soccer player. What did I tell you? He's going to be an athlete. A good one." He kissed her again. "I have a surgery, but I'll see you in a few hours?"

"Okay," She smiled and headed off to find her interns. Luckily for them, she was in a great mood.

"Grey.." Mark caught her just before she rounded the corner. "We're still on for three, right?"

"Yep," Meredith smiled. "I'll see you then, but don't be late. I have a baby shower to get to tonight."

"I won't be late," Dr. Sloan assured her, quickly cutting their conversation short when he noticed that Derek wasn't completely gone yet. "See you there."

***{break}****

"Okay, so did you tell him it was rude and stuff to just interrupt our conversation?" Cristina caught up with her before Meredith even really had a chance to process what Mark said.

"I told him that he had to be nice to you," She smiled, looking over at her friend.

"He does. Because I was here first, you know. I mean, I've always been here. I was here even when he was still married to Addison, and when he was all kissing Rose. Does he remember that? I've been.."

"He knows, Cristina," Meredith grinned in amusement. "Don't you have things to do, for the baby shower?"

"I was just making sure we were clear. Because I'm not going to put up with his McRudeness for much longer."

"I'll see you at five," Meredith laughed, watching her as she hurried off down the hallway. She wasn't quite sure how the shower was going to turn out, what with who was in charge and all, but it did give her some peace of mind that Lexie was helping.

**** [break] ****

"A nice surprise." Derek grinned that afternoon when Meredith stepped onto the elevator, giving her a quick kiss just before the doors closed.

"Funny. I was thinking of saying the same thing," Meredith smiled, giving him a flirtatious, suggestive look. "You know, the last time we were here..."

"I'd love to," Derek laughed, wrapping one arm around her waist and pulling her to him. "But I have a post-op patient I need to see. A young woman. Four months pregnant. If it was some old guy, I'd say..."

"Derek!" There was a laugh before she kissed him. "Thats okay, because I think I'm going to head home early."

A frown settled on his face and he glanced down at his watch. _2:50. _"Are you okay?" Derek could only assume that if she wasn't staying until the last hour and a half of her shift that she wasn't feeling well.

"I feel great," She smiled, doing her best to assure him. "I was just thinking of taking a nap before things get started tonight."

"Do you really think you're going to be able to sleep with Lexie and Cristina there?" A skeptical look crossed his face.

"They'll leave me alone. I'll threaten to kick Lexie out and revoke Cristina's rights as godmother if they don't." She didn't want to give him any more to think about than she already had.

Luckily Derek seemed satisfied with that answer, and he didn't press her any more about it. "As long as you're sure that you're okay."

"I'm good, Derek. Promise. Just a little tired, that's all." There was no way she could let him stand there and talk about it much longer. He was a smart guy, and she wasn't the best liar in the world. Eventually Derek would figure out something was up, and she didn't want him finding out about her meeting with Mark. She wanted him to be truly surprised on his birthday.

"Alright." He kissed her forehead. "Be safe driving home. I'll see you later tonight."

"You're just going to work late, right? Or did you make other plans?"

"My only plans between now and eight are to monitor that woman and the guy I operated on earlier this morning. So you can call me if you need me."

"And if you don't answer, I'll just assume your with your dirty mistress?" She grinned.

Derek couldn't help but laugh, stepping off the elevator with her. "_You're _my dirty mistress."

"You better not tell your scrub nurses that. I think they're all convinced that you're still somewhat single."

"Single with a pregnant wife?" He was still laughing.

"A post-it note wife."

"Meredith..."

"I'm just saying.

"Do you want a real wedding? Because we can have a real wedding. I'd marry you, today even." His pager went off and he sighed, glancing down at it. "I have to go, but we'll talk about this later."

"I'll see you tonight." Meredith smiled, glad that he was distracted as he walked away. She already had her purse in hand so she headed across the street, hoping that Mark would be on time.

***{break}***

Meredith was too focused on the relief of seeing Mark there at a table with a beer in hand to notice April Kepner seated at the bar. She slipped out shortly after Meredith came in.

"Big Grey, you made it." Mark stood from the table where he was sitting, his second drink already in hand, figuring it was okay since he had no plans to go back to work. He pulled out her chair for her, waiting until she sat before he sat down as well.

"Since when did you become a gentleman?"

"I figured since you were pregnant and all, it was the least I could do."

She rolled her eyes a bit, but mainly out of amusement. "I have a little over an hour, and we have a lot we need to discuss. Did you get the drinks ordered? Because.."

"Relax, Meredith. Believe it or not, I do know how to follow directions, especially when it means avoiding the hormonal wrath of a very pregnant wife to my best friend."

"Did you just call me hormonal?" Meredith glared at him. "Look, I can just get someone else to plan this party! If you're going to be such a jerk!" She shoved her chair backwards before standing, though her hands quickly found the edge of the table when she realized how dizzy she was.

"Big Grey..." Mark frowned and got up when she did. "Are you okay?" He quickly realized his mistake. _Next time you should learn to just keep your mouth shut. Did you really think she would find that funny?_

"I'm fine. And don't call me Big."

_Did she just say fine? That's not good. Fine is bad. Don't let her get away with that. _"You need to sit down." He started to go around the table but stopped and took a seat when she did. "How about a glass of water? Or something to eat?"

"I have water with me," Meredith pulled the bottle out of her purse.

"Are you sure that you're okay?"

She nodded, "I'm okay, even if I am planning a party with.."

"I'm sorry. I am. For what I said. Don't get mad. Do you have any idea what Derek would do to me if he found out I'd upset you?" Mark didn't even want to think about it.

"It's fine." Meredith sighed, taking a sip of the water she'd had with her all day. "I'm not going to tell him. Let's just, figure this stuff out."

Mark had learned from Derek not to push her too far when she was upset, and so he let it go. "I called about the drinks, and the food. And I let a few more people at work know that they were invited."

"Which means that the only thing I really need you to do now is make sure that he's out of the house that morning. You can't let him cancel your plans, so it better be something good."

"It's fool-proof. So unless you start acting all sick or something, there's no way he isn't going to come with me."

Meredith wasn't so sure, "And what exactly is it that the two of you are going to do?"

"Fishing."

She smiled. Mark was right. That was fool-proof. There was no way Derek was going to pass up an opportunity to do something he loved that much.

-{break}-

"If you're asking my opinion, Derek, I'd say that the baby looks stable." Addison was looking over the image results and medical records for the pregnant patient Derek had operated on earlier. "Though I don't know why nobody discussed this in more detail with her husband. Four months is pretty early. There isn't much data about the effects of anesthesia on a fetus that young."

"I discussed what the doctor on call here told me to discuss. If I'd remembered you were coming into town today, I would have waited to start the surgery until after you got here."

"You forget I no longer have official privileges here."

"Doesn't matter. If the chief knew about this case, he'd let you in on it. We needed someone like you in there."

"I'm flattered, but I really think that you should give yourself a little more credit. This woman's pregnancy still looks viable, even though there's no way for us to know the long-term effects on the baby. Still, it's better than losing a life, right?

"Maybe you could go in and talk to her husband, then. I mean, you're a lot more well-versed on these things than I am, and I think he'd appreciate hearing it from someone who really knows what they're talking about. I can give him information until he's blue in the face about his wife's condition, but he wants to hear about that baby."

"I'll talk to him," Addison smiled. "How's Meredith, by the way?"

"She's good. Things have been going as well as they can be, and she doesn't seem to be having too much of a hard time."

"That's good," She allowed her thoughts to wander, thinking for a moment about what it would be like if she were in Meredith Grey's place, if she were the one that had the chance to have a baby with Derek. They were good thoughts, but ones that were completely inappropriate, and she quickly brought herself back to reality. "I really don't see any reason why she wouldn't carry this baby to term given that she's come this far. I mean, I really thought we were going to lose this pregnancy back when you first had me fly out here."

"We have you to thank for it."

"Not just me," Addison argued. "Meredith's done a lot of the work. If she hadn't followed my orders as strictly as she did, we wouldn't be standing here having this conversation."

"Still. I'll never be able to thank you enough, for flying out here like you have been. I know it isn't easy, but I really do appreciate it."

Unable to handle the conversation any longer, Addison changed the subject, hoping to get her thoughts off of their failed marriage. "Where is she, by the way? I mean, the two of you are usually glued at the hip."

"She left early. Headed home to take a nap before the shower."

"Dr. Grey isn't at home," April Kepner interrupted before Addison could respond.

"Dr. Kepner?" Derek frowned, a little shocked that she'd had the guts to step into a conversation that was none of her business and just blurt something out like that.

"If it's something you don't want to share with me, it's no big deal, Derek. Really, I was just trying..." Addison was confused.

"No..." Derek glanced at her then back to April again. "She told me she was going home." He added, not wanting Addison to feel like he'd lied to her on purpose to protect some sort of secret. "What do you mean, she isn't home?"

"I saw her just a minute ago, across the street."

"Across the street?" Now he was just as confused as his ex-wife was.

"At Joes. I was sitting at the bar, and I saw her come in. She was there with Dr. Sloan. They were...or he was having drinks."

"No offense, Dr. Kepner, but are you sure it was Meredith you saw?"

"Maybe she didn't want you to know.." April frowned and looked down as if the thought was just occurring to her. "I'm sorry. I should have just...I'll just...go." She started to walk off.

"Is she still there?"

The shaken young doctor stopped and looked back at him, "What?"

"Meredith? Was Meredith still at Joes when you left?"

"She was talking to Dr. Sloan," April repeated, then slowly started walking again. He was mad. He was mad and it was her fault. Dr. Grey was going to kill her.

"Maybe there's an explanation..." Addison was careful with her choice of words, noticing the anger, hurt, and confusion that was suddenly written across her ex-husband's face. She'd seen that look before. It was the same look he'd had when he found out about her affair with Mark. "I'm sure she.."

"Don't..." Derek tried to tell himself that she was right, but it wasn't doing much good. Something in him was taken over. Irrational fears from his past and blocks stacked with heartache were taking over his ability to think clearly.

"Derek...it's Meredith we're talking about. She's not...she loves you. And she's having your baby. So I'm sure..."

"Addison!" He sighed. "I'll see you tonight. I have to go find my wife." With that, he walked off toward the entrance of the hospital, determined to see for himself that Meredith really was across the street at Joes and not at home where she said she would be.

****{break}****

"Looks like we have trouble.." A frown settled on Mark's face when he glanced up and saw his best friend storming into the bar.

"What do you mean?" Meredith was confused, but she didn't need an explanation when she turned her head to follow his gaze. "Derek..." _How on earth had he found out she was there?_

"You said you were going home..." For now, Derek's voice was calm, quiet even. "I saw you in the elevator forty-five minutes ago, and you said you were going home. Then I see..."

"Shep..." Mark tried to diffuse the situation before it got out of hand.

It was too late, and Mark only set him off. "What are you doing here, Meredith?" He wasn't even looking at Mark Sloan, not yet.

"I..." Meredith wasn't sure where to start. The last thing she wanted was to ruin the surprise party that she had worked so hard on.

"She was asking me about a patient." Mark suddenly volunteered, even though he knew just how stupid that sounded. It was his second set of words that caused Derek to snap.

"And since when do we discuss patients here?" He was furious, taking a few steps toward him. "What are the two of you doing here together, Mark?! My wife, who's never felt the need to lie to me before, made up some story about how she wanted to go home to take a nap just so she could be here with you! So why don't you tell me the truth!"

"Derek, please..." Meredith frowned and slowly stood, resting one hand on her belly and the other on her back. "People are staring..."

"I know you're mad..." Mark sighed. "And I know what this looks like, but.."

"Do you?!" He didn't care about the people. He didn't care about anything but figuring out exactly what was going on, what was so important that she'd lie to him over it. "Do you know what this looks like, Mark?! Somebody better tell me the truth!"

"Please..." Meredith slowly moved one hand to rest it on his arm. "I'll explain everything at home. But please don't make a scene here.."

Derek jerked his arm away, finally turning to look at her. "Just forget it. Forget it, Meredith. I'm just going to head home now...and the two of you can get back to whatever it is you're doing here."

Knowing better than to just let him walk out, she gave Mark and apologetic look before following her husband out the door. "Please don't be mad. I know it doesn't look good, but I promise you'll understand..."

"I'm not talking about this right now, Meredith. I just, need some time. I need some time, before I hear your explanations for lying to me to meet my friend at a bar." He kept walking until he got to his car, sighing when he realized she'd followed him. "I don't know why I didn't realize you were lying earlier. We rode together this morning..."

_Why hadn't she thought of that? They didn't even have two cars. Now he's going to think you had it planned all day. _ "I'm sorry..." It was all she knew to say, hoping that there was a part of him that would trust that her intentions were pure.

He didn't even bother opening her door for her like he usually did, just got in and waited until she had her seatbelt on. He pulled out of the parking space, and it seemed like an eternity before he said anything else. "I just, don't understand..."

"We were meeting to talk about a party. A party I've been...we've been planning for your birthday." In desperation to avoid him shutting down or becoming any more angry with her, Meredith spilled the whole story to him. "It was supposed to be a surprise, but I guess that's ruined now.."

Derek wasn't quite sure what he'd expected to hear, but that definitely hadn't been it. It took a minute for the words to register in his mind. Why hadn't he believed in her a little more? Why was it so difficult for him to...he sighed. "I thought..."

"It doesn't matter.."

"Please don't cry."

"I'm not crying."

"You are...Meredith..." Derek glanced over at her. "I'm sorry. It's just, when Dr. Kepner.."

"Dr. Kepner told you I was there?!" Now she was yelling along with her tears. "God, I can't stand that woman!"

"She was just trying to help, Meredith."

"No, Derek. No, she wasn't! Are you that dense? She's in love with you! April Kepner is in love with you!"

"Even if she is, it doesn't matter..." Derek frowned. "Please don't get upset about something like this. She's just.."

"I don't care.." Meredith sighed. "I don't care anymore. All I wanted was to surprise my husband on his birthday."

"I can pretend to be surprised. I'm a good actor.." It was in the moment that he reached over to wipe the tears from her eyes that it happened. The moment that would change their lives forever.

He'd been following the rules of the road, driving straight through a light as it was green.

It was the other driver, the one that he didn't see, that failed to stop. It was the driver that had barreled through a stale red light that caused the accident, the accident that would shatter everything Derek Shepherd lived for. It was that driver that would take away something so precious, so valuable, something that could not be replaced.

There was no time for either one of them to react. The car came fast and without warning, slamming head-on into the passenger side of their vehicle, causing them to suddenly spin out of control before the car screeched to a halt in the other lane.

Meredith's world was dark instantly. The impact of the car crushed her body with intense strength, jerking her around as if she was some sort of rag doll, and it was the blow of her head against the window that subsequently shattered that left her unresponsive and next to a panic-stricken husband who struggled to shake off the shock of the impact only to think immediately of his wife and unborn son. "Meredith..." His insides were burning, his lungs gasping for air against the pounding of his heart. She wasn't moving. _No! _ "Meredith!" She wasn't going to do this. She couldn't do this. There was a sickening, heartbreaking sob in his desperate yell. "Meredith!"

Nothing would ever be the same again.

Mark Sloan slowly lifted his head off the steering wheel when the shock of the sudden impact wore off. He'd just hit someone. A car. His car, had just hit another car. And his head, it hurt.

**So that's it for this chapter! This is a crucial moment to this story, so reviews are definitely appreciated!**

**-Katie**


	13. The Fight to Live

**Author's Note:**

**Crazy things are going to happen this chapter. I will fix all of it. Promise.**

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Thirteen**

When bad things happen, we hope we're ready. We hope that we know how to keep breathing. The problem is, sometimes we can't prepare ourselves. Sometimes there's no way for us to be ready for what lies ahead. Sometimes things happen that shatter everything we know, everything we love. People die. People die every day, and we spend our lives hoping that the next person who dies isn't somebody we love. We hope that we get the time we want with the people we care about. There's no way to be prepared for losing someone when you feel like the time isn't right. There's no way to be prepared to bury someone that you didn't get enough time with. The problem is, it's out of our control. Tragedy can strike when we least expect it. Tragedy is what takes our breath away, literally. Tragedy is the thing that can stop us in our tracks, the thing that can leave us wondering how we're even supposed to open our eyes in the morning. When someone we love dies, it's a struggle to figure out how to keep living. The truth is, some of us are never the same.

"Meredith!" Derek struggled in both sheer panic and frustration, to unbuckle his seatbelt, though he found that it was nearly impossible with the constant tremor of his hands. "Don't do this, Meredith. Don't you dare do this! Meredith!" He was screaming against the desperate gasps for air, finally managing to hear the click as his seatbelt was dislodged. "Open your eyes...Mer...open your eyes!" Tears blurred his vision, and he quickly shoved them away with panic and devastation.

Meredith, his beautiful, perfect Meredith, was there next to him, unmoving. He couldn't allow his thoughts to go to their unborn son. She looked so lifeless, so...he wouldn't allow his thoughts to go there either. Frantically, he leaned across the car, trying to force his logic to take over. Adrenaline wasn't helping. The blood pumping through his system, the messages to panic weren't helping him remain level-headed. If he lost her... "Meredith, open your eyes.." His shaky hand finally found its way to the side of her neck where he begged to feel the thud against his fingers that would tell him life was still worth living.

Somehow, against the burning in his chest from the lack of oxygen, and the trembling of his hands from the sheer fear that was taking over him, he breathed a soft sigh of relief when he found her pulse. Weak and thready, but there. "Hang in there Mer. Hang in there. Everything's going to be okay.." Derek Shepherd was too hyper-focused on his wife to notice anything else going on around him. The neurosurgeon in him kicked in enough for him to stop suddenly after reaching to move her head. If she had a spinal injury, that would only make things worse. But he felt useless, just sitting there unmoving. It was at the moment he tried to crawl over more to her side of the car so he could get a better look at her that he realized his foot was pinned underneath the dash. "Open your eyes, Meredith. Open your eyes." Frantically, he wiggled his right leg, trying to get free of the plastic that was holding him.

Mark Sloan slowly opened the door to his car when he finally got a grip on reality. Everything around him was still spinning, and he put one hand to his head just to make sure he wasn't bleeding from the blow against the steering wheel before slowly stumbling out of the vehicle. His hand slid into his pocket, and he fumbled with his cell phone for a moment before finally managing to dial the magic numbers. It was at that moment that he realized who was in the car in front of him. _No. No..no no no. _Suddenly his heart was racing. Suddenly his head didn't hurt so much. He found the ability to move, the ability to feel. Then he was running. Not walking, but running to the crushed car that belonged to his best friend. _How did this happened? If you had just stayed at the bar, or met her somewhere else, or..they have to be okay. This can't...this... _He forced the thoughts to the back of his mind.

Then he saw her. Mark Sloan saw Meredith Grey, unmoving and crushed, with Derek Shepherd hovering over her. She was, still. Too still, and the gut-wrenching screams coming from the man he'd known forever left him almost unable to move again. For a minute, he considered the possibility she was gone, ignoring the questioning from the police dispatcher on the other end of the line. What did it matter, if he had killed Meredith Grey? Nothing would matter if she was dead. His phone fell out of his hand, shattering on the road.

"Tell me she has a pulse.." He wasted no time going to the other side of the car when he found his feet again, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that the passenger door wasn't going to be opening. It was Derek's door that Mark eventually yanked toward him.

"Mark..." Derek's voice broke, and for a minute nothing registered with him. For a moment, he didn't realize just why he was there. "She's...barely...her pulse, maybe fifty..and thats...generous. Oh God...Meredith!" He yelled her name. "Call 911...did you c..."

There was a sharp and sudden stop to his a moment, he was clear-headed enough to be back in reality. "You hit us.." The tone that was panicked and heartbroken just seconds ago was suddenly cold and almost lifeless. "It was you...your car...you...you ran...the light was green. My light. It was green." The broken and grief-stricken doctor jerked his body around, pulling his foot straight out of his wedged shoe as he spun to look at the man standing there. "You ran that light! You hit us! You hit her...and she...Meredith. She's not moving! She's not moving, and you hit her!" Shock was setting in. Nothing was making sense anymore. He was all over the place. Derek had lost the ability to sort through things rationally, to make even the smallest of decisions. "Look at her, Mark! Look at her!" His screaming was so loud and out of control that his throat was already raw, and burning.

Mark suddenly found himself grabbing Derek's wrists, fighting for a moment with him before he managed to remove his hands from around his neck. "I know you're scared, and I know you're angry! But you need to calm down. Shep! Listen to me! Look at me! Look at Meredith! She needs you to calm down! Stop it!" He was yelling right back at him, knowing there would be time later when they could go at it over the accident being his fault. For now he knew it was a matter of life and death for the wife of his best friend, his best friend who seemed to be losing his mind. "Meredith needs you." He finally repeated in a calmer tone when Derek seemed to back of a little.

"Oh God.." Derek turned his attention back to his wife, and his breath hitched in his throat when a small whimper escaped from her lips. "Mer...Meredith..." He was sitting again, and reached over and took her hand, careful not to move even her arm. "Shh...it's okay. It's okay...Shhh..." His free hand wiped away the last of his new tears.

"I called 911. As soon as I could...I called. So they should, they should be on their way. They should be here soon." Mark's voice was shaky, and he struggled to control his own emotions, struggled not to fall apart. But he wouldn't. He wouldn't fall apart, not now. Derek needed him to be calm. Carefully, he climbed into the back seat as best he could. It wasn't easy. He barely fit. But he could reach her, and that was all that mattered. Mark Sloan's hands moved behind Meredith Grey's head, cradling it on either side. If she had a neck injury, he would sit there forever to stabilize it. Whatever it took, to make sure there wasn't more damage. His head still hurt, but he ignored that.

Everything was, different, and...something, something was wrong. _What happened? What...something...what happened? _Her eyes were heavy, so very heavy. And she was cold, really cold. Freezing. Meredith was scared, and cold, and she hurt. Everywhere. She hurt everywhere. _Oh God, something's wrong. Something's really wrong. _Tears escaped her eyelids and slid slowly down her cheeks.

It was just as she forced her eyes open, or rather half open, that her body registered with her brain. She couldn't breathe. Actually, she could breathe, but it wasn't right. Something wasn't right. Every breath she took left a sharp, stabbing pain that radiated through the left side of her chest. Her gasps only made it worse, and so she was stuck in a terrifying cycle. Meredith felt like she couldn't breathe, so she gasped to get more air, only to feel a sharp stabbing pain in her chest, the pain that made her feel like she couldn't breathe. _I'm dying. Something's wrong, and I'm dying. I'm going to die. _

"No...don't move. I'm right here_. _Mer, I'm right here," Derek gently brushed his hand over her cheek, careful not to hurt her. He responded right away when she tried to turn her head toward him. He was grateful Mark's hands were there to stop her. "There was an accident. But we're okay. Everything's okay. Just, try not to move. The paramedics are on their way.."

He sounded scared. She could hear it. Derek sounded scared. Everything was not okay. Her fingers searched frantically for his hand. And the pain, the pain was getting worse. Her belly hurt. It hurt, a lot. Meredith was convinced that she had never felt such an intense pain before in her entire life. And she wanted it to stop.

Derek quickly took her hand when he noticed her fingers moving. His heart was breaking for her, knowing that she was terrified and that she had to be miserable. Those thoughts were pushed aside though, when she whimpered again, and finally, said something.

"Grayson."

Their son. Finally, he thought about their son. The son that had been so safe. So perfect and healthy and safe just a few minutes ago. And now, now he didn't want to think about what they might be up against. All that mattered to Derek, in that moment, was saving the life of his wife. His wife could be dying. Dying. "I know...I know. It's okay. Shh." He brushed his fingers over the back of her hand. "It's going to be okay. I'm right here. I'm right here, and I'm not going to leave you."

The sounds of the sirens in the distance were reassuring for them both.

****{break}****

"Dr. Shepherd..." Miranda Bailey was the first person at Seattle Grace to grab the arm of the man who was clinging to his wife's hand, the wife that was unmoving again, the wife that had made it to the hospital alive by only the grace of God.

"I have to stay with her," Derek's eyes were glued to Meredith, and his voice was almost robotic. There were no more tears, no more emotions, just an empty shell of a man, going through the motions of watching his wife die.

"I know you want to. I know. But there are a lot of people that need to be in that room right now. Meredith needs..."

He cut her off. "Her heart...stopped. She was fine, and then she was..talking...and she...I tried to get her to look at me...and she was holding my hand. She was okay. And she was...but then...then she stopped. She stopped looking at me. And her heart...her heart stopped...and.." Derek was shattered, broken, into a million pieces. He'd give anything to go back and undo it all, but it was too late. The cards were already on the table.

"You have to let her go. You have to let them do their job.."

"I have to stay with her! She's my wife! I promised her I would be with her." Suddenly he was yelling, jerking away from Bailey as they wheeled Meredith into the nearest open trauma room.

"Derek.." It was Addison who stepped in to take over for Dr. Bailey who was fighting back her own emotions and her own tears.

"Listen to me.." She stepped in front of him, putting both hands on his shoulders. "Look...look at me. Derek!" Addison raised her voice. "Look, at me. I know you're scared. But you have to keep it together. For Meredith. We're going to fight for her. I'm going to fight for her. And she's tough. But if you go in there, you're taking away from the help she needs."

"...I can't lose her, Addison." Tears filled his eyes again, despite his attempts to keep them away.

"I know." Addison was putting on a brave face, even if she was struggling to keep it together.

"The baby...you have to...please...the baby.."

She gave him a small nod, "I'm going now," There was a short exchange of looks between the two women there. "You sit. Let someone check you out." Addison disappeared into the room were a team of doctors led by Owen were frantically trying to save the life of one of their own.

Derek managed to follow Bailey to a chair that was just a few feet from the door, sinking into it and burying his face in his hands. "You have to go...in there. Go in there, and make sure she's okay. Make sure she's..and the baby.." He trusted Miranda, and he wanted her there with Meredith. If he couldn't be there, he wanted her there.

"You stay put," Miranda nodded, pulling herself together before she walked in the room, "What's the story?"

When he finally found himself alone in an empty hallway there in the emergency room of Seattle Grace, Derek allowed his thoughts to go to Mark. The field test had yielded the verdict that Mark was indeed still within legal limits as far as his alcohol intake, but they had still taken him down to the police station to answer questions after he insisted that he didn't need to be seen by a doctor. That idiot had even signed a paper saying he refused transport to a hospital.

Derek didn't feel anger yet. He couldn't. The only thing he could feel was fear. He needed to know that Meredith and his son were going to be okay. Anger would have to wait.

**** {break} ****

"She's...stable." Owen was trying to maintain a good balance of order and quick actions as they scrambled to save the life of the doctor they had all come to care about. "Do we have a pressure yet?"

"Barely.." One of the nurses glanced at the screen as the automatic blood pressure cuff cycled again and spit out some new numbers, then rattled them off to him. "Pulse 49." She tried to keep him updated without talking too much. There were already enough people talking, and enough people running around.

"We need to move faster," He was firm, but calm. "We're going to lose her if we can't get her upstairs." Then, he suddenly snapped when he realized her oxygen saturation levels were plummeting. "Lets move, people! I need that chest tube in and that second IV started! Where's my central line?"

Dr. Bailey had a deep frown on her face. "What's the story?" She grabbed a pair of gloves, pulling them on.

"Left pneumothorax...couple of broken ribs. Ruptured spleen..." Alex Karev started rattling things off. Somehow he'd managed to worm his way in there, forcing himself to stay calm so he wouldn't get kicked out.

Addison interrupted before he could continue down the laundry list of injuries that were threatening Meredith's life. "Can I have some quiet in here, please?" She was focused completely on the baby that she had poured an incredible amount of heart and soul into saving. At the moment, she didn't care about anything but seeing the image on the ultrasound screen.

There was a sudden silence, an eerie one, one that left an uncomfortable tension hanging in the air. "Dr. Montgomery?" Bailey was the first one to speak up after what seemed like hours.

A simple shake of her head was the only reply she gave, and she finally put the wand down. "You've got a lot of blood in the belly too, so I'm thinking you should probably get in there pretty soon. Otherwise.."

"The baby's dead?" It was Alex who tried to find clarification.

"Yeah..." Addison ripped her gloves off, tossing them into a trash before wiping tears from her eyes. "I'll scrub in and do the c-section. But...I should go talk to Derek..first. Get consent signed."

Owen looked over at her, taking a moment to process the devastating news that was suddenly hanging over all of them. Before too much precious time could go by, though, he finally found a way to use the death of that baby as motivation to kick into high gear. "Alright, let's take her upstairs. Now. We don't have time anymore, otherwise we're going to be burying two people." He glanced over at Alex. "Karev, if you can keep it together, you can scrub in."

Surprisingly enough, Alex shook his head "I think I'll pass. I'm just going to...I should...just in case Cristina shows up...I should wait outside. And Lexie, I should find Lexie." So much for keeping it together. He was freaking out.

"Dr. Bailey.." Owen wasn't about to lose his entire surgical team.

She nodded, not about to walk away from the woman that she had grown to truly love like her own family. That poor girl had just lost her baby, and she wasn't going to stand by and let her die.

"I'll be up...as soon as I let him know." Addison could barely find words as she quietly slipped out of the room.

"How is she?" Derek practically leapt up from his chair when he saw her. "Is she okay? Addison?" He was a nervous wreck, and he looked it.

There were no words, just silence as Addison took his hand and led him around the corner into a private room. The last thing she wanted to do was tell him about the loss of his son in the middle of a hallway. "I'm so sorry, Derek..." She tried, but failed to figure out just how to approach the topic.

"No..." Derek found it almost impossible to breathe as he heard her apologize. "Tell me. What happened? Addison! You have to tell me!"

"The baby.." She paused, correcting herself. "Grayson...there was no heartbeat. More than likely he died on impact."

It was a devastating, life-altering blow, and Derek suddenly felt as if all of the air had been sucked out of him. Hyperventilation came suddenly, severely, and quickly, taking over his previously semi-quiet being. Some people might say it was just like a miscarriage, losing a baby that was never born. Or at least, those that had never experienced it would. But it wasn't. Derek Shepherd's son was dead. He'd lost his baby.

"I'm so sorry, Derek.." Addison hugged him. She hugged him because she knew there was no one else. There was no one else there to be with him. He was hurting and he was in pain, and he was alone. She wasn't going to let him be alone. It was the sobbing, though, that broke her heart. Even if she was just the ex-wife, it brought tears to her eyes to have him sobbing against her shoulder. There was nothing she could say. She knew that.

Derek heaved, gasping for air as he cried. His usually stoic and calm figure was wracked by shaking as he tried to figure out how he was going to keep moving forward. His son was gone. The tiny, perfect little baby boy that he and Meredith had dreamed of for so long, was gone. Meredith had been complaining about him kicking just that morning. They had ultrasound pictures framed in his nursery. The baby who had a name, and a room, and clothes, and...a place in his heart, was gone. It felt as if a knife had been stabbed through his heart.

Then it occurred to him, that she hadn't mentioned his wife. "How's Meredith?" Again, he was frantic. The thought of losing her was more than enough to push him over the edge.

"Her condition is very critical, Derek, but they're doing everything they can. They're taking her up to surgery now."

"Surgery, for what?"

She hesitated to disclose anything else to him, feeling like he'd heard enough for the time being.

"Derek.."

"Please...Addie. I just...my...I just lost my son.." He was struggling to put complete thoughts into words. "I just...I need to know."

A deep sigh escaped her lips, "She had a few broken ribs, one of which collapsed her lung on the left side, and a ruptured spleen. I saw quite a bit of blood in her belly..." The pause was enough to kill him. "She's showing signs of shock as well, but I'm hoping that once they stop the bleeding, that will fix itself."

"Neurologically...how...she hit her head, on the window."

"I'm not sure. But...Derek..." Addison put one hand on his arm. "You hang in there. I know this is...I know it's..." There was nothing she could say. "Meredith is going to need you when she gets out of surgery." She stood. "I need your consent to perform an emergency c-section. And for the removal of her spleen. She's bleeding out pretty rapidly." The papers were on the chair next to them, and she handed them over.

He signed them with a shaking hand. "I want to see him."

"Derek.."

"I want to see my son, Addison. Please..." Derek suddenly thought back to the woman he had treated months ago, the woman who had died. That man hadn't ever seen his baby. He wasn't going to be that man. He needed to see him, to touch him.

There was no stopping him. That much she knew. "Okay. Okay. I'll send someone out to get you when we get to that point.." Her voice was soft, barely audible.

Derek watched her go, emotions suddenly leaving him again, though he was sure it was just from the devastation and tragedy of all that had happened. Everything he loved was being destroyed, and he was unsure of where to go from there.

**** {break} ****

The team of doctors in O.R. three worked both with a determined and frantic spirit as they fought to save the life of Meredith Grey. She was barely hanging on, and they all knew it. It was the unspoken words that left the most fear. Her chances weren't good. Even if they could stabilize her enough to finish the surgery, the chances she'd ever live more than a couple of days in the intensive care unit were minimal.

A woman's body wasn't designed to handle the injuries she'd sustained along with the loss of a pregnancy and a sudden emergency c-section followed by the removal of a spleen, the repair of a lung, and the treatment for what appeared to be a traumatic brain injury that was causing her pupils to be sluggish and uneven.

It would be a miracle if she got off that table. That much they could all agree on.

"I need someone to go speak to Dr. Shepherd." Addison glanced over to the nurse who was gingerly wrapping a blanket around the baby who was just nine weeks from his due date, so beautiful, yet lifeless. "Just...swaddle him. He wants...he wants to see him. And take a picture, for Meredith. Footprints too."

The nurse just nodded, unable to find the words to say much of all. She left the room to do what was asked of her, easily finding Derek in the waiting room along with Alex, Cristina, and Lexie.

"How much longer do you have, Dr. Montgomery?" Owen Hunt was becoming more and more impatient as Meredith's vitals continued to fall. "We're running out of time."

Addison was desperately trying to finish up her part of the surgery so he could take over, but found herself at a stand-still, a crossroads. "Her uterus isn't contracting."

"What exactly..." An intern who had managed to somehow find his way in spoke up for the first time.

"After delivery, a woman's uterus is supposed to contract back to it's original size. Otherwise..."

"The bottom line is..we can't leave it like that." Dr. Bailey was panicking. "How many milligrams of Pitocin have you injected?"

"I'm maxed out." Addison was pulling out all the stops, trying every trick in the book.

"You've got to do something.."

"A hysterectomy.." Owen spoke up again, firmly.

"We're not doing a hysterectomy! She just lost the only baby she had! There's no way I'm taking away her ability to ever have a child in the future!"

"If you don't do something, she won't be alive to think about having children!" Owen frowned. "We're on borrowed time here!"


	14. Begging for Grace

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Fourteen**

When someone you love dies, it's like nothing else matters. The world stops spinning, things cease to exist. The only thing that matters, when someone dies, is figuring out how to pick up the pieces. The pain is impossible to describe, one that rips through you with an intense vengeance. When someone dies, it's like a part of you dies too. You forget how to breathe. You forget how to live. You want that person back. You want to be able to turn back time and get back what you lost. Possessions are replaceable. People aren't. And so it hurts, when you lose someone. It hurts because you know they're gone forever. You know that even if someone else comes along, they will never replace the person that is no longer there. When someone you love dies, you have to figure out if you're going to die with them, or keep going.

"Derek." Dr. Owen Hunt pulled off his blue surgical cap as he walked into the waiting room where the friends and family of Meredith Grey were waiting, impatiently, to hear whether or not she had made it through the surgery.

Instantly, Derek got up from where he was seated, running his hand through his hair. It was a nervous habit, and it did little to help is appearance. He was a wreck. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks, his eyes bloodshot from the tears that hadn't stopped falling when he saw his son. "How is she?" There wasn't a chance in the world that he was going to allow himself to imagine the possibility that he would lose his wife too.

Owen glanced around at the other people who were there, hovering. They were just, hovering. Scared, he knew, but he couldn't stand the hovering. Alex, Jackson, Cristina, Lexi, and..Mark. Mark was sitting in a corner, almost as if he were hiding. There was a small shake of his head as he made the decision right then and there that he wasn't going to make this man endure news about his wife with other people there as well, begging for information. "We should go somewhere private." He suggested. "The family conference room is just around the corner." Cristina shot him a glance, but he ignored it. She could wait. She had to wait.

"Okay." Derek was hesitant to accept the offer, but when he saw Lexie getting up to move closer, he simply followed Dr. Hunt to the room without argument. "How is she?" His question came again, as soon as he sat down and the door closed.

"She made it through surgery," Owen took a seat before he continued. "Her condition, Derek, is very critical...at best."

"She...you said she made it through surgery." He didn't care what her odds were. He didn't care how many people said she was going to die, or what medical research showed. All Derek Shepherd cared about was taking it one step at a time. His wife was going to live. She had to live. He wasn't going to watch her die. He couldn't, watch her die. He didn't know how he would live if she was gone.

There was a nod before he continued, trying to figure out how to put his thoughts into words. "There were some..complications, with the c-section. Meredith's uterus wasn't contracting and Addison was having a difficult time. We considered a hysterectomy because she was losing so much blood."

"...we can't have children..." Derek was numb, even more so than he had been before. His tone was lifeless, empty.

"No. I mean, yes. You...she can. I'm sorry. I should have started with that." He quickly realized his mistake, hating that he had given the impression that they hadn't been able to fix it. "Her uterus did finally start contracting, but the time we lost in waiting was..." Owen sighed. "She lost a lot of blood Derek, and her body is in shock. It didn't help any, to lose that had to transfuse double the units of blood that I would have liked, and her blood pressure is barely at a point where I would consider it stable. We have her on a Dopamine drip, but I don't know how long that's going to work. She's not really doing..."

Derek cut him off, feeling like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. A small one, but at least he could breathe again. There had not been a hysterectomy. They could have another baby. Not now. Not anytime soon. He couldn't go through that, and he knew she couldn't. But at some point, maybe in years to come, that option was still there. "So there was no hysterectomy. She can still have children..." He had to say it out loud to reassure himself.

"Yes. But, Derek..."

"What else? What else did you do? Did someone evaluate her neurological status? Addison didn't tell me...before. When I saw her. She didn't say."

Owen tried to start from the beginning, doing his best not to overwhelm Derek with too much at once. So, he decided to keep it simple. Details could be explained later. "We removed her spleen. I had hoped that we could do a partial splenectomy, but there was too much damage. Addison saved her uterus, and I ended up repairing some damage done to her left lung. She still has a couple of chest tubes in, though. As far as her neurological status goes, I would say at this point we're very guarded. She's showing signs of a traumatic brain injury, but there is no way to know how bad it is until she wakes up and we can do some more testing. Her pupils are still sluggish."

"But she's alive," There was still the matter of how much shock Derek was in from it all. He was barely able to really comprehend everything that was going on. All he could wrap his mind around was the fact that Meredith was still alive, still there with him. The pain of losing his son was crippling, devastating, but he tried to push that to the back of his mind while he focused on keeping the woman he loved alive.

"Yes, but Derek...Meredith isn't doing much of the work herself. She's on a ventilator. The settings are pretty high. Her body is just not responding the way we'd like. She's alive, but I don't know how much of that is machines and how much of it is the Meredith you love." Owen tried to be straight with him, but gentle. The man had been through enough.

Derek wasn't in the frame of mind to listen to any of it, and he refused to break down there in front of Owen Hunt. The thought of Meredith being there in body but gone in mind brought back memories of unplugging Mrs. Clark. He quickly shook them off, fighting back tears as his hands began to shake. He couldn't watch her die like that. He couldn't watch the woman he loved slip away while machines kept her heart beating. "I want to see her." It was all he could manage.

"I'll take you to her room," Owen stood, opening the door. He let Derek go first, ignoring everyone else who was desperate to know something about Meredith's condition. Without saying anything and without stopping for anyone, he led Derek straight to the ICU and to the room where she was.

"Here, you can have this chair." Addison quickly got up from the seat she'd been in at Meredith's bedside. She didn't really know why she was there, right against her bed. It gave her comfort, she guessed, just in case something went wrong. She was there, right there. Somehow, in all that had happened, Addison had learned to care about Meredith. Not just as someone who was married to Derek, but as a..friend. She cared about Meredith, as a person. So she almost felt like it was her job to stay there with her until Derek came. He looked terrible, but she gave him a small encouraging smile anyway when she noticed him frozen there, just staring at the woman in the bed.

Meredith looked dead. She was lifeless as she laid there in that bed, her chest rising and falling only because there was a tube down her throat and a machine programmed to do all of the work for her. There were tubes, and wires, everywhere. She had drains, everywhere. Her skin was pale, ghostly pale. _Are there always this many wires in the ICU? Is the beeping of that machine always so loud? _Derek struggled to take it all in, shaking hands moving to wipe away the tears that stung his eyes. He wanted to sit down, in that chair, where Addison had been. He wanted to hold Meredith's hand and talk to her, to tell her everything was okay. But he couldn't move. He was frozen there, shocked at her appearance.

"It's okay..." Addison glanced over to Dr. Hunt, letting him know silently that she would handle it for a few minutes. He disappeared, grateful, to go let Cristina and the rest of the people waiting know how she was. "Derek.." She walked over to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Come sit down." Her voice was gentle, soothing even.

Shakily, he walked over to the chair and finally sat, drawing in a deep breath. "...she can't die."

His voice was barely audible, and his words haunted her. "I know. I know, Derek." Her hand rested on his shoulder. "Talk to her. Hold her hand, and talk to her. It will help, if she knows you're here."

"Owen said..."

She cut him off. "Meredith's a fighter, Derek. She's strong. She'll pull through this. But she's going to need you."

He didn't respond to that other than to reach over and hesitantly take Meredith's hand. His touch was gentle. He didn't want to hurt her, or disrupt any of the machines or drains she was connected to. It gave him a sense of peace though, to touch her again, to feel her skin against his.

"If you need anything, I'll just be at the nurses station." Addison knew he needed some time. He needed time with his wife, to grieve the loss of his son and to wrap his mind around the condition of the woman he loved. "I'll make sure no one bothers you."

Derek knew she was referring to Meredith's friends. It wasn't that he wanted to keep them from her, but then, in that moment, he couldn't think about anyone else. All he could think about was having a few minutes with her, alone. He just needed some time, to regroup. "Thanks."

When she left, he cried. He cried for the baby they had loved but never known. He cried because Meredith had never held him, because she had never been able to rock him to sleep or kiss him goodnight. He cried because the son he wanted to stay up all night with and take fishing in years to come was dead. His son was gone. He had been so perfect. So tiny, but so beautiful. He would remember that, for the rest of his life. Derek cried because somewhere buried in the back of his mind was the thought that Meredith could die. He cried because he was scared out of his mind that she would just give up, that she would stop fighting. He cried because he wasn't sure she would ever be the same again. He wasn't sure either one of them would ever be the same again.

****{break}****

"You did this!" Cristina Yang had room for anger. She had enough anger for everyone in that room. And when she finally found her voice, when the shock of her best friend's condition had settled, she yelled.

It was Mark Sloan that couldn't figure out how to fight back. He couldn't figure out how he was supposed to do much of anything. Next to Derek, he looked almost equally as terrible, and he was struggling to even keep his mind working. "...I'm sorry."

She could barely hear his response. _Sorry? He was sorry?! Meredith's son was gone. And she, she was dying. And Mark Sloan was sorry? _"You're sorry?! Do you think that makes it any better?! Do you think that sorry is going to bring back their son?! Or save her life?! Do you have any idea what you've done?!"

"It was an accident. I'm...God. I'm so sorry..." Mark's hands were trembling, and he glanced at Cristina for a brief second. Her pain, he was convinced, was nothing compared to what he was feeling. His stupidity had taken the life of another person, maybe two. And it wasn't just anyone. It was someone he cared about, someone...he didn't know how to make it stop.

The guilt, the pain, was overwhelming. He'd already wondered if maybe it wasn't worth it, if maybe it would just be easier to throw in the towel. There were no tears left to cry. He was starting to become numb, but numb was a million times better than the pain he was feeling. He could handle numb.

"Cristina.." Lexie found her voice, buried under layers of pain, confusion, and fear. Her boyfriend had caused an accident that left someone dead. Her sister, she could die. And Mark could go to jail. He had run a light, which meant the accident was his fault. He could go to jail. If Derek pressed charges, he would spend his life in jail. And even if he didn't, the prosecutors could take the case to court anyway. Mark was hurting. He was hurting more than they knew, and her sister was dying. So Lexie was falling apart. She didn't quite know how to respond to it, to any of it. "Please, stop...just...stop."

"So now you're going to stick up for him?! Like somehow I should feel sorry for him?!" She was yelling at her now.

"I'm just saying that you need to stop yelling! We're all hurting, Cristina. All of us! And that isn't making anything better!"

Mark took her hand, squeezing it gently to reassure her that she didn't have to get involved. "If you don't think I wish I had been the one to die, you're crazy." He finally managed to put his thoughts into words, looking straight at Cristina Yang. "I'd give anything, to take Meredith's place. I'd give anything to bring back that baby."

"Well you..."

"Cristina." Owen cut her off, resting one hand on his arm.

"He.." She fought against him.

"Cristina..." He knew she was just hurting, so he pulled her closer to him.

Then she broke down. Cristina broke down, in Owen's arms. She broke down and cried. In that moment, she wasn't concerned about who saw her, or what people said. Cristina cried for Meredith. She cried for the baby that was dead and for her person who was barely hanging on.

"We should just...go home." Mark looked over to Lexie. "There's no point in being here, Lex. We're not going to be able to see her, and Derek...if he finds out I'm.."

Lexie didn't make him finish. She knew he was right, so she just nodded and stood, wiping away her own tears. "You'll call us, right? If something changes, you'll call?" She looked over to Alex.

"I'm actually...going home too, but I'll make sure that Bailey knows to call us. And I will call you." They were all a little shell-shocked. Everyone who was known for their strength and stoic demeanor even in the most sensitive of times, was breaking down.

"She's going to be okay." It was Jackson who finally spoke some hope into the room, "Meredith is going to be okay."

****{break}****

The next few hours proved to be difficult for Derek as he struggled to make sense of everything. There wasn't any peace, either. There wasn't any time for him to just sit and have a few minutes alone with Meredith. Someone was always in and out of her room. If it wasn't the nurses constantly checking her vitals or monitoring her drains, it was one of the surgeons making sure that her condition wasn't changing.

Derek didn't mind Owen, Miranda, or Addison being concerned about Meredith and he was certainly glad they were all so attentive to her, but it began to wear on him. At first he didn't say anything about it. For the first few hours post-op he didn't say a word when they came in, just let them do whatever it was that they were doing.

After a while though, he reached a point where he could no longer deal with the constant interruption and constant flow of traffic in and out of a room. It was Dr. Hunt who got the lecture. "Can you not do that?"

Owen paused when he walked in, Meredith's chart in hand. He stopped before he got near her bed, looking over at Derek with a look of confusion on his face. "Do what?"

"Can you, the three of you, stop coming in here every ten minutes? The doors are glass. You can see straight through them. The monitors feed to the nurses station. You can see her vitals there. I'm a doctor, a surgeon, in case you forgot. So if something goes wrong, I know how to press a button or start doing..something." He sighed, realizing that he was probably coming across rudely. He didn't mean to stir up trouble. He just, wanted some quiet. "I know you're worried about her. All of you are. And I know you want to check on her every five seconds. But I can't take it anymore. And the constant activity, isn't good for her either. So if you could just limit your trips.."

Dr. Hunt was caught off-guard by Derek's sudden snappy remarks, but he didn't blame him. He knew that if the shoe was on the other foot he would feel the same way, so he didn't take his comments personally. "I'm sorry." He sighed, realizing just how fragile Dr. Shepherd was. "You're right. I'll make sure that we limit the amount of traffic through here." For Derek's sake, he didn't bother to check everything while he was standing there. He simply walked out of the room and slowly slid the glass door shut behind him.

Derek let out a small sigh of relief, grateful that he hadn't put up much of a fight about his request. It wasn't that he didn't want Meredith to get the best care possible. He just needed everything to go away. Even if it was just for an hour or so, he needed it to stop. And the neurosurgeon in him knew that she needed rest. She needed things to be calm, and quiet. "Maybe that will keep them out for a while.." He spoke quietly, knowing, or hoping, that somehow she could hear him. "Everything's going to be okay, Meredith." He took her hand again before closing his eyes, leaning back in his chair some.

**I apologize for this being a much shorter chapter than the last one, but it's sort of an in-between chapter. I'm using it simply to bridge the gap between the accident, the death, the surgery, and the shock of everything. **

**Thanks so much for the reviews on the last chapter! As always, please keep them up. They are the motivation to keep posting. :)**

**-Katie**


	15. Don't Leave Me

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Fifteen**

As surgeons we're used to sick people. We're all-too familiar with the ICU. We live in the ICU. Well, sometimes we do. We have a lot of people that end up in the ICU. More than we would like. The thing is, we know what a ventilator is. We know what a heart-lung bypass machine is. We know what dialysis looks like. We understand the odds stacked against each person that has their name on one of those sliding glass doors. The other thing is, we don't. We don't really know. We don't really get it. Sure, we see it. We understand how it works, or we think we do. The problem is, we don't pay much attention. We don't notice the tearstained eyes of the guy at the bedside, the guy that looks like he hasn't slept in weeks. We don't notice that the beeping of the heart monitor or the whispering of the ventilator can be really, really obnoxious. We don't have that fear and panic when an alarm goes off. We overlook that. We walk in, we check incisions, and we leave. When someone's brain isn't working, we shut everything off. We decide they can't live. The problem is, when it happens to us, when we're the ones in that bed...we don't get it. It's a shock for us. It's new, like we've never been there before. We don't understand how it all works. It hurts, everything hurts. It hurts because we realize what we've taken for granted. We realize that we never truly understood what it was like to be a patient. When we're faced with it, we don't know what to do.

Ten hours. He had been there for ten hours, just sitting, staring. For ten hours. She hadn't moved. She wasn't wiggling her fingers, or opening her eyes. Her breathing pattern wasn't changing, and her vitals were still dangerously low despite the high doses of some pretty strong drugs. Despite the surgery to correct her internal bleeding, and the Mannitol she was on to lower the increased pressure in her brain, she still wasn't waking up. The ventilator was still doing all of the work for her, telling her lungs to inflate, forcing air into her body because she wasn't performing simple functions by herself.

Owen had tried to convince him that she just needed more time, that the trauma and shock her body had gone through was just overwhelming for her system. He knew Owen was lying. He also knew why he was doing it, but the other thing he knew was that it didn't make any sense. Who in their right mind tried to lie to a neurosurgeon about why someone wasn't waking up? Didn't he know, didn't they all know that he was intelligent enough to put the pieces together? His beautiful, perfect Meredith was fighting for her life, and she wasn't winning. In fact, she wasn't even breaking even. Derek prayed. He prayed as he held her hand, that she would be okay. He didn't know how to even imagine what life would be like if she died. He couldn't imagine it. Didn't want to imagine it. So despite his knowledge and despite the odds that were becoming less and less in her favor, he refused to give in to the idea that he was going to lose her.

She was a fighter. Meredith Grey was a fighter. She always had been. She would fight. She had to fight.

"How's our patient doing?" Owen walked in late the next morning, Meredith's chart in hand. Though he usually tried to remain upbeat and positive regarding patients, there was no smile on his face, just a somber expression indicating the seriousness of where they were.

"There hasn't been any change." Derek was empty. Emotionally, he was done. Broken. Just a shell of the person he had been the previous evening, when his son was still alive and his wife was laughing about Cristina's ability to plan a baby shower. "She's not even breathing over the ventilator." It was more factual than anything else, and his eyes didn't leave her.

"Maybe you should take a break, Derek. You..."

"No."

"Even if it's just for a few minutes. Just to get some coffee, or something to eat."

"I'm not leaving her."

"I know you want to be here with her, but look at her, Derek. She's not waking up right now, and you're just going to end up making yourself sick. She would want you taking care of yourself. Meredith is going to need you, when she does open her eyes."

"I'm not leaving, Dr. Hunt. End of discussion."

He sighed, knowing better than to fight about it any longer. "We'll give her a few more hours. Then we're going to have to re-evaluate where we're at, and see if this is really the best care for her." He proceeded to do a full exam, not wanting to miss anything that might provide a clue as to how she was doing or where they should go from there.

"She's going to wake up. She just...needs more time."

"Derek...I know you want that. We all want that. But you need to start thinking about what.."

"She's going to wake up. Meredith's a fighter. She'll wake up. She's just tired. She's been through a lot."

"Okay." Owen scribbled a few notes down on her chart then left without another word.

**** {break} ****

"Derek..." It was Addison who was there next.

_Couldn't she just go away? Why wouldn't everyone just go away? _Derek sighed and glanced over to her.

"Dr. Hunt said you refused to go rest."

"I'm not leaving her."

"Derek..." Addison sighed and walked over, resting a hand on his shoulder. "I know you're scared. It's okay to be scared. We all are. We're all scared. But Meredith is going to need you when she wakes up, and if you haven't had anything to eat and haven't slept in days, you're just going to end up having to leave her when she is aware of what's going on. You don't want to leave her then, do you?

"No..."

"Then you need to go get some rest. Go sleep for a few hours, even if it's in your office, and get something to eat."

"I don't want to leave her.." Derek was torn. He absolutely did not want to leave Meredith when she woke up. He wouldn't leave Meredith when she woke up, but he didn't want to leave her now either. He wanted to stay there with her, be there with her just so she would know she wasn't alone.

"I'll stay." She surprised even herself with the offer. "I'll stay and sit with her, until you get back."

"Okay.." It took him a few minutes of silence before he agreed, before he finally drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, and agreed that he would rest. He wasn't going because he wanted to. He was going because he knew Meredith needed him to. She would need him there, later. Addison was right.

"I promise you that I'll page you if anything changes, or send someone to get you."

There was nothing but a small nod in response and he gently kissed the back of Meredith's hand before he slowly stood. "A few hours. I'll just be gone a few hours. But you can't.."

"I won't leave." Addison assured him, taking a seat in the chair where he'd been. "I'll be right here with her the whole time."

"...I'll be back." Derek repeated. He left the room slowly, frowning when he realized just how different it was to be out of that room. It made things worse, actually. In there, with her, it was easier to be strong. It was easier to brush everything aside and convince himself that she would be okay. But walking away brought reality back. He wasn't sure if he was ready for reality. There was a pause as he glanced back at Addison. She would take good care of Meredith. She'd promised to stay, but he wasn't sure if that was enough. But if he didn't, she was right. He'd have to leave when she woke up. He didn't want to leave when she was awake. Hesitantly, and after much battle with his own emotions, he headed to his office.

Her ultrasound picture was there, on his desk. He'd framed it. Well, Meredith had framed it. She'd framed it when she realized just how much he was in awe of seeing his son. It had been a gift. Their son's ultrasound picture, had been a gift. He'd spent...a lot of time, just sitting there...staring at it.

Tears came fast. Hard and fast. In the ICU, with Meredith, he could push the death of his son to the back-burner. But in his office, where that perfectly framed ultrasound picture was sitting on the wood, the loss of Grayson was front and center.

He yelled. Derek yelled, as loud as he could. He yelled as he dropped down to his knees and cried. People could hear him, but he didn't care. His son was gone. He was gone and he wasn't ever going to come back. That perfect, beautiful baby boy was gone. And Meredith...she didn't even know. She was in that ICU, fighting for her life, and he knew that even when she woke up and was healing physically, she would realize that the fight had just begun. They had lost something that was so precious to them...he wasn't sure they would ever be the same. He didn't know how he was going to tell his wife that the baby she had cried for and laughed for and...there was a nursery..and a name..and...they had loved him. He didn't know how he was going to tell her that their son was dead. So he cried. It was the only thing he knew how to do. He cried there on the floor until he fell asleep, there in the center of his office.

****** {break} ******

"We need to page Derek," Addison stood at the entrance of the tiny ICU room as Dr. Hunt, Dr. Altman, and Dr. Bailey hovered over Meredith. "I promised him. I promised I would page him."

"Not yet." Miranda waved her hand, eyes glued to the monitors. _Come on, Meredith, you can do this. _

The respiratory therapist was wedged between the ventilator machine and the bed, one hand ready to change the settings if need be. "Meredith, I know this is scary, and I know everything is very painful and confusing right now." She spoke loudly and firmly to the woman who was still not technically awake. She could hear her though, so she spoke to her. There had been studies done, a lot of them, on patients who were comatose, studies that had left clear evidence that their hearing was intact. And Anne Lima was convinced that if the young woman in the bed had anything left in her, she was hearing what they said. Even if she didn't have her eyes open and wasn't talking to them, she was convinced she was awake enough to understand a little about what was going on. "I need you to take some deep breaths. Slow, deep breaths."

"Come on, Meredith.." Dr. Bailey spoke under her breath.

"She's still bleeding..." Teddy was the one to deliver the terrifying blow. "There...look..."

Miranda Bailey's eyes followed her friend's finger as she pointed out the blood that was pooling in Meredith Grey's chest. "We're going to have to open her back up."

"I don't know if she can survive another surgery." Owen was looking at the ultrasound screen, sighing as Teddy put the wand down.

"Either we evacuate that blood, or we get Derek in here and..."

"We are **not** letting this girl die. She's one of my babies. I've already lost babies...I'm not losing any more. She's one of my babies...has her own babies now. So she's going to have to do better." Miranda looked at Meredith. "Do you hear me? You're going to have to do better."

"Miranda..."

"Either you two fools are going to help me, or I'll find someone else who can. We are not going to give up on her." She was already grabbing the phone from the wall to get an operating room ready for them.

"I'm going to let Derek know." Addison wasted no time going to the elevator.

"She's crashing." Miranda had barely finished her call when Meredith's condition took yet another dive downward.

"We need to make sure this is what Derek would want." Teddy was racing to get a backboard underneath the woman who no longer had a heartbeat.

Owen started compressions as Miranda quickly unplugged machines from the wall and began bagging so she was still getting oxygen. "Well he sure as hell wouldn't want her dead."

"Hold the elevator!" Teddy raised her voice as they raced down the hall, practically knocking down the student nurse that was standing in the hallway with a clipboard in hand.

"She's going to be gone anyway." Anne was following with them, truly amazed that a trauma surgeon was riding on top of a gurney to do CPR on a woman who clearly wasn't stable enough for the surgery she was headed to.

"If you want out, now's the time. If you're coming up with us, keep your mouth shut." Owen continued compressions on Meredith "Twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty.."

***** {break} ****

"Derek..." Addison opened his office door slowly, sighing when she saw him laying there on the couch.

He was up, instantly, rubbing bloodshot eyes. "What's wrong?" The look on her face told him what he needed to know. She was there for a reason, a reason that he wasn't so sure he wanted to hear. "What happened?" A racing heart kept him from jumping off the couch right away.

She sat down. "...they're taking her back to surgery."

"Surgery..." His disbelief was obvious. "...she's not...she...Meredith...she..."

"Derek..." Addison took his shaking hand. "Breathe..." He was breaking. Anyone could see that. Actually, it was too late. He was already shattered into a million pieces.

"She's not strong enough for surgery." Tears started, and suddenly he was standing, yelling. "She's not strong enough for surgery!"

"Listen to me, Derek..." Addison stood, grabbing his shoulder. "She's got a lot of blood in her chest...they've got to get in there."

"She could die...Addison...Meredith could die..." His words came through his tears.

"I know..." This time she didn't try to argue.

"...yesterday she was so excited...complained that Grayson was kicking too much...and now...she's going to die..."

"We'll go sit back in her room." Addison quietly let the grieving husband back to the empty ICU room. "Someone will update us as soon as they know anything."

Robotically, without any words or emotion,he followed her. With just a blank stare and a few stray tears, he sat down in the same chair he'd been in overnight. "She can't handle this surgery, Addie. Neurologically, she's not stable enough."

"You don't know that.."

"I do. I do know that."

"Stranger things have happened, Derek. You can't give up on her now. Meredith's a fighter. If anyone can get through this and come out on the other side okay, it's her. I know we're stacking odds against her, but you're what she has left. If you give up now..."

"I'm not giving up on her. I just..." He breathed, tears filling his eyes.

"I know..." She reached over and took his hand. "I know you're scared."

**** {break}****

"We were able to evacuate the blood, and I think we should be out of the woods as far as the internal bleeding goes."

"That's what you said before.." Derek's eyes were glued to his wife, and he held her hand gently in his, brushing his thumb across the back of it.

"I know, I know...Derek."

Miranda stepped in for Owen. "Sometimes we can't predict what internal injuries like these are going to do. We've ripped her open from one end to the other, Derek. Meredith's body is fighting, though...and that's what we need to focus on. I know you're angry..."

"You need to increase her dose of Mannitol..."

She sighed at his lack of response. "We're watching her intracranial pressure closely."

"You need to increase it. The surgery is just going to put more stress on her...and that's going to go straight to her brain." He wasn't listening. "Write the new order, or I will."

"We'll fix it." Teddy Altman stepped in, motioning to Miranda, Owen, and Addison. When they were gone, she took a deep breath and pulled up a chair next to Derek. "I know this is a lot to take in, Derek...but there are some things we need to talk about." She didn't know him as well as the others did. It didn't take away the difficulty of the conversation, but it made it easier not to lead with emotion.

He looked over at her, briefly.

"Did Meredith ever talk to you, about what she would want if something like this happened?"

"Stop..."

"Derek...she's...I know you want her to be okay. We all do. But we need to be realistic about her chances of recovering. And we need to talk about what she would want. We need to decide if Meredith would want to live like this..."

"I'm not killing my wife."

"We'll give her until tomorrow, before we re-evaluate her neurological status. But after that..." Teddy sighed, and stood. "I'm so sorry, Derek..."

"Get out..." His hands were shaking as he stood, ready to throw her out himself if he had to. "Get out!" Tears clouded his vision.

Dr. Altman complied.

When he was alone, he let the tears fall. Derek Shepherd sat there with his head laying on the bed rail, holding onto his wife's hand as he cried. "Please, Mer...open your eyes. You have to open your eyes. Don't leave...please."

**** {break}****

The next twenty-four hours stretched out into what seemed like an eternity for Derek Shepherd. The morning of his birthday rolled around without so much as a flutter of his wife's eyes. And he was unmoving. After almost losing her on more than one occasion, he hadn't even dared to step into the hallway.

"There's good and bad, Derek." It was Owen who ultimately took the role as leader for Meredith's case. There were a million other places he could be and patients he could see, but he didn't back out. Miranda was too emotional, and Teddy wasn't well-versed enough in general surgery to really be of much help past monitoring Meredith's heart and respiratory status. Owen had opened her up, from the start. So he stayed. "Good news is...the respiratory therapist is feeling optimistic about how she did overnight. And judging from how well she's breathing over the vent now, I think that we may be able to wean her slowly today and possibly have her breathing on her own in a couple of days."

"Good..." Derek nodded, slowly. "That's good. Breathing on her own...that's a big deal." The neurosurgeon in him was gone. For the time being, there was too much trauma, shock, and grief that had taken over. He wasn't able to even think clearly about the smallest things, much less look objectively at his wife's condition. For the time being, he was just the husband of a woman who was sick.

"It is..." Owen approached his next words carefully. "But, Derek..." He chose to sit in the extra chair. "Her neurological status isn't that great. We're still getting some activity on her tests, but she's not following commands. And as far as I can tell, other than her respiratory effort improvement, her body isn't compensating well from the shock. She's still struggling with basic functions."

"What are you saying?" The shaking in his voice returned, and he could feel his heart pounding against the wall of his chest.

"Meredith's kidneys are struggling, Derek. She's barely reaching a minimal accepted level of urine output. Her system is struggling with shock. Even if she does breathe on her own, her lung was damaged. I'm not even sure she'll be without oxygen for quite some time. Her heart is working overtime...that's why it stopped today. Her ICP is still high. I just want you to understand that she may not come back. Even if we can keep her alive, the woman you love may already be gone."

"She's not gone."

"Derek..."

"What if it was Christina, Owen?" He finally looked up at him. "What if Christina was laying there? Would you want someone telling you that she was gone? That there wasn't hope?" He fought back tears. "This is my wife. This is the woman I'm going to spend my life with. She's not gone. She's here. And we're going to get through this. So, please.."

Owen didn't argue. He couldn't. Not when he thought about what he would do if the roles were reversed. "We're going to do everything we can." He said softly, simply, before he walked out of the room.

"Mer..." Derek let his tears fall when he was alone with her again, his thumb still brushing gently over the back of her hand. "I know this is all...a lot. But if you could just...please, Mer. Hold on. I'm here...right here with you. And I'm not going anywhere. So please, keep fighting."

"Doctor Shepherd..."

A man he hadn't seen before took his attention from her yet again.

"I'm Neil Tanner." He spoke again when the neurosurgeon looked up at him. "Miranda Bailey asked me to step in, to evaluate your wife's neurological status."

"Miranda..." Derek thought about what he was saying, for a moment. "How many years have you been doing this?"

"How many years have I.."

"Been a neurologist, doctor Tanner." He didn't mean to be snappy. But he was. Because this was Meredith. This was his wife, and he didn't want just anyone . He wanted the best. _If you want the best for her, you should do it yourself. _Only, he couldn't. He couldn't do it himself, because he couldn't even remember how to identify the parts of the brain, or the symptoms of an intracranial hemorrhage. He couldn't do it right now. Right now he was just a husband.

"I've been practicing for twenty years, doctor Shepherd. I'm good at what I do." He was unfazed by the other man's tone. "I don't think it is necessary, now, to do anything too extreme. We'll work on some basic assessments. If we don't see improvement in a few days, we'll talk about our next step."

"There's nothing wrong with her brain. Her brain is fine. It works fine. She's just tired...and she's been through a lot. But Meredith's brain works. It works great."

"I'm sure you're right, doctor Shepherd. I just, would like to see that for myself. " He moved closer to the bedside as Addison Montgomery appeared in the doorway. "I'm going to turn down her sedation now, and we'll give her a few minutes before we push her too far."

"I don't want her hurting." Derek wasn't taking his eyes off of his wife.

Addison could see his tears though, and she could hear the fear behind his words. "She's on high doses of narcotics, Derek." He hand was soon on his shoulder, offering support. "It's going to take a little pain, for her to respond. You know that. We need her awake enough to follow some commands. That's all." She looked to the doctor that was on the other side of the bed, the one she'd never met before.

"And if she does well, I'd like to start weaning her off tomorrow morning." Doctor Tanner treaded lightly. "We'll give her another day to rest, and then we need to let her start facing some things on her own."

"She could still be on the ventilator, tomorrow. They don't know. And I don't want her..."

"We'll take all of those things into consideration, doctor Shepherd." Neil assured him as he punched a few buttons, changing the settings on her IV pump.

"It's too soon." But he didn't put up much of a fight. His job was to be there for his wife. He knew that.

"Meredith." Doctor Tanner gave her a good fifteen minutes before he said anything. "Meredith...I need you to open your eyes. Can you open your eyes for us? Open your eyes, Meredith. Meredith, I need you to open your eyes." His words repeated.

Her face remained unmoving, but Derek could feel her fingers stirring beneath his hand. He wanted to punch the guy with the harsh tone, the one barking off orders to the woman he loved. "Mer..." His voice was a gentle whisper. "It's okay...I'm here. Right here with you."

Addison couldn't help the sad smile on her face as she watched her ex-husband speak into the ear of his wife who seemingly was having no response.

"Open your eyes for me, Mer. Just for a minute. Then you can go back to sleep. You can go back to sleep soon. I know it hurts...I'm sorry about that." His hand rested on her cheek. "Look at me, Mer..."

She did. She did look at him, when she finally forced her eyelids to open. But her gaze held a desperate plea. _Please, let me sleep. Let me sleep, Derek. Please. This hurts. Everything hurts. Make it go away. Please, help me._

His heart skipped a beat as his breath hitched through tears. "Hi." He whispered. The look in her eyes killed him. "That's enough for now. She's been through enough."

"Doctor Shepherd..."

"Get out." His voice was more firm than it had been before. "Get out, now. My wife's been through enough. And she's in pain. You can continue this tomorrow."

"He's right..." Addison wasn't sure she should, but she backed him up anyway, turning her sedation back up so he wouldn't have to move. "We're pushing her too far...asking too much right now."

"Thank you." Derek looked up at her after Neil Tanner left.

"Tomorrow, Derek. You're going to have to let them do their jobs tomorrow." She pointed out.

He nodded. "Tomorrow."


	16. Learning to Breathe

And Then There Were Two

Chapter Sixteen

Death is difficult. It's the thing that ruins people, that ruins family. It's the thing that shatters dreams and alters lives. Death hits people hard, no matter the circumstances. Even if it's someone you've never met, a baby you were never able to hold on your arms, it isn't easy. It's shocking, and it's painful. And when someone you love dies, you're left to pick up the pieces. Your strength is tested, your endurance put to trial. And the person you are, the character you're made of, is challenged further than you ever thought possible. Death hurts, and it can take you down with it, especially when you lose more than just one.

"At this point, Derek, I think it would be best if we took her off her sedation. We've allowed her body time to rest and heal."

"I'm not going to have her laying here, awake, on a ventilator. Do you have any idea the kind of fear, the kind of pain she would be in?"

Doctor Neil Tanner sighed, watching the grieving husband as he clung to the hand of his wife. "I know this is difficult, doctor Shepherd, but you know as well as I do...we have to get her on the road to healing. The first step in that is getting her awake so we can see how much neurological damage the accident caused."

"I don't want my wife scared, doctor Tanner. She's been through enough, and I don't want her scared, or in pain."

"We talked about this yesterday, Derek." Miranda stepped into the room. She'd known all along that Meredith Grey wouldn't be the only one that needed support. Derek Shepherd was hanging on by a thread. Any sane person could see that. She was no fool, and she fully intended to help him through the long process of getting his wife healthy again.

"I want her breathing on her own first, Miranda. That's all I'm asking...is that she breathes on her own before we take away her comfort. She's going to want to know about the baby...and I don't want to tell her while she's like this. I don't want her hooked up to machines, with a tube forcing air into her lungs, when I tell her that her son is dead." His voice broke, just a tad.

Doctor Bailey sighed, deeply. "Maybe he's right." She was struggling, almost as much as he was. "We should get Teddy down here...or Owen. Find out what they think about her respiratory status. Stressing her system could..."

"You're doing this woman a disservice, by not allowing her to get well." A hint of anger was starting to show in the otherwise calm demeanor of Neil Tanner. "I get that you care about her, but..."

"I get that you aren't used to working here. I get that you..." Miranda's blood was starting to boil. "Get out, now. You get out. This woman, this poor woman, one of my babies, the ones I raised, she's...and her son..." Tears clouded her thoughts, clouded her words.

Neil Tanner opened his mouth to demand they find a new neurologist for the case, but instead said nothing as Teddy Altman entered the room. "I'll be back this afternoon." He turned his attention to her. "And I expect to perform the necessary neurological exams."

"...Miranda?" A look of confusion crossed the seasoned cardiologist's face.

"He's concerned about her being awake, and still on the ventilator."

"I want her breathing on her own first, Teddy, before we take away the sedation."

"Derek." Teddy sighed, removing her stethoscope from around her neck. She listened carefully to Meredith's lungs before looking to the settings on the machine that was pumping air into her body. "Looks like she was breathing over the vent quite a bit last night." She punched a few buttons on the screen.

"I don't want her taken off before she's ready." Derek's eyes moved from Meredith's face to the numbers Teddy was looking at.

"Derek, we're in your corner on this." Teddy sighed. "We are. And I know you're scared, and that you've been through a lot. But it's time. It's time to do something."

"Doctor Altman."

"She's right, Derek. It's time. And we'll be here. We're not going to let anything happen to her." Miranda stood near the doorway.

"Lets just do a trial run." Dr. Altman looked over to the respiratory therapist who walked in after being paged. "I want to do a trial run here, but lets make sure we take it slowly."

Anne smiled a bit and nodded. "Of course." She looked over to Derek, and then to doctor Bailey. "Maybe we should think about only having a couple of people in here."

"We can all fit." Miranda Bailey wasn't about to step out, and she knew they would have to drug Derek Shepherd to get him to move from his wife's bedside.

The respiratory therapist, who was really only there because she had been paged, didn't argue. She wasn't running the shots. Not this time. This was the wife of the former chief of surgery, and she wasn't about to step on any toes. "Alright." She adjusted a few of the ventilator settings. "Because of the damage to her lungs, it's probably best to just remove the tube completely and put her on a mask. I don't think she's ready to be completely without oxygen yet."

"I agree." Teddy was already grabbing a fresh intubation tray, though, just in case.

It was a tense moment as they all waited to see what would happen, waited to see if Meredith Grey would hold her own.

They didn't have to wait long, though. She crashed, almost as quickly as the tube was pulled out.

"Meredith," Derek could barely get his thoughts collected as Teddy pushed him aside, standing between him and the bed.

"Come on, Meredith, you can do this." She watched the patterns of her heart change on the monitor. "We're going to have to put her back on." She was already pushing the button to lower the head of the bed.

"Meredith, I know this is scary, and I know everything is very painful and confusing right now." Anne Lima spoke loudly and firmly to the woman who was still not technically awake. "I need you to take some deep breaths. Slow, deep breaths."

"Come on, Meredith." Doctor Bailey spoke under her breath.

"We're intubating her, now." Doctor Altman was already opening the tray.

"But, she was breathing over. She was breathing over the vent. So, maybe she just needs a little time." Miranda refused to give up.

"A little more time back on the ventilator." Teddy argued. She was more conservative, when it came to her friend in that bed. "If we let her levels get much lower, Miranda, we're just going to set her back further. Or she's going to quit all together, and we'll be burying her."

"Just, give her..." Miranda Bailey pushed Teddy aside, obviously flustered. "Meredith Grey!" She took her hand, squeezing it gently. "Listen to me. You need to breathe. Right now. Breathe. And don't you dare think this is optional, because it isn't. Your poor husband is scared out of his mind. So you need to breathe. Do you hear me?"

"Prep for intubation." Teddy wasn't listening anymore.

"Talk to her." Dr. Bailey stepped back.

"What?" Derek frowned, quickly moving to where she had been.

"If she goes back on, Derek, it's traumatic. It's too much. So, talk to her. But, be calm."

He ignored her. Or, he didn't respond to her. "Meredith." Derek quickly laced his fingers in hers. "Meredith, listen to me." He leaned down and whispered into her ear, uncaring that he was pushing Teddy back further. "I'm here, I'm right here with you. I know you're scared, but you can do this. You can do this, Meredith. Breathe. Please, breathe. For me. You have to do this."

"Okay, that's enough. Everybody out." Doctor Altman couldn't stand watching her deteriorate before their very eyes. "We're putting her back on.'

"Wait. Look," Anne motioned toward the screen.

"Well I'll be da..."

Meredith's vitals were stabilizing. There was no scientific explanation, no logical reasoning behind why she was finally breathing on her own, but she was doing it.

Derek didn't miss a beat. He was still there with his lips against her ear, whispering words of calm encouragement to her, assuring her that he was there with her. He wanted to see for himself, what the numbers were, but he didn't move. He just stood there, holding his wife's hand. "You can do this. You can, Mer. We can do this. Keep breathing. You're doing great. I love you, so much." Tears came. He forced them aside.

Miranda was almost mesmerized by what she was seeing. She was shocked, but thrilled. Her own eyes soon became filled with tears as well. "We should have let you take over sooner."

Teddy was cautiously optimistic, eyes glued to the numbers. If she could maintain her own breathing, that would be a huge step. It would mean that...actually...it already meant that her brain stem was intact. She was breathing on her own. The damage done to her brain wasn't as bad as she had convinced herself it was. "I can monitor her from here." She looked over to the respiratory therapist.

"You both have patients to see downstairs," Addison stepped into the room just in time to see the amazing progress. She fought her own tears, but quickly reminded Teddy and Miranda where they were needed, as their pagers went off. "I'll stay with Derek, and I'll watch her. If we have a problem, I'll page you."

Teddy wanted to argue with her. They both did, but they knew she was right. It was a busy day in the emergency department. "I appreciate it." They both stayed another minute or so before they left.

When the room was finally quiet again, when it was just Addison, Derek, and Meredith, Derek finally took a seat. "I didn't think we would be here, not this soon." He was still staring at his wife.

"Meredith is strong." She sat down in an extra chair, one across the room. There was dead silence for a few minutes until Addison finally got brave enough to bring up the subject that she knew was painful for everyone, but especially for the man in that chair. "She's going to know, when she wakes up. She's going to know that she's not..."

"Pregnant." Derek finished for her, fighting through a gasp and forcing back tears. "I know. I just, I don't know what I'm...what am I supposed to...how am I supposed to tell her?"

"It's probably best, for her sake, if you actually tell her the truth."

"Don't you think it's too soon? Don't you think that's too much?"

"Derek, she's going to realize, quickly, probably...if not instantly, that she isn't pregnant. And if you don't give her some sort of explanation, she's going to be confused. She's going to be confused and scared and she'll panic."

"And you don't think that she's going to panic when she finds out that our son is..." He couldn't finish his thought, his breath catching in his throat.

"I'm so sorry, Derek. I'm so sorry." Her voice was a hushed whisper.

"Me too." Derek couldn't say anything else. He couldn't think about anything else. Or, didn't want to think about anything else. His wife was breathing. Meredith was breathing again. On her own, without help. They hadn't been sure she would do that. He had started to get scared that she...but the point was, she was breathing again, by herself. She was going to be okay. It was going to be a long road, but she was going to make it.


	17. Facing the Pain

And Then There Were Two

Chapter Seventeen

There's something about sleeping that is peaceful. Sleep is one of those things that we take for granted. When we're kids, we fight it. Sleep becomes our enemy. In fact, we'd rather throw ourselves on the floor (filthy or not) and scream until our throat is raw than take a nap. A nap...like, the thing that you beg for when you become an adult. The thing you wish you could pencil in to your workday. Thats because naps aren't for babies. They're for big girls. Or, adults, rather. And sleep, that's for adults too. Sleep doesn't just put you back together when your batteries are low, though. Sleep can help you escape when your world falls apart. Sleep can take you away from the pain of what you're enduring. When we're hurting, when we're just learning to breathe again, we sleep. We sleep to escape the pain of the world around us. We sleep, and we hope that when we wake up our nightmare is over. The only problem is, usually we find out it has just begun.

"I killed someone." Mark was unmoving, glued to the couch with his head buried in his hands. He had been like that, for hours. Freaking her out. He was freaking Lexie out. She wasn't sure he was ever going to move. He was just...frozen. Right there, on their couch. And...God..he was so broken.

"Mark." Her own voice broke. Stop it! Stop! He needs you. Mark needs you. So just stop it! Stop crying! The tears came anyway. "I'm, I'm so sorry. Mark," She had been there with him, all that time, her arms wrapped around him with her head on his shoulder. She would stay with him too. No matter how long it took, she would stay.

"He's dead, Lexie. He's...their baby. Their son. I...he's gone. And I killed him. And Meredith...she.."

"They called, remember? Alex called. He called and said Meredith was breathing on her own..and...that's good. That's good. No more ventilator. She's, she's breathing. So, she's going to be okay." She was sobbing. Despite desperate attempts to be strong, she was sobbing.

"Don't cry, Lex. Please. Please, don't. Stop." Suddenly he jerked away, standing. "Would you just stop crying?!"

His yelling made her jump, and she quickly tried to stop her tears though she only succeeded in whimpering a bit as she fought against a wave of emotions. "I'm sorry! I'm, so sorry."

"You should've seen him, Lexie. Derek. You should have seen Derek. The look in his eyes when he was sitting there in that car, screaming her name. He was, he...I've never seen that before. Not even when she...don't you see what I've done? I'm a murderer, Lexie!" Still, it killed him to see her crying like that, and he sat back down.

She let him hold her. She would let him hold her forever if it meant he would talk to her. "I know. I know, Mark. But it was an accident. It was a horrible, tragic, accident. You didn't mean to hit them. You didn't mean to hurt anyone."

"Someone's dead, Lexie. And Meredith, she could die. She could die. Did you know they have a room...had a room for him? They were going to name him Grayson. Derek told me. They had a room. Yankees. Derek insisted it be a Yankees room. I gave him such crap about it. And now, they have a nursery. And a name. And, a funeral, for their son."

"We're going to get through this, Mark. I don't...I don't know...when. Or how. But, we'll get through this. I'll help you. I'll be here. We..."

"There's nothing to get through, Lexie. I'm going to go to jail. I deserve to go to jail. It would be...it's...nothing. Nothing compared to the guilt of living every day knowing I killed that baby."

"You're not going to jail, Mark. Derek won't, he won't press charges. You aren't. You can't."

"He will, Lexie. He will. And he should. And the state will. I killed his son."

"You're his best friend. Like, his brother. He..."

"I killed his son, Lexie! So just stop! Stop acting like it's going to be okay, because it isn't!" He was yelling again, and he instantly wanted to kick himself when she jumped. "I'm sorry."

They were both crying. They were both there, holding each other, crying. "He'll forgive you. He will. Derek knows, he knows it was an accident."

There was nothing left to say. There was nothing they could say. That beautiful, perfect, tiny baby boy was dead and Meredith was fighting for her life. He'd had two drinks at the bar. Two. And he wasn't drunk. He hadn't been drunk. But he wasn't watching the road, either. He'd ran that light, and he'd shattered lives. And Mark didn't want to try to fix it. He knew it couldn't be fixed. People couldn't forgive something like that. Lexie was scared. He knew she was scared, so he didn't try to argue with her.

They both sat there and cried. They cried over their fear, his guilt, and for the loss of an innocent life. They cried for Meredith who was fighting to live, and for Derek who was struggling to keep his head above the water.

"Where are you going?" Lexie frowned when he suddenly pulled away and got up, walking out of the living room.

"A drink. To get a drink. You want one?" His tone was empty. Suddenly cold, and suddenly empty. Mark grabbed a beer from their refrigerator, and popped it open.

**** {break} ****

"Mer," He had been sleeping. Derek had been leaned over his chair awkwardly with his head resting on the railing of her bed for hours, yet somehow he'd managed to fall asleep. It was a light and deeply disturbed sleep though, so when his wife's fingers wiggled weakly under his hand, he practically shot out of the chair. He'd fired Neil Tanner. There was no need for a neurosurgeon to be forcing his wife to do things she wasn't ready for. He could handle it, by himself. He didn't need help.

A soft groan escaped Meredith's lips, and for a moment, she was still. Her fingers stopped wiggling, and the only movement she made was the practically involuntary rise and fall of her chest.

"Mer," Derek glanced at the clock before his eyes settled on her face which he noticed was scrunched up a bit, likely in response to the enormous amount of pain he knew she must be feeling."It's okay, Meredith." His voice was a gentle whisper. "It's okay. I'm here." He reached out and brushed his hand over her hair after adjusting her nasal cannula under her nose.

Derek. His voice was soothing. He's here. He's here talking. You have to open your eyes. He's...he sounds scared. Even in her semi-awake state, she sensed the breaking in his voice, the pain behind every word. There was another groan, this time accompanied by a flow of tears that slid past her closed eyelids and down her cheeks. Meredith's eyelids fluttered, but quickly shut again. The lights were bright. Too bright.

"Hi." Derek felt his heart skip a beat when her eyes opened, even if it was just for a split second. "Don't cry, Mer. It's okay." His own heart was shattered in a million pieces as he gently wiped the tears from her face. "It's okay. You don't have to wake up right now. I'm here. I'll be right here, right here with you. No matter how long..." Tears stopped him. His own tears stopped him, and he gasped a bit, a sob threatening to give away just how bad things were.

He's...hurting. Derek's hurting. You can't hurt him. Open your eyes. "...Th..." It was impossible to put thoughts into words. Why was it so difficult to form two words? It hurt, everything hurt. The lights hurt her eyes. Her stomach...God, her stomach was burning. Stabbing. It felt like someone was stabbing her, like someone had ripped her torso open. More tears fell as she struggled to talk to him. "...li...light..s. The...lights." There, finally. Not much, but, something. She hoped he would understand.

Derek sobbed. He couldn't help it. He tried, fought to force his emotions to the back of his mind, but it was pointless. She was awake. His beautiful, perfect Meredith, was awake. She was awake, and she was complaining about the lights. Her first thought, was to complain about the lights. He almost laughed. Somewhere behind the tears that wouldn't stop, Dr. Derek Shepherd almost laughed. "I'll turn the lights off. God, Meredith, you scared me half to death." He sat there, staring at her in awe, brushing his hand against her cheek.

"...pl...please...D...Derek..." She was tired. Very tired. And yet she wanted so desperately to look at him. And she needed something for the pain. It hurt. She hurt. Everything hurt. But she couldn't tell him. She couldn't tell him because he was crying. And because the lights hurt. They hurt her eyes. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. Derek was sobbing. Sobbing, as in, really sobbing. He was...God, what was wrong?

"The lights. Right." Derek got up and forced himself to stop. He pulled himself together with a few slow deep breaths, wiping tears away after he turned the lights down for her. The room was still lit, but it wasn't as harsh as before. "Is that better?" He sat down again, and took her hand.

She was hesitant. Meredith was hesitant to risk the pounding headache that hit her the last time she dared to look at him. But for his sake, for the sake of the man that seemed so desperate to see her, she slowly opened her eyes. "...you...slow...you're...slow." There was a hint of a smile in the corners of her mouth.

He smiled. Derek smiled, for the first time in a while. It wasn't much, but it was something. Barely a turning up of his lips, but it was there. "I'm sorry. I just, you have no idea what you've put me through, Mer. You've been like sleeping beauty or something."

"Should..of...kiss. You...kisses...work.."

"I must not be the right guy then...because...you were still sleeping." He had a good grip on her hand, like it might be the last time he ever saw her again. Then it hit him. She was in pain. Her face was still scrunched up, and she didn't move towards him any. And, her eyes. He could see it behind the glassy-eyed look she gave him. "Where does it hurt, Mer?" He reached over to hit the button on her PCA pump. Morphine. They needed to up her continuous dose. She wasn't awake enough, or strong enough to control the pump herself. He made a mental note to page Dr. Hunt when she fell asleep again.

A bigger smile. It was quick, and then gone in an instant, but for a second she managed a bigger smile at his joking. Then, as if someone had turn the lights on in her head, it hit her at once. "...everywhere...it...hurts...Derek.." Tears slid down her cheeks again. "..something...I...what happened?" She was shaking. Her hands were shaking.

No. Derek wasn't about to let her freak out. Not yet, not now. She was scared, terrified. He had to find a way to put a stop to that. "It's okay, Meredith. It's okay. I know. I know it hurts." He leaned over and ran his hand over her hair, trying to soothe her. "I'm right here, right here with you." He drew in a deep breath. "There was an accident, Mer. We...you and I..." He couldn't finish. What was he supposed to say? But, she needed to know. She was asking, and she was scared. He knew she needed to know.

"...the car..." Meredith helped him out a bit, slowly calming down under his reassuring touch and gentle words. "We...Joes...Mark...and...I..." Bits and pieces, but she had a few fuzzy snapshots in her mind.

There was a small nod, and he let out a shaky breath to calm his own nerves before he continued. "There was a car accident. Someone hit us." It wasn't important now that he tell her who. He couldn't bring himself to tell her Mark Sloan had caused the accident, and he knew she wasn't ready. She couldn't handle that, not yet. "I'm okay." She'd opened her mouth and looked at him a bit differently, and he knew her well enough to know she was worried about him. "I'm okay. You gave me quite a scare, though. There was, you're in the ICU. But you're okay too, Mer. You're okay. I know it hurts, and I know you're scared, but you're okay."

She accepted that. For a moment, she accepted that. A car accident. And he was okay. She was in the ICU. But then... "Grayson."

He stopped breathing. His heart skipped a beat, and his breath caught in his chest. "Mer," It was all he could manage, through the tears that threatened to fall. But he wouldn't let them. He refused to let them fall. She was scared, and this was the moment he had to be strong for her. She needed him to be strong for her.

"Oh God..." She whimpered, hands starting to shake again as tears filled her eyes. "Derek...please...please...the...the baby...Grayson..." Her heart rate was suddenly high enough to send alarms through the room, but she wasn't phased by it. He wasn't answering, and one glance to her belly told her she wasn't pregnant. She was...there...there was no belly...just...and then she was hyperventilating.

"Shh. Shhh, it's okay. It's okay. Don't, Meredith. Mer, it's okay. Breathe, just breathe. I'm, God. I'm so sorry, Meredith." Derek tried everything he knew to do. He brushed her cheek, he ran his hand over her hair, he whispered into her ear, but she wasn't calming down. He knew that he didn't need to tell her. His lack of words were enough, and he could see that. She was melting down, giving up, panicking, quitting. And he got out of the chair. The ICU bed was small and narrow, but she was luckily pushed to one side. And somehow, maybe by the only miracle they'd had since it all started, he managed to wedge himself in that bed with her, laying on his side. And he held her. His arm wasn't resting on her, but it was around her. Derek held his wife in his arms as she sobbed, as she fought against the same thing he'd faced days before.

"No. NO!" Her scream was a broken, strangled cry. He was right. She didn't need his explanation. She knew. Meredith knew. The second he didn't reassure her that their son was okay, she knew. He was gone. Grayson was gone. It didn't matter how, or why. Nothing mattered. She closed her eyes, and sobbed. Every now and then, she screamed. Her vitals were crashing, after a few minutes of panic, and Derek gave up on soothing her himself.

He wanted to hold her while she cried. He wanted to pull through that life-altering moment with her, just the two of them, but she was making herself sick. Her heart was struggling to keep up, and her lungs weren't listening anymore. His hands found the oxygen mask tucked behind her pillow, and he carefully put it on her face just as he pushed the call button for the nurse. "Breathe, Meredith. Breath. I know it hurts. I know." His own voice was breaking, but he refused to fall apart. He couldn't fall apart, not yet. Derek prayed. He prayed the morphine would kick in and pull her under it's hold.

It was Bailey who came. Miranda Bailey rescued the two of them from the depths of their intense grief, and gave Meredith a chance to breathe again. She didn't have to ask what had happened. And so there were no words at first, not even to reprimand Derek for being in the bed. There was just silence, silence from the usually sarcastic and demanding attending. Silence against the strangled cries of a woman who was desperately trying to make sense of the death of her baby.

Derek was grateful. He was grateful for Miranda Bailey. In that moment, he wanted her to know just how grateful he was that she said nothing, that she didn't try to get him to move. He was still there with his wife, whispering in her ear even as she cried, begging her to breathe.

"This should help." There were finally a few words muttered, barely audible, but enough to get a nod out of Derek. Dr. Bailey put the sedation straight into Meredith's IV, and watched the monitors just to be sure that she was stabilizing.

And she did. Meredith's vitals slowly returned to their baseline as she was pulled into a deep, drug-induced sleep.

Derek was too stunned, and too broken to even move. He was too shattered to realize just how much his own hands were shaking.

"I'll let them know not to disturb you for eight o'clock checks." Dr. Bailey's voice was still a whisper. The last thing that poor man needed was an annoyingly upbeat nurse coming in to check on Meredith's urine output, surgical drains, and vitals. Not after that.

"Thank you." He could barely form words, and Derek found himself just letting his eyes close when she turned the lights out and left the room.

This, I am convinced, was the most heart wrenching chapter I've included in this story. I just...cant' see putting any more in this update. I hope you guys will understand. Even reading back through it is almost as difficult as when I first wrote it.

-Katie


	18. Struggling to Get By

Author's Note:

This chapter will be Mer/Der focused. I will come back to Mark and Lexie soon, I promise. For now, though, we need to make some progress with our heartbroken couple.

Then There Were Two

Chapter Eighteen

Some of us dream of babies. Some of us, we dream of growing up and getting married and having babies. We want babies. We imagine the days when the baby we hold in our arms will not belong to someone else, but to ourselves. And when we finally do get that chance, to have a baby, we cling to it. We spend countless hours decorating the nursery, and picking out those cute little baby clothes. We count down the days, stare at the calendar, waiting for the moment we get to hold that perfect, tiny miracle in our arms. When that's shattered, when that is taken away, we stop breathing. We forget, how to even breathe. It's like someone's knocked the wind out of us, like we've been hit by a bus and we can't stand anymore. There's no fixing it. There's no fixing the pain. When you lose a baby, when you lose a child, the world stops. It stops going. And you, you stop too. When you lose a baby, you find yourself wishing you were gone as well.

"How's she doing?" Addison came in the next morning, and was as quiet as she could be, not wanting to wake the fragile woman who was just starting to come away from the tight hold sedatives had on her.

Derek was still there. He was still there, with Meredith, still there in that bed just holding her. There had been little sleep. Actually, that was generous. There had been no sleep for him. Just a steady stare at the woman before him. Broken, and shattered. She was broken. They both were. "Still sleeping. Won't wake up. Or, doesn't want to." He was honest with himself. The second dose of sedatives they'd had to give her during the night should have worn off over an hour ago, but Meredith wasn't moving. He wasn't sure if she was just physically fighting to keep breathing, or if emotionally she was just done. It scared him, to have her slip away again. They had such a long road ahead of them and he knew it was going to take many months for her to heal, physically. Emotionally, he knew she'd never be the same.

There was an understanding nod from the red-headed doctor. "It's a lot." She whispered, sympathetically. "It's a lot to take in. And she's just worn out, Derek. And I'm sure she's in a lot of pain. There was a crash c-section, we removed her spleen, there was damage to her lung that was repaired, a second surgery, her heart stopped..." She tried to remind him, gently, able to see in his eyes just how desperate he was for Meredith to look at him again. "And her intra-cranial pressure is just stabilizing. Her chest tubes probably aren't making things any better either. So...she just needs some time.

"...I know. I know, Addison. I just...God...she looks so..." His voice broke, and tears threatened. He would not let them fall. "Sick...she looks so sick."

"She is sick. She's very sick, Derek." Addison walked over, gently resting her hand on his shoulder. "You should probably give her some space. Miranda said she didn't want to disturb you earlier, but with the chest tubes and the central line and trying to monitor her ICP, you should probably try to avoid squeezing in there with her." Even if she was being firm about boundaries, her voice was ever so gentle, and she was careful not to upset him too much.

He knew she was right. Even though Derek just wanted to stay there holding her forever, the surgeon in him knew she was right. She did need her own space, space where he wasn't bending tubes or disturbing lines and monitors. "Do you think she's going to be okay?" The question came out of nowhere, surprising even himself.

"You mean...physically?" Addison hoped, prayed, that was what he meant. She wasn't sure if she was ready to talk about Grayson yet.

There was a small nod.

Addison sighed with relief. "I think that it's going to be a long road, and an uphill battle, but I do think she'll pull through this. I think she'll walk out of here. I don't know when, but..."

"She's strong." He spoke, almost absentmindedly, as if his mind was actually somewhere else and not there with her. "Meredith's strong. She's a fighter."

"I know, Derek." She was worried about him, very worried about him. It wasn't the right time to press him to open up though, or to try and psychoanalyze him. She knew that, even if it was next to impossible to just sit there and watch him disappear.

"You've had patients that have lost babies before, right? I mean, people...they don't...babies don't always live."

The emptiness in which he spoke on the subject stirred an even deeper fear, but after a moment Addison could sense a hint of a deeply buried pain behind the mask he was so desperately trying keep on. "I've had patients lose babies before." She admitted.

"What happens? I mean, after. What happens after? What are you supposed to, how are you supposed to...I just..." He drew in a shaky breath.

They break. The parents, they break. And there are tears, hysteria, breakdowns. They go insane. And marriages, they crumble. They crash. And those people, they aren't ever the same again. They die. The people that lose babies, they die. She wouldn't let her thoughts be put into words though, and she paused a moment before she spoke. "Somehow, you pick up the pieces." Addison said quietly. "I think, you just, pick up the pieces. One by one, one day at a time." She sat in the other chair. "No one expects you to put yourself back together right now, Derek. No one expects you to just get over this, because you can't. The truth is, you never will. I don't think..."

"...You can't." He agreed with her. "Meredith, you should have seen...she...I didn't even..."

She interrupted him when he struggled to even speak to her coherently. "You don't have to be strong, Derek. It's okay, to fall apart. It's okay to cry. You lost your son. It's okay, for you not to be okay."

"It's my fault." He said shakily.

A deep frown settled on her face, "It was an accident. A tragic accident. It isn't your fault."

"I was angry, Addison. I was so angry with her. And I was driving, fast. And she was crying. I didn't even give her a chance to explain, at Joes. She just wanted to surprise me, and..." His birthday had come and gone, and he didn't care. Fact was, he didn't care if he had another birthday ever again.

"Derek Shepherd. You listen to me, right now." She leaned forward, looking him in the eyes. "This was not your fault. Do you understand? None of this, was your fault."

"I feel like it was. I feel like I should have done something, to protect her. To keep her safe. I was yelling at her, Addison. I was yelling at her for no reason. Because I was being a jerk. And I, I was driving. I was driving and I was the one angry and she's the one lying there in that bed. She's the one fighting to breathe. And our baby is dead." Tears filled his eyes.

Addison slowly stood and went over, resting her hand on his shoulder. "If you have guilt, tell her. Tell Meredith, that you're sorry. But this isn't your fault."

He jerked away. "Can you just, leave? Please. Just leave. I'm just tired, and I should sleep, before she wakes up again." He was lying, and he knew she would know that. He just prayed that she wouldn't fight his request.

"Okay." The last thing she wanted was to make things more difficult on the man that was already struggling just to keep from drowning. "If you need me, I have my phone." She didn't give him a chance to respond before slipping slowly out the door.

Derek sighed when she left. He was grateful that she was gone too, especially when he cried. He cried there with his head resting on the railing of the bed, just like he had before.

"Derek."

Meredith's voice pulled him away from his thoughts, and he quickly lifted his head. "I'm here," He assured her, laying his hand on hers, instantly. His mouth opened to ask her how she was feeling, but he stopped when he saw the tears that filled her eyes. "Mer..."

She cried. Meredith sobbed when she remembered why she had gone to sleep before, and why she had fought so hard to stay asleep. She laid there, and she cried.

Derek found himself climbing back into the tiny, narrow bed with her, despite the conversation with Addison just a few minutes ago. And he held her. He would hold her forever, for as long as it took. They were in this together. In that moment, nothing mattered but being there with his wife, just like before. "I'm here, Meredith." He managed to whisper to her as her tears continued to fall.

Meredith wanted to be comforted by his touch. She wanted things to magically fix themselves when he laid down next to her, but they didn't. Nothing changed, and nothing got fixed. This time, she finally was able to slow her own tears down enough to keep her heart from giving out a second time, but when she shifted to move away from Derek a bit, she let out a deep and miserable gasp.

Instantly, he lifted his head and a deep frown of concern washed over him. "What is it?" Derek sat up, his eyes darting over her as he tried to figure out what was causing her pain. The look in her eyes was enough to make him feel as though his chest had been ripped open. She was hurting, and he just wanted to make it stop. "What hurts, Mer?"

"...everything," She managed to choke out a word with a shaky breath, hands clenched around the sheets. The pain was to the point of being unbearable, and she just needed it to stop. She wanted it to go away. "I...I need..."

Just as he got up to go find a nurse, and before he could even walk two steps away from the bed, Owen appeared in the doorway. "Meredith." He smiled when he saw her eyes open, even if the look she gave was glassy and pained. "I'm glad to see you awake."

"She really needs her base dose of Morphine raised. Even with the PCA pump, she's still in a lot of pain." Derek made sure it was the first thing he mentioned, even if he was sure Owen had a million other reasons for coming in. "I've been pushing it for her, when I know she's hurting, but I don't think it's doing enough."

Meredith was grateful. She was grateful for the plea from Derek. More Morphine meant sleeping, and sleeping meant she could escape her husband, and the bitter reality that her baby was gone. That was something she wasn't prepared to face, and she knew she wouldn't ever be ready to face it. It was easier, a lot easier, to just let the darkness swallow her up.

Dr. Hunt nodded, glancing at Derek to let him know that he understood. His lack of comment assured a worried husband that his wife would get all of the pain control she needed. "I know you're just waking up Meredith, but I would like to look things over and make sure we're on the right track. Addison wanted to take a peak at your..." He stopped himself. C-section incision. He couldn't say that. She could barely...she wasn't ready. "...incision." He finally finished. The rest, he knew, could wait a minute. "How are you feeling?" Even if Derek had clued him in and it was obvious from the way she looked, he wanted to hear it from her.

Meredith said nothing. She couldn't. She didn't want to. Wouldn't he just go away? Couldn't they all just go away and leave her alone? She just wanted to sleep, and there was always someone there, someone there to make sure she didn't get to close her eyes.

"Meredith," Owen looked concerned, eyeing her closely. "Can you tell me how you're feeling?" He stepped closer to her bed.

Derek became concerned, when she ignored the second question as well. "Mer," He reached over and took her hand, but she drew it back. "Meredith.."

Owen gave up for the moment, able to tell that she wasn't ready to talk. "I'm just going to check your incision, and your drains. Is that okay? And then we'll discuss a few more things. Good things." He assured her.

No, it wasn't okay. It wasn't okay that he was there, talking to her, as if nothing had happened. My baby is dead! She wanted to scream. My baby is dead, and he isn't coming back! So just leave me alone! Tears slid down her cheeks.

Derek was breaking down. She'd said his name. When she opened her eyes, he knew he'd heard her say his name. So why wasn't she talking? He knew she could. He knew she could talk. "I'm here, Meredith." He didn't know what else to say, and he was scared to take her hand again, confused as to her sudden cold movements.

Dr. Hunt was determined to do his job though, and he didn't let her refusal to communicate keep him from moving forward. She kept her eyes shut tightly during his exam, whimpering every now and then as he moved things that weren't supposed to be moving. Why couldn't he just stop? She already hurt enough. Tears slid down her cheeks. "Please, stop..."

Her first words hurt even the previously stoic doctor, and he frowned. "I know this hurts, Meredith. We're done though. I'm done." He assured her, gently laying the sheet back over her.

"I..need mo..."

Derek beat her to it. "Deep breaths, Mer. I'll get it." He reached over to hit the button on her pain pump, but Owen cut him off.

"We'll get you some morphine as soon as we finish up here. I'd like for you to get in a chair, or try to walk some. Even if we just start now with sitting up. Being flat like that for much longer is just going to delay recovery."

She closed her eyes. Sitting up would have to wait. She wasn't ready, and she hurt. Didn't he understand that? She hurt.

A concerned frown appeared on Derek's face. "Are you sure that's wise? Her ICP has been high, and the position change..."

"She's actually had stable levels overnight, so we're going to remove the monitor and I'll just keep her on low doses of Mannitol to make sure we stay this way." Owen treaded lightly, not wanting to kick Derek into neurosurgeon mode.

Derek was hesitant. The husband in him wanted to yell that it was too soon, to fight for the delay, for fear that something would go wrong. But he knew that Dr. Hunt was right. If it was any other person, a patient, laying in that bed, he would do the same thing. "Okay." He finally agreed after much thought.

Nurse Amy came in as if she had read their minds, and she immediately got to work preparing the supplies they needed not only to remove the ICP monitor, but also the chest tubes and a few of the drains as well. "How are you feeling, Meredith?"

There was no response.

"Meredith, were you able to understand what I just explained to Derek?" Owen sighed a bit. "We're just going to remove your ICP monitor and your chest tubes as well. Then we'll see about those drains, and we'll get you sitting up. How does that sound?"

"No," Meredith's voice was a distant mumbled.

"It's okay, Mer. I'm here. I'll be right here." Derek brushed his thumb across her hand.

She pulled away, forcing her eyes open. "Please, just, go away."

He tried to figure out who she was talking to. "They'll go away, Meredith, as soon as we get this done. I promise. And then you and I can sit here. We'll sit here together." Carefully, he tried to encourage her, though he knew all she wanted was more pain medication and the chance to sleep.

"Go away, Derek." Tears slid down her cheeks. Tears of pain, agony, and sadness. She was angry. She was angry with him for yelling. She was angry, for the way he'd treated her before the accident. And she was angry that their son had been murdered.

Her words caught him off-guard, and he struggled to recover. It was confusion that swept over him at first, then he suddenly remembered his conversation with Addison. If you're feeling guilty, tell her. But this isn't your fault, Derek. "I'm sorry, Mer. I'm so sorry, for the things I said. For yelling, for acting the way I did."

"Stop." Tears fell faster, and she knew that he knew. She knew that he had read her, without her even explaining herself. Meredith knew that Derek understood why she wanted him away from her, understood that she was angry with him.

"I'm sorry, about...God...I miss him too, Mer. I know I treated you..."

She cut him off, suddenly snapping. "Get out."

It was Amy who finally stepped in, sticking up for her patient even though she knew it tore Derek apart. "We'll come get you when we're done in here. Why don't you step out and go take a walk for a few minutes?" Her voice was gentle, but firm as she turned her attention to him.

Derek wanted to argue. He wanted to insist that he wasn't going anywhere, he wanted to be stubborn. But he knew there was no use. Meredith was angry, and she had every right to be. He stood and silently walked out.

"Can, I need...morphine.." Meredith glanced over to Amy as soon as the door shut.

"We'll get you some, as soon as you sit up." Owen spoke up. "I just want to make sure you're awake for a few minutes. I know you're in a lot of pain, Meredith. And I promise, we'll do something about that as soon as we can."

"Hang in there with us." Amy encouraged her, then turned her attention to helping Dr. Hunt.

By the time they'd poked and prodded her and pulled the tubes and wires out of her exhausted and shattered body, Meredith was done. She had tried to breathe through it, to focus on anything other than the stabbing pains that shook her to the core, but she had reached her limit. The pain needed to stop. It had to stop. It was just, too much. Too much all at once. "Please, I'm tired." Her voice was a desperate whimper, and she pleaded with them as much as her tired lungs would allow.

"I know you're tired, Meredith, but we have to do this. You know we have to do this." Owen tried to reason with her as he turned her oxygen up some. "Just a few minutes, then we'll get you something for the pain and let you sleep."

"I'll take care of it, Dr. Hunt." Nurse Amy assured him, a small smile on her face.

"Are you sure?" It wasn't that he doubted her, he just didn't want to throw everything her way, especially if he had a few minutes to spare.

"I'm sure. Ryan, our physical therapist, is just down the hall. If I need help, we can grab him. He's good at this stuff." She smiled a bit more, wanting to give him the assurance that she would be okay if he left.

"Alright." He agreed after a moment. "If you can get her to walk some, that would be good too. But if not, definitely within the next couple of hours. Dr. Montgomery will be by later this morning." He reminded her before leaving.

When it was just the two of them, Amy turned her attention to Meredith. "Alright, Meredith. I know you're tired, but we'll take this slow. And I promise I'll be right here to help you."

"I can't." Meredith still begged, eyes shut tight with fists still clenched. "I can't. It hurts. Please, everything hurts.."

"I could get you some Tylenol."

"Won't help." She was almost crying in desperation.

"We won't make you wait too long." She stuck her head out the door while she gave Meredith a moment to calm down. "Hey, Susan. Can you grab Ryan for me?" She spoke loudly enough for the nurse at the desk to hear her before turning her attention back to her patient.

"Why don't we start with sitting the bed up? Just remember to breathe. It will take a minute for your body to adjust." She handed her a pillow to hold onto before pushing the button on the bed, giving Meredith no chance to argue. Slowly, the head of the bed began to rise.

Meredith's body screamed at her. There was a ripping, a tearing, she was convinced, that shot across her torso. It felt as if someone was taking a knife and ripping her apart. Gutting her. Never before, not even when she first opened her eyes, had she experienced such intense pain. It felt as if her insides were on fire as her head finally got high enough so that she was sitting up, and the strangled cry that made it's way from deep within her aching throat proved just how miserable she was. She clung to the pillow as if it was all she had left in the world, and for a moment, she felt like it was. "I can't. I can't, please!" She was getting desperate, her breaths quickening as she fought against the flames that consumed her. "Please, God. I, please..." Her eyes shut again, as tightly as they could.

"Looks like you started the party without me." Ryan walked in just in time to hear the painful cry of Meredith Grey, but if he was bothered by it, it didn't show. In fact, there was a genuine smile on his face, one that matched the upbeat tone to his voice.

Amy couldn't help but laugh some, looking over. "Just the pre-party." She assured him. "I saved the hard work for you."

"Not hard work." He argued. "Important work. And this will be a piece of cake." The last part was directly to Meredith who had started to shake a little.

You shouldn't have asked Derek to leave. Because he really did. He really did leave. He's gone, and now they're here. They're here, and it hurts. Everything hurts, and Derek could fix it. He could help. He'd make them leave. But he's gone. Tears fell quickly, and she finally dared to speak again just as Ryan lowered the rail of her bed. "Derek, " Her voice broke, and his name barely made it past her lips.

"Her husband?"

"Dr. Shepherd." Amy responded.

Ryan knew better than to argue. How was he going to tell the wife of their head neurosurgeon that her husband couldn't be with her? "If you could grab him, that would be great. Maybe we'll get more done that way."

Relief washed over her. Meredith, for a moment, felt a tiny sense of relief. Derek was coming. He was coming, and he would help her. He would get her the Morphine she so desperately needed. He would recognize that her lungs were struggling to inflate, that her breaths were overworked and underpaid, that she was fighting to hold on to the little strength she'd built up. Derek would make them leave, and he'd let her sleep.

And she was right. Or, initially, she was. He did come. The second Amy told him that Meredith was asking for him, he went back to her side. Seeing her in such pain, fighting for each breath she took was enough to make his stomach churn, and a deep frown settled on his lips. "Mer." He found his own voice breaking. "I'm here. I'm right here." His hand found hers, and he was relieved when she didn't pull away. "Breathe. Meredith, breathe. It's okay."

"We need to get her up, Dr. Shepherd." Amy was hesitant. She knew Derek Shepherd was a reasonable man, that he pushed his patients to have the best recovery they could, that he was the best at what he did. But she also knew that the man standing in front of her was just the husband to a woman who was sick, a woman who was hurting. That's what scared her, the love that he had for his wife. She knew he could snap. His instinct to shelter and protect her could cause him to snap.

There was a slight nod. He didn't argue with the nurse. Derek knew Meredith couldn't stay in bed, in that one position much longer. But he also wasn't about to let her vitals crash. "Turn her nasal cannula up to three liters." Meredith's struggle to breathe concerned him, and he became quickly frustrated as he tried to figure out whether it was her pain, her fear, or a true problem that was causing her lungs to be so weak and her breaths to be so short and shallow. "Deep breaths, Meredith. I know this hurts. I'm going to be right here. Right here with you.." His eyes met hers, and said all he was thinking. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, for the way I treated you. Thank you, for letting me back in.

He didn't have to say anything. She understood, and she offered him a silent acceptance of his remorse. "..please...I just...I can't."

"Just for a few minutes." He repeated. "It will be okay." It was an attempt to convince both of them.

She didn't have the energy to fight. Just the begging alone was causing her breathing to become more and more difficult, and the little energy she had left was fading quickly. Meredith gave up, and just silently let her tears fall as she clung to his hand.

Ryan was pleased that she'd stopped fighting them on it, and he managed to get her to sit up with her legs dangling over the bed before she let out another strangled cry, her vitals taking a nice dip when she began to gasp for air.

Derek, who had stood on the other side of the bed with his hand gently rubbing her back, decided he couldn't take any more. "Why don't you let me sit with her." He looked over to Ryan. It was more of a statement than a question, and he caught Amy's eyes as well. "I'll make sure she sits for a few minutes, and that she walks in a couple of hours."

"Dr. Shepherd. I'm sure you understand hospital policy." Amy was ready to give in to the request, but Ryan didn't waver. "I know you want to help your wife out, but..."

"I don't care anything about hospital policy." Derek went around to where he was, giving him a cold stare that let the unmoving man know that he wasn't about to back down. "I can sit with my wife, and I'm more than capable of helping her get out of this bed."

"Ryan," Amy felt sorry for both Derek and Meredith, and she found herself standing up for them despite knowing Ryan was technically right.

He gave in. After a long and hesitant pause, he gave in.

Derek quickly knelt down in front of Meredith when they were finally alone. "You can do this, Meredith. I know it sucks. I know that it hurts, but you can do this. I'm right here, right here with you." His eyes took a second to read the monitors. Stable. She was at least stable, for the moment.

"I can't," She fought through her tears, her breathing becoming more and more labored. "Can't breathe..."

"Because it hurts, or because you're scared? Or something else?"

"Please, Derek."

Scared and in pain. For a moment, he was relieved. Fear and pain from her injuries was something they could deal with. A setback, another collapsed lung, was not. "I know, I know." He tried to soothe her, letting her lean her weight on him as she rested her hands on his shoulders.

"Breathe. With me. I'll breathe with you." He did everything he knew how to do, to calm her. After a couple of minutes, he was convinced she'd been pushed far enough, and he helped her lay back down. "Rest." His voice was gentle, but firm.

She thanked him, silently, her eyes meeting his. "...I forgive you..." The three words were barely audible over her gasps for air, but they were clear enough that she saw the tears in his eyes.

"I love you, so much." He pushed the button on her PCA pump and sat down on the side of her bed, holding onto her hand. "I'm right here, Mer. You just sleep."

"Can you just hold me?"

He did. Derek held Meredith, running his hand through her hair, relieved when she finally fell asleep.

Thanks to everyone who is sticking with this!

-Katie


	19. Learning the Truth

**Author's Note: I so appreciate all of the reviews, favorites, and follows to this story so far! Please keep them coming. :)**

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Nineteen**

There are things in life that are designed to heal. There are things that are designed to hurt. And there are things that are designed to heal, but they actually hurt. Confusing, yes. But, true. Take for instance, a bottle of whiskey. Designed to heal. Or, to calm. Maybe party. Depends on how you look at it. Regardless, a bottle of whiskey isn't made for hurting. But it does hurt. It hurts badly. It hurts not just the person who guzzles it, but the people who are around them too. And despite that people usually have good, pure intentions, alcohol is just one of those things that usually does the hurting. It usually takes a bad situation and makes it worse. Still, we keep drinking. We keep partying. We keep drowning away our sorrows, oblivious to the damage that such behavior can cause.

"Mark..." A hesitant, quiet voice broke the silence of his drunken sleep, and he woke up to hear the sound of beer cans crushing together as Lexie gathered them up from the couch and the floor, tossing them into the trash.

He forced his eyes open, forced his gaze to fall on her. She was so, perfect. Even when he yelled, even when he hurt her, she was perfect. "Yeah?" His words came slowly, but still, he sat up.

"Alex called."

"And?"

Lexie frowned, sitting down next to him. "And he said Meredith's doing a lot better. She's stable. I mean, actually, truly stable. And I was thinking that we should go see her."

"You should, Lex. You should see her. She'd want you there. It's been., what...two days?"

"Four days, Mark." She looked concerned. "Four days. It's Tuesday."

"They don't allow too many visitors in the ICU." He sort of just shrugged her off.

Tears threatened her eyes, "What are you talking about? Mark?" She suddenly realized just how impaired he was. Or maybe it wasn't that. Maybe he was just broken. Truly broken. Either way, it scared her. "Meredith's out of the ICU. She's in step-down. You know that. They moved her this morning. I told you that. I told you that they decided that last night."

"Oh." He simply shrugged. "I forgot."

"Please, Mark." Lexie took his hand. "Please, come with me. You should see her. She'd want..."

"Lexie!"

He was yelling. He was yelling again, and she jerked her hand away. "I want to see my sister, Mark." Her voice broke as she began to cry.

"Lex..." Mark drew in a deep breath and sighed. "I'm sorry. Don't cry."

"I want you to come with me."

"I can't, Lexie. I can't come with you. Do you have any idea what would happen if I showed up at that hospital?"

"You don't know that!" She insisted, quickly wiping her tears away as best she could, though more kept coming. "I don't want to go alone," Her voice was a quiet whisper. "Please."

Mark knew she was wrong, that she would find out she was wrong. After all the pain he'd caused, he knew the last thing Meredith and Derek wanted was for him to be there. But he slid his arm around her as she cried, wavering on how he was going to stand his ground on this one. Lexie was right. It wasn't just the alcohol that had a hold on him. In fact, his last drink had been...last night. He'd fallen asleep late into the evening, and woken up to her cleaning. That much, he could piece together. If it was up to him, another beer would come soon though. There was just too much pain otherwise. "Lexie."

"Please, Mark." She was begging, still begging him.

"You don't understand."

"Please."

"Okay," There was no use arguing with her, he could see that. Even if he did end up yelling enough to get her to back off about it, he knew it would just break her heart. Mark figured he'd done enough damage. The last thing he wanted was to hurt someone else.

"Really?" Lexie was thrilled, and quickly wiped away the rest of her tears though there were a few more that forced themselves to the surface of her eyes. "Thank you, Mark. Thank you. You won't regret it. You won't." In her heart of hearts, even if Lexie knew it was a long-shot, she really did believe that Meredith and Derek would forgive him. She believed in people. That was her gift. It had always been her gift.

Mark felt differently, for obvious reasons, but he didn't open his mouth about it. There was no use, he knew. Even if he was sure he was right about how he would be received, he knew Lexie well enough to know there would be no changing her mind. "Did detective Collier call back here?" The subject changed abruptly.

"Yeah, last night." Lexie hesitated. "But you were already asleep. He said that they were still working on putting everything together."

"So they're making a case." He was relieved. Or, at least he thought he was. Mark wasn't really sure if it was possible for him to just continue to live his life after he'd caused the death of an innocent child. Prison just seemed so much easier.

"We don't know that."

"Lex."

"We don't! We don't know that, Mark! They could drop the charges!"

"On what grounds, Lexie? I ran a red light and killed someone's baby. On what grounds would they drop the charges?"

"I don't know." Her hands were shaking, and tears streamed down her face. "I don't know. But, they could. You don't know."

"Please, stop crying." He sighed and pulled her into his arms, taking in the scent of her hair as he rubbed her back. "You're right. We don't know what's going to happen." Even if he wanted to yell at her and practically shake her into reality, he didn't. Mark was hurting far too much to be ready or willing to deal with much of anything. If it hadn't been for the brokenness in Lexie's voice, he wouldn't be going to the hospital. He wouldn't even be leaving his couch. He'd still be wasted, completely wasted.

******(Break)******

"Derek?"

Meredith pulled him out of a semi decent sleep, the first one he'd had in a while. "Hey." A small smile made it's way to his face, but it soon faded when he noticed the look in her eyes. "What's wrong? Are you in pain?" He started to stand. "I'll get Maria." Maria, their new nurse, left a lot to be desired. She was a lot more headstrong than Amy in the intensive care unit, and Derek was already frustrated with her. He'd lay the law down if he had to, though, to protect his wife. He'd do whatever it took, in a heartbeat.

"No. Stay." Her hand quickly found it's way to his wrist.

A look of confusion settled on his face, and he slowly sat back down. "What is it, Mer? What's wrong?" He glanced at her monitors, taking note that her vitals were all normal. Normal. She was holding her own. A weight felt like it had been lifted from his chest. Even if there was a long road to recovery ahead, she was at least out of the ICU and holding her own. That was good. It was great. Huge.

"I want to know what happened."

"Meredith." His heart raced a little. She wasn't ready. She wasn't ready to hear it. She was just getting to a place where he could see hints of his wife again, and now...no. She wasn't ready to for that. He wasn't ready for that.

"Please, Derek. I want to know. I have to. I have to know what happened."

His hand found its way through his hair. "I just, I don't think it's a good idea, Mer. Not right now. Why don't we talk about it tonight? When you're feeling stronger."

"I'm not going to feel stronger anytime soon, Derek. You know that. We both know that. Please." Frustration began to overwhelm her and tears threatened to cloud her vision. "I want to know what happened to my son."

A knock on the door interrupted them before he could respond. Derek didn't even have a chance to tell them it was okay to come in before he found himself staring at the uniformed police officer. He drew in a deep breath, wanting to yell. He wanted to demand the man leave, to refuse to say anything at all, to make it clear that now wasn't the time. But no words came.

"I'm sorry to bother you both," His voice was authoritative, but there was also a small part of it that held a bit of compassion. "I was looking for Mr. Derek Shephered." His eyes fell on the man who looked furious, and scared out of his mind. "The nurse at the desk said you'd be here?"

"That's me," Derek reluctantly admitted he was the subject of interest.

"Mr. Shepherd." His hand extended, "I'm Detective Collier. I'd like to ask you a few questions about the accident."

Derek didn't shake his hand.

Meredith frowned, becoming more and more nervous. Questions? About the accident? She wasn't quite sure she understood. Was there really that much to know about a wreck? Their son was dead. That's all she knew, and she guessed she'd assumed that had been good enough for them too. "Derek?"

He heard the confusion in her voice, and the unspoken pleading that he would get rid of the officer. His heart hurt for her. Derek hurt, for his wife. She was just learning to breathe again, just opening her eyes long enough to deal with the reality that their baby boy was gone, just starting to finally heal a bit, and now she had to deal with the cops. "No disrespect, Detective Collier, but my wife and I are just...we're.." He sighed and tried to gather his thoughts. He wasn't ready to talk about Grayson's death, or the accident that had left Meredith's life hanging in the balance. She still wasn't completely out of the woods yet. Infection was still a risk, and there was still a chance for late post-operative complications. Small, but there. "She was just moved out of the ICU, and she's very tired, and in a lot of pain. I'm sure you can understand that this is just too soon. We'll have to re-visit this another time."

"Mr. Shepherd."

"Doctor."

Derek was surprised by her words, and he looked at her with a tiny glimmer of amusement.

"Excuse me?" The detective looked confused.

"His name. He's...Dr. Derek Shepherd." Meredith emphasized the first part.

Annoyance took over his demeanor. "Look, I know this is difficult. But this can't wait. I need your statement, now. And the district attorney needs to know whether you plan to press charges."

"Detective Collier." Derek's anger was suddenly rising as he dropped clues about the cause of their wreck. Meredith didn't know. She didn't know, and he wasn't about to let her find out from some arrogant cop who refused to show a little sympathy for someone who was essentially still fighting to live. Instantly, he was on his feet. "I'd appreciate if we could talk about this later."

"There is no later."

"Charges? What?" Meredith suddenly felt like the room was spinning. Derek's sudden panic concerned her, and she whimpered a bit as the pain that had died away for a few minutes suddenly came flooding back. "Derek..."

"There is a later!" He was yelling, uncaring that he knew he shouldn't. "My wife is sick, detective. She's very sick! So if you would just..."

"Sir, if you can't come with me, I'm afraid I'll have to take you downtown. This isn't an option."

Tears filled Meredith's eyes, and she gave Derek a pleading glance.

He had no choice, though. Derek knew, at that moment, that he had no choice. The detective wasn't budging. "I'll be right back, Mer." His hand brushed over her cheek and he kissed her forehead. "And I'll find Maria, to get you something for the pain. Just try to rest. I'll be right outside."

"Stay," Her hand clung to his.

"Just for a few minutes, Mer. I promise. I'll be back." An angry sigh was the last thing he offered her before following detective Collier out the door.

******(Break)*******

"Mr. Shepherd?" The detective was quickly becoming impatient with the teary-eyed man across from him, even if it had only been twenty minutes. In twenty minutes though, he was sure he'd accomplished absolutely nothing. "Dr. Shepherd." His tone was firm, agitated. "Can you answer the question please?"

"My son, is dead!" Derek's hands were clenched into fists, shaking fists. He attempted to keep his emotions in check, pleaded with himself to remain calm, but he'd also quickly realized there was no point. Just a few questions into it he'd broken down. He'd cried, right there in front of a police officer. He'd cried like a girl. And already, he was exhausted. "My son's dead, so I don't really see how it matters! How any of this matters!"

"I understand your frustration."

"Do you?! Do you understand what it's like, detective? Because I'm sure that if you did, we wouldn't be here right now."

"I'm just asking you to answer my questions. Simple questions. Then I'll go, and you can get back to your wife."

"I've told you. I've told you, over and over again. I came to the light, and it was green. I kept driving. People don't look both ways before they drive through a green light. I never saw the other driver coming. When I realized what had happened, my attention was on my wife."

The detective gave up. He wasn't getting the answers he needed, and he knew the man sitting in front of him wasn't going to be of much help. "The other driver, Mark Sloan..."

Derek cringed at the mention of his name.

"We're putting together a case. But the district attorney is going to want to know. Do you want to press charges against him?"

"You don't need to put together a case." Derek found his voice, and his opinion on the matter, without any hesitation.

"Excuse me?" Confusion clouded his features.

"I don't want to press charges, and I don't want this turning into some court case. My wife. Did you see her? She's heartbroken. Shattered. She can't go through that...a court case. She can't keep living this, over and over again. She can barely deal with it now. I'm not going to stand by and watch her get hurt just so you can have some fancy trial and some stupid conviction."

"I'm afraid it isn't that easy, Mr...Dr. Shepherd. Mark Sloan is guilty of vehicular manslaughter."

"Well make it easy!" Derek would walk through fire before he let them drag this on any longer. "We've lost a son, detective. My wife and I, we've lost a son. There's been enough damage, don't you think? She can't, we can't do this... so please. I'm asking...just put it away. Let it go." Meredith was already broken, and empty. He knew taking things any further, dragging things through court, through the media, would be the final straw. He'd be pulling her out of the water again, watching her die.

"I'll see what I can do." Surprisingly enough, there was no smart comeback from the detective, not that time. "But I can't make any promises."

"Fine," He knew things would be different if Meredith wasn't involved. If his decision had been based soley on himself, Derek would have walked through fire to make sure Mark Sloan spent the next twenty years behind bars. He deserved it. He deserved whatever he got, for murdering their son. But it wasn't about him. He reminded himself of that. This was about protecting an already vulnerable Meredith. His Meredith.

******(Break)******

"Hey," Derek spoke quietly when he finally got back to Meredith's room, not wanting to wake her too much if she'd been sleeping.

She hadn't been. It had been impossible for her to even think about sleep, despite how exhausted she was, despite her pain. Maria had come, but had refused her an extra dose of Morphine. Her pain before had been tolerable. Now it was unbearable, but Meredith fought through it. She didn't feel like she had a choice, and Derek's red eyes kept her from asking for his help. He'd been through enough. She could see that. "Hey."

He sat down, instantly noticing the glassy look in her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Fine."

"Meredith..."

"Really, I'm...Derek..." Her hand found his. "...what happened?"

"We talked. He asked questions. I answered them." There was a shrug.

"I mean..." She hesitated. "I need to know how it happened, please..."

"Mer..." Another sigh.

"...Please, Derek.. Our son's gone. And I'm...here. And...you always...you're...and the cop. He...you were crying. You've been..and...yelling..." Panic settled in, and tears filled her eyes. She faught to slow her breathing down.

"Okay...okay...shhh. It's okay, Meredith. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, you're right. You deserve to know the truth. Just, take some deep breaths." His thumb brushed gently over the back of her hand.

"Okay..." Despite her pain and frustration, and the pure fear at what she would find out, she managed to force panic aside, and slow her breathing down.

It took a minute, for Derek to say anything else. He wanted to be sure that she really was okay before he put anything else on her. He wanted to be sure that _he _was okay before he said anything else. The shutting it out, the denial, the burial of the memory, that's what had kept him strong. And now he knew he had to face it. He had to talk about it with his wife, really talk about it. "We were...you and I...we were fighting..." His voice wavered a bit.

Meredith listened. She listened, and she braced herself, as best she could.

"And you told me. You told me about the surprise...for my birthday."

Suddenly her face was pale. "Your birthday." She'd forgotten. She forgotten all about his birthday. His birthday...was gone.

"It's okay, Mer. You were here. In the hospital, and..." He knew why she was upset, and he did his best to put her at ease about it. He didn't blame her for not remembering. In fact, he didn't really care.

"It isn't! It isn't okay. I forgot about your birthday!" Tears spilled down her cheeks.

"Meredith." He turned his chair so he was facing her, looking into her eyes. His tone was firm. "It is okay. You were very sick. Not even awake. There's nothing to be sorry for." His hand gently wiped away her tears. "There was a light. It was green." He continued before she could argue with him. "I had turned to wipe the tears from your eyes. You were crying. And...some..." His voice broke, and he stopped.

"Please, Derek." Her voice was barely a whisper. "Please, I have to know what happened. The detective said he needed to ask you questions. What questions? Why?"

"Mark." Derek's heart was pounding despite his attempts to calm down. "Mark was there. He ran a red light. He ran a light, and hit us, on your side of the car."

And there it was. The air in her lungs felt like it was suddenly sucked out of her in one instant, and she gasped. She gasped as she began to panic, convinced that her heart was pounding so hard it might give out. Tears fell faster than they had in a while, and she let out a small cry when she finally did manage words. "No..." It was like finding out about Grayson all over again. Too much. Way too much. She wished she had listened to Derek, about waiting.

"Shh," His heart broke for her, and almost instantly he was there beside her in the bed, sliding his arms around her though he was careful not to put any pressure on her incisions. "I'm here, Mer. I'm right here."

She shook as she sobbed in his arms. It wasn't just about Mark. It was enough, though. The news that Mark had been the driver who caused the accident, that Mark had gone through a red light, was enough to send her into some sort of massive nervous breakdown. But it was also about Grayson. Memories of being pregnant were flooding back to her all at once, and not even Derek could succeed in comforting her as she dealt with the blow of losing their son all over again. "Grayson." It was an anguished cry, and she could feel Derek start to shake as he began to cry as well.

As if there hadn't been enough for one day, there was only about twenty minutes for the two of them to pull themselves together before there was a knock on the door. Meredith opened her eyes just enough to look over at Derek and meet his gaze. "I'm really hurting."

She didn't need to tell him that. He could see it, in the glassy-eyed look she gave him. "Didn't Maria give you something while I was gone?" Concern flooded over him, and he sat up, getting out of the bed.

There was another knock. She didn't even glance at the door. "She wouldn't. Said I didn't need it. Said I would..."

He was angry, and it showed. "We'll get you something, right now." He'd kill her. Derek Shepherd would kill her, when he saw her again. "Come in!" He sighed deeply at the third knock.

A startled Lexie appeared in the doorway, followed by Mark who looked just about as unsure as she did. "Sorry. We could...I'm sorry if we're interrupting. We could just come back." It was Lexie who spoke up as the door shut behind them.

Derek was immediately apologetic when he saw what a wreck Meredith's sister was, but when his eyes fell on Mark, his look turned cold. "Get out." It was an instant but firm request.

"Please..." Lexie's eyes were already filling with tears, and she noticed just how upset Meredith already looked.

"Lexie." Meredith was glad to see her, even if it wasn't the best of timing. But Mark was a different story. Suddenly she whished she was back in the ICU, under the heavy sedatives there. It was easier that way, easier to avoid things. Things like the man that had murdered her son. It was too much. It was all too much for her.

"I'm sure Meredith wants to visit with you, Lexie." Derek tried to find a way to fix the situation without causing a scene that would upset his wife further. "I'll get you something, for the pain." He assured her, before walking toward Mark who was still by the door. "Get the hell out, now."

"I'm sorry." Mark through the apology out there as he turned to walk out.

Derek followed him, not uttering another word until the door shut and the two of them stood face to face in the hallway. He swore he almost passed out, but managed to somehow stay on his feet and remain in control enough to speak clearly. "You're sorry?" His tone was one of disbelief. "You're sorry?!"

Mark sighed, backing up a bit as Derek began to yell. He looked just about as pale as the angry man standing in front of him. "Lexie asked me to come, Derek. I knew...I didn't...look...I knew this..." The words wouldn't come. Pain did.

Derek's fist met with Mark's face without warning, sending his former friend stumbling back a few steps. "You killed my son, Mark! Killed! Murdered! Do you really think..."

Maria walked by, and Derek grabbed her arm. "Give my wife her dose of Morphine, now. Otherwise, I'm not going to be held responsible for what I say...or do."

Normally the overbearing nurse would have argued, but the anger in his eyes and the grip on her arm caused her to quickly go into Meredith's room to comply with his request.

Derek's attention was back on Mark again. "You've destroyed her, Mark. Meredith's lost. She's...did you see her?"

"I'm so sorry, Derek. You...God, you have no idea...how sorry I am. How I wish I could have been the one to be in her place. How I wish she could have walked away. How I wish I had died too."

"Me too." A cold reply came quickly. Out of character or not, he said it. Derek was too angry, too scared for his wife, and hurting too much over the death of his son to think straight.

It was Lexie who saved Mark from another hit to the face. "She can hear you yelling." Her words were barely audible, and she stood back from Derek after walking out of the room, actually a little scared by how out of control he seemed. Concerned eyes fell on Mark, but she knew there was nothing she could do for the time being.

Instantly, his face softened. "The nurse gave her the pain meds, right?"

"Yeah, but...she's asking for you." Lexie hesitated, biting her bottom lip. "And she's askng for Mark, too."

Derek stared at her, a little shocked by the request. "Okay." He wasn't really sure what else to say, so he simply walked past her into the room. Thankfully, the nurse who he still had words for, was gone. "Mer...I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to hear..."

"It won't help, Derek..." Meredith's voice was breaking, and her hands were trembling. The morphine still hadn't kicked in yet, so the look of immense pain was still written in her eyes.

"What won't help?" He seemed confused.

"Blaming Mark."

"Meredith..." _Was she actually going to pretend like it was just some terrible accident? Like Mark was just the same guy he had been before? A friend? A decent human being?_

"It won't help." She instisted, tears streaming down her face.

"He's leaving, Mer. I know it upset you, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He attributed her tears to not just the physical pain, but the emotional pain of dealing with everything at once, dealing with Mark. The chair at her bedside was soon used again, and he took her hand. "I'm here. Just...rest."

"Listen to me, Derek." She struggled to put her thoughts into words. "Grayson's gone. He's gone, Derek. We can't get him back. Our baby, is dead. And that's enough. That's enough to haunt me for the rest of my life. I just...I can't deal with anything else. I can't. So...if you want to be angry at Mark, you can be angry. But I just can't do it, Derek. Our son is dead. Please, that's enough."

Derek felt as if he was being torn into a million pieces. He leaned over and kissed her forehead, his own tears falling onto her cheeks. "Okay." He promised her without saying anything more than okay. "Sleep, please."

The door opened though, before Meredith could close her eyes. Mark walked in, leaving Lexie in the hallway to try and calm down. "I know I took away everything you. I know..." He hesitated, struggling to find words. Seeing them hurting, seeing the tears in Meredith's eyes, it killed him. "I killed your son. And I hate myself for it. I hate myself, every day, for taking away something so precious from you. God, Meredith...I'm so sory. If I..."

"We're not going to talk about this." Meredith met his gaze, but just for a second before she closed her eyes. "I'm fine. I don't need to talk about this." She was already drifting off into the sleepy hold of her pain medication.

Fear set in with Derek. A deep-rooted, intense fear began to consume him. Meredith would break. Her unwillingness to at least deal with the feelings and emotions she had toward the man who'd caused the accident that killed their son scared him to death. And there was also the fact that she said little about Grayson, as if that didn't really need to be talked about either. But Meredith did talk. She talked when she broke. And he knew the breaking would come. She would push herself as long as she could, bury everything as deeply as she knew how, and then she would break. He knew it, and he braced for it. Because it was coming. His beautiful, perfect Meredith, who had already been through hell and back, was going to shatter into a million pieces.

The only difference was, this time he would be there to catch her before she hit the water.

**Okay, I'm not sure how well understood or received this will be, but I felt like we needed to get these things into the story. Let me know what you think!**


	20. Burying the Pain

**This update is brought to you by a request from **rannisaurus to "update, update, update"

:)

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Twenty**

We all have moments in our lives that define us, moments that we look back on and say shaped who we are, or made us into the people we've become. Sometimes those moments are good. Most of the time, they aren't. Most of the time those moments are moments when we were hurt, when everything around us seemed to fall apart. Most of the time, the thing that shaped us the most are the things that also destroyed us. When we have those moments, the life-changing kind, the kind that hurt, we have to make a choice. We have to decide whether we should simply give up and stop breathing, or if we should stand up and fight. Even when it hurts, even when everything has caved in, there's a choice we have to make. We have to decide what we want. We have to decide if we're going to let heartbreak and tragedy eat us alive, or if we're going to take a deep breath and take another step.

"How are you feeling?" Addison was glad to have a moment alone with Meredith the next morning. Though she knew it was essential for Derek to be there for a woman who was struggling to find her way again, she also knew it was good for him to take some breathing room, even if it was just to grab something to eat.

Meredith wasn't really in the talking mood, but she made a point of not being rude to the doctor who had fought so hard to save her life, and the life of her son. "I'm okay. Hurts a little less, I guess."

A tiny smile appeared on Addison's face. Anything was better than how she'd been just a few days ago. "That's good. Progress is good, Meredith. No matter how small." She took a quick look at her c-section scar. "From what I can see, it's looking a lot better than it was."

"Thank you…for saving my life." Meredith threw it out there, seemingly out of nowhere though her gaze was on the ceiling, not on the red-headed woman in front of her.

"I didn't save your life, Meredith. I mean, I was there...but…Dr. Hunt. And Dr. Bailey. They really deserve the credit. I just..."

"Saved my uterus. Tried to save my son," Meredith finished for her. "I know what you did, Addison, and I'm thanking you. For trying…for fighting for my baby…when I couldn't." Tears slid down her cheeks at the thought of Grayson.

"…I would do anything, Meredith. Give anything, to have been able to save that baby. It's likely that he was dead before you came in."

"Yeah…" She was becoming distant, not really ready to go there.

"Meredith…" Addison sighed. "I'm so sorry, about what happened."

"Derek's so angry," There was a sudden and desperate attempt to change the subject. "Have you seen him? He's just…he's so angry. I don't even think he's dealing with the sadness. He's just…mad."

"He's just hurting, Meredith." Addison said quietly, thinking about her ex-husband and how truly shattered he was by his son's death. "I know it seems like he isn't. But he is. He's just hurting. And scared. He was scared he was going to lose you. He'll…I think he'll be okay. It's just going to take some time."

"Yeah." Meredith closed her eyes, hoping that Addison would just go away. She was done talking, done sharing.

"Just, don't shut him out, Meredith. I know it can be easy to try and do this on your own, but..."

"Addison…" Meredith opened her eyes. "I'm just really tired…" The empty chair next to her was a painful reminder that Derek was not there. If he'd been there this conversation would have never started. He would have made sure of it. Derek was protective of her, shielding her from anything he thought could hurt her. And truth be known, even though she'd encouraged him to get some breakfast, she wished he was back. She was counting down the minutes, until he sat back down in that chair.

Addison knew that it wasn't the right time to push her, and she simply nodded. "Get some sleep. My flight leaves at four. I've got to get back home for a while, but I'm just a phone call away if you guys need anything."

"Thanks." Meredith wasn't good at goodbyes. She hated goodbyes, so she left it with something simple.

Luckily, Derek was back within a few minutes, and she looked relieved when he sat back down in the same place he'd been for days. "Hey." He put a bag of food down on her tray that was still holding the breakfast she hadn't touched.

"Hey," A soft smile appeared on her lips. She was glad to see him a bit calmer than he had been over the last few days. Just as much as Derek worried about her, she worried about him. He'd become a different man...scared, quiet, and incredibly distant from the world and overprotective of her. It wasn't that she blamed him. She just, wanted her Derek back.

"I saw Addison. She said she came to tell you goodbye." He watched her closely, trying to make sure she was okay considering he'd ended up being gone for over an hour, a lot longer than he'd expected.

"Yeah, she did. Glad you saw her before she left." Meredith tried to keep the smile on her face so he wouldn't end up worrying. "What's in the bag?"

"Breakfast. Are you hungry? I figured if you weren't going to eat the hospital food, maybe I could get you to eat something a little more appetizing."

Meredith made a face. Even if she was grateful that he'd thought of her, she made a face. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt his feelings, but the thought of food made her physically ill.

"You have to eat something, Meredith."

"I'm just not hungry." She hoped her explanation would be enough, though she doubted it would be. Short of throwing up all over the floor, she knew it was useless to argue with him.

"Just a little, Mer." Derek opened the bag, pulling out the pancakes he got for her. "It's small, see? I got you a chocolate shake, too."

"Chocolate shake and pancakes?" Meredith couldn't help but laugh a little, though instantly her expression changed as pain shot through her. She wrapped her arm around her torso. "Oww."

"Deep breaths..." He frowned and watched her closely. "Sorry." Derek was hesitant for a moment, wanting to be sure she was okay.

"It's okay," Meredith assured him, laying her head back against the pillow.

"Has the pain been bad all morning?" Suddenly it occurred to him that he hadn't really asked her.

There was a hesitation before she replied, but she was honest with him. There was no use in lying, she knew, considering he managed to figure everything out anyway. "It's a little better. Still pretty bad when I move around."

"Your chest or your incision?" Derek was still trying to figure out which was worse for her, the surgery or the broken rib.

"I think moving hurts more in my chest." Meredith admitted, reaching for the shake. She was willing to drink a few sips of it as long as it meant he wasn't so worried about her.

"Maybe we need to get them to change the pain medication your on. Or raise the dosage."

"Dr. Bailey said they were taking me off the Morphine soon."

"How soon is soon?" Derek frowned. He wasn't about to let her sit there in pain. If her pain was still bad, he would do whatever it took to get her the prescription she needed.

"I don't really know. It was all really a blur when she came in this morning. I was still half asleep." After a few sips of the chocolate shake, and a couple of forced bites of pancakes, she laid her head back again.

"I'll talk to her about it. They aren't going to take you off before you're ready. You don't have to worry about that."

"I know." She opened her eyes, looking at him. "I don't know if that food is really agreeing with me."

"You're feeling sick already?" A deep frown settled on Derek's face, and he sat her bed up a little more in hopes that it would help settle her stomach, and also in preparation just in case she did get sick.

A small nod was visible, but it wasn't much. The look in her eyes said everything about how she was feeling. The movement of the bed made the room spin, and she pressed a pillow firmly against her stomach to avoid feeling like she'd been sliced open again.

"I'll get Maria." Derek started to stand. "She can get you something for the nausea."

"No." Meredith's hand shot out, reaching for his hand.

"Mer, if you're feeling sick, and hurting...let me get the nurse. I'd grab something myself, but I don't have a code to the machine."

"No, I mean..." Meredith tried to take a few deep breaths, fighting against the nausea that threatened to overtake her. "Trashcan." She finally managed, leaning toward the side of the bed.

He grabbed it just in time, holding it for her as she vomited not only what he'd given her, but also all the pills Maria had given her just before he came back.

Meredith groaned when it finally stopped, and laid her head back against the pillow. Tears slid down her cheeks. If the pain had been bad before, it was unbearable now. "Sorry." Her voice was barely a whisper.

"It's okay, Mer. Not your fault." Derek put the trashcan aside and sat down on the edge of the bed, running his hand gently over her arm. "You need to take something for the pain."

There was a small nod, just before she began to sob.

He was there. Derek was there, holding her. In an instant.

"I wake up every morning, thinking it's all just going to be a dream. A nightmare. Thinking that I'll wake up pregnant. That Grayson will still be alive." She let him hold her as she cried, even though his touch did little to ease the immense grief she had for the baby they had both lost.

"Me too," Derek's voice was as soft as hers was, and he whispered into her ear. "Me too, Mer." His hand ran over her hair as tears of his own fell.

"I miss him, so much, Derek. I wanted him. I really...I loved him."

"I loved him too, Mer."

****** [break] *******

"You're not going to the hospital this morning?" Mark looked surprised to see Lexie next to him, curled up in bed with her pajamas still on, her hair a mess, and make-up from the day before washed away. She was beautiful. A glance at the clock let him know there was no way she was working a shift. _9:23._

Lexie opened her eyes when she heard him, watching him carefully. He was a mess, a complete mess. Beer cans littered the floor of their living room again, and the alcohol left in his system gave the appearance that he hadn't slept in weeks. "I have the day off." Her voice was quiet, hesitant.

"Yeah, but...what about Meredith? Aren't you going to go see her?"

"I'm staying here with you." It killed Lexie, to be away from her sister, but she was terrified to leave Mark. She was scared that she'd come home to find him dead, that he'd drink himself to death...or worse.

"Lex." Mark knew exactly what she was doing, and though he knew he should be grateful, it just irritated him. He didn't need a babysitter. "You should go to the hospital and see your sister."

"I'm not going, Mark." She sat up, grabbing the ponytail holder from the bedside table.

He watched as she pulled her hair up, anger and frustration growing inside of him. "You have to go. You need to go."

"I don't have to go." Lexie argued. "When are you going back to work?"

A laugh escaped his lips. "Work?" His glance to her was cold, hardened. And pained. "I don't know, Lexie. Is that what you're worried about? Me working? Worried that I'll just become a deadbeat who doesn't work anymore? Because if you're worried I won't be some great surgeon..."

"Stop it!" Lexie raised her voice. She'd reached a breaking point. Actually, she'd reached a breaking point days ago. It was with much difficulty that she was still able to get through each day. There was only so much one person could handle, and with her sister in the hospital, Grayson dead, and Mark drowning in a newfound addiction to alcohol, she had reached the edge of her rope. "Just stop it, Mark! I'm trying to help you! Can't you see that?!"

"I don't need help, Lexie! I don't need a babysitter!" He yelled right back.

She wanted to crumble. She wanted to break down and cry, but she didn't. Lexie refused to cry. "I'm going to make something to eat. Get up. Get dressed. Take a shower."

His anger rose, and in an attempt to keep from taking it out on her, Mark stayed right where he was. "I don't need a babysitter, Lexie. And I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat, Mark. You have to! I'm not going to let you sit around here and act like your life is over! Because it isn't! I know it was a terrible thing that happened, and I know that you don't know how you're supposed to move on. But you have to keep living! You can't let this be your story!" Tears fell down her cheeks, and she angry brushed them away.

"What are you now? Some kind of freaking shrink?! I don't need a shrink! I don't need a babysitter, and I don't need a shrink, Lexie! Did you see how well things went yesterday?! So much for following your advice!"

She looked stunned, and there was no reply. Lexie was crushed, broken. Tears continued to fall, and she simply turned and walked out of the room before sinking against the wall in the hallway. There, on the floor, she let herself break down and really cry.

"Lex..." Mark showed up. After he managed to gather his thoughts and piece together what he'd said to her, he showed up.

She moved away from him when he sat down.

"Lex, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Despite her ignoring him, Mark simply reached over and pulled her into his arms.

"Don't." She fought his hold at first, only crying harder when her head rested on his chest.

"I know you're scared, Lexie. I know. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm just making it worse. I know you just want to help. I know. It's just, I don't think you can. I don't think anyone can help me." Mark's hands were shaking as he ran them through her hair, relieved when she finally settled into his arms. "I killed someone."

"It was an accident," She protested, clinging to his shirt like a child would to a mother.

"Doesn't matter. That baby is still dead. And I don't know if I can ever look at Meredith Grey or Derek Shepherd again, Lex. That man is my best friend. He's my brother. And I took away his son. I almost killed his wife."

"It wasn't your fault."

"It was. It was my fault."

"You didn't mean to cause an accident, Mark."

"Did you see the way he looked at me, Lexie? Did you see the way Derek looked at me?"

"He's hurting, Mark. Derek's just grieving. And he's scared because Meredith is sick. But he'll get through this. We all will."

"I don't know how, Lex. I don't know how to wake up without feeling like things would be easier if I was just dead." For the first time since the accident, Mark Sloan didn't try to stop the tears that slid down his cheeks. "I would give anything, to trade places. I'd give anything to be gone if it meant they could have their baby back."

"You don't mean that." Lexie was starting to shut down, stunned by what she was hearing. It just helped to reaffirm her decision that it wasn't okay for him to be alone, not now.

"I do, Lexie. I do mean that. I know you don't understand this, but it's just not something you can live with. You can't live knowing that you took the life of another human being. There's nothing...there's nothing left for me here."

"What about me?" Through her tears, there was a soft, breaking voice. Then she was sobbing again, and broke away from his hold without warning.

"Lex..."

But she was gone, running quickly to the bathroom where she made it to the toilet just before throwing up.

"Lexie..." Mark sighed when he heard her getting sick. He quickly wiped his tears away and got up, following her though for a moment there he struggled to stand on his own two feet.

"Just go away." Lexie sat there on the floor, still there next to the toilet as she cried.

"Come on, Lex." Mark scooped her up into his arms, stumbling a bit though it was the alcohol in his system that posed the problem, not her weightless figure. "You need to get some sleep. Let me cook this morning."

"I can do it." She slid her arms around his neck.

"I know you can, but I want to do it, for you."

***** [break] *****

"When do you go back to work?" It was Meredith who broke the silence after falling asleep there in Derek's arms. She slept for only an hour or so, but after the pain medication Derek had convinced the nurse to give her, it had been a tremendous help.

He was caught off-guard by her question, looking over at her from where he'd been sitting on the chair at her bedside, staring out the window. "Richard gave me time off. Or, I'm using my vacation time." His gaze turned to her, thoughts turning from their lost son to the woman who was still struggling to recover from injuries that should have left her dead.

"But, how much? How much time off, do you have?"

"I'd saved a lot of it, Mer, for when..."

_For when the baby came. _He didn't have to finish his thought. She knew exactly what he meant. "You can go back to work if you want. I'll be fine." It was a lie.

He knew it was a lie. "You're not fine, Mer. And I'm not going back to work. Not right now. Not for another few weeks. Maybe more than that."

"Derek."

"Meredith."

Even though she was arguing, even though she'd tried to convince him that she didn't need him there, didn't want him there...it was a lie. Meredith did want him. She needed him to be with her. Derek was the one person that kept her breathing, kept her from just giving in and letting the pain swallow her up. He'd been the reason she fought to live after finding out her son was dead, and he was the reason she continued to fight against the overwhelming grief of losing her baby. Derek was her rock, and she knew she'd fall apart if he was gone. So, silently, she was relieved that he was using his vacation. "Okay." Finally, she let it go.

"Okay." He smiled and took her hand. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." It was the truth. Even if it was just for a moment, she was feeling better.

"I called my mom, Mer. I know I should have before, but I couldn't. I just...it wasn't..." He sighed, grateful that she gave him time to gather his thoughts before he said anything. "I didn't know how to tell her."

"It's okay."

"She's coming here."

"Your mom?"

"Is that okay? I know families aren't really..."

"Derek..."

"She doesn't have to stay long, Mer. Just...she wants to come and make sure you're okay. I want her...she..." He sighed. "She's my mom. And she's worried about us. And..."

"Derek..." A small smile crept across her lips. "It's okay. It's okay that your mom's coming. I just...I was surprised. That's all. But it's okay."

"Okay." He smiled a bit, watching her. There was pain in his eyes though, pain that was threatening to consume him. If he wasn't careful, he'd walk away from this a changed man. He'd be there for Meredith, and make sure she didn't crumble, but he wouldn't be the same.

"Did you ask Dr. Bailey when I'd be able to go home?" Meredith changed the subject.

Derek worried that she was avoiding talk of his mom because she really wasn't okay with it, but he didn't press the issue. "Maybe by the end of the week. We don't want to rush things, Mer."

"I know. I just..." Meredith sighed. "Maybe we could...I was going to ask if we could stay in the trailer for a while. But your mom...if your mom comes..." Another sigh. "I guess not."

Confusion set in. He looked at her with complete confusion in his eyes. "The trailer?"

"Yeah. I just..." Meredith let go of his hand, moving her arm around her torso. "It's nothing. Just..." She sighed. "Nothing."

"Something." Derek frowned. "Meredith."

"It's just...Grayson." Tears threatened her eyes yet again. "His stuff. Those clothes that were on our bed. I was going to wash them. And the blankets...in the dryer. I hadn't folded..." Her breath caught in her throat and a broken sob escaped her lips.

His hand found hers again, but he didn't say a word. She was talking. Meredith was talking, really talking about what life was going to be like without their baby, and he wanted to give her that chance.

Derek's support came in his touch, and she was grateful for it. "And his room...it was finished. And they decorated. The baby shower...I know there were balloons. Lexie and Cristina...balloons. And...the swing...we were still...you were putting together the swing. Those bottles we got...I had...in the dishwasher...and..."

"I'll go home, Mer. I'll go home...and..."

She managed to look at him through her tears, holding on tightly to his hand. "I just...need it all to go away. Please."

"Okay."


	21. Speaking of Babies

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Twenty-One**

When you're sick, you're supposed to be home. Home is where things are comfortable, it's where you can cuddle up and fall asleep under your favorite comforter. Home is where family is, where familiar things are kept. When you're sick, you want to be where your things are, where you can eat your own food and wear your own clothes. People aren't supposed to be in the hospital when they're sick. Or rather, they aren't supposed to want to be in the hospital. The hospital isn't familiar. It isn't a place where you can choose your own food or wear your own clothes. The hospital is a cold, hard place where the walls are bare and the atmosphere is anything but inviting. The thing is though, sometimes when we're sick, the thought of going home is too much. Sometimes the reality of home is overwhelming, and more than we can bare. Sometimes, we'd rather stay away.

It was another three days before Dr. Hunt cleared Meredith to go home, deciding that she was stable enough to leave despite a long road of recovery ahead for her both physically and emotionally. She was still in a lot of pain and struggling to get her strength back, but he figured there was no point keeping her in the hospital where he was sure she and Derek were unable to truly grieve over the loss of their baby.

Meredith had been quiet about the news that she could go. She hadn't said much of anything, which left Derek worried. His mom tried to convince him that she was just overwhelmed with everything, but he knew better. There was no emotion in his wife, just sort of a blank stare and robotic movements. Derek knew that she wasn't okay. He knew that going home left her with more than she was ready to deal with, and he wanted more than anything to be able to fix that. He couldn't, though, and their trip back to the house had been a silent one.

Going upstairs had been out of the question once they arrived back at the house, and Meredith was glad. It was easier to ignore things downstairs, where there were no signs and no reminders of the baby that they'd lost. She wanted to be able to spend time with her husband as well, not be locked away in a room where she missed what was going on around her. Derek had kept his promise to her that he would take care of getting rid of Grayson's things that were scattered around, and she was relieved to see that there were no baby reminders in their living room, or at least none she could see from where she was resting on their couch. Upstairs was an entirely different story, she knew, but she didn't care as long as she didn't have to see it.

It had taken a lot out of Derek, to put away the things they were in the middle of preparing for their son. The bottles had been right were she said they were, sitting in the dishwasher so they would be clean for their first use, and the laundry had been equally as difficult to go through. He'd tried to just do it with a focus on helping his wife out, but it had been impossible. There had been many tears shed as he worked on getting rid of all evidence that they'd been expecting a baby, and he'd been glad that he insisted he go alone. His mom had stayed with Meredith, giving him time to do things slowly. It had almost been a chance for him to sort of let go of the dreams they'd had, of the baby they both wanted. Derek had sat on the floor of their house and cried, but he'd walked away with a bit of a renewed strength, and the slight hope that they might actually be okay.

When it had come to completely getting rid of Greyson's things, though, he hadn't been able. So, he'd tucked everything away in the nursery and simply shut the door. It was unlikely Meredith would be able to go upstairs for some time on her own, and he knew that would give him enough time to tell her that he just couldn't bring himself to destroy the nursery they had poured so much love into. That door remained locked, the key on their dresser. They would face that together, when they were finally ready. He wasn't sure how long that would be, but he knew there would be a day when they could go in their, hand in hand.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like something to eat, dear?" Carolyn stepped out of the kitchen, glancing at her daughter in-law who looked to be deep in thought. "I made the stew with you in mind, and you look like you could use some meat on those bones. No offense."

"I appreciate it, Carolyn..." Meredith glanced over to her, forcing a small smile to her face. "But I'm really not hungry." Despite having been thirty-one weeks pregnant just six days ago, the time spent in the hospital had left her looking pretty undernourished, considering how little she was eating. The baby weight had come off quickly, and though there was a small reminder where her baby bump had been, a stranger would never be able to look at her and tell she had recently been pregnant. Meredith was grateful for that. She didn't want the looks and the stares, or the questions.

"Meredith." Carolyn didn't seem to be taking no for an answer. She stepped out of the kitchen further and walked into the living room. "You need to eat something. You can't just sit around here and worry yourself to death. I know..."

"Mom," Derek's firm tone interrupted her, and he frowned a bit at her before turning his attention to Meredith just to make sure she was okay. The lack of tears gave him a bit of relief, but not much. "If she says she isn't hungry, she isn't hungry." He knew his mom's intentions were pure, but he also knew she had the ability to be incredibly overbearing. Meredith was already fragile enough without someone pushing her and in her face all the time. "She's tired. Let her sleep, and when she wakes up you can bug her about eating." He looked at his mom to make sure she understood him before he sat down on the couch next to his wife.

Carolyn knew better than to press the issue with her son. He was a stubborn man, much like herself, and she didn't want to cause an argument. "The pot will be on the stove." She sighed and headed upstairs to get some cleaning done, figuring it would be a while before Meredith was able to or Derek was willing to.

"Thanks," Meredith leaned over onto Derek, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Didn't seem like you were going to be able to talk your way out of that one." He slid his arm around her. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay. The pain medication is starting to wear off, but it isn't too bad." She closed her eyes, pulling her blanket around her.

"Cold?" Derek frowned and glanced at the clock. "You can take another pill in an hour." He grabbed an extra blanket from the back of the couch and unfolded it, putting it over her so she didn't have to do the work.

"Thanks," A soft smile settled on her face just before she yawned.

"Are you sure you don't want me to carry you upstairs so you can sleep in bed?"

"Yeah. It's too..."

"I moved all of the stuff, Mer." Derek knew what she was worried about even before she said it. "You asked me to, and I moved it."

"Where did you end up putting all of it?" Her voice was softer as she thought about Grayson.

He hesitated, trying to decide if it was worth it to tell her the truth or if it was easier to lie to protect her.

"Derek?" Meredith lifted her head off his shoulder, glancing over at him.

"In the nursery," He braced himself for her reaction.

"Oh." It took her a minute to figure out whether or not she was upset. Part of her was angry and a little bit panicked that her son's room had been untouched, but there was another part of her that was grateful Derek had made the decision not to just throw everything out.

"I'm sorry. I just, couldn't."

"It's okay," She finally decided, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. "And I guess upstairs would be okay. But only if you promise to lay down with me. It gets lonely after a while, and you could use the sleep."

"Okay," Derek smiled and stood, carefully lifting her into his arms, doing his best not to hurt her. When she did wince a little, a frown settled on his face. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just, hurts. To move like that." In an effort to block the pain out, Meredith closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest, taking a few deep breaths.

"Maybe you should just stay. Or, at least stay upstairs after we get you in bed."

"I'm okay, really. Can't stay in bed forever. Then I'd waste away and there wouldn't be anyone for the dirty sex."

He couldn't help but laugh. Her comment had come out of nowhere, and Derek truly laughed, for the first time since the accident. That was Meredith, his Meredith. The playful tone in her voice, the flirtation, the jokes…uniquely the woman he loved, the woman he'd thought he might never have again. "Can't be without the dirty sex. We'll have to make sure you at least walk the hallway." He teased.

"I knew you'd eventually see my point." Meredith grinned though she kept her eyes shut. It was truly heartwarming to hear his laugh. After all of the pain that had overshadowed them in the last week, they needed that.

***** [break] *****

"Lexie," Mark stood outside the bathroom door, knocking quietly on it as he listened to her spilling the contents of her stomach. _At least she made it to the bathroom. _ He sighed when she didn't answer, using the frame of the door for support, a beer in his free hand. It was only ten in the morning, and already his second. Four weeks had passed since Meredith Grey had been released from the hospital, and despite the news that she was doing much better, Mark's behavior hadn't changed.

Tears slid down Lexie's cheeks as she sat there on the floor of the bathroom, listening to the drunken tone of the man she loved. The man that was falling apart, the man that felt like he'd lost everything. "I'm okay," It was a lie, but she didn't feel like there were any other words. Mark was already broken enough, and the alcohol just sort of sent things over the edge for her. She couldn't bring herself to talk to him except when it was really necessary.

"Lexie, open the door." He knocked harder, starting to become more and more frustrated that she was shutting him out.

"I'm okay, Mark. Really. Just, go back to whatever it is you were doing."

"Open the door, Lexie!"

His raised voice caused her to jump, and she stood when she was sure that she was done throwing up. "Go away," She mumbled, quickly brushing her teeth so the taste of vomit would no longer be there. Her eyes fell to the box on the counter. _First Response. _It was unopened, and she just looked at it, her hand unmoving.

"I'm not going away. Not until you open this door. If you're sick you need to be in bed."

"I'm not sick."

"Really? Because I'm pretty sure..."

"I'm not sick, Mark!" Now she was yelling, drawing in a deep breath in an effort to calm her nerves down. Shaky hands moved to pick up the box on the counter, and she slowly opened it. She was dating a drunk. An addict. A man who had been healthy and whole but was now broken and addicted. And she was…no. She wasn't. She couldn't be.

"What are you doing?" A look of confusion spread across his face when he heard her rattling the box. "Lexie." He banged on the door.

Instantly, Lexie turned on the water so he couldn't hear the sound of her opening the test._ I'm not. I'm just, freaking out. Things are…stressful. Mark's all messed up. Meredith's…alive. And...I'm just…freaking out. Not. Not pregnant. Can't be, pregnant. _Still, the stick came out of its package and she sat down, closing her eyes for a moment.

"Lexie Grey!" The yelling continued, and he rattled the knob on the door. "Open this door, or I swear I'll break it." It wasn't just about anger. For Mark, on top of everything else, the alcohol was too much for him to handle. Combined with her bizarre behavior and frequent trips to the bathroom where she seemed to be throwing up everything she ate, things simply left him a ticking time bomb.

"I'll be out in a minute, Mark!" Lexie glanced at her watch, counting down the seconds until she could peak. For the meantime, she sat down against the wall, leaving the used test sitting on their bathroom counter. It was the test she was sure would put her fears to rest, the test she was convinced would allow this part of her life to return to normal even if nothing else was going right.

He seemed satisfied for the time being, though he didn't move away from the door.

Lexie was smart enough to turn the water off so she wouldn't raise his suspicions anymore, and when her time was up, she slowly peered over the counter at the tiny stick that she had been unaware would truly change her life forever. _Pregnant. _It was the digital kind. There was no mistaking the word written there. She threw up again. Despite there being nothing left, Lexie managed to get sick yet again. Her heart was racing, and sobs wracked her body as she sunk down against the floor.

The second he heard the lock on the bathroom door click, Mark turned the handle and flung it open. Wide eyes landed first on the box on the counter, then the test, and finally the woman who seemed as if she'd forgotten how to breathe. "Lex…" He quickly sat down next to her, pulling her close. His own heart was pounding and thoughts were racing, but for the time since the accident, Mark Sloan thought only of the broken woman he was holding. _Pregnant. Lexie was pregnant. _For a moment, he wondered how he'd missed the signs, how he hadn't noticed that something was off about her. Then he remembered. The accident. Grayson's death. Meredith. There was no way he could have noticed. He had been too busy trying to pick up the shattered pieces of his own heart to focus at all on anyone else.

She didn't fight his hold, despite the incredibly strong and unattractive smell of beer on his breath. In fact, despite her anger and frustration toward him, Lexie was happy that Mark was there to hold her as she tried to stop hyperventilating.

"Breathe, Lexie. You can't start going all crazy on me. You have to breathe."

"I'm pregnant," The words were barely understandable through her hysteria, but she managed them. "Meredith's baby is dead, and I'm pregnant."

"Little Grey…" Mark sighed and ran his hand through her hair. Underneath the drunkenness, the guilt of what he'd caused to another family, the pain, and the fear of what was to come, there was a hint of true happiness at the news that he was going to be a father. It was small, barely noticeable, but it was there. Still, he refused to let himself go there, at least for the moment. At least not now, when his best friend was still reeling from the loss of Meredith's pregnancy.

"Don't."

"It's okay." He kept her in his arms, setting the beer down on the floor next to him. "It's okay, I'm here."

"…pregnant." Her voice broke again, and she only clung to him more.

Mark sighed when he realized she wasn't going to let up any. "You have to calm down." There was a firm tone to his voice, but he made sure he wasn't harsh. Despite everything else, there was something about the news that Lexie was pregnant that had turned on a lightbulb inside of him. Things weren't going to just suddenly be okay again, but it was a starting point. It was the match he needed to start the fire. Carefully, he scooped her up into his arms and carried her to their room where he laid down on the bed with her.

Lexie didn't protest. In fact, she simply curled up against him and wrapped her arms around his neck, tears still sliding down his cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Words came again when she had finally calmed down enough to breathe at an even and steady pace.

"You don't have to be sorry, little Grey." He sighed, guilt over how he'd been treating her washing over him. "There's nothing to be sorry for."

"It's my fault. It's my fault I'm pregnant, and you…you're…"

"Going to get help." He insisted. "I'm going to get help, Lexie. I know I've been scaring you. I've been scaring myself. But I'm going to get help, and I'm going to make things right. For you, for both of us. For this baby."

"So you're not mad?" She finally dared to ask the question that had been caught at the back of her throat.

"Of course not." He kissed the side of her head. "I'm surprised, but I'm not mad. I've wanted a baby every since..." He couldn't bring himself to think about his daughter and grandson.

"Me too." It was a quiet admittance, but it made Mark smile. For the first time in a long time, he smiled.

***** [break] *****

"So let me get this straight," Cristina made a face as she sat Indian style on her friend's bed. "You come home, four weeks ago…and you're like…practically good as new…" She made a face. "And you _still _have him eating out of the palm of your hand?"

"Cristina…"

"No, I mean, it's great and all. If you like being treated like an invalid. Except you're not an invalid. There's nothing wrong with you. I mean, there is. There is, but…not like he thinks. I mean, McDreamy is like…McClingy. And…McBroody."

Meredith laughed, quickly putting her hand to her lips. "Stop it."

"If he hears me, it will be the best thing that could have ever happened to you. Because you're not a McCharity case. You were hurt, but you're not so hurt now."

"I'm still a little hurt," Meredith made a face.

"Yeah, when you don't want to get up and make your own breakfast."

"Owen's the one that said I still have to take it easy and rest." Meredith pointed out, though there was still a smile of amusement on her face. "So maybe you should…"

"Don't blame this on Owen. It isn't his fault that Derek's gone all crazy on you. He's..."

"Protective." Meredith finally said it for her. "I really scared him, Cristina. And he's just protective of me. He's scared that I'm going to break, I think."

"Has he looked in the mirror?" Cristina made a face. "Because McBroody is going to be the one to break. He's…I mean…he already seems…"

"Different." Meredith admitted. "He seems different. But that's because he lost his son, Cristina." The look in her eyes changed, and suddenly a deep sadness settled over her despite the previous laughter with her best friend.

"You both lost a son." Cristina sighed, looking down for a minute. "I'm sorry, Meredith. I am. We all are. We wish…I mean…if…"

"It's okay." Meredith didn't want to have to think about the intense sadness over the loss of her baby boy, but by then it was too late. Tears threatened her eyes, but she quickly took a few breaths and forced them back.

"Doesn't seem like you're okay." Cristina finally looked over at her. "And you shouldn't be. You shouldn't be okay. At least, not right now. Not so soon."

"Sometimes it feels like it's been forever," Meredith admitted quietly. "And then other days, I can barely get out of bed. I can barely lift my head off the pillow. Those days seem like day one all over again. And it hurts. It hurts, on those days. So maybe that's why Derek is still scared. And he's still worried about me. And sad. I've never seen him so sad. He..."

"Really wanted to be a dad." Cristina finished for her. It wasn't like her to be the sentimental emotional one, but things were different now. This was different from anything else any of them had ever faced before.

"Yeah." She wiped away the tears that finally did manage to fall.

"Do you think you guys will try again?" It was a question they'd all thought about, but Cristina Yang was the only one brave enough to ask. She knew if Meredith didn't want to answer, she wouldn't, so she found no harm in laying it on the table.

The silence followed made Meredith uncomfortable, even if it was her response that they were waiting on. It just, the question…it seemed like..it was too much. And she wasn't really sure…or, she was sure. She just…tears fell faster.

"It's okay. You don't have…"

"I think we will," Meredith cut her off. "I think we will. Because we both wanted him. We wanted him so much, even if we weren't trying. We were happy. We were happy about being parents. I really wanted to be a mom. And you should have seen him, Cristina. Derek has a picture. And, we have his footprints..."

Cristina suddenly found herself hugging her friend as she cried. "Did he have a lot of hair? Because..." The joke came only in an effort to lighten the mood, which was suddenly much too sad and emotional for her liking.

"He was perfect." Meredith's voice broke, but she managed a small smile. "He had hair. Like Derek. And so I think we'll try again. When we can finally figure out how to wake up each morning and breathe without feeling as if our hearts are being ripped into a million pieces, we'll try again."

"Nobody's trying to pressure you," Cristina pulled away and looked at Meredith, hoping that she hadn't given off the wrong impression. "I mean, another broody Mc…well, you know…wouldn't be much fun."

Meredith laughed, even through her tears. "But the hair."

"Yeah…you're right. That might make up for it."

"And I know…that you aren't pressuring me. I know. I just, I don't know what's going to happen, Cristina. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with the death of my son. And when I think about having a baby, I feel guilty. I feel guilty because somehow it's an insult to the baby that's gone."

"That's not true…" Cristina frowned. "You have a right to be happy, Meredith. You, and even McDreamy."

Despite hearing the laughter coming from their bedroom, the tone downstairs in the Shepherd house was much different. Derek sat at the table with his head sort of buried in his hands, elbows resting on the wood.

"You have to pull yourself out of this, son. I know it still hurts, and I know it's been a lot to deal with, but you can't let this take over your life. You can't let this be your story. Meredith is struggling, and she's starting to find her way again, and she needs you. She needs you to be there with her. She's not strong enough to hold you up, or to pick you up after you fall."

"It's not that easy, mom. I know you think it is, but it isn't. You don't know what it's like, to lose a son. To hold your dead baby in your arms, to sit in fear that your wife will be next. To..."

"I lost a husband."

Derek slowly lifted his head out of his hands and looked across the table at his mom. "I know. I know you did." He sighed. Despite his words, he realized that he'd forgotten just how much his mom did understand the position he was in. "I just, I don't know how to move on, mom. I don't know how I'm supposed to just put this behind us."

The emotion in her son's voice was enough to break Carolyn's heart, and she found her own eyes filling with tears as she saw him wipe away his. "It gets easier, Derek. With time. Things get easier as time passes. And you and Meredith…the two of you are lucky to have each other. You have to hold onto that. I know things seem dark right now, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Even though it seems like the pain is too much for you to deal with, I believe that you can get through this. But only if you decide it's what you want. Because right now, all I see is a man who is giving up."

"I miss my son." Derek's voice wavered, and he let his tears fall. There was no point in wiping them away, he knew, because more would come. "I know I never met him, but I loved him. Meredith and I, we both loved him. He was unplanned an unexpected, but we both really wanted the chance to be parents."

"You can have that." Carolyn chose her words carefully. "Nothing can ever replace what you've lost, Derek. Nothing is ever going to take away the pain of losing a child. That type of pain, is unimaginable. But you can have a life, Derek. You can live your life again. And somewhere down the road, when the two of you are ready…"

"There won't be any more kids, mom."

"Derek."

He simply shook his head. "I can't do it. I can't go through this again, and neither can my wife. She's…" Derek sighed. "It's just too much."

"You've wanted children, for as long as I can remember. You've always wanted children."

"I can't lose any more kids, mom. I wouldn't be able to handle it. I can't handle it now. Life…it's just…it's like the world stopped. Everything just sort of goes in slow motion. Everything hurts. It just…hurts." The tears stopped but the emotions didn't.

"You love Meredith Grey, right?"

"I've always loved her."

"If you love her, then you have to stop. You have to stop this, and find yourself again. Because that poor girl has been through hell, Derek. She's been through hell, and I can guarantee you that if she has to watch you break, she'll be destroyed. So if you love Meredith, then you need to look to the future…not to what's happened in the past. The pain will always be there, but if you can figure out how to move on with your life, it won't control you anymore."

"I know." Derek sighed, thinking about Meredith. He did love her, and he did want their life together to be one of happiness. Things were never going to be perfect. He didn't expect them to be. And the pain of losing Grayson was always going to be there, somewhere, but he knew his mom was right. They had to start looking to the future, and stop letting the past swallow them up.

Otherwise, they'd lose each other too.


	22. Dreaming Again

**Guess what! I have ALL of the chapters to this story edited and ready to go! That means fast updates for you guys! I am now working on "Baby Makes Three"**

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

When we're little, we dream of fairytales. We dream of white picket fences, big diamond rings, a princess dress, and our very own prince charming. When we're little, we dream of families. We dream of babies. Well, most of us do. And we're heartbroken when those dreams get taken from us. We're shattered when we realize not everyone has a Cinderella story. For some of us, or story is simple. Sometimes our story is simply one of picking up the pieces, taking one day at a time. Sometimes we fail. Sometimes we succeed. But we don't all get a happy ending. Sometimes when we're ready to move forward, others are not. Sometimes we're stuck carrying someone we love through something that we're barely walking through ourselves. In those times, we have to find a strength we never had before. Otherwise we end up falling and not getting back up.

"Hey."

"Hey," A smile settled on Meredith's face when she looked up at Derek as he came into their room.

He returned her smile, taking a seat on the bed. "How's Cristina?"

"She's good. Still Cristina."

"I'm glad the two of you got a chance to talk." He laid down on the bed, looking over at her. "We haven't had that in a while, you know."

"Had what?" Meredith looked confused as she rolled onto her side to face him, propping her head up on her hand.

"A chance to talk." Derek had taken his mom's words to heart. He knew that he was just screwing things up by carrying around burdens that would eventually eat him alive.

"Well we haven't exactly had time. I mean, between the dirty sex..."

"There's no dirty sex." Derek laughed.

"There is." She insisted. "I mean, we imagine. Or, I do. Don't you…imagine the dirty sex?" A look of playful confusion crossed her face.

He was still laughing as he leaned over to kiss her. "All the time. I think about the dirty sex, all the time."

"Well that's why there's no talking. Because I'm too busy thinking about you naked." Meredith grinned, glad to have a few minutes to actually see her husband happy.

"Meredith Shepherd…" He grinned and shook his head a bit, rolling onto his back again though he kept his eyes on her.

"We should talk, though." Her tone shifted. It wasn't abrupt, just sort of, casual. Agreeing with him. "About the accident. About Mark. And about Grayson."

"Meredith."

"Isn't that what you meant? When you said you wanted to talk. Isn't that what you meant?" She was a bit confused, but part of her wondered if he was just hesitant because he wasn't sure he was ready.

"It is," A deep sigh escaped his lips. "It is what I meant."

"You've been different, you know. Even Cristina says so. She has new names and everything."

"New names?" Derek smiled and looked back over at her.

"McClingy and McBroody." Meredith couldn't help but laugh. "And she means that in the most respectful way possible.

"I'm sure she does," He laughed a bit, though at the core of his being he was actually a bit shaken by how accurate the labels were. When exactly had he allowed himself to become that man? He didn't know, but he did know that he wanted to fix it.

"Derek..."

"I know, Mer." He sighed and pulled her over into his arms, running his fingers through her hair as she rested her head on his chest.

"It's hard for me too."

"I know it is." He kissed the top of her head in an attempt to comfort not just her, but himself as well.

"I miss him. I miss our son, every day. And it hurts. It hurts more than anything else ever could. But it hurts me more to see you beating yourself up about it all the time. To see you changing the man I fell in love with."

"I don't mean to, Mer. I just don't know how to deal. You know?"

"Never thought I'd be the one that had to tell you how to deal." She actually laughed a bit, though it was a nervous laughter more than anything else.

"Things are going to change, Mer. I promise they'll change. We'll get through this. I'll figure this out."

"I want to have more kids." It was a statement that came from left field, but it had been weighing heavily on her chest since he'd sat down, and she couldn't keep it from being said any longer. Still, Meredith Grey braced herself for his reaction.

It was a long wait. Derek said nothing as he felt a twisted knot in the pit of his stomach. He'd just spent the last half hour telling his mom that he couldn't imagine having a baby ever again, that he couldn't bear the thought of what would happen if something went wrong. And in his mind, it was too soon. It was too soon to even be thinking about things like that. He'd almost lost her. His beautiful, perfect wife had almost died right along with his son. That's what made things too much. Losing Grayson was tragic enough, but it was almost losing Meredith for the second time that had sent Derek Shepherd over the edge. He wasn't sure he knew how to come back from that. He kept a close eye on her, following her every move as if she would suddenly just shatter into pieces and be gone forever. Seeing Meredith fight for her life a second time had changed something in him. Now he lived in fear of what could happen, the things that could be. The things that almost were. And that pain was starting to become too much.

"Derek?"

Still, the genuine tone in Meredith's voice was enough to break his heart. His Meredith, the woman that had never even thought about having children when he'd first met her, the woman that had been a dark and twisty mess, was truly asking him to have a family with her. She was…so strong. Even after losing their son and almost losing her own life, she seemed so resilient. She hurt though, and Derek knew that. In fact, he held her most every night until she cried herself to sleep, and every night it broke his heart. Somehow, his decision to never put himself through the loss of a child again was suddenly clouded by her request. She was there, her arms wrapped around him and head on his chest, asking him for another baby. And Derek found the wall around his heart slowly breaking down. "If you want another baby, Mer, we'll have another baby. We just…need some time." His voice was hesitant and shaky, but he managed to get the words out.

"We don't have to." Meredith could sense his hesitancy to agree. The last thing she wanted was to force him into something he wasn't ready for, or something he didn't want.

"Mer..." Derek sighed, rubbing her back gently. "We can. We will." His voice was a bit firmer. "Just, not right away. Let's at least take the next six months or so, to try and get our lives put back together. Then we'll try again."

"Okay." A small smile crept to her face despite the tears that suddenly fell down her cheeks at the thought of Grayson. She couldn't think about having more children without thinking of the one they'd lost.

***** [break] *****

"You can't mention anything to anyone." Lexie glanced over to Mark as she pulled her scrub top on, her tone of voice firm though there was a slight panic that crept through.

Mark grinned at her as he slid his shoes on. "I'm not going to say anything, Lexie."

"I mean it." She stepped in front the mirror, making a face before finally pulling her hair up and into a ponytail. "Do you have any idea what it would do to Derek and Meredith, if they found out?"

Suddenly the atmosphere in the room was somber. "I know, Lex." Mark sighed. It was the first morning in a while that he hadn't started off with a beer, and he was starting to get edgy. "I wouldn't do anything that would make things worse on them. You know that." He walked out of their room, hoping to avoid further argument. Her hormones weren't exactly sitting well with him, and quite frankly he was sick and tired of dealing with the mood swings.

"I mean it, Mark! You say you won't tell anyone, and I know you mean well, but that doesn't mean that you aren't going to open your mouth and screw it up anyway!"

"I said I wouldn't say anything, Lexie, and I meant it." Mark opened the refrigerator, reaching for a beer. He stopped himself, though. Work. He had to be at work. There was no way he could show up at work after drinking.

Lexie stood there behind him, hands on her hips. "You have to promise me."

"Lexie."

"I'm serious, Mark. You have to promise." She wasn't about to back down. The last thing she needed was for her sister to get hurt again.

"I'm not going to say anything, Lex." Finally, he gave in and turned to face her. "I promise. My mouth is going to be shut. Now, we should probably get going. Otherwise you're going to end up being late for rounds."

"Yeah…" A deep sigh escaped Lexie's lips. By now she was convinced that their relationship might actually have fundamental cracks in it. Before, she had just brushed it off as what he was going through. Suddenly, though, it was a lot more difficult to explain away.

"What's wrong?" Mark wasn't really in the sharing mood, but he asked anyway, hoping to avoid another fight where she screamed about how he never listened to her.

There was a shake of her head, and her voice was soft. "Nothing. It's nothing."

"It's something. You're standing here all huffy and moping. So there's something wrong."

"I'm just tired, Mark. That's all. Just really tired." Lexie grabbed her purse and headed out the door, knowing he would follow since technically their shifts started at the same time. He didn't have as much consequence if he was late, but still.

Mark knew from recent discussions with her that there was no use in arguing. Without another word, he locked the door to their apartment and followed her out to the car. He did love her. Even if they weren't exactly getting along, and even if they were both sort of a mess, he loved her.

"You didn't have to do that." Lexie was surprised to have him open the car door for her. "Really…" Part of her tone was a little annoyed. Considering how he'd treated her, she didn't really want his charity. And at the moment, opening the door seemed like charity. Or just a way to get back in her good graces. And she hated that too.

"I wanted to." Mark closed her door for her as well before going around and getting in on the other side. "The district attorney called yesterday afternoon while you were sleeping." He waited until they pulled out of the parking lot before he spoke.

Suddenly Lexie found her aggravation turning to fear. She looked down and rested her hand on her flat stomach before glancing over to him after much hesitation. "What did she say?"

"She said that they've decided to drop the charges against me. I guess there just wasn't enough to go by since the baby was just…"

"A fetus." Lexie finished.

"Yeah."

Suddenly, she felt as if an incredible weight had been lifted from her. Tears stung her eyes and quickly fell down her cheeks.

"Don't cry." Mark frowned and reached over, taking her hand. "Lex…"

"I'm happy. I just…" She bit her bottom lip, trying to hold back more tears. They fell anyway, despite her efforts.

He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "You can't go to work looking like your dog just died or something."

The result of his teasing was a tiny smile that crept across her tear-stained face. "I thought you would go to jail. I really did. I thought this…this nightmare…would never end."

"I'm going to be here, Lex. With you. With this baby. I don't care what it takes for us to get things back on track. For me to..."

"Stop drinking." Lexie finished for him, her gaze finding his as they pulled up to a red light. "The drinking, Mark, it has to stop."

A deep sigh escaped his lips, only this time it wasn't from frustration. He knew she was right. He couldn't keep using alcohol as an answer to things, because truthfully, it was an answer to nothing. "I know. I know. And I will. I'm going to stop."

"It isn't that easy. It isn't that easy, and you know it. My dad…he…I mean, you should ask Meredith. She knows."

"I'm not your dad, Lexie. I'm not your dad, and I never will be. I'm going to stop. I promise you." He took his eyes off her as the light turned green.

"Yeah…" Lexie sighed, looking down at her lap.

***** [break] *****

"Are you sure you'll be okay here by yourself?" Derek seemed a bit nervous as he buttoned his shirt, glancing over to Meredith who was sitting in bed with a book in hand.

A smile crossed her lips and there was a definite look of amusement in her eyes. "I'll be fine, Derek. You're not going forever. It's just for the day. Besides, I'll be back at work in a few weeks anyway. So this is good practice. I need to start doing things on my own."

"Call me if you need anything." Derek walked over and kissed her, brushing a loose strand of hair from her face. "I'm going to drop my mom off at the airport first, so I should be at the hospital around ten."

"Be careful."

"Get some rest today. Don't do anything crazy." Derek knew she would be okay, but part of him still couldn't help thinking back to how she'd looked in that hospital bed after the accident.

Meredith couldn't help but laugh. "I'll rest. That way we can get to the dirty sex when you get home."

"In that case, I'll see you at seven." He grinned and kissed her again before he finally decided he'd wasted enough time. "Four, maybe."

"So, dirty sex then? Tonight?" Meredith grinned, saying it one last time just for the sole purpose of seeing the look on his face.

"Unless you have other plans."

"I'll make sure they get cancelled. You know, dinner with the boyfriend and all..."

Derek laughed and headed out of their room.

"I love you!" Meredith called after him, still laughing a bit.

He stopped and went back to her, planting a soft kiss on her forehead. "I love you too, Mer. I'll see you tonight." With that, he was gone, grabbing his mom's suitcase from the top of the stairs before he headed down.

When she was sure he was gone, Meredith got out of the bed and went to the bathroom to take a shower. Even if she'd told him she would take it easy and rest, she really had no intentions of doing so. There were too many things she wanted to get done, things that she hadn't been able to do in a long time.

The day started with some cleaning that was driving her crazy. Meredith wasn't one for being a perfectionist, but she did have a few things that she liked a certain way, and though Carolyn had done a lot for them she wanted to get things done as well. Remembering her word to Derek, though, she kept it pretty light. It would be easy for him to recognize the fact that she'd been cleaning all day, and she didn't want him to worry. It did end up taking up a great amount of time though, considering how often she had to rest and how slowly she still moved.

The meal came next. It had been so long since she'd made anything for her husband, and in Meredith's book, it was too long. They could both agree that she was close to the world's worst chef, but she still made the spaghetti anyway. Derek had said before that he enjoyed it. She could only hope it was an honest statement, because by the time she was done and had it on the stove, she was exhausted. There was still one more thing left to do though, and it took everything left in her to gather the energy to go back upstairs and face what had been forgotten for so long.

The day ended with Meredith facing what had been haunting her for seven weeks. The door to the nursery opened easily with the key from Derek's dresser, and she felt her stomach drop when she walked in. It was just as they'd left it. When Derek cleaned things up, he hadn't just thrown them there with no regard. He'd actually taken the time to put everything away in its own place, a revelation that brought tears to Meredith's eyes. She let them fall though, as she took in a few deep breaths. "I miss you, Grayson. Even if I never met you, I miss you every day. And daddy misses you too. He's so sad..." The tears only came faster as she sat down on the chair situated in the corner of the room.

The tiny stuffed puppy that had been sitting there soon became pressed against her chest as she held onto it and cried. Cristina had given it to her. Cristina, who wasn't really the sentimental type. Cristina, who wasn't really the baby type, had given the stuffed puppy to her not too long after they found out they were having a boy. She'd seen several of the same ones in the window of the hospital gift shop, but she'd still chosen a special place for it in the nursery. And now, it was just a lonely puppy sitting in an empty chair in a room that would never be used. At least not for a while.

Meredith knew Derek didn't want to try again. She could tell by the way he talked to her, that he was done. Even their conversation earlier left her feeling no better about the desire to have another baby. She knew he wanted her to be happy, but underneath his courage and the brave face he'd put on when he told her they could try again, she had been able to see that he didn't really want it. Or maybe he did. Maybe he was just scared. Either way, Meredith knew Derek well enough to know that the agreeing words from him hadn't been completely genuine. All she could hope for was that time would heal him, that time would change his mind.

After a day that had pushed her past the limits of what she was truly capable at this stage in her recovery, Meredith found it impossible to move out of the chair once she was there with her feet propped up on the ottoman. Part of it, she figured, was just the emotionally draining experience of being there in her son's nursery. She knew though, that her non-stop activities hadn't helped any. Still, it didn't matter. What mattered was that she was tired. She was tired, and the tears wouldn't stop. Eventually, Meredith fell asleep there with the puppy still in hand.

Derek had managed to leave the hospital early after one of his surgeries were cancelled, and he was surprised when he walked in around five and didn't hear a greeting from her. "Meredith?" The pot on the stove pulled a confused look to his eyes, and he scrunched up his face a bit. _Did she actually cook something? Because I'll have to strangle her. I'll have to strangle her if I find out she's been doing crap like that all day. _

Still, despite his worry, there was a part of Derek that smiled. His wife, his Meredith, had cooked. For him, he was sure. She had taken time to stand in the kitchen and actually cook, probably because she wanted to do something nice for him. It was a nice gesture. He appreciated it, even if he still planned on lecturing her. The next test would be to see if it was edible. There was a small chance, but he wasn't banking on it.

"Meredith?" The food would have to wait. Derek headed upstairs, hoping to find her sleeping. Their room was empty though, and a frown settled onto his face. "Meredith!"

Just as he stepped out of their room and back out into the hallway, he noticed the door of the nursery cracked. It wasn't much, but it was enough to let him know that she'd been in there, that she was probably still there. "Meredith..." All he knew to do as he walked into the room they'd decorated for their son, was repeat her name.

She was there, sleeping in the chair, and tears found their way to Derek's eyes. It took everything in him not to break down as he stood there in the middle of the nursery. He hadn't been back in that room since he'd cleaned the house up for her, and he wasn't quite sure he was ready for it. So much of it wasn't even about the baby. So much of it was about his wife. A lot of his grief, was for the pain and the suffering Meredith had gone through. And it wasn't just about the accident. There had been so much thrown at her from the very beginning. She'd sacrificed so much, gone through so much, just to carry their son. And now everything seemed…

"Derek…" It was Meredith's sleepy whisper that pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Hey…" His tears were wiped away and he forced a bit of a smile to his face, walking over and sitting down next to her on the floor. Unsure of how she was, he chose to let her do the talking.

"You're early."

"Surgery got cancelled."

There was a long silence that sort of just hung there in the air. Then, her hand reached down and found his. "I love you, Derek Shepherd."

It was enough. Five simple words. Those five simple words were enough to let him know that she really was okay, that the woman he'd spent so much time worrying over had actually managed to find a bit of peace about everything. Her words, and the gentle squeeze of his hand was all it took for Dr. Derek Shepherd to realize that his wife was begging him to close the book on his pain and his grief and to open a new chapter with her.

He didn't know what the future had for them, but he knew, in that moment…sitting there in the room that had been decorated for the baby that was gone…that they were going to make it. Suddenly everything was crystal clear to him. Meredith was still alive. He hadn't lost her. And they were still there, in their home, together. Healthy. It was in that moment that he resolved to do what her eyes begged him to do, that the unspoken words pleaded for. He was going to build a future with his wife, and let the past be the past. "I love you, Meredith Shepherd.." He turned and his eyes met hers.

"You know…technically…my name is Grey."

A laugh escaped his lips, and his free hand moved to brush her hair from her face. "We'll have to fix that, won't we?"


	23. Making A Choice

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

Recovery is difficult. It's painful, and painstaking, and it's hard. Nobody ever said it was going to be easy. Nobody ever said that you could go to bed hurt, wounded, guilt-ridden, devastated, or addicted, and wake up the next morning refreshed and healed. You can't get all whole and healed with a good night's sleep. Some people say it takes God. Some people say God's the only one who can do the fixing. Some say it's done by pulling inner strength from a place where you never knew you had it. Some say it takes an army, it takes the people you love. The bottom line is, recovery isn't easy. Recovery takes time, and effort. And the thing is, sometimes you slip and fall. Sometimes while you're picking yourself up, you trip. The important thing is that you get back up though. And above anything else, that you truly do it for yourself. Because recovery for someone else, it just doesn't work.

Lexie Grey's charts spilled onto the floor and she sighed heavily as she lifted her gaze to meet the idiot who had plowed straight into her. Didn't anyone in this hospital pay attention to where they were going? Another sigh. Cut-hungry surgeons. That was the problem where she was.

"Doctor Grey," An apologetic look met her eyes, and Derek Shepherd immediately knelt down to help her pick up the charts and papers that were scattered across the floor. "I'm so sorry about that."

In an instant, the annoyed and frustrated gaze changed to one of understanding, and almost pity. Still, she didn't want him to think that she felt sorry for him. That was about the last thing that man needed, she figured. So, Lexie put a small smile on her face. "It's okay. I wasn't really paying much attention." She gathered up some of the charts he didn't have in hand yet. "No big deal, really."

"Hopefully you aren't left with the task of figuring out where this stuff goes." He frowned a bit at the paperwork that had fallen out of the charts when they slipped from her hands.

Lexie laughed a little. "Photographic memory, Dr. Shepherd. I remember exactly where everything goes. It won't take more than a few minutes to fix it. Besides, patient labels are on all of the pages."

"Let me help you. It's the least I can do, considering I'm the one that walked straight into you."

She knew better than to argue with him. From the stories Meredith told, Derek was an extremely stubborn man, especially when he made his mind up about something. "Okay," She walked to the nurse's station with him, putting everything down. "How's Meredith?" The question came only after they were about halfway through putting things back in order.

"She's good. Getting tired of being at home all day, I think." Derek smiled a bit at the question. He liked Lexie. Even if the two sisters had a rough go of it in the beginning, he knew Meredith's younger sister was good for her. She had a quiet and caring spirit, something he knew Meredith needed in her life. "I think she's trying to talk Owen into clearing her to come back next week."

"Next week?" Lexie looked surprised. "Isn't that a little too soon?"

He shrugged a bit. "She's spent a lot of time recovering, and I think it might help her to be back here and at least have something to keep her mind on."

"Oh." Lexie's smile faded when she thought about what his words meant. Meredith was stuck at home all day, with the memory of their son. She looked down, unsure of what she could say that wouldn't come across the wrong way.

Derek watched her, deciding against saying anything. He knew what she was thinking, and he wasn't quite sure how to respond to it without getting in a conversation that he didn't really want to have.

Luckily for them both, or perhaps unluckily, the two were interrupted. "You left this morning before you had breakfast." Mark came up behind Lexie, seemingly out of nowhere.

It was the lack of warning that left Derek at a loss for words. He simply stood there, staring at his former friend.

"Mark." Lexie gave him a look that warned him against saying anything that might inform Derek about the pregnancy. She ignored the undeniable smell of alcohol on his breath.

Mark wasn't about to spill their news, but he also wasn't going to back down on the reason he was standing there. "You need to eat something, Lexie." He was incredibly aware of the fact that Derek was staring at him with a sort of paled look, but managed to ignore that and focus on his girlfriend instead, at least for the moment.

"I will," Lexie answered quickly, giving him yet another look. "I will. As soon as I get these charts together. I'll eat something." She glanced at the clock. "Don't you have a surgery?"

"In half an hour." Mark was annoyed, but he tried not to take it out on her. They were already dealing with enough conflict as it was.

"I should get going. Have some post-op patients I need to check on."

It wasn't until Derek finally spoke up that Mark looked at him. It only took a second for it to all come back. The guilt, the pain, the incredible depression over what he'd done to his friend's wife and their unborn baby. "Derek..."

Lexie stood there between the two men, a bit unsure as to what she should or shouldn't do. At first she felt like it was better if she intercepted before any more punches could be thrown, but it was Derek who ultimately broke the silence.

"Mark." He struggled to even say the name, finding it nearly impossible to stand there face to face with him. Seeing Mark brought back memories that Derek wasn't really keen on going through again.

"Look...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, about what happened. If I could take it back...if I could go back and be the one to..." Mark was struggling as well, and he stepped past Lexie to get closer to the man that had once been his best friend, his brother. "I never meant for anyone to get hurt. It kills me, to know that I took the life of your son, and almost killed your wife. You have to know that it kills me...every day..." Mark was begging for forgiveness, right there in the middle of the hallway, uncaring as to who might hear him.

"Have you been drinking?" Derek's narrowed glance came as soon as Mark stepped close enough to him for the smell of the alcohol to be recognized. "Mark." For a moment he was unsure whether or not he should be mad or concerned. "You're drunk." It was definitely a statement rather than a question. That odor was unmistakable.

"I'm not drunk," Mark's argument was instant, and there was an edge to his voice. "Back off, Derek." He was smart enough to realize that if the chief found out he was showing up to work with alcohol in his system, he could lose his job. And worse, he could lose the woman he loved. And his baby. It wasn't that he didn't think he deserved it, because he did. But he wasn't about to let everything crumble without a fight.

"Mark..." There was a look of disbelief in Lexie's tone. Did he really think he was going to be able to lie about drinking? Didn't he realize that was pretty easy to pick up on? Suddenly guilt washed over her. She'd been the first to smell the alcohol on his breath, before Derek, and yet she'd been willing to keep it to herself. She'd been willing to keep it to herself to avoid the ramifications of what would happen if she told the truth. There was already so much going on. Too much going on. She wasn't sure she could take much more. Still, people's lives were at risk, if Mark was drinking, and she suddenly realized just how selfish she had been.

"You are." Derek noticed Lexie's complexion pale, and quickly moved a chair behind her. "Sit down." He turned his attention back to the man in front of him. "You need to go home, Mark. You need to go home, and sleep it off. Because you can't be here if you've been drinking. You know that." Surprisingly enough, Derek's tone was a lot calmer than he felt. He didn't let on that he really wanted to slam Mark's head into a wall or scream at him until he was blue in the face. Part of it, he figured, was just the pure shock that Mark Sloan had actually showed up to work wasted.

Mark opened his mouth to protest, but it was look on Lexie's face that caused his sudden change of heart. He couldn't stand the hurt he was causing her, didn't want to be the reason she cried any more tears. "There's no reason to make this a bigger deal than it is. There's no reason to tell Webber."

"You expect me to just pretend I didn't notice!" Derek's ability to maintain control over his growing anger was fading. "You're lucky that I don't announce it to this entire floor! Go home, Mark!"

Knowing that Derek could easily have yelled about his impairment, Mark was grateful that he kept it between the three of them. "Look, I really am sorry." He sighed and left it at that before walking off, not wanting to risk setting him off even more.

Lexie let Mark go, knowing it probably wasn't the best time to confront him over what had happened. "I should have said something."

"You've known he's been coming to work like this?" Derek narrowed his eyes, turning to her when Mark went around the corner. "You've known that Mark's been operating on patient's under the influence of alcohol? For how long?" His tone wasn't harsh, but he made it clear that he was disappointed, and that he expected answers.

"He's been drinking since the accident." Lexie said quietly, almost afraid to say much more. She knew though, that her job was on the line, and ultimately it was the desire to save her butt that caused her to open her mouth. "And not just one or two, here and there." She sighed, fighting back tears. Pregnancy hormones definitely left her emotions in an extremely fragile state. "It's been nonstop. All day, every day. But I thought he'd stopped. I mean, at least in the mornings." She insisted. "I thought he waited until after his shift. Really. I didn't know he'd been here drunk. I mean, not until just now. Not until today."

"It doesn't matter, Lexie! You were just going to sit by and watch him turn into some kind of alcoholic and continue to work here like nothing is going on!" Derek sighed, realizing taking his frustration out on her wasn't going to solve anything. Besides, the tears in her eyes were enough to soften him. He sat down in the chair next to her. "Are you okay?" She was still pale, and he took notice of that as soon as he was on her level and able to get a better look at her. "Maybe you should go home too. I could talk to the chief for you..."

"I'm fine," Lexie said quietly, biting her bottom lip. Nervously, she watched him for a moment before saying anything else. "It's just...been a lot. It's been a lot to deal with. And I'm sorry I didn't say anything before."

"You're scared. It's okay." His attitude with her changed suddenly, and he sat there for a minute as he tried to figure out what to do. "But Mark needs help, Lexie. If he's been drinking like that for this long...since the accident...he needs help. It's unlikely that he'll be able to stop on his own." For the first time since the death of Grayson and almost losing Meredith, Derek stopped to think about how things had affected the man that had been a brother to him. He stopped to think about the pain that it must have caused Mark, the guilt that he had to live with. And he felt bad, knowing that it had driven a once respectable man to addiction. For the first time since the accident, he was suddenly able to have a little perspective on just how many people had been hurt, and just how important it was that he reach out to Mark. "I'll talk to the chief for you. I can explain what's going on, and you can go home and get some rest because no offense...you don't look too great."

Lexie wiped away the tears that were sliding down her cheeks. Was he really sitting there offering to help? For the first time in a long time, she actually felt hopeful that things might be okay. Derek had seemed so cold before, so unforgiving. Yet now he was sitting there in front of her showing genuine concern not just for her, but for Mark. For Mark, who had shattered his family. "Thank you." It was all she could manage through the web of emotions.

Derek nodded and stood. "And Lexie?" He turned to her just before going to the chief's office. "You're welcome to stay with us for a while, if you need to."

***** [break] *****

"Hey!" Meredith didn't hide her happiness to see Derek when he came home that evening. "I was going to cook, but decided to give you a break. So I ordered take-out. Hope that's okay." She got up from where she'd been sitting on the couch.

"Take-out is perfect," Derek smiled and walked over to her, quickly pulling her into his arms. He held onto her for a moment, his hand running over her hair before he pulled back just enough to look down at her. "How was your day?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing." She kissed him, arms still wrapped around him despite the step back he'd taken. "I didn't do much, so I'm guessing you have a lot more to tell than me. Unless of course there were no sick people...which I'm guessing probably isn't the case."

Derek laughed and sat down on the couch with her, letting her rest her head on his shoulder as he held her close, truly glad to be home after all that had happened over the course of the day. "You must be feeling a lot better."

"Because I'm acting a little crazy?"

"You're acting like you're on some sort of sugar high." He laughed and ran his hands through her hair, trying to figure out how to bring up the subject of Mark Sloan.

"Probably because I ate almost an entire bag of M&amp;M's. And not the snack size. The real kind. You know, the bag we got a while back when Alex and Lexie and Cristina and Owen were supposed to come over."

Derek lifted his eyebrows and looked down at her. "I don't know how you're not throwing up all over the floor. Little M&amp;M chunks and all."

"Okay, that's a little gross." Meredith lifted her head from his shoulder and turned so she was facing him, indian style on their couch. "Even for me." She made a face. "And to think, we're about to eat dinner." She glanced at the food boxes on the coffee table.

"Maybe you're losing your touch." Derek grinned, teasing her. "I mean, you should be careful when you go back to work. Things aren't exactly clean there, even at meal time."

"Very funny."

"I thought so." He smiled.

"So, about your day. You never did say. Good or bad?"

"Not really good. But, not...terrible." Derek thought about if for a moment. "Interesting, I guess."

"In a surgery kind of way?" Meredith made a face. "Because I'll be pretty mad if I just missed some huge thing and I don't get to go back until next week. Do you know how long it's been since I've cut someone open?"

"Okay, now you sound like Cristina." He laughed, shaking his head a bit. "I saw Mark today, and Lexie.."

"Oh.." Her expression was just as serious as his suddenly was.

"He was drinking. Or, when I saw him this morning he smelled heavily of alcohol. And I found out from Lexie that he's been pretty much living on the bottle since the accident." Derek was careful how much he said at once, trying to judge her reaction before he went any further. The last thing he wanted was to undo the progress they were finally making.

"Drinking as in...addicted to alcohol? Or just...partying at night?"

"As in needs rehab." Derek admitted quietly. It didn't sit well with him, to know that his former friend was in that much trouble, even after all the pain he'd caused them.

"Mark?" Meredith just sat there, a little disbelieving at first. Alcoholics didn't really sit well with her. Or at least, most of them didn't. She had helped the chief, but that had been different. Actually..the more she thought about it, the more she realized she'd actually hurt him. So no. She wasn't good with addiction. Not good. Not at all.

"Yeah, and it's..he's.." Derek sighed. "I didn't realize how bad off he was, Mer. I didn't realize this had..." He sighed again, struggling to put his thoughts into words.

"You decided to help him, didn't you?" It wasn't accusation. Just, more of a realization. Derek didn't always have to tell her everything. Sometimes she just knew.

"I had to." He quickly tried to justify his actions. "He was my brother, Mer. Like a brother to me. Practically, forever. And, I just...Lexie's falling apart. You should have seen her. So I couldn't..."

"Derek." Meredith smiled and reached over, taking his hand. "It's okay. It's okay that you're helping him. You should. I mean, he was your best friend, even if things have been...bad."

There was sudden relief that washed over him when he realized that he wasn't going to have to explain himself to his wife, that he had her support. "I told Lexie she could stay with us for a while, if she needed to. She didn't look too great when I saw her this morning."

"She's not exactly the strong type." Meredith agreed.

"I talked to the chief for her, and the two of us managed to get Mark into treatment at Mercy West. It's just for thirty days, but we're hoping he'll stay longer. He's got a lot of stuff he needs to work through."

"What about his job?"

"He's on probation pending disciplinary review because of the impairment on the clock. But Richard says he doesn't expect there to be a problem letting him work again when he's truly sober."

"That's good. And so, is Lexie coming? Here, I mean?"

"She wasn't really keen on the idea. I think she's just a little overwhelmed. Maybe she'll change her mind."

"I should call her. Or, go there. I could talk to her, and convince her to come."

"Meredith."

"She's my sister."

"Mer..." Derek smiled. "If she wants to come, she will. But maybe we should give her some time. Let's let her make her own decision about it."

"Okay." It wasn't her first choice, but she didn't want to argue with him. "I'm glad...that you were able to put everything aside, and help Mark." She said quietly once they began to eat. "I finally feel like maybe things could be okay again. Not just the pretend okay. But the actual okay."

"They can be, Mer. Maybe not right away, but...we're headed in the right direction, I think."

"I think so too." She smiled. "So maybe we could even have that wedding we've never had?"

"I think that's definitely in the cards." He smiled and sat down on the floor with her so they could eat off of the coffee table. "Soon. And however you want it."

"I want the real thing. The kind of real thing that Izzie had. I didn't want it then. But I do now."

"Okay." He smiled at the thought of actually getting a chance to really marry the woman he already felt in his heart was his wife. "And about having a baby..."

Meredith was caught off-guard by him, but she smiled hopefully as she looked over.

"I think we should try. Whenever you feel like you're ready. It isn't going to be easy to deal with the emotions of everything that's happened, and I'm not saying this isn't still a raw pain I deal with every day. But sitting around in an unchanging life...stuck in this one place...isn't going to change it. So I want to move forward with you, Meredith. I want to build a life with you. Even if it does hurt sometimes, I want to have the joy back."


	24. Family and Friends

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

As human beings, we weren't designed to live alone. We were created, essentially, for relationships with other people. And sure, some of those relationships turn out to be romantic. Some, you can't choose. Take for instance, the family you're born into. Despite how crazy your parents can seem or how ridiculous you think your siblings may be, you can't choose your family. Blood is blood. And you have husbands and wives, the people you choose to build a new life with, to build a family of your own with. More importantly, you have friends. Friends are the people you go to when things get tough. They're the people you go to when you need advice, or you simply need someone to talk to. We all have them, friends, that is. Some of us have a few friends. Some of us prefer many friends. But the important thing is that we have some, even if it's just one or two. Friends are the people that are there for us through the good, the bad, and the ugly. They're the people who help us when things get rough. So when our lives shatter and things fall apart, our friends help us pick up the pieces. They help us set our path straight, help talk us through the hard stuff. Friends are there to hold our hands and put us back on the right track.

Recovery wasn't easy for Meredith Grey. The injuries she'd sustained in the car accident along with the emergency c-section had left her body in desperate need of a long period of healing. Even four months after the fact, there were still times when she was hit with pain for seemingly no reason. Luckily it didn't last long, but it did seem to hit her when she was overworked or when work left her lifting more weight than she should be. She'd been back for six weeks by then though, and was more than happy to finally be living her life again, to finally be a surgeon again. Dr. Hunt and Dr. Bailey had cleared her to continue all activities as she could tolerate them, and that was something Meredith was thrilled about. She was more than tired of being the patient, and tired of having limitations on what she could and could not do.

Emotionally, she was starting wrap her mind around everything that had happened, and everything that they had lost. The grief wasn't as paralyzing as it had been at first, though there were still days when she wondered what it would have been like to hold her son in her arms or kiss him goodnight. He would have been smiling already, and she thought of that. Some days she thought of the baby she lost. Some days she cried. Other days were easier. There were days when she could go about her normal activities as if things were fine. There wasn't that shock anymore, the shock that had been there in the first weeks after Grayson being stillborn. Derek even talked about him sometimes. They were able to look at his picture together, hold the blanket that they'd wrapped him in at the hospital.

As a couple, they were drawing on the strength of each other to get through what they hoped had been their darkest hour. It hadn't been easy at first, but together they were slowly letting go of the pain and the fear that had taken over their lives. Even Derek was positive about their future. He was talking wedding plans, and baby plans. After the deep depression he'd gone into following the loss of his son and the near loss of his wife, he was finally excited about the idea of making another baby with her. He was excited about making their post-it note legal. And slowly but surely, he was learning to forgive Mark. Of everything they had to face, Derek found his former best friend to be the biggest obstacle of all. It hadn't been easy to walk through Mark Sloan's recovery with him, but he had been there. The forgiveness was slow going, and the two men were finally starting to build a relationship again though Mark knew it would be quite some time before Derek was really ready to put that night behind them.

He was grateful though, for the help from the man he knew had every right to hang him out to dry. Mark knew that Derek didn't have to help him, and he was wise enough to know that if he hadn't fought so hard to get him into rehab, he'd probably still be drinking. Mark's recovery from his quick-falling addiction had been one of the hardest things he'd had to face, especially when sobriety brought him the harsh realities of the damage he'd caused. The memories of the accident were clear without the magic clouding of alcohol, and it had almost been enough to send him running during the first week. He'd stuck it out though, for the sake of Lexie, and for the sake of their unborn baby. Mark wanted to be a father. He wanted to raise that baby with Lexie Grey more than anything, and he'd used that as a motivation to stick out his recovery and to continue going to meetings even after he was done with treatment. Their relationship had been difficult to piece back together, but they'd managed.

Lexie found that week fourteen of her pregnancy brought some much-needed relief from the morning sickness that had taken over her body for over six weeks, and she was thrilled to finally be feeling like herself again. The news still hadn't been shared with anyone, but with her belly finally starting to show the tell-tale bump, both she and Mark knew they couldn't wait much longer. Eventually people were going to notice, and the last thing either of them wanted was for Derek or Meredith to hear through some gossip. Word traveled fast at Seattle Grace, and they wanted to be sure that they told them both face to face, in a manner that would cause the least amount of hurt possible.

All in all, things weren't perfect, but they sure were much improved from where they'd been in the first place. People were leaning on each other, finding strength in friendships and relationships. Even the people that had once drifted apart were starting to mend broken fences, and the family that was the surgical team of Seattle Grace was starting to get their lives back on track after almost losing much more than they ever thought they could.

"Dr. Grey," Derek grinned as he came up behind Meredith, sliding one arm around her waist from behind.

Meredith jumped, startled even though he'd warned her before sneaking up on her. "You scared me half to death!" She laughed and turned, looking up at him. "Dr. Shepherd."

"You look okay to me." He smiled and kissed her, pulling her close to him with his arm still around her waist.

"Can I help you with something?" She couldn't help but grin even as she playfully rolled her eyes. "I'm busy you know. There are sick people here. And I'm a surgeon, you know." There was a twinkling flirtatious sparkle in her eyes.

"An amazing surgeon," Derek grinned, running his free hand through her hair. "I won't keep you. Just wanted to double-check about tonight. I ran into Mark, and I guess he wanted to make sure we hadn't change our minds."

"I'll be there," Meredith smiled, letting him run his hand through her hair despite the fact that they were standing there in the hallway. The rumor mill could just get spinning as far as she was concerned, though. In her mind, they were married, and she had every right to stand in the hallway and kiss her husband. "As long as I'm not slicing into someone, I'll be there."

"Saving lives." Derek corrected her, laughing. "You mean as long as you're not saving lives. You sound like Cristina...slicing into someone." He couldn't help but be amused.

"You're such a good guy." Meredith smiled. "Tell Mark and Lexie that they can show up about seven. I should have the food ready by then."

A look of surprise settled on his face, "You're going to cook?"

"I can cook." Meredith protested, making a face. "I know how to cook things."

"You can reheat." Derek laughed, shaking his head a bit. "Why don't we just order something in."

"Because we always order in," She made a face. "And we're having people over. I don't want to order in every time we have people over. It's bad hosting."

"Bad hosting?" He looked surprised but couldn't help laughing again. "It isn't bad hosting. Think about how nice it is to have good food."

"You're saying my food is bad." Meredith made a face. "Why don't you cook then? I mean, if it's such a big deal."

"Alright," Derek smiled and planted a kiss on her forehead. "I'll cook. We can cook, together."

"I'll see you at six." She smiled and pulled out of his arms, heading back toward her post-op patients so she could check on them before lunch.

"Meredith." Lexie smiled when she saw her sister, keeping her patient's charts in front of her to hide her belly as her scrubs hit her when she walked. "Mark said that he was going to check with Derek about the plans for tonight."

"Seven o'clock is what we decided," Meredith smiled. "Derek's going to cook. I wanted to order in, so if the food is bad, blame my husband." After all that had happened, she'd only become closer with her sister, even if being around her meant being around the man that had destroyed so many things. Meredith had forgiven Mark though, but it was still difficult to see him, and even more difficult to spend time with him.

A smile appeared on Lexie's face, overshadowing the shock she felt. She hadn't expected the plans to go through. Even after they'd asked the two of them to have dinner and Derek had opened their home up, she'd expected it to fall through. Forgiveness had been extended, but Lexie was smart enough to know that no one had forgotten about what happened. "So you're still okay with us getting together, then?"

Meredith could see the surprise on her sister's face, and she was a bit taken back by it. "You're the one that came to us about it, Lexie." She frowned. "Do you not want to? Because we can cancel the plans. It's no big deal."

"No!" Lexie sighed. "Sorry. I just, I was surprised, that's all. Mark and I do want to have dinner with you guys. I guess we just expected that you would back out at the last minute, that's all. I just, I know that things haven't been easy. And.."

"It's okay, Lexie. We're looking forward to it," Meredith cut her off. "But I have to go check on my post-ops. So I'll see you tonight."

Lexie's pager went off, giving her no chance to respond as Meredith walked away. She sighed, starting to worry that things were going to turn south. The last thing she wanted was for anyone to get hurt again, for the relationships they had fixed to be destroyed by the news they were going to share with Meredith and Derek. They had no choice though, even if Lexie wished there was more time.

**** {break} ****

"So it's true that you're having dinner with the sister and Mc.."

"Cristina." Meredith frowned, cutting her off.

"I'm just saying. Doesn't seem like such a good idea to me. And you didn't even invite Owen and I. I mean, we're at least normal company. Safe company. The kind of company that doesn't..."

"Cristina." Her voice was a bit firmer.

"Even Alex is better company than Mark the alcoholic." Cristina Yang didn't care that Meredith had forgiven what happened. She wasn't ready. She wasn't ready to forget about the damage and pain that Mark Sloan had caused her person. And she wasn't sure she ever would be. Owen had tried, over and over, to get her to relax some about it but it had been no use.

"He's a recovering alcoholic, Cristina. And he didn't choose to drink for no reason. Things happened. Mark was hurting."

"Things like him killing your son, and almost killing you." She wasn't backing down. That much was clear.

"We should talk about this another time." Meredith sighed.

"Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you. Because if McBroody goes all crazy on Mc..."

"Cristina!"

She made a face. "I'll just say I told you so." Cristina could tell Meredith really was getting frustrated with the whole conversation, so she decided to simply let it go despite how much she still felt like she needed to say.

"I get that you're mad about what happened. I do. But Derek and I are really trying, Cristina. We're trying to move on and put this behind us."

"You guys can move on." Cristina shrugged. "I mean, I think it's good that the two of you can have warm and fuzzies about it all. I just can't. I can't."

"You don't have to have warm and fuzzies." Meredith frowned. "But we're doing the best we can, Cristina. Derek and I want to move forward. We're getting married, and planning on having another baby. Being bitter over what happened...it isn't..."

"I'll try." Cristina sighed, rolling her eyes a bit. "For you, I'll try."

"Because you're my person." Meredith smiled, glad she relaxed some about it. "Does that mean you'll take my interns tonight when I go home?"

"Okay, that's pushing it." Cristina shook her head. "I have enough trouble with my own incompetent robots."

Meredith couldn't help but laughing, looking down as her pager went off. "I have to go." She knew Cristina would end up watching her interns overnight for her, even if she did mouth off about it.

"You owe me!" Cristina called after he friend as she went to answer her page.

***** [break] ******

"So...steak." Meredith could smell the food as soon as she got home that night, and she smiled as she walked into the kitchen and saw Derek getting the meat ready to put on the grill. "That's sort of cheating you know."

"What's cheating?" He smiled and looked over as she came in, motioning for her to come over.

"Grilling." She stated, in a matter-of-fact manner. "Grilling isn't exactly cooking. It's more like...cheating."

Derek chuckled and pulled her into his arms. "Better than take-out, Mer." He reminded her, kissing her for a moment before turning his attention back to the food.

"I was thinking today...it's sort of quiet around here. Don't you think? I mean, we have all this space. And..."

"And what?" Derek glanced over at her. "Is this about having someone move in?" He wasn't too sure he was big on the idea of having her friends living with them.

"It's about having a baby. I want to have a baby. I'm ready, for a baby."

"Okay." He smiled and looked at her before nodding a bit. "Okay. As long as you're sure."

"I'm sure. It's been...we've had time, to move forward. And Cristina's getting all mopey and complainy that she doesn't have a baby to screw up."

"Complainy?" Derek smiled, amused at her choice of words. "So we're having a baby for Cristina Yang?"

"We're having a baby because I'm ready. And because we want babies. Mcbabies would be good. Right?"

"I think so." He smiled. "Are you sure though, that you're ready? I mean, you've been through a lot, Mer. And I just want to make sure that physically, you can handle being pregnant again so soon." Derek's first reaction aside from the happiness of trying for another baby with his wife, was to make sure she was safe. He'd wait another year if he had to, just to make sure she was healed enough to take on a pregnancy."

"I called Addison."

"Today?" He was obviously surprised, and it showed by the look on his face as he headed outside, meat in hand.

"Yeah. Figured I should. I mean, I sort of knew you would bring it up."

"What did she think?" He still wasn't completely convinced it was the best idea.

"She said that it really depends on how I'm feeling. And I'm good, Derek. I am. Really. And I'm ready to try again for a baby. I know you're worried. But she didn't say we shouldn't." Meredith followed him, obviously pretty nervous about whether or not he would go along with the plan.

It took a few minutes for him to say anything, and from the silence as he put the steaks on the grill, he was obviously deep in thought.

"Derek?" After a few minutes she finally, nervously, broke the tension.

"Okay..." He smiled and looked over at her.

"Okay?" Her own smile was immediate, and there was a sparkle in her eyes that Derek was sure he hadn't seen in quite a while.

Derek nodded and pulled her into his arms. "But you have to promise me to take care of yourself. If anything happened to you, Mer..."

"Nothing's going to happen. I mean, other than a cute little Derek and Meredith baby." She smiled and looked up into his eyes.

"You're sure you don't want to have a wedding first?"

"We have the post-it."

"We do." Derek laughed a little, kissing her again. "We do have the post-it. But I want you to have a real wedding, Meredith."

"I can. We will. I mean, we still have time. Right? We can still have the wedding we want?"

"Whatever you want, Mer."

"I was thinking maybe we could just...let someone else plan it. I'm not really the...wedding planning type. Maybe Lexie. She's much better at that stuff than I am."

"Okay." Derek smiled, turning the steaks over.

"I already mentioned it to her. She's all excited about it. So we were thinking, that maybe we could pick out a date about eight weeks from now?"

"I just want you to be happy, Mer. Whenever you want to have a wedding, and wherever you want to have a wedding, is fine with me."

"That's also cheating, you know. To have no opinion."

"I have an opinion." He argued, closing the grill. "You're the woman I love, Mer. And to me, you're my wife. So whatever puts a smile on your face is what makes me happy."

"You know, I could really take advantage of this." Meredith grinned, of course just teasing him. "I mean, I could think of a million things to ask for."

Derek laughed, shaking his head. "Like what things?"

"Things like...the dirty sex? I mean, more dirty sex. The kind that makes babies."

"That's what you want to ask for?" Derek grinned, looking at her with obvious amusement in his eyes. "You could have come up with something better, Mer.


	25. A Single Plastic Stick

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

Little girls dream of weddings. They all do. Even the ones that grow up and never get the chance, even the ones that grow up and swear off men and dating. They dream of weddings too. Little girls are born to love frills and bows, pink ribbons and lace. Or at least, most of them are. We all have to admit, there are those that are different. There are those girls that would rather climb a tree or go fishing. For the most part though, girls are girls. Girls think about who they want to marry. They imagine their wedding day, down to the smallest detail. The problem is, when we aren't that girl...when we're not the type of girl that wants to sit down and spend three hours looking at flowers and cakes, we have a problem. If we're not that girl, it's hard to have the right kind of wedding. If we aren't the type of girl that loves to look at ribbons and lace, we end up with a post-it. And that's okay. It's okay, until it isn't. And when it isn't, we have to figure out a way to make it okay.

"Pregnant? McGirlfriend is pregnant?" Cristina peeked around her chart, looking over at Lexie who was standing at the nurses desk, not bothering to hide the look of surprise on her face.

"Okay, you probably shouldn't say that. I mean, not so loudly." Meredith laughed anyway. "Lexie might not be too happy."

"So then, it's a secret?" Cristina rolled her eyes, jotting down a few things on her chart. "I don't think it can be a secret. Not if she told you."

"Yeah, but she didn't exactly stand in the middle of the hospital an announce it."

"Look..." Cristina put her charts down again. "I don't think she gets to keep it a secret. Not anymore. I mean, you can tell. If you look...see...when she leans against the counter." She pointed out. "You can see it. So if people know, that's not my fault. I mean, she can't prove it was me who said anything."

"Why are you so mad about it, anyway? I mean, I thought you and Lexie got along."

"We did. We did until she went and got pregnant and acted like it was okay. It isn't okay. It isn't okay because she's all having the baby of Mc.."

"Cristina..." Meredith shook her head. "I'm not upset about it. I mean, I was. I was upset about it, when she told me. But only because I thought about when I was pregnant with Grayson. But I'm not upset now. Derek and I...we're getting our wedding. In four weeks, we're getting our wedding. So it's okay. It's fine."

"See!" Cristina pointed a finger at her. "See...I knew it. Fine. You said it was fine."

"I..." Meredith made a face. "Yeah, I said fine, but I meant...good. It's good. I mean, I'm okay. We're okay. And you should be too. Because I need you. I need you to be all supportive."

"Of the wedding? Or the baby...making. Or...the McGirlfriend being pregnant?"

"All of it. But..the wedding. Mostly the wedding. Because the wedding is first. So..."

"So...am I supposed to be all happy and giggly? Or just sort of...quiet..you know. And...I could smile, every now and then. Because I think Lexie has the happy and giggly taken care of. I mean, I could be the..."

"Cristina..." Meredith laughed as her pager went off. "I have to go."

"You should make me a list. A list would be good. A list of things I'm supposed to do. Because I want to be supporting wedding person."

"You don't need a list. You were supportive wedding person before, remember?" Meredith simply smiled and shook her head as she walked off down the hallway to Derek's office.

"You paged?"

"I paged," Derek smiled and got up from where he'd been sitting behind his desk. "Wanted to see my wife."

"You wanted to see me? Thats it?" Meredith laughed a little, though she was happy when he slid his arms around her waist and kissed her. "You know, you should stop calling me your wife. Otherwise when we really do get married, it won't be any fun. And it's a really good wedding, I mean...according to Lexie. So I'm thinking that it should be fun. And real. I mean, we should change then. You could call me your wife then."

"Okay." Derek laughed, running his fingers through his hair as he looked down at her. "Post-it note wife, then?"

"Fiance? Maybe? Just for four weeks?"

He wouldn't go for it though, and Derek simply shook his head. "You're my wife, Mer. If you just want me to leave out the wife part some, though, I will. But you aren't just my fiance."

"You're so stubborn." Meredith made a face. "I have a very stubborn post-it-note husband."

"I've never heard you complain before." Derek smiled.

"Doesn't mean it isn't true." She pointed out. "I told Cristina, about Lexie."

"She didn't know already?" A look of surprise settled on his face.

"Lexie didn't want to tell anyone."

"You can tell."

"So you've been looking?" Meredith laughed, shaking her head.

Derek smiled, shaking his head at her as well. "I haven't been looking, Mer. But Lexie's four and a half months pregnant. It isn't difficult to see. When you were that far along, you had a nice little bump going."

The smile on her face faded, and she looked down for a moment before glancing back up at him. "I guess she just wanted to let people figure it out." The tone of voice that had been bright and cheerful before was suddenly soft and lost in thought.

"Mer..." Derek sighed, taking her hand. "We're going to get our chance, to have another baby."

"I was going to take a test."

"A pregnancy test?" He stared at her for a moment, completely taken back by what she was saying. For a moment, he wasn't even sure he'd heard her correctly.

"Well, I had one. From the last time. I had a couple of them that I never used. So I figured..."

"Are you late? I mean...do you think..." Even still, he was trying to piece together what she was saying, and why she was saying it. To his knowledge, there wasn't any evidence that she was pregnant. They'd only been actively trying for four weeks. It wasn't that she couldn't have become pregnant when she was still on the birth control, he just doubted she had.

"Not exactly late. I mean, by one day. But that's not really...late. I just..." She hesitated. His hesitancy started to make her realize how foolish it seemed to take a test when there were really no symptoms to back it up.

"Mer..."

"I just thought...that maybe..." She sighed. "It was stupid. You're right."

"I didn't say that," He shook his head. "If you want to take a pregnancy test, Meredith. You should take it. I just don't want you getting your hopes up. I mean, if you take the test and you aren't pregnant."

"I don't have to take it. I should just...wait."

"You should take it if you want to." He repeated, hating that he'd upset her. "Whatever happens, Mer, I love you. I love you, no matter what. And we're going to get our chance to have another baby."

"I'm fine." She smiled a bit, looking back up at him. "I love you too, Derek."

He glanced at the clock. "I've got a surgery, but I'll see you home tonight."

"Tonight, what time?"

"Depends on how my post-ops go. I'm hoping I'll make it back around seven, but it could be later than that. You're off a lot earlier than I am though, right?"

"Yeah...five. But I'll just fix dinner or something. That way we can eat when you get home." She headed out of his office, not wanting to make him late for whatever surgery it was he had.

"I'll see you tonight, Mer." Derek sighed as she walked out and closed the door to his office. He was worried about her. Even though it was nice to see her happy and excited about something again, he was worried that she would be heartbroken if pregnancy tests started coming back negative, especially with Lexie's pregnancy progressing the way it was.

***** [break] *****

Meredith usually spent her days at Seattle Grace hoping to stay late. It was easier that way, to keep busy. When she was working, she didn't have to be in their huge custom-built house alone. When she was working she didn't have time to sit at home and think about everything that had happened over the last year of their lives. It was just easier, to focus on work. It was easier, to focus on patients. She was happy that evening though, to be able to get home on time.

Being home a couple of hours before Derek gave her time to take the pregnancy test that was tucked away in the back of their bathroom counter, despite Derek's hesitancy earlier in the day, and despite how nervous he had made her to even attempt it. She wanted to know, though, even if there was a chance she would be disappointed. One day late or seven days late, her desire to have a baby greatly outweighed the odds that were stacked against her.

Her wishes didn't stop her from being nervous though, and her hands were shaking as she sat the test stick down on the bathroom counter. Seconds seemed to turn into years as she sat down on the side of the tub, nervously fidgeting. Part of her wished she'd waited. Part of her wished she'd taken Derek's advice. The last thing either of them needed was heartbreak over a failed pregnancy test, but there was no turning back. She'd peed on the stick. You can't take that back, right? Even if you want to, once you pee on the stick, you cant take that back. _But I don't have to look at it. I could just throw it away and not look at it._Suddenly the idea dawned on her, and she quickly got up, picking the test stick up from the counter.

Before she could toss it into the garbage can, though, the letters printed across the window caught her attention. P-r-e-g-n-a-n-t. Meredith stood there, staring at the test with wide and already tear-filled eyes. For a moment, she was sure she was seeing things. She even went as far as to shake the stick a little, blink a couple of times, then look back at it. The word was still there though, just as clear as it had been when she'd taken the test with her first pregnancy. Still, it was slow to sink in, and Meredith Grey found herself slowly sinking to the floor against the wall as tears stained her shirt. All of the pain and heartache of the past year flooded back in one sweeping motion, and for the first time in a long while she found herself sobbing there on the bathroom floor, clinging to the tiny plastic stick that she prayed would change her life.

When she finally pulled herself together enough to stop her shaking hands and her free-falling tears, Meredith slowly got up from the bathroom floor and tucked the positive pregnancy test into the drawer where she kept her hairbrush. Derek would want to see it. She was sure of that, but she didn't want to do the whole cheesy pull-out-the stick trick. After all they had been through, and after losing their son in such a tragic accident, she wanted something more intimate.

Despite her first instinct to grab the phone and blab the news immediately, she took a few slow deep breaths and went downstairs to the kitchen. She'd promised him that she'd have dinner on the table when he got home, and she didn't want to back out on that. Still, as she started preparing the food she couldn't help the emotions that were seemingly uncontrollable. Tears still fell, and every now and then she wiped a few away, alternating between complete elation and sheer terror. Her first pregnancy had seemed good too, until it wasn't. The memories of contracting early and being in the hospital fighting for her unborn baby were fresh, and she knew it was all too easy for her to miscarry. Miscarriage seemed like such an easy thing though, when she thought about how they'd lost Grayson. Having a thirty-one week baby who was stillborn was a heck of a lot more painful, in her mind, and so there was fear. There was fear about a million things.

It wasn't that Meredith wasn't happy. She was. She was thrilled, beyond belief. But she was also scared. She was scared that things were going to repeat themselves, that a frantic call to Addison Montgomery was just weeks away, that she'd soon be on bedrest fighting for a pregnancy she so desperately wanted, and needed. She was scared to get in a car. Scared that this baby would suffer the same fate. Meredith wanted Derek. She wanted Derek to stand in front of her and tell her it was going to be okay. She wanted him to hold her and kiss her and promise her that he was going to keep her and their baby safe. Meredith realized, in that moment, standing there in the kitchen at the stove, that she wasn't sure if she was ready. She wasn't sure if she was ready to be pregnant again, to deal with the reality of what that meant and the emotions and memories that came with it. There was no turning back though, and she knew it. A positive test was a positive test. And she had one.

Eventually, she did pick up the phone. When dinner was in the oven and she had a moment to sit down and process everything, she picked up the phone. The number she dialed wasn't her husband's, though. It wasn't Cristina. The person Meredith called was someone she never expected to become close with, but someone she now realized she considered to be a friend.

"Addison, it's Meredith." Relief washed over her when she heard the woman's voice pick up after just a couple of rings.

***** [break] *****

That night was a lucky break for everyone. Despite the fact that it was rare he left sooner than three hours after his shift was scheduled to end, Derek walked in the door at almost seven o'clock on the dot, smiling when he smelled the food that was sitting in the oven waiting for them to eat. "Dinner smells good," His smile grew when he saw his wife sitting on the couch, and he tossed his lab coat onto a chair before sitting down with her.

Meredith scrunched up her face, looking over at the wad of white fabric laying in the chair. "That's disgusting, you know. There's no telling what's on our chair now."

"I guess the same goes for our couch too," Derek pointed out, looking down at his pants.

"You're probably right," She considered what he said, then sort of just sat there for a moment, frozen. A million thoughts were running through her mind.

"Mer?" Derek could tell right away that something was going on, that something wasn't right with her. It didn't make sense right away, even as he ran through his mind to try and figure it out. Then it hit him. The pregnancy test. She mentioned taking a test. He sighed and reached over, taking her hand. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." She forced a smile on her face, her heart suddenly pounding in her chest as she held onto his hand. More than anything, she wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him that they were having a baby together, but the words were stuck. The words were stuck, locked away somewhere in the back of her mind.

"Talk to me." He spoke gently to her, not wanting to come straight out and ask her. Derek knew Meredith well enough to know there was no point in pushing her, that she would come to him when she was ready. That didn't stop him from hoping she would open up though.

She drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she looked down at their hands. "There's something I have to tell you."

Her voice was so quiet that he could barely hear her, and Derek suddenly found himself confused. What he thought he knew, he was no longer sure of. "Okay." Even he was hesitant then, a bit concerned at what she had to say.

"I...I don't...I..." Meredith finally lifted her eyes to look at him, though she didn't say anything else.

"Mer..." Derek gently brushed his thumb across her hand, glad that she was at least looking at him. "It's okay. Whatever it is...we'll be okay."

"I know. I know. We will be. And really, I'm fine. We're fine." A soft smile spread across her lips and she kissed him before she got up, heading to the kitchen. "We should eat. I made some kind of taco casserole. Your mom left the recipe when she came last time."

"You made my mom's taco casserole?" Derek almost laughed at his surprise, and he followed her into the kitchen. Even though he wanted desperately to stop her and demand she talk to him, he let it go. The woman he loved spooked easily. He knew that, and he didn't want to freak her out, especially if something was bothering her.

"It's going to be good." Meredith declared, serving them each a piece on their plates.

"I'm sure it will be perfect. Not like my moms, but..."

"That, was rude." Meredith made a face, though it was all in fun. She made no mention of anything as they sat there eating, though she did talk a bit here and there about work or whatever it was that he brought up in conversation. It was awkward, sitting there with he news on the tip of her tongue. For whatever reason though, she couldn't bring herself to tell him about the test, perhaps because she was still taking the time for it to all sink in.

It wasn't until they were laying in bed that night, wrapped up in each other's arms, that she finally gathered the courage she needed to tell Derek the truth. "I took a pregnancy test when I got home tonight."

Derek had been preparing himself for it, but despite knowing it was coming, he was still a little taken off-guard by her words, and it took him a minute to figure out the best way to respond. Luckily, he didn't have to. Meredith spoke up again before he had a chance to say anything.

"It was positive."

"What?" Derek, in that moment, could have sworn that his heart stopped beating for a second. Then, it was racing. His heart was racing and his chest was tight as her words sunk in. Had he heard her right? Were they really expecting a baby? "Mer..."

She could hear the shakiness in his voice, and she laced her fingers in his, her head still resting on his chest. "I'm pregnant, Derek."

"Are you sure?"

Despite the emotions that were running high, Meredith actually giggled a bit. She giggled, like a schoolgirl. "I'm sure. It must have happened before we started trying. That's what Addison thinks. Because the test result came back pretty fast, so she's assuming my levels of..."

"You called Addison?" He cut her off, still trying to take in everything. It wasn't easy for him, either, to hear the news. He was thrilled, thrilled enough to shout his news from their roof, but it was the same web of thoughts she'd dealt with. So it took him a minute, to pull everything together.

"Yeah. I just...I needed someone to talk to. And I was freaking out."

"Meredith..." Derek finally shifted so that he could look at her through tear-filled eyes.

"I'm scared, Derek."

"We're going to do this together, Mer. And we're going to get our baby. At the end of this, we're going to have a baby." He placed his hand on her cheek.

Seeing his tears only allowed her own emotions to fall apart, and she managed a small smile when he wiped her tears away. "You don't know that."

"I do." Derek spoke firmly. "I do know that, Meredith. I don't want you to be scared. This is going to be okay. This is good. You're good. This baby...we're going to have this baby. I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure that you and this baby are safe." Despite his tears, there was unmistakeable joy in his eyes. Derek was truly elated. He was overjoyed.

And his wife was over the moon, despite her fear. "We're having a baby.." Her words were a whisper, and there was finally a genuine smile on her face, one that showed just how truly thrilled she was.

For the next few minutes they sat there, wrapped in each other's arms, enjoying the peace and happiness that was finally breaking apart the heartache and tragedy that they had endured. Everything was finally falling into place for the two of them. Fear was still there, and anything was possible, but for the moment they felt hopeful that they were finally going to get the chance to hold a baby in their arms, to have the things that they both so desperately wanted. The tricky part was holding it all together, escaping more pain. There were no guarantees that tragedy wouldn't strike again, but just for one night, they allowed themselves to be happy, to have joy. The rest would have to wait.

**I hope that you guys liked this chapter! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review and let me know what you think! Things will be wrapping up in the next two chapters, and the sequel will be posted!**

**-Katie**


	26. Moment of Happiness

**Thank you, to EVERYONE who is reviewing! I really appreciate each and every one! This is the second to last chapter in this story, and I'm to the point in the sequel where I am having to actually re-write parts, add parts, etc. I'm not just editing anymore. So updates are going to slow down some. I'm hoping one a day, but it may be every other day. I don't want to get to a point where I can't post because I haven't caught up yet. **

**Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

Surprises are what make life fun. They are the things that keep us on our toes, the things that can bring smiles to our face when we think everything around us is dark and broken. They give us hope when we have none. Surprises are usually good. They're usually the things that keep us going, that push us forward when we're at the end of our rope or when the monotony of life is controlling us. It's what we do with those surprises though, that matters. Because in the end, surprises are out of our control. Our response though, is what makes the difference. Sometimes we can keep a good thing going. And sometimes we can't. We fight, though. We fight to keep the happiness in our lives, even when we know it can all be taken away without a moment's warning.

"I should have waited, to take that stupid test." Meredith mumbled, standing slowly from where she'd been leaning over the toilet the next morning.

Derek smiled sympathetically, gently rubbing her lower back. "I don't think the test made you start having morning sickness, Mer."

"You don't know that," She made a face, grabbing her toothbrush. "There must be something about it. Because I wasn't like this yesterday."

"Being sick is a good thing, though," He reminded her. "Means your pregnancy is probably viable at this point. Not being sick would make me worry." He hated that she was throwing up already, but was happy for the little bit of relief it gave him.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"It's supposed to make me feel better." Derek teased, walking back to their room with her once she'd washed the taste of stomach contents out of her mouth. "You should stay home today, and just rest for a while."

"I can't call in just because I'm throwing up, Derek…"

He gave her a look, standing there as he leaned against the door frame.

"Not if the throwing up is from being pregnant. I mean, it isn't like I'm going to pass some kind of virus to patients."

"I don't want you overdoing it. It's important that you take care of yourself, Meredith."

___So you don't lose another baby. _He didn't have to say it. It was implied, and easy for her to read between the lines. "I won't. I know."

"If I have to get the help of the chief to make sure that you aren't pushing yourself too far, I will."

"I don't want anyone to know," Meredith pulled her shoes on while they were talking. "It's still super early, Derek. Things could happen. Bad things. And I don't want to get the looks again. I don't want people to start treating me as if I'm not even there, or like I'm going to break or something. I haven't even seen a doctor yet."

"We don't have to tell anyone right away," The last thing he wanted was to upset her.

"Not even the chief. Especially not the chief. He'll go all daddy on me...and then I won't be able to do anything."

Derek headed downstairs with her, unable to help the amused smile that made its way to his face. "We don't have to tell the chief right now, Mer. But if I feel like you're pushing yourself too far, I'm…"

"I won't." She turned to him at the bottom of the stairs. "I won't push myself too far, Derek. I promise. This baby is just as important to me as it is to you. I went through enough last time to know how important every second is. You don't have to worry."

"Okay," He smiled and kissed her forehead. "Your appointment with doctor…what's her name again?"

"Davis." Meredith laughed. "Since when did you start forgetting stuff?"

"Doctor Davis." Derek smiled, "Eleven, right? I want to make sure that I'm there."

"Eleven. So don't be late." Meredith grabbed her lab coat from the kitchen table, and headed out the door with him.

"I wouldn't be late, Meredith. Not unless it was something out of my control."

"You've missed appointments before." She pointed out. It was only after the words came out of her mouth that she realized how much it probably hurt him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I'm just…nervous."

"No, it's okay. It's true. I did miss appointments last time. But things are different now, Mer. We're in different places. We're different people. I'm going to be there with you today, on time." He reached over and took her hand once he'd backed out of the driveway.

***** [break] *****

"Okay…Derek's all McCheery today and you're all…smiley and…happy." Cristina cornered Meredith that morning when she got the chance. "Something's going on."

"There's nothing going on, Cristina. We're just happy. That's all." Meredith struggled against both wanting to share her news with her friend and wanting to keep things a secret just in case something went wrong.

Cristina looked skeptical, "No offense…but the two of you haven't exactly been happy in a while. So you'll have to excuse me if I don't exactly believe your made-up crap."

"More dirty sex," Meredith shrugged. "Sex makes us happy."

"You're always having sex. The two of you...you're like..."

"There you are!" Lexie interrupted the two of them, too caught up in her own excitement to notice the annoyed face that Cristina made. "I've been looking all over for you." She held out two different swatches of red fabric. "For the table runners. Which color?"

"Aren't they both the same?" Cristina rolled her eyes, looking at the two pieces of fabric she was holding up. "I mean, isn't red…red?"

"No." Lexie glanced at her, shaking her head. "This one…the texture is different…see?" She held them out closer to her before turning her attention to Meredith. "So?"

Her excitement left it impossible for Meredith to do anything other than smile and play along, though she did laugh a bit before pointing to one of them. "That one's fine."

"Okay, good. Because I like that one the best too. I think it will work the best, with the black table cloths."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "This is why city hall is such a great idea. Or, a post-it."

"Post-it weddings are fine. For a while. But everyone deserves a real wedding." Lexie narrowed her eyes at Cristina. "Meredith wants a real wedding. With real wedding things. Pretty things. Right?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah." She smiled. "Speaking of weddings…we should do one more dress fitting before. Just to make sure."

She immediately looked confused, "But you just did that on Saturday. And you've been the same size..forever. I mean…you lost your baby weight from…"

"What she's trying to say is that if it fit this weekend, it will fit at the wedding." Cristina interrupted before anything else could be said.

"I know. I just think maybe we should try it on one last time, like a week before." Meredith hoped that neither of them would question her about it. The last thing she wanted was to have to explain that she needed to make sure pregnancy wasn't going to catch up with her and keep her dress from zipping.

"I can let the place know.." Lexie offered. She brushed it off simply as her sister being nervous, even if it was completely out of character for her. "We could do it the weekend before, if you can take off work. You could come too, Cristina."

"I'd love to."

The heavy sarcasm in Cristina's voice made Meredith laugh, and she glanced at Lexie just as her pager went off. "That sounds good."

"I have to go, but we have to talk about the flowers later." Lexie glanced down at her pager before heading off down the hallway.

"No offense, but thank God there's only four more weeks of this. I don't think I can take any more of the bubbly bridesmaid's chats about ribbon and fabric and flowers."

"Supportive wedding person, remember?" Meredith looked at Cristina, smiling.

"Oh, yeah." Cristina made a face. "You still owe me an explanation for the happiness. I mean, it's almost as bad as your sister."

"There's nothing, Cristina. Really. We're just happy. People can be happy."

"People can be. You aren't."

Meredith sighed, knowing that sooner or later she was going to find out anyway. Despite her conversation earlier that morning with Derek, she didn't want to end up lying to her best friend, lying to her person. "You can't say anything."

"So there is something." Cristina walked with her into the supply closet, definitely having absolutely no idea what sort of news she was in for.

"I took a test yesterday."

"A…pregnancy test?" Cristina Yang stared at her friend, definitely shocked. She'd mentioned trying for a baby the day before, but she definitely hadn't thought she meant she could be pregnant so soon. "I thought you guys just started trying.."

"We did. But it was positive. I have an appointment today, at eleven."

"Wow." She stood there for a moment, her shock obvious. "Wow!" Finally, there was a smile. "That's great! Congratulations!" She hugged her, then slowly pulled away. "We're happy, right? I mean…I'm guessing from the smiles…we're happy?"

Meredith laughed and nodded. "Yeah, but you can't tell anyone. It's still really early, and I'd like to wait. I told Derek he couldn't tell anyone. So…you don't know. You don't know, until I tell him you know."

"You're in luck, because he and I…we don't really talk all that much anyway."

"So I've noticed."

*** {break} ***

Meredith spent the next few hours of her morning rounding with her interns and dealing with a few problems in a post-op patient from the week before. By eleven o'clock that morning she was already exhausted and more than ready for a break even if it did mean a trip upstairs where she would be a patient once again. It was a good thing this time, or at least she hoped so. The shock from the previous day had worn off and Meredith found herself truly excited about the baby she was having, the baby she and Derek were having. They were finally going to be parents, she was finally going to be a mommy. There would be a baby to put in the crib that Derek had insisted on putting together himself.

Still, in the back of her mind she thought about what could be. She thought about the million things that could still go wrong. In the back of her mind there was fear that she could miscarry, that she would miscarry. There was fear that she would end up in the hospital again, that there would be another accident. There was fear every time she got in the car, every time she thought about Mark Sloan. Things had been easier, before she was pregnant. Things had been easier before the test. It had been easier to forget about everything; to forget about Gary Clark. Now that memory was fresh again. Gary Clark was haunting her again. He was back in her dreams, taking over her thoughts as she walked across the catwalk to Derek's office.___Go away. It was more than a year ago. You can't hurt me anymore. Go away. _

"Hey," Derek smiled when he saw her, meeting up with her just as she stepped on the elevator. Like the gentleman he was, he held the door for her, letting her go in first. "You okay?" Right away he noticed that she seemed distracted, like she was deep in thought about something. "Mer?" He repeated her name when she didn't answer right away.

"What?" Hearing her name was enough to pull her out of her thoughts, out of the living nightmare she suddenly felt like she was trapped in.

"Are you okay?" He looked even more concerned when he realized that she hadn't even heard him, though he tried not to jump to conclusions that there was something wrong. There was no reason she couldn't have a perfectly normal pregnancy, even after all that had happened last time, though he had to take a moment to remind himself of that.

"I'm fine," Meredith smiled, doing her best to assure him that she really was okay, though she could tell by the look on his face that he knew something was up. "Just thinking. A little nervous about the appointment, that's all."

"Everything's going to be great, Meredith." He reached over and took her hand as they stepped off of the elevator together. "Did you get something to eat this morning?"

"Yeah," She was reassured by his insistence that things were going to go right this time around, and just like it always did, just having him there with her helped calm her growing nerves. "Cristina and I went down to the cafeteria and grabbed something between patients. I told her, about the baby."

"I thought you wanted to wait," He wasn't too surprised, though, despite the conversation they'd had earlier that morning. Cristina and Meredith had the type of relationship that few people understood, and he knew good and well that he was only beginning to figure it out. It just wasn't realistic to think that she'd keep such big news from her, even if she had insisted that they didn't tell anyone.

"I did, but she was bugging me about something being up. I tried, but I couldn't lie to her about it."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Mer. Do you really think I thought you'd be able to keep that from her? You and Cristina, you tell each other everything."

"I still don't want anyone else to know."

"We won't tell anyone else. Not until you're ready." He assured her, sitting down with her in the waiting room of the clinic upstairs after she signed in.

"Wanna make a bet on how far along I am?" Meredith glanced over to him as they sat there waiting for her name to be called, trying to at least talk about something to keep her mind off of her worry.

Derek smiled, thinking about what she said for a moment. He was glad that she seemed to be calming down some, and was definitely reassured that she was trying to make conversation with him rather than retreat into her own thoughts. "What kind of conditions are we talking about?"

"Winner gets off kitchen duty for a week," Meredith said after thinking about it for a moment. "So…what do you say?"

Derek laughed, reaching over to take her hand. He didn't care that there were a few other couples there. In that moment, he was concerned only with his wife and the baby they were going to have. "I'm going to say seven weeks."

"Seven weeks?" Almost instantly, Meredith made a face. "There's no way I'm seven weeks along already. I would have missed a period, or at least figured it out before now."

"I'm sticking with my guess." He wasn't swayed by her disbelief.

"Fine, but you're about to be cooking for seven days. And nothing gross. I have to eat for two. We need good food. Fried food…and pasta."

Derek laughed, shaking his head. "You can eat whatever you want, Mer. Whatever makes you happy and clogs your arteries."

"Paranoid.." She teased, a smile on her face as a nurse stepped out and called her name. "Five weeks. That's my guess. Be prepared to lose." Letting go of his hand, she got up and followed the nurse back to the exam room. Once her vitals had been taken and a few basic questions were answered, the two of them are alone again. "How did you hear about this doctor, anyway? We could have just used someone we already knew."

"Addison said she was going to come down and see you herself, so we didn't really think there was any reason for you to see a high-risk OB-GYN right now. This pregnancy is normal, Mer. We don't have to worry about the same things we worried about the last time. This lady should be just fine. My scrub nurses like her." He shrugged.

"Just because things are okay now doesn't mean they will stay that way." She pointed out. "And since when are you all laid-back about this?"

"I'm not laid-back. I'm just saying that it isn't going to do us any good to worry about it if we don't have to." He sat down in the chair next to the exam table. He would never tell her, but Derek was just as scared as she was. He just chose to keep it to himself instead of making her nerves worse than they already were.

"I like this Derek." Meredith admitted, swinging her feet a bit as they dangled over the edge of the exam table.

He had opened his mouth to respond just as the doctor stepped into the room. Derek got up to shake her hand, introducing both himself and Meredith.

"It's nice to meet you both." She had a genuine smile on her face as she put Meredith's chart on the counter. "I'm sure you both know who I am. But just in case…Emily Davis. I read over your chart from your last pregnancy. You were seen by quite a few people. Was it Dr. Montgomery that was your primary physician?"

The mention of her last pregnancy made her a little uneasy, but Meredith tried not to think about it. She knew the doctor was just doing her job, and was actually reassured by the fact that she'd taken the time to look at her history. "She was, for the most part. Dr. Hayes did see me some though. Her plan was to have me seen mostly by him, but after the accident she took over again."

"We're going to do everything we can, Meredith, to make sure that we don't have a repeat of your last pregnancy. It's likely though, that we won't see any of those same symptoms. As I understand it, you had a lot going on early in your last pregnancy. High levels of stress can cause premature labor."

"I also had a pretty bad infection." Meredith pointed out. She wasn't exactly comfortable with the conversation, but she recognized that there was no way out of it. "Do you think it's okay, for me to see you? I mean, you don't think I need someone for high risk pregnancies?"

"I don't consider you to be high risk." Dr. Davis smiled. "But lets not get ahead of ourselves. I want to get a urine pregnancy test, some blood work done on you, and do an ultrasound before we talk about anything else. It's easier to predict things if we can at least get a good idea of how far along you are first."

Derek gave Meredith's hand a gentle squeeze, knowing she was getting more nervous with the mention of her pregnancy with Grayson. He stayed quiet though, knowing opening his mouth would likely only result in saying something that would make things worse for her.

It was a good hour later that doctor Davis sat down with them again to discuss the results of Meredith's pregnancy test as well as what she'd seen from the ultrasound. "You're most definitely pregnant." She started with the easiest thing first, knowing that the couple in front of her was waiting on that assurance, the assurance that they weren't going to end up with more heartbreak. "From the dates of your last period and the ultrasound we did here today, I'm putting your due date as September 24th."

"That's just a couple of weeks after your birthday." Meredith pointed out, glancing over to her husband. She smiled when she saw the unmistakable tears in his eyes. He'd been scared. She realized, in that moment, that he'd been just as scared as she was that things weren't going to be okay. There was hope now, though, and a smile had settled on her face. Meredith was allowing herself to be happy, and hopeful.

"So that means she's…how far along?" Derek squeezed Meredith's hand gently, brushing his thumb over her skin. He managed to get his tears in check, not wanting to come across like some sap, even though he knew Meredith could see straight though him.

"She's right at six weeks. And I don't think, from anything I've seen here today, that there is any cause for the two of you to be concerned." Dr. Davis smiled.

Meredith made a face before the woman standing there could continue. "That means no one won the bet. I was looking forward to having my own chef for a week."

"We get take out anyway." Derek laughed softly, glancing over to her though his attention went back to Emily Davis. He wanted to make sure that he listened to everything she said. Even if he was a physician, his expertise wasn't in pregnancy. He was a neurosurgeon, so his knowledge in that department was definitely lacking.

"My only concern is that you do have a very busy work life, and you have long shifts with relatively no time to rest." Emily did laugh a bit with the two of them, but also managed to keep the appointment on track. "I want to make sure that you're taking care of yourself and that you're allowing yourself to be off your feet and to get some extra sleep. That may mean talking to the chief of surgery and getting your hours reduced. I'm not saying that you're going to have anything go wrong, but I am saying that if you want to safeguard this pregnancy, you need to take some precautions."

Meredith nodded, agreeing with what the doctor was saying even if she hated that it meant spending more time away from the hospital. Just like she had before though, she would do whatever it took to make sure that they had a healthy baby. It was obvious that another loss would be too much for either of them to handle, and she wasn't about to be a contributing factor to complications in this pregnancy. "When do you need to see me back?"

"A month should be fine. Between now and then, just give me a call if you have any questions or concerns." Dr. Davis stood and shook both of their hands again before picking up her chart. "Again, congratulations to the both of you."

Meredith turned to Derek when they were alone again. "We're having a baby!" It wasn't until that moment that her own tears fell, and he reached over to wipe them away.

"I love you, Mer. I love you, and this baby." His hand rested on her flat stomach as he leaned over and kissed her. In that moment, Derek finally truly believed that they were going to get their chance, that he was going to get a chance to be a dad; he was going to get a chance to raise a baby with the woman he loved.


	27. Husband and Wife

**Author's Note: So I'm working on the sequel to this. I posted part of it before, yes. I haven't quite decided whether I will take it back to its original form. I am working on figuring that out now. It will be an intense story, but along with the drama and the crisis that occur, I can promise you that there will be fluff and happiness and that I do not have any character deaths planned at this time! So that's a step up, right? Anyway, let me know if you guys are interested in reading it. **

**And to the guest reviewer who mentioned disappointment in the sudden changes of this story. I really appreciate your review, because I wholeheartedly agree with it. If I was writing this now, I would do it differently. But I didn't want to change this original story. I get it though. Going back and editing made me realize how choppy the shift was. I apologize for that. It will all be brought back up in the sequel, so that is a plus.**

**As far as this story goes, I'm bringing it to a close in this chapter. I really hope that you will stay with me through the next part in Meredith &amp; Derek's story!**

**And Then There Were Two**

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

Happiness is something we all want. It's something we all think we'll get out of life. We think we'll be happy, at some point. It takes some of us longer than others to get there, but eventually, we all get our shot. The problem with getting to the happy part later is that fear sort of looms over us. It's hard to believe we're finally getting what we want out of life when all we've ever had is heartache. Some of us have that bunnies and roses life from the start. Some of us have the white picket fence and the perfect family. The problem with that is, those things can be taken away. The some of us that are used to life being easy can be left shocked when the bottom falls out. The good thing is, the some of us that are used to being at the lowest of lows are thrilled when we get our chance at the grand-slam sort of life. We may not know how to handle it, but we're thrilled. And we'll do whatever it takes to protect what we want. We all will. It's human nature.

"You're sure that you're ready for this? Big poofy dress and hair…make-up…red table runners?" Cristina sat in the cafeteria with Meredith, leaning back in her chair as she took a bite of her sandwich.

"I'm sure, Cristina." Meredith smiled as she thought about the wedding that was just days away. "Before we lost Grayson, before Derek was shot, I didn't really think we needed it. I thought we'd be okay with just the post-it. It was enough for me. But things are different now. We're a different couple. I'm a different person. And I want the real thing. I want the thing we didn't get to have the first time."

"Okay..that's a little too much. I mean, happy is one thing. But don't go all sentimental on me." Cristina Yang made a face, putting what was left of her sandwhich down on her plate. "I mean, I'll be all supportive wedding person, but only if you tone it down a little."

Her dramatic begging only earned her a laugh from her friend, and Meredith simply shook her head, knowing there really wasn't a correct response to that. "On the plus side, the dress still fits. I mean, it did, as of Saturday."

"And you're still keeping it from Derek's mom? The baby? I mean, even though she's going to be here? Here, in town? Don't you think it might make her a little mad when she finds out you didn't say anything?"

"Doesn't matter. Derek and I aren't ready." She shrugged a bit. "We'll tell everyone when we're ready."

"Well you might want to get ready, because people are going to start noticing." She pointed out. "I mean, you're what…"

"Ten weeks." Meredith made sure she wasn't talking too loudly about it. The last thing she needed was for the news of her pregnancy to be all over the hospital long before she was ready to announce it. She figured in a few weeks she'd been calm enough about it to let people know, but for now she just wasn't ready.

"Ten weeks. So that means you're going to start getting all baby bumpy. Which means you're going to have to tell. I mean, it's your second one. Don't they say you always show faster the second time around?"

"I will. I will tell. In a few weeks." She glanced at her watch. "Since when did you become concerned about whether or not people know I'm pregnant?"

"Since I realized that Lexie's going to go all crazy on me if she finds out I knew and didn't tell her."

"Good point." Meredith agreed, though she got up from the table despite the fact that the two of them were in the middle of a conversation. "I have to go. Derek and I are supposed to meet Addison upstairs…ten minutes ago."

"And you complain to him when he's late.." Cristina was of course just joking, and she simply made an 'It's the truth' face when Meredith gave her a look.

****** [break] *****

"I was starting to think that maybe you weren't coming," Derek was relieved when Meredith stepped off the elevator, and he kissed her as he took her hand. "Are you okay?" He had worried. When she hadn't been there on time, he'd worried that maybe something was wrong. It was something he couldn't help. After everything they had been through and after all that had gone wrong the last time, he worried. He worried every minute of every day, even if it had already started to drive his beautiful wife crazy.

"I was eating. With Cristina. And we were talking." Meredith was glad that he was at least calm about it. "Guess I sort of lost track of time." She glanced at the clock on the wall. "I'm not too late though." She pointed out.

"Lunch with Cristina? That's your excuse?" Derek smiled. "That's good, because that means the next time I show up late for something, anything goes as far as getting out of it."

"It's a good excuse." Meredith argued, pretending to pout though it was obvious that she was just being playful.

"If you say so." He laughed and led her into the exam room where Addison was waiting, trying to make sure that there weren't too many people around to see them. In his mind, it was okay to let people know they were expecting a baby, but he was willing to follow Meredith's lead if it meant she was happy and not so worried.

"Meredith," Addison smiled when they walked in, getting up from where she'd been sitting on a stool near the corner of the room. "You look good. A lot better than last time." She added as she hugged her.

Meredith couldn't help but smile, even at the reference of her fighting for her life just a little less than six months ago. "Thanks for coming. I know you're probably really busy, but we do appreciate it."

"I was going to be here for the wedding anyway," Addison pointed out. "And it's good to get away from work every now and then. Especially when it's not to come here for some sort of big disaster."

"I know that I'm not exactly considered to be high-risk, but we just sort of wanted some extra assurance that things really were okay." Meredith explained. "I guess we're just sort of on edge about everything."

Addison nodded. "That's understandable. I've looked over Dr. Davis' notes from your first appointment as well as your ultrasound, and from everything I can tell things look really good." She was glad to see Derek so relaxed as he sat there holding Meredith's hand, even if she knew that somewhere deep down inside he was still scared out of his mind that history was going to repeat itself. "Have you had any problems with bleeding or contractions?"

"No. Just normal pregnancy stuff, I guess. I've had a lot of morning sickness and I'm pretty exhausted, but I'd take that any day over having pain." Meredith admitted, glancing over to Derek when she realized how quiet he was.

"Do you think she needs to cut back at work and not take full-time shifts? Or at least not take on-call shifts?" He finally opened his mouth, but only to voice some of the concerns he had, the ones that he and Meredith didn't really see eye to eye on.

"I think that if things are going well, like they are now, she can work full time with no problem." Addison knew he wouldn't like her answer, but she wanted to be sure she was honest with him. "I would limit your overnight on-call shifts, though." She turned her attention to Meredith. "If you've worked all day, the last thing you need is to be paged during the night. And I would tell that to anyone who is pregnant. My main concern with you is when you get further into your pregnancy. Your body didn't have a ton of time to heal from the trauma of the accident and the surgical repairs, so there's really no way to know how you're going to handle being pregnant, especially in your second and third trimesters. It may be that my concerns don't hold up and that you do just fine, but it's been my experience that things usually do come up in situations like this."

"I thought you said it was okay for us to start trying for another baby," A frown settled on Meredith's face. "You think that something's going to happen to the baby?"

"That's not what I'm saying." Addison was quick to respond, wanting to put her fears at ease. "It was okay for you guys to try for another baby, Meredith. I mean, technically speaking, there was no factual evidence against it. I'm not saying that something will happen to this baby. In fact, I don't think anything will. My concern is more with you. Your body may have a difficult time to adjusting to this, that's all. I don't want you to worry more than you need to, Meredith. Just be aware that things may come up, but I don't think we're going to run into any huge problems.

"Addison…" Derek wanted to be sure that they were getting the whole story, that his ex-wife wasn't just sugar-coating things to make them feel better.

"If I thought there was something that we needed to prepare ourselves for, I would tell you." She assured him as she got up and turned on the ultrasound machine just so she could see for herself that everything still looked good. "I'm a conservative doctor, Derek. And after all you guys have been through, I wouldn't let a high risk go unspoken."

Meredith believed her. Even if she was starting to worry again and was having a hard time controlling the fear that was building in her mind, she believed the woman that had quickly become quite a close friend over the last year. "He's just a worrier now-a-days. He can't help it." Meredith smiled, teasing Derek as she squeezed his hand to let him know it was just a joke.

"He's just protective of the two of you," Addison pointed out, though most of her attention was on the screen and not on the conversation.

"Since when did we start talking about me like I'm not in the room?"

"Women do that." Meredith grinned, glancing over to him though she soon turned her attention back to the ultrasound screen, not wanting to miss anything.

"Everything looks great." Addison said after a few minutes of carefully studying the image. "From what I'm seeing now, I would say you're definitely headed in the right direction." She smiled and put the ultrasound wand down.

Meredith worked on wiping the gel off of her stomach before she put her shirt down. "Thanks." She smiled, glancing back over to Derek after she sat up.

"Let me know though, if anything changes or if you have any questions that come up. I know that Emily Davis is your doctor and I don't want to step on her toes, but I'm definitely able to answer questions over the phone if you want." Addison added.

"We'll call if we need anything," Derek assured her, hugging her briefly before they headed out of the room. "We'll see you on Saturday evening." He turned to Meredith as they walked out of the room, smiling as he took her hand.

"I don't know if that made me feel better or worse." She admitted, looking over to him as they walked toward the elevator.

Before he could respond, they found themselves face to face with Mark and Lexie who, from their red eyes and tearstained cheeks, had obviously both been crying.

"Lexie?" Meredith frowned, her attention suddenly shifting from herself to her sister. It scared her to see both she and Mark so upset. Her first thought was the baby. After all, they were on the maternity-neonatal floor, and she was pretty sure there wouldn't be any other reason for the two of them to be there.

"Something's wrong with the baby." Lexie had no trouble spilling the devastating news to her sister, though the tears quickly turned into sobs even as Mark tried to calm her down.

It took Derek a minute to figure out how to respond, but when he did, he ended up being a solid leader even in the middle of such a heartbreaking moment. "Why don't we go into one of the empty exam rooms and talk? It will give you a little more privacy and some time to calm down a little."

"I'll take Lexie." Meredith volunteered, glancing at the two men. She knew it was probably better if they had a chance to talk first, before it became too overwhelming for the hysterical woman in front of her.

Despite Mark's hesitancy, he gave in and stayed there in the hallway while Meredith and Lexie went into one of the rooms that wasn't being used. "The technician missed it on the first ultrasound." He started somewhere in the middle, his words flat and almost lifeless.

Having been through enough with his own son, Derek was all too aware of just how helpless you felt when something was wrong with the woman you loved or baby and it was out of your control. "Come sit down." He led him over to a couple of chairs out in a waiting room. "Start from the beginning."

"There's a tumor." Mark explained, though his voice broke with each word. He fought hard to keep tears from coming again but it was no use, and eventually he gave up on staying in control of his broken emotions. "Sacrococcygeal Tumor. Doctor said it's mid-sized, and that she hasn't ever seen one like it before. Said she was sorry she missed it, that they should have caught it earlier. That there was nothing they could do until the baby is born…said…"

"You're talking about a spinal tumor…at the base of the spine, right?" Derek wanted to make sure that he was at least getting the story straight before he made any recommendations to his friend who quite obviously was barely holding on to sanity.

"Yeah…she said it's growing from the outside, so she doesn't think it's wrapped around any spinal nerves or beneath the spinal cord but she said that there is no way to tell for sure or know the long-term effects and that the baby could have permanent neurological damage. She also said that the baby could die. That maybe they can't fix it." Mark was sort of just going through the motions of explaining everything.

It was difficult for him to understand everything considering the breaking in Mark's voice and the tears that he was talking through, but it suddenly occurred to Derek that there was a much better solution than just sitting around and waiting another five months to see what happened. "What about in utero surgery?"

"There's no one here that's done it before."

"Addison is here," Derek offered. "Look…I know this is a lot to take in. And I know it scares the crap out of you. Trust me. I've been there. I've…"

"I know you have." Mark finally met Derek's eyes. In that moment there was an understanding, something between the two men that hadn't been there in a long time. They were finally in the same place, facing something that would either destroy them or put their friendship back where it used to be. Either way, it wouldn't be easy, but they could both agree that it was worth fighting for. Mark would do anything to save his baby, and Derek would do anything to keep his friend from going through the same pain he'd gone through when his son had died.

"You should have Addison take a look at Lexie. She could do another ultrasound and at least give you a second opinion. I've never done a sacrococcygeal tumor removal before, but if you guys want a neurosurgeon in on this…count me in." Though his heart was breaking for his former best friend, Derek did a good job of staying calm despite his own sadness over the situation.

"She's still here? In the hospital?" Mark wasn't sure that it was going to do any good, but he knew it was worth a shot. It was the only other good option they had.

"Yeah. In fact…right around the corner. Why don't you go let Lexie know, and I'll grab her for you." Derek stood, putting his hand on Mark's shoulder. "We'll figure this out. No matter what it takes."

***** [break] *****

"You're talking about something that's only really been done a handful of times, Derek." Addison shifted her weight to one leg as she stood there at the nurses station with him, trying to figure out if it was a good idea for her to even get involved in the situation. "Traditionally speaking, their doctor is right. It's best to wait until the baby is born and take the tumor then."

"And be left with a baby who is neurologically impaired for the rest of its life. Or dead." Derek argued. "We can do this, Addison. We have to at least give it a shot. This is Mark we're talking about, and Meredith's sister. And since when are you one to stay in the box? I thought you were supposed to be the best of the best. Cutting edge."

"I am." Addison sighed. "Look, Derek…it's a decent idea. I just don't know how I feel about operating on Lexie Grey. It's a little too personal for me. If something goes wrong…if things don't turn out the way we hope they will..."

"At least take a look at her. You can do that, right? I mean, they need a second opinion, Addison. They're scared. And they need someone to take a look. They need a fresh pair of eyes. Even if you just tell them the same thing they've already heard, at least that's something."

"Fine." It was obvious that she wasn't to thrilled about the idea, but she knew he was right. Despite her fear that having Mark's girlfriend as a patient was a bad idea, Addison Montgomery knew her ex-husband was right. She was the best, and if anyone had a shot at giving them some hope, it was her.

She managed to put a semi-genuine smile on her face as she followed Derek into the exam room where Lexie and Mark were still reeling from the news. "It's probably better if the two of you wait outside." She glanced over to Meredith and Derek as she took a seat, looking through Lexie's chart and her scans from that morning.

"No…stay."

Mark was surprised by his girlfriend's request, but he didn't second-guess it. Instead, he just sat there holding her hand, brushing his thumb across her skin. He was well aware that this was their one shot for a different outcome, for something other than being told that there was a high likelihood that their baby would be paralyzed or suffer other neurological damage as a result of the tumor that was growing quickly.

Lexie wasn't sure why, but she felt more at ease with her sister there. Maybe, she figured, it was because she knew that Meredith had gone through the loss of her son and at least sort of understood where she was coming from, and maybe not. But either way, she was sure that she wanted her to stay there with them, even if she did have Mark.

"From what I'm reading, this is quite a large tumor we're talking about." Addison finally put the chart down after a few minutes and turned her attention to Lexie and Mark. "I would like to see it for myself though, before I make any more decisions regarding what the best choice is here."

"Have you seen one before?" Lexie's voice was quiet, and scared.

"I've treated three patients with the same condition." Addison assured her. "Two I operated on at seven days old. The other I operated on in utero during pregnancy, but the outcome wasn't good. That doesn't mean that we don't have options though. I just need to see what we're looking at before I say anything else." Once she had the ultrasound machine on and the wand over Lexie's belly, the room became silent.

Derek sat with Meredith across the room from the exam table, glancing over at her as he held her hand. He could tell that she was pretty disturbed by it all, but he just hoped that it wouldn't throw her into some sort of fear that they were going to run into a similar situation with their own baby. When Addison finally located the tumor and had it on the screen though, his attention went there. He was a neurosurgeon. This was the sort of thing he knew about. Spinal tumors and brain injuries. He was good at things like this, and he was willing to do whatever it took to help Mark and Lexie out, no matter what happened or what role he played.

"It is quite a large tumor." It was the red-headed doctor who finally broke the silence, pointing out the tumor on the screen. "It's really impossible to tell from this scan if the tumor is wrapped around the cord, but I can tell you that I've never seen one this size." She glanced over at Derek, trying to get an indication of what he was thinking.

"If that keeps growing…she's only twenty-two weeks now…" His opinion was obvious. Leaving that tumor alone just wasn't an option in his mind. That baby would be dead long before Lexie reached full-term.

"Oh God…" Lexie fell apart all over again, and Mark leaned over to whisper what few reassuring words he could come up with in her ear as she cried.

"Lexie…" Addison sighed and put the wand down, wiping the gel off of her stomach for her "Derek's right. If we ignore this thing and wait until you deliver, this baby isn't going to make it. I hate to throw so much at you guys at once, but we really only have two options. These tumors tend to grow quickly, and if we leave it for much longer, we're going to end up with a bad outcome. You're twenty-two weeks now, which really isn't good in terms of viability if you deliver. Normally I would recommend delivery and surgery, but I don't think that's really a good choice here."

"Can you do in utero surgery?" Mark pulled himself together enough to ask the question.

"It seems like the best option. But it isn't a great option, Mark. A surgery like this is pretty risky, and a lot of times you end up in premature labor anyway. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it until at least twenty-six weeks."

"Can she go that long? I mean, you said the tumor was fast-growing."

"It will be larger, but it shouldn't put you at the point of no return." Derek spoke up that time, answering the question for Addison.

"Twenty-six weeks is too early. I mean, if she went into labor."

"I wouldn't feel really great about it, but we'd be at least to a point where you had a fair shot if things did go badly." Addison pointed out. "I need to be able to watch the tumor some, over the next couple of weeks, to at least see how it's growing and what I might be up against if we do move forward with this."

"So what exactly would you do?" Lexie finally found her voice again.

"We'd give you a spinal block, just like a c-section patient, and we would partially deliver the baby, just enough to operate. Derek and I would take the tumor out and close the baby up, and then close you back up. From there it's just a matter of waiting to see if you will stay pregnant. There have been many successful cases where moms continue their pregnancies with relatively no problems. Sometimes your body does go into labor though, but we would be ready for that if we needed to be."

"And it's our only choice?" Lexie was panicked, though she tried to stay calm enough to at least understand. "What are the chances that it won't work? That you won't be able to get the tumor out? What if there's damage to her spinal cord?"

"We can get the tumor out." Derek piped in again. "I've seen a lot worse than that, and I can get that tumor out without further damaging any part of the spinal cord. The tricky part is figuring out if there is already damage done, but we won't be able to tell that until she's born. But you shouldn't worry about whether or not that tumor can be removed."

Meredith smiled, grateful for his confidence. She knew that Mark and Lexie needed that assurance, the assurance that the doctor operating on their baby knew what he was doing, the assurance that he was confident he wouldn't make any mistakes.

"No offense Shep…but have you ever done this before?"

"Derek and I had a patient here, actually, with a baby who had a tumor on her neck. We were able to remove that with no complications." Addison assured them. "Your worry needs to be about premature labor and neurological damage that may already be there. But don't worry about removing the tumor itself. Derek is right. We can do that."

"Okay." Lexie glanced over to Mark, hoping for his approval.

He knew there was no other choice, and even though he wasn't too sure that he liked the idea, he agreed. "Okay. But…don't you have to go back to Los Angeles?"

"I can stay here for the next couple of months." Addison volunteered. "I'll have to tie up some loose ends back at home, but that shouldn't be a problem."

Lexie was terrified that she was going to lose her baby girl, that the daughter she and Mark were already starting to pick out names for was going to die, but she knew that she was in the best hands. She knew she had to at least try to trust that things were going to be okay, even if it seemed impossible.

***** [break] *****

On the day of Derek and Meredith's wedding, the situation with Mark and Lexie's baby was put on the back burner as the surgeons at Seattle Grace prepared for something that they were all truly looking forward to. They were a family. In one way or another, the staff on the surgical units of that hospital was family, and so it brought tears to everyone's eyes as they attended the wedding of two people who had been through enough heartache and pain to last a lifetime; two people that deserved a shot at happiness.

Meredith's nerves about her pregnancy and her sister's pregnancy and even her own wedding were replaced that day with nothing but pure joy. It showed, in her eyes and in her smile. She truly looked stunning in the ivory gown that she and Lexie had chosen. It was over the top and much more extravagant than anyone had expected, but on that day, Meredith Grey loved being the girl who got all dressed up. She loved being the one in the big fancy gown with all of the beading and the fancy hair and make-up with the fancy veil. She loved the idea of holding some ridiculously large and expensive bouquet of flowers and walking down the aisle of the church to the man she loved. She loved the idea of being Mrs. Derek Shepherd.

"Two minutes." Lexie was giddy with nervous excitement as she stood in the back room with Meredith and Cristina. She'd planned this wedding. She'd thought of everything, she'd made sure all of the decorations were perfect, down to the smallest detail. She wanted her sister to have a perfect day, even if things in her life were difficult, and so it was only natural that she was nervous something could go wrong. Funny, that the bride was calm and the bridesmaid was nervous, but appropriate for the circumstances.

"Are you sure you want to go through with this? Because I mean, we can leave. We could leave and go to Joes. Grab a beer or something." Cristina joked with her best friend as she handed her flowers over to her. "You better make sure you're ready for this. Because I'm not going to go all supportive break-up person for you if things go bad."

Meredith laughed, taking her bouquet from Cristina. "I'm sure. And stop saying that. Nothing's going to go bad. Derek and I love each other, and we're already married. So this is just…a fun party."

"And a legal piece of paper." Cristina pointed out. "Not exactly the same as the post-it."

"We like legal."

"And you're okay, right? I mean, you're not going to pass out or get all pukey?"

"People don't pass out or puke at their weddings, Cristina." Lexie shot her an annoyed look.

Cristina simply smiled, glancing at her then back to Meredith, still waiting for an answer. Pregnant people did. Pregnant people passed out, and puked. So it was a fair question.

"I'm fine." Meredith smiled as the music started. "I'm fine. So walk. You guys walk."

Derek smiled from where he stood at the front of the church, impatiently waiting to see the woman he loved. Worries that Meredith would freak out or need some sort of reassurance talk before they went through with the wedding were gone, and he stood at the front of the church with complete confidence that this was going to be the best day of his life aside from holding their baby for the first time. He was marrying the woman he loved, the woman he'd waited his whole life for, and the happiness that went along with that was indescribable. He'd waited a long time for the chance to be legally married to Meredith Grey, and he was thrilled to finally be getting that chance, thrilled that things were finally falling into place for the two of them.

The emotion that went along with seeing his bride, though, was overwhelming. He'd known that she was going to be beautiful, but nothing could have prepared him for how time seemed to stopped or for how his heart felt as if it had skipped a beat when he finally laid eyes on her. She was stunning, perfect. More beautiful than he ever imagined she could be. His eyes were filled with tears before she even got to him, and by the time he was standing there facing her with her hands in his, he was sure that everyone in that church knew he was crying. It didn't matter though. Being a tough guy or upholding a reputation didn't matter. Not while he stood there with Meredith in front of him, not while they repeated their wedding vows to each other. Because he was the luckiest man in the world. That much he was convinced of. To have Meredith Grey as his wife was a blessing that he knew could never be matched. They were getting the life they'd always wanted, the life they deserved. He was getting the woman of his dreams and she was getting a man who she knew was everything she'd ever hoped for, and then some.

There was no way of knowing what would come their way in years to come, but both of them were sure that they were ready for it. They were ready for what life had to offer. They were ready for the joy and the heartache, the laughter and the tears. Apart they were pretty ordinary, but together, they were extraordinary. And they were determined to build an extraordinary life together, to raise nothing less than extraordinary children.

Mr. and Mrs. Derek Shepherd. It had a nice ring to it.

**THE END!**

**Please, please, please let me know what you guys think about this last chapter! The sequel will be posted soon!**


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